If A Never Existed: Listen Close, Hear Me
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
AN: I know I've been neglecting my story, but I do have good reason, they are just way too personal to be sharing with the world wide web and all those lurking in it. Just know that I haven't abandoned it and the show will go on. So here's the lastest installment, enjoy!
It was well past midnight and Emily was pretty sure she had never been so thankful that her mother practically lived at the office; never. Maya had just dropped her off, parting with a friendly hug and leaving the poor girl just so confused.
Confused about what though, the kiss? She understood the kiss, she even understood what that kiss made her feel, but why did she have to feel anything? God, how could she have been so stupid? This had tragedy written all over it, but what could she do?
Was there anything to be done? Yes, she could just end things before they really got out of control. No, she couldn't do that, well she could but she really didn't want to. Shit! Why does everything need to be so complicated?
Everything just kept running through her head as she showered and dressed, it just wouldn't stop. And as she sat at her window seat, her mind slowly driving her mad; her fingers ghosted over an all too familiar number. She didn't press call.
The morning came far too quickly for Emily, but with a great effort she removed herself from the safety of her bed and got ready to face the day. It'd been almost a full week of avoiding Maya and thankfully she'd been successful, but today was Thursday and it came with a feeling of doom. She tried to ignore that gnawing feeling deep within her stomach; maybe her body was trying to eat itself to save her the embarrassment of seeing Maya?
'One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Breathe.' Her mantra kept her mind on the lane in front of her and not on her impending doom. The last thing she needed was to lose focus and hit the pool wall thus slowing down her time.
She didn't need to think about Maya. 'Maya, kissing Maya, Maya's lips; kissing Maya's lips. Damn it, focus Fields!' She pushed herself harder, faster, desperate to push her body to the brink of exhaustion and drift through the rest of the day in an exhausted and blissed out fog.
It was a good plan. Too bad plans never go as planned.
"Spencer! Coffee run?" Emily rushed as the two dressed from the showers.
Spencer watched her friend's rushed movement and half dazed eyes in confusion and amusement, "Yea sure, I'll drive." Emily smiled gratefully, and that was the only hint Spencer needed to know this trip was way more than the need for caffeine after a heavy morning workout.
Emily had always been the more quiet one, partly due to a sweet shyness she had and partly because of her observant nature, but that'd never truly been the case when she was around her friends. Spencer was worried.
So instead of going into the coffee shop Spencer took the drive through and headed back toward school. "How come we didn't go in?" Though she knew the answer, Emily felt the need to voice it anyway.
Spencer smiled, 'At least I know she can still articulate.' She parked the car in the student parking, unclipped her seatbelt and turned toward Emily, "I thought we could talk…really talk and I figured my car would make things more comfortable than a busy coffee shop."
'Damn it.' Emily deflated and sunk into the seat, Spencer had hit it right on the head. She had a choice; she could either spill her guts or act like nothing was wrong. The later would ensure her kidnapping after school and the possible involvement of Hanna and Aria as well, looks like there isn't much of a choice after all.
"" She mumbled ever so quietly, ducking her head in shame and embarrassment.
"Wait, what? I didn't catch that?" Emily gave her an exacerbated look; Spencer just shrugged and gave her a smirk.
"I…kissed Maya." She mumbled once more.
Spencer's eyes widened in shock and…elation? "Oh my god, Emily that's" "Could you be any louder!" Emily cut in, glaring at her.
"That's fantastic!" Spencer whispered her enthusiasm unaffected.
Emily looked at her friend as if she'd grown another freaking head. "Just how is that fantastic? Huh, please tell me because here I am freaking the fuck out because I'm supposed to be straight and I kissed a girl. And not just any girl, a girl I've known for what two freaking weeks?"
"And not just a girl that I've known for a short while, but a girl that makes me forget everything when I'm around her. She makes me lose focus of the world around me. When I'm with her I don't think about my parents, or school, or swimming, or Alison, just her and it's scary. It's so fucking scary because I can't like her, not like that, not again."
Spencer sat there in utter shock as her friend rambled on and on about how she couldn't like Maya, and since when was Emily straight? "Emily!" her friend stopped and took a deep breath, looking at Spencer as if her life depended on Spencer's next words. "First, you are not straight."
"No stop." Spencer cut her off before she could argue, "You're not straight. Your first crush was on a girl. Your first kiss was with a girl; your first relationship was with a girl. You like girls. And there's nothing wrong with that. The only reason you went out with Ben was because you had your heart broken…by a girl, and you wanted to pretend everything was back to normal."
When Emily didn't move to argue, Spencer continued, "Hanna, Aria and I supported you because we didn't know how else to help you, but that doesn't mean you're straight. You came out to us in seventh grade Emily; we already know the truth and accept the truth. We love lezbo Emily because that's the true Emily."
