Chapter 11: (This chapter is shorter btw. I might start making the chapters shorter. I'll probably make the emotional ones REALLY REALLY long though.)

I can't believe I've written 10 chapters already; it feels like I've barely started writing this story. Sorry if my writing is a little slow for you guys' taste; I'm gonna try to write more and make it more eventful hopefully. I might try to build Bella and Spencer's connection throughout the next ten chapters or so (as well as Bella and Nate's) , but I don't think I'm going to do that until something dramatic happens…DUN DUN DUH… Well, thank you guys SO much for the reviews, I love hearing from you. I don't care who you are, the president or a nerdy criminal minds fan girl; I enjoy reading the reviews all the same. Don't be afraid to chat me up if you're bored, need someone to talk to, or need advice. I love listening to other people and their problems (kind of weird, I know.) I think it's because I find people so interesting. Sorry for this rant about myself (I'm feeling kind of happy right now.) I'm going to start writing now. Hope y'all like this. (:

As I'm exiting the building, I feel my heart hammering in my chest. I attempt to take a deep breath to slow down my heart rate, but it doesn't work. My mom always did say I'd fall for someone someday. The only thing is, I always thought she would be here to discuss it with me.

We'd sit on our old red, leather couch on Friday nights, before my step-dad came into the picture. We would take photographs of each other doing stupid things, such as messily eating ice-cream. She was my best friend back then. Even though she changed in the last few years, I still loved her deep down, because I know there was something deep down in her soul that was pure. I hope she realized that I loved her in her last minute of life; sometimes I think about what she was thinking. Was she really THAT desperate for her life to be over? Something deep down hopes she misses me. I hope she feels guilty, although I wish I didn't feel this way.

As I'm sitting on the worn-down park bench, I slip a photo out of my red fossil tote, a gift from Emily. I take a look at the photo. The picture was taken by my mom's friend Evelyn, before they lost contact with each other. I was in my mother's embrace and both of our faces were covered in chocolate. I feel fire spreading inside me, burning me on the inside, but also reminding me of the good times. It reminds me of hope.

I'm suddenly snapped back to reality when I hear Spencer's car honk. I tug on my backpack and tote, which both fall over my right shoulder. I quickly shove the photo back into my bag, trying to leave the memories distant. Whenever I think about my past life, I can feel the water trying to emerge from my eyes. I can imagine tears falling out of my eyes for hours while crying silently. I know I have to try for her. Try for my mom. Because she didn't live her life, I need to live my life as she would have lived hers. I've got to do this for her. I could crumple now, choose to take some pills that emerge me in darkness, but that will be my last resort, if my life ever comes to a breaking point. It probably will at some point.

I open the car door and climb in, just to stretch a fake smile across my face as Spencer and I drive off into the afternoon daylight.

"How was your first day of school?" Spencer asks me with interest. I figure I should give him something to go on, considering he never had a normal 'high school life.' But I don't really either, so...

"It was fine," I reply. A slight snappiness articulates my words, showing my discomfort with school.

"That bad?" he asks. Spencer raises his unkempt, bushy eyebrows to look at me in the passenger seat. He looks really silly, so I start laughing. Soon enough, we're both laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Spence, you made a silly face; I've never seen you be silly one moment in your life. This is a once in a lifetime occurrence," I joke.

He looks away, hurt by my comment. Apparently he doesn't understand sarcasm.

"Spence, I was kidding," I respond, my words floating lightly off of my tongue.

"Oh," he smirks. He flushes a bit. "I guess you're going to need to teach me some of this language you call sarcasm."

"I plan on that," I retort with a grin pulled across my cheeks.

A little after our light conversation, Spencer and I arrive at our apartment. I head to my room to start homework while he starts making dinner—BLT sandwiches.

I figure I've had enough stress today to enjoy a sandwich. For the first time in months, I hold down my food after dinner, which makes me glimmer with hope. If I can do this once, maybe I can turn my life around. Maybe I can rule my own life.

I smile up at Spencer and he smiles back at me. His green eyes twinkle back at me.

After dinner, Spence and I load the dishwasher while watching Bones; a crime show including the FBI and a forensic anthropologist. I'm surprised at what the first episode teaches me; I think this show could grow on me. Supposedly, Spencer likes this show because it has a plot as well as some intellectual, true facts.

Afterwards, I take a shower, shaving my legs and everywhere needed, as well as shampooing my hair and washing my face. The water flows over me like a new layer of skin. I feel like I'm about to start a new life, free from all the imperfections of the old one.

I think to myself that everything will get better and that I can choose to be happy if I want.

What I wasn't wise enough to realize was that my past would follow me; even if I tried to forget it. The more I would ignore it, the worse the taunts would become. The worse the threats and horrors of my past would come to haunt me. No matter how hard I would try to make a new life for myself, people would ruin it for me. They would tease me, taunt me, and push me until I cracked. Or until things got out of hand, leading my life into a dark abyss that the Devil himself reserved for me.

Hey guys, things are going to start spiraling downward for Bella next chapter. Be sure to leave a review if you liked this, and if you have ideas for the next few chapters, pm me or leave a review. I would LOVE to hear from you. Everyone have a great weekend. I will be writing the next chapter as soon as possible! 3