XXIV.
Meg saw his body tense. Deprived of Billy's warmth, she suddenly felt cold, and realized that her nightdress was bunched up around her waist. Seizing the material, she hurriedly threaded her arms through the sleeves, then pulled the hem down below her knees. Sitting up, she forced herself to speak in a calm, measured voice.
"I won't let you sabotage our relationship because you're afraid to become close to a woman again."
He slowly turned around. "I have many feelings about what is going on here, but fear is not one of them."
"How do you think I feel?" Meg fought to keep her voice from wavering. "Tobias is dead, isn't he?"
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it matters!"
His expression hardened. "Why?"
"Why do you think? Because if he is alive, he will never rest until you are dead. And if he is dead, I have no one left-except you."
He went to the window, staring out at the rain lashing against the pane.
"If you're worried about me abandoning you, I won't. No matter what happens."
"Come here and talk to me," she murmured, patting the bed next to her. Please."
Billy made his way over to the bed, and stood in front of her. She took his hand, then pulled him down to sit next to her. "Hold me."
He settled back against the pillows, and drew her against him, being careful to avoid any jostling to his shoulder.
"Don't push me away," she whispered.
"I never-"
She placed a hand on his chest. "Hear me out. Then you can respond. Alright?"
He took in a deep breath, then took her hand in his, and gave her a slight nod.
"I can't pretend it was easy to hear you talk about being intimate with another woman-especially after what we've shared. I was completely inexperienced when we met in Nassau." She looked up at him shyly. "In fact, you were the first man I'd ever kissed."
His arm tightened around her in response. Meg laid her head down once more on the hard planes of his chest, and began to trace small circles on his skin with her fingertips.
"I was raised to think of any physical contact between a man and a woman as a duty-and something that, excepting the occasional chaste peck on the cheek, was appropriate only for a married couple. I suppose I should find it scandalous that you had relations in a deserted tavern with a woman you'd just met-but I understand why you did it."
She felt his body relax a bit as she continued. "I don't think the Meg of six months ago would have.. But since I came to Nassau, I have a new perspective on life. I know how it feels to wonder if you'll live to see next week...and how it feels to want to desperately forget brutality that you've only narrowly escaped. In those circumstances, when you find someone who reminds you that there can be joy and tenderness and passion in life, that is a wonderful gift. So while I don't especially want to imagine you and Amelia in bed together, I certainly don't have the right to judge you...and I think you're being much too hard on yourself. You need to let go of your guilt, Billy."
He swallowed."I know that. But to live with the knowledge that there is a small child who draws breath because of you, but has no idea that you even exist-it's a terrible feeling. You know how close I was to my father, and I always thought if I had a son someday…"
His voice trailed off for a moment as thunder boomed, then receded into the distance. "Sometimes I wake up at night and find myself wondering if his eyes are blue like mine, or if he's got curly hair like his mother. I wonder how many teeth he has, or if he's walking yet. I wonder if I could make him laugh." He stared up at the ceiling."So many things go through my head."
Meg said nothing, knowing instinctively that he needed time to think. Some moments went by before he spoke.
"He's dead."
She looked up at him. "Tobias?"
Billy nodded. "Saw him buried under a pile of rock."
"That could have well been you or me." She shivered.
He took her hand in his. "You deserve better than what I can give you, Meg. Life with a pirate-it's not for someone like you. You should be married to a good man with a prosperous business, living in a home in the country with a beautiful garden...maybe with a small apple orchard, and a pond for your children to swim in." He looked down at her, a wistful look in his eyes. "Promise me you'll have them taught to swim."
"No." She pushed him away, then sat up. "I will do no such thing...because first you're going to teach me, like you promised. Then we can teach our children together."
"You're assuming an awful lot." Billy's voice had dropped to a lower register, and was so rough it was almost a growl.
Doubt and fear began to flood into her brain, and she fought to keep her tears at bay. "Is that your way of telling me you don't want me? That I've been nothing more than a plaything, to be tossed aside once you've tired of me?"
"Who's pushing someone away now?"
"Damn you, Billy! I was-"
He seized hold of her arm, and slid her under him in one swift movement, pinning her in place with the weight of his body.
"Enough," he muttered. As lightning flashed outside the window, she saw the fierceness in his eyes the second before his mouth crashed against hers. The intensity of his passion sent her head spinning. When he finally broke the kiss, she lay limp under him, gasping for air even as her body begged for more.
He rested his forehead against hers. "Now, do you really doubt that I want you? Do you find it hard to believe that I dream of lying with you over and over again, until I wake up rock hard and hurting because I want you so badly?"
"No," Meg whispered.
"Good." He released her. Rolling onto his back, he gave her a cheeky grin. "Because I was going to have to get really creative if you weren't convinced, and I'm not sure my body is up quite to that quite yet."
Her hand shot out to playfully smack him. He caught it, and brought it to his lips before releasing it. Sobering, he said, "But you must know that I can't promise you a normal life. I've pledged an oath to Flint, and I must honor it. I owe him that much."
"I understand," she said. "Perhaps I should go let Miranda know we're awake. We've had some intense conversation, and I think a good meal would serve as an excellent distraction right now."
"I can think of another way you might distract me," he said, his voice becoming husky.
A knock came on the door, closely followed by Flint's gravelly voice. "Billy? Vane's here, and we need to talk."
"Coming!" he called, then sighed as he reached for his shirt. "Fucking ridiculous timing," he muttered.
"Let me." Meg eased the fabric over his head, taking care not to jar his injured shoulder.
When he stood up, she wrapped her arms around his waist, and tilted her head back to look up at him.
"I'm not going anywhere," she murmured.
"Good." Billy touched his lips to hers. "Because I'd much rather spend time with you than Flint."
Meg gave him a teasing look. "Are you sure? He is handsome in his own way."
Billy snorted. "Don't think I'll ever be that desperate." Then he cocked his head."Wait a minute, did you just say that Flint was handsome?"
"He does have that lovely ginger hair...and those blue eyes-"
"Stop right there."
"Billy, are you jealous?" Meg asked innocently.
"No, but it'll be damned awkward when I have to tell Mrs. Barlow that you fancy her lover."
She gasped. "You would not!"
Pounding came on the door. "Billy! We ain't got all fucking night!" Vane's feral growl was unmistakable.
Billy rolled his eyes. "Duty calls." He reached for a blanket and draped it around Meg, then opened the door. Vane was pacing the hallway, stalking up and down like a caged animal. He stopped when he saw Meg emerge from the room ahead of Billy.
Meg lifted her chin, and met his gaze. "Captain Vane."
"Miss Davies." Even from a few paces away, he smelled of smoke and whisky. His keen blue eyes swept over her, taking in her rumpled nightdress and tousled hair. Raising an eyebrow, he returned to Billy. "I see you are well in the way to recovery."
Billy placed a hand on Meg's waist, then nodded, and extended his hand. "I haven't had a chance yet to thank you for the role you played in rescuing me-and Meg. I owe you."
Vane took his hand, his level gaze meeting Billy's. "I warrant you'd do the same for me."
"If I ever get a chance to repay you, I'll be sure to do so," Billy replied smoothly.
Although their words were innocuous, Meg had the sense that there was an underlying current of tension in the room.
Flint came up to them, and exchanged a glance with Miranda, who had just come out of the kitchen. "Perhaps the ladies would be more comfortable in the other room."
Miranda glided forward, and took Meg's arm. "Come, dear. I've laid out supper for us in the sitting room. We can have a chat whilst the men are otherwise occupied." Her eyes met Flint's for an instant, and she gave him an almost imperceptible nod.
When they entered the sitting room, Meg was struck by how comfortable and pleasant it was. When she saw the rich wood of the instrument that stood against the wall, she could not hold back her delight.
"A pianoforte! Oh, Miranda! How wonderful to have one in your own home!"
"Do you play?" Miranda asked eagerly. .
Meg smiled. "Just a little. I'd love to learn more someday."
"Perhaps I could teach you. I give a small group lesson for several of the local children twice a week."
Meg skimmed her fingers across several of the keys, then took a closer look at them.
"Are those mother-of-pearl? I've never seen something so lovely!"
"James had it made by special order." Miranda smiled, and ran her fingers over the wood. "Sometimes, if I'm playing at sunset, the keys seem to have this iridescent glow. I can almost imagine I'm a fairy princess, playing on an enchanted instrument." She laughed, and gave Meg a rueful look. "I must sound like a seven year old girl with a fanciful imagination."
"Not at all," Meg said. "I must say, I would never have guessed Captain Flint capable of such a romantic gesture."
Miranda's eyes warmed. "The man the world knows as Captain Flint is not the man who comes at irregular intervals to my home to escape the demands of the role he must play." An instant later, she bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I've spoken out of turn. The past several months have been difficult, and I spoke thoughtlessly just now."
"No matter." Meg reached for her hand, and squeezed it gently. "Let's eat. I'm famished, and the food you've prepared looks amazing."
A half an hour later, Meg leaned back in her chair, and sighed with satisfaction."That was delicious, I haven't eaten that well in months."
Miranda glowed at the compliment.,"It was my pleasure."
"No, really- you've been so kind. I don't know I can possibly repay you."
"There's no need. Just rest and enjoy your time with Billy. I have the sense that the men will be heading back out to sea before too long."
The sound of a door closing came to them, and Miranda stood up. "It seems as if business has been concluded."
Meg helped her carry the plates to the kitchen. Vane was nowhere to be seen, but Flint and Billy were deep in conversation at the table, their voices hushed. They looked up when the women entered. "We may be a few more minutes," Flint said casually. "There's no need to wait up for us."
"Of course." Miranda smiled, but her eyes suddenly looked very tired. Meg's gaze strayed to Billy, and he nodded. "Go ahead. You both need the rest."
When Billy finally slid into her bed an hour later, Meg was fast asleep. She lay on her right side, her legs tucked up under her gown. Billy molded his long frame around her, pressing his body against hers before he started to relax. She sighed, and turned her face to his. "Is it over?"
He planted a soft kiss on her lips, then coaxed her back onto her side. Wrapping his arm around her, he murmured. "Yeah, it's over."
For now. But the battle has only just begun.
I could not resist bringing Miranda into this story-she's such a great character.
More to follow...