"We'd march in the freaking Pride Parade if you'd let us, but we get it, your parents aren't exactly yay for gay. So you need to stop trying to convince yourself and everyone else that you're Miss Straight, because the four of us known it's not true." Spencer nudged her.
"I'm not saying that you should just get over your past by getting under Maya, but at least be honest to yourself, and to her. Ok?"
Emily sat there, frozen as Spencer exited the car and left her alone to her thoughts. 'Well shit.' Emily Fields was at a loss, what the hell was she supposed to do now?
Gathering the forgotten school bag at her feet and coffee in hand, Emily removed herself from the safety of Spencer's car and walked toward her doom aka school. And there was Maya. God really had it in for her today.
"Hey, there you are." The girl cooed, "I just ran into Spencer, she said I'd find you out here. I got something for you!" her eyes sparkled as she mentioned the gift. And for once Emily didn't chide herself for noticing how beautiful that spark made the other girl look.
Maya rummaged through her bag, "I saw it while shopping the other day and just knew it'd go amazingly with your skin tone." She pulled the burgundy scarf from her bag and wrapped it around Emily's neck, appraising it. "And look at that, I was right. Amazing."
Emily smiled and pulled her hair free; secretly loving the look Maya was giving her at the moment. "It's great Maya…thank you." Her guilt settled in as she looked at the girl. 'She's so sweet…and I've been acting like a jackass.' "Listen…Maya, about the way I've been acting"
"You mean the whole ignoring me thing?" She questioned in a soft, amusing voice. Emily looked down in shame. "Don't worry about it too much, we'll talk later ok? That is, if you're done ignoring me?"
Emily smiled adoringly at the girl and rolled her eyes at her own behavior, "I swear I am; it's too hard anyway." They laughed, and with every chuckle Emily felt that weight on her stomach lift.
"Great. I'll catch you later." Maya reached in and tool Emily into her arms for a brief, but much needed hug. They released each other and Maya flitted off without a second glance. Emily just watched her go, playing with the softness of the scarf.
"So wait, why weren't you invited to this shopping spree?" Hanna question as though she was the one left out.
"Well apparently, Melisa needed it more than I did." Spencer shrugged, sipping her coffee,
"That's so unfair." Hanna whined.
"Right, that's so unfair for Spencer, and not you, right Hanna?" Aria chuckled, and bumped shoulders with an also giggling Spencer.
Hanna perked up, "Right. Totally."
"Nice scarf, Em." Spencer smirked around the foam cup as Emily approached the group. Emily blushed. "Is it new?"
Emily pulled the material away from her neck as the three focused on her, "What, oh um yea it is."
Hanna perked up even more, "It's hot. When did you go shopping? And why wasn't I invited?"
"Yea…you've been with one of us like all week." Aria threw out, looking confused.
Emily sent a quick glare to Spencer, "It was a…gift." She said hesitantly while Spencer grinned at her knowingly.
"Who from?" the three asked in unison, giggling as they did.
Emily huffed and rolled her eyes, "The tooth fairy."
"Right, does the tooth fairy have black curly hair?" Spencer smirked.
Hanna caught on, "Brown eyes with killer smile, and knows how to throw a punch?"
"Shorter than you, tan skin with a badass attitude?" Aria added with a smirk of her own.
Emily glared at all of them, blushing red. "I hate all of you right now." They ignore her complaint and squeal. "I'm going to my locker now." She walked off ignoring the halfhearted apologies.
Once to her locker she grabbed chemistry book and headed to class, coming face to face with Toby. 'Can this day get any worse?' she paused at her table. "Are you joining this class?" she kept her voice disinterested.
He smiled softly, understandingly, "Yea…is that, ok with you?" Emily stared at him, taking in his seemingly sincere words and nodded.
"Yea." She sat her books down.
"Cool." He smiled again and moved to the front as the class started to fill up. Emily sat down at her table and watched as he spoke with the teacher, and then as the teacher pointed in her direction. 'Oh please, oh please, no.'
Toby hesitated in front of her, "I guess we're lab partners…is that ok with you? I'm sure I could switch, if you wanted." Now Emily felt bad.
She relaxed her posture and smiled, "I don't mind, Toby."
He took his seat with a smile, "I like your scarf…that new girl gave it to you?"
Emily looked up at him, almost shyly, worriedly, "Maya…yea, we're friends."
He looked at her for a moment, "That's cool."
She nodded absentmindedly and opened her book to the right page, then took out her notebook and pen from her bag, the photo booth pictures falling out in the process. Toby glanced over catching a glimpse before Emily hurriedly put them away. Neither mentioned it.
After school Emily found herself walking down Main Street and toward where Maya had started working, don't ask how she knew when she'd been avoiding the girl, but she did. Maya looked up and smiled brightly, "Hey." She cooed.
