[Begin Intro Sequence]
I am Wex Major, entrepreneurial superstar, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.
You're about enter a world of pure '90s nostalgia...
You are watching...THAT '90S SHOW!
[An instrumental version of Geto Boys' "Six Feet Deep" plays]
[adult swim] presents
A Wex Major Production
In Association with FanFiction Box Office
That '90s Show
[Wex fights against an old Class D-12 Klingon Bird-of-Prey aboard the Enterprise-D]
Starring Joe Bost as Wex Major
[Homer "rocks it out" as the Front Man of SADGASM]
Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson
[Lenny chows down on a Heart of Targ hot dish]
Harry Shearer as Lenford "Lenny" Leonard
[Moe and Carl are "downing" a couple of beers]
Hank Azaria as Carlton "Carl" Carlson/Morris "Moe" Syzslak
[Stan and Cartman try to chow down on Cheesy Poofs]
Trey Parker as Stanley "Stan" Marsh/Eric "Cartman" Theodore
[Kyle and Kenny fend off against Dr. Tolian Soran on the Armagosa Observatory]
Matt Stone as Kyle Broflovski/Kenneth "Kenny" McCormick
[Jonas Zebeth pilots a Federation shuttlecraft into an ion storm like a fighter pilot]
Garth Marenghi as Jonas Geemer Zebeth
[Sanch blows through a Vortex blockcade on the planet Cassandra III in the Romulan Neutral Zone]
Todd Rivers as Z. Lucien Sanchez
[Reed tries to convince a caller to tell him that he don't run a massage parlor]
Dean Learner as G. Thornton Reed
[All of the Here & Now Gang gather for a photo shot]
Created, Produced & Directed by Joe Bost
[Music ends. End Intro Sequence]
Whuzz up, Brothas, Homer Simpson here, Wex sorta has the night off on this story, but it does feature him in several parts of the fanfic and the interviews as well... It sorta starts back in '89 after Bart was born and we moved into Springfield Place Apartments at the Springfield District (Springfield Replica, basically, but with an ocean beach and Springfield University) in the Urban Playgrounds before I met Wex at Tom's Diner in '90. Then, when Lisa came into this world, her talents with things like her first Saxophone didn't ever came from my loins! And in '94, after the Enterprise-D went down at Veridian III, Wex, I, and the rest of the Here & Now Gang spent two weeks to a month of hell aboard one of the ships that rescued us after Wex sent the S.O.S. Call from his combadge after removing its casing on Veridian III. So here we are, at Spacedock above Earth's orbit in the Baggage Claim after that ship docks:
Homer Simpson: Yo, Wex! I just got a call from Launchpad McQuack and he wants us to experiment with a hot prospect at Groovetone Records- -
Wex Major: Yeah, great, fine, whatever! I tell ya Homie, my flight aboard the Farragut was a fucking nightmare, man. My retarded train table broke and I ended up with a gallon of hot Campbell's soup in my crotch, kinda like dunking my wang in hot lava! Sounds like something that Darth Vader's had some experience with, right?
Homer [laughing, sarcastically]: Yeah, I guess.
Wex [sarcastically laughs with him]: Yea-ha-ha!
Homer [points to a black striped bag]: Uh, Wex, is that yours?
Wex [pissed off, obviously]: NO, FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME, THAT'S NOT MY BAG. IT'S THAT SAME, STUPID BLACK BAG. MINE DOESN'T HAVE TWO STRIPES! It's like that damn stripy bag's mocking me. [flicks the bag the Finger] FUCK YOU, STRIPY BAG! [he realizes that he's S.O.L.] Well, my suitcase's gone! Sacrifice to the Spacedock Guards! Now I'm here for a Yearly Prospect for Groovetone Records and for a little R & R for a year or two in one fucking uniform which is now sticking to me like a wet Kleenex! [both Homer and Wex take a quick look at some surf board that looked...funky, in a way] Wow, for real!
So Wex went to the Spacedock Gift Shop and he then peeled off his soup-soaked Starfleet uniform to only feel sort of embarrassed, but oddly enough, no one was looking. Lucky for him:
Wex [embarrassed like hell]: Uhh, I'd just be killing myself then...
DESOLATION HATCHBACK!