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After Dimitri walked away Adrian offered to try and get my memories back; I told him I'd think about it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to remember what happened yet. If I'd wanted to forget everything so badly then maybe it wasn't worth remembering. Still, Dimitri's face haunted me as I finally made it back to my room. I fell onto the bed and sighed. That single tear had been horrible to witness. The look of resignaton and understanding on his face was too much to bear. I didn't know how I was supposed to fix that.

I closed my eyes tightly. I wanted to escape from my mind. I wanted a brief moment which allowed my mind peace. I knew sleep could potentially grant me that, but with sleep came the possibility for dreams, or nightmares in my case. I couldn't deal with any of that right now when my head felt like it was overcrowded with thoughts. I eventually dragged myself out of bed, knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep now anyway. I had to distract myself somehow. I needed to do something.

A knock caught my attention.

It was soft, and I doubted I would have heard it if I'd actually been doing something. I felt like I was holding my breath as I opened the door. It could have been anyone, and I wasn't ready to face Lissa yet. I didn't know what she'd done, but I'd obviously wanted to forget about that too.

Adrian stood on the other side of the door, a worried and tired expression plastered on his face. His emerald eyes looked exhausted, and his tousled hair seemed more dishelved then usual. Seeing him brought a small smile to my face.

"Little Dhampir," He smiled back, "May I come in?" I nodded and opened the door further for him. We'd been together for a while, and I was shocked to realise that things hadn't really progressed between us. I was startled to realise that there had always been some kind of barrier in the way for me. I guessed that had been Dimitri, because now there was nothing which I thought could stop me from falling in love with him. He was so good-looking, and I loved his personality. He was dedicated and loyal. I hadn't treated him good enough so far.

He dropped onto the bed with a sigh, and a second later I joined him. He looked like all his energy had been zapped away. I felt like it was my fault. It was probably a side-effect from erasing my memory. I suddenly realised what a selfish request that had been on my part. That realisation seemed to speak volumes, and informed me that the pain I had felt over Dimitri had been bad enough that I'd asked Adrian to use his spirit on me, in a way which could have a negative effect on him.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling the grimace on my face, "For making you erase my memory..." I added after he gave me a confused look. He just shrugged and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"It was my choice," He finally answered, his emerald eyes locking with mine, "I could have said no, but I wanted to help." I got the impression that he'd actually enjoyed Dimitri's reaction to finding out he'd been erased fro my memory. I still felt guilty over causing him pain.

"Still," I continued, "I don't like the effect spirit has on you."

"And I don't like the effect he has on you..." Adrian retorted, a small smile on his face, "So I don't care what the consequences may be, as long as your happy. I can't stand seeing you upset." He fell quiet after a moment, and I realised he was falling asleep. I tried not to laugh. He looked so peaceful and cute.

"Thank you," I whispered, reaching out to hold his hand in mine. I gave it a small squeeze and leaned over to kiss his cheek. As I laid back next to him I saw a smile tug on his lips.

"No problem, Little Dhampir.." He muttered before sleep finally overtook him.

I fell asleep soon after, finding the peace I'd wanted so badly in the arms of Adrian. In that moment I no longer worried over the pain I was causing others, or the myserious pain they'd caused me...I simply enjoyed being close to Adrian, and as I fell asleep in his arms I felt a little bit of happiness grow back inside myself. It felt good.

Dimitri's Point of View (For those who asked for it)

I didn't deserve to be happy, I knew that. I didn't deserve to be with Rose. I knew I'd earnt the misery I was now feeling. After all the horrible things I'd done to hurt her I couldn't blame her for wanting to forget me. I would want to forget me as well. It hurt to know I'd caused her so much unbearable pain that she had to resort to erasing me from her mind.

What hurt the most was the fact that she'd elected to forget all the good times we'd had together to. Those stolen moments which had meant so much to each of us, shared during times when we both lost our self control for brief amounts of time. Those built the foundation of our relationship; those moments garenteed us a brief moment of happiness together, when we knew we could never be. I would always cherish those moments, and I hated that she wouldn't be able to.

It was because of all this misery that I did something so out of character that even I was surprised with myself. I went to a bar, and I ordered the first drink I saw on their menu. It was bitter and strong, but it was nothing compared to the substances back in Russia. I felt drink after drink burn my throat as I drank, but nothing seemed to numb the pain I was feeling.

Losing Rose had been hard enough. It had caused me so much misery that I didn't know if I would be able to survive. Now it seemed to be intensified by thousands. Because now she didn't want or love me. I wasn't even a distant, fond memory in her mind anymore; I was nothing. Our entire relationship, everything that had ever occurred between us, was gone forever. And as I drank that's all I thought about.

She was my everything, and now to her I was nothing.

Even the alcohol couldn't make me feel better, not that I expected it to. For a brief moment I thought of the absolutete nothingness that accompanied being Strigoi. For a second I could see the benefits of that. No pain. Sure, there was no happiness either, but no pain, no sadness, no heartache. It was a horrible life, filled with bloodlust and lonliness, but it was free from pain. I could see how immortaility could entice humans and even some Moroi and Dhampirs. While I still wasn't one of those people I could see how they believed it was a good thing.

I downed a few more drinks. It didn't matter. I was no longer a Guardian. Who knew if I ever would be again. I was disgraced. I was reborn. I was no longer a trusted member of society. I didn't know how much longer I could live like this, but I knew the distrust I experienced amoung the Moroi society, and even my fellow Dhampirs, would someday go away. They couldn't believe I was evil forever. I think it was just the shock of my transformation which gave them pause. They didn't believe it was possible. I didn't either half the time.

I drank one more drink and stood. My world spun slightly, but other then that I was fine. I'd have to drink a whole lot more to be truly affected. I began making my way back to the room they had finally allowd me to have. Instead I found myself at the church. I walked up the steps and found that the door was unlocked still. I entered quietly and collapsed on one of the benches in the back. Vaguely I noted that the sun was beginning to rise.

I smiled despite the pain. The sun would always rise, no matter how much darkness my world was filled with. It was something I could always count on.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter; revieeeeeew :D