'Damn butterflies.' Emily smiled back helplessly, "Hey." She blushed.
Maya smirked at the nervous girl, "So, did you stop by for a little pre-practice snack or we're you looking for someone?" she teased.
Emily met her eyes, "Looking for someone actually." She flirted back, unable to stop herself. Maya's smirk broadened, "Yea, tall, blondish hair, blue eyes, goes by the name of Toby." Emily teased.
Maya's eyes narrowed at the thought, "Sorry can't say that I've seen him."
Emily faked a pout, "Now that's just too bad."
Maya gave a teasing glare, "Hahaha, I can't say that I'm amused with your lying Emily Fields. Here I thought you were looking for little ole' me." Maya pouted. Emily swooned.
"And if I was?" the air tensed as Emily tested the waters.
Maya paused as she took in the sight of the girl, "I'd say…I get off at eight."
Emily grinned, "I get out of practice at six." Maya nodded.
"I should really get back to work, and you have to get to practice." Maya admitted with great difficulty. "Walk me home?" her eyes sparkled at the thought.
Emily grinned, "You know that would mean I'd have to go home, then come back here only to go back home again, right?" she gave a teasing smirk.
Maya rolled her eyes and took a couple steps backward, "I'm so worth it." She winked and left Emily there to watch her disappear back into the small café.
It was late and Emily was tired, but she was freshly showered and changed, no longer smelling of chlorine and as soon as she was finished dumping the trash she could see Maya, again. 'Lovesick fool.' She chided herself.
A bang from across the street caught her attention, Toby. He smiled, she smiled back and now he was walking toward her. "Hey."
"Hey." She responded back, then hesitated, "Well I should go." She backed away.
"Wait." He stopped her, she waited. "I know you're not happy to have me as your lab partner, you know after everything that went down with Jenna and Alison." She paled at the mention, he noticed, "Just for the recorded, Jenna's a bitch for how she's so smug about it, Alison too. You didn't deserve it, Emily."
She nodded shyly, "Did…did you see the pictures, in chemistry?"
He paused, shrugged, "Not if you didn't want me to." Emily nodded in understanding, "But if I did…it didn't look like something that should be hidden."
"Yea but, people talk." Emily faltered, because since when did she care about that?
Toby laughed, "And they're always going to talk, doesn't mean it's anything worth listening to." He smiled softly at her, "Would you stop swimming because people looked at it badly?" He smirked knowingly.
"No, I swim because of the way it makes me feel." She frowned.
"Then stop caring what the idiots think, they're going to see what they want, say what they want. They're idiots." He smirked, "See ya, Emily."
"See ya, Toby." She smiled back.
Emily walked down the dimly lit street, coming to a stop as she spotted Maya coming her way. "Hey." She whispered softly.
Maya grinned, "Hey…so I don't know if I should hug you or shake hands, you might go another week ignoring me." Emily ducked her head in shame and groaned. Maya took pity on the poor girl, "Sorry,"
Emily rolled her eyes, "Don't say that, you did nothing wrong…it was just…" Emily hesitated, she sighed when no words came to her. "You have every right to be mad at me for ignoring you. I'm sorry. I just, I freaked."
Maya stepped closer, "Is this about you being sorry for ignoring me or you being sorry for kissing me?"
Emily gulped. "I liked the kiss, but I don't know what that means…for me, for us." She admitted.
"Maya rolled her eyes, "It doesn't have to mean anything, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss." She relented, seeing the struggle in Emily eyes.
"What if, what if I want it to mean something but I don't know if I'm ready for it to mean something…yet?" Emily asks looking at Maya threw her eyelashes.
'Completely unfair, Ms. Fields.' Maya tried to disguise her grin. She sighed, "Then it doesn't have to mean anything…not until you're ready." Emily grinned shyly at her, that ever alluring blush covering her cheeks. Maya bit her lip.
"Ok, so why don't I walk you home." Emily flirted.
Maya smirked back as they started in the direction of home, "There are some ground rules though, just so that things stay…friendly, until you're ready."
Emily frowned, "Ground rules?"
"Yep." Maya nodded with a devious grin, "Like for starters; if you flirt expect it back times three, and you can't be mad when I've charmed you completely, it just can't be helped."
Emily scoffed, "Don't you mean 'if' I fall under the spell of your charms?" she laughed.
Maya just continued smirking, leering at Emily from the corner of her eyes. "Nope, it's not a matter of if but a matter of when, you'll fall under my charm sooner or later, it just can't be helped I'm afraid. And once you're under, I'm afraid you never fully recover."
Emily swallowed thickly, "Oh." She croaked.
Maya gave a not so nice chuckled, and whispered, "Don't worry Fields, I'll be gentle." Emily was a goner. 'If only she wasn't so tempting.'