Author's note: I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I know it's been a while. Lots of assessments, so little time! But they're over now so enjoy this chapter! And thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I love you guys.

Rose's POV

I carefully opened my eyes, aware by the warmth on my face that the sun was high in the sky. For the first time in days I was completely alone; I was thankful for that. I hadn't talked much. Everyone just wanted me to rest, and to feel better. I was honestly dreading the time when I'd actually have to talk about everything. My mind felt like a muddled mess of confused memories and emotions. I didn't know how I felt, or what people expected me to feel. The whole situation was hopeless.

I'd considered leaving. Just packing my things and taking off when everyone else was preoccupied, but I knew they'd most likely find me. Then again, I'd managed to elude the very people I'd grown up with for two years while me and Lissa were on the run. It hadn't been easy, but I knew if I had to I could do it all over again. But did I want to run away? No. I couldn't do that. No matter what the outcome I had to stay and face my problems. I would never run away for myself. I never had. The few times I'd actually left had been for others, like Lissa and Dimitri.

Slowly, I peeled away the blankets which covered me. The bitter coldness penetrated my skin immediately, and I was instantly reminded that I was in Russia, again. And I'd elected to wear shorts and a flimsy t-shirt. I jumped out of bed, immediately grabbing my bag and rummaging through for warmer clothes. I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a jacket, immediately breathing a sigh of relief. I also found a pair of thick wool socks and quickly shoved my feet into them. After warmth began to eliminate the numb feeling in my fingers and toes I opened the bedroom door and peeked outside.

I couldn't hear anyone, and I didn't know whether that was good or not.

I took a step outside the door, straining to hear even the slightest sound which would indicate that someone was close. I still heard nothing. After making my way downstairs I realised why. Through the window I could see everyone out in the backyard, talking and laughing. I felt slightly irritated seeing everyone out there. A pang in my chest made me realise I was jealous. But my jealously wasn't directed towards the fact that everyone was outside enjoying themselves. It was because Dimitri and Lissa were talking, and they seemed to be enjoying each other's company a lot. That amazing smile I'd strived to get a glimpse of since I met Dimitri was plastered on his face, and he was laughing at something she'd said. Everyone seemed to be illuminated under the sun's rays. Everyone was happy, carefree. And then there was me...shrouded in darkness, watching from the distance as the people closest to me proved once again how unnecessary I was in their lives.

I think it was the first time I'd ever felt true bitterness towards Lissa...but there it was. It made my stomach nauseous and my chest tighten. I didn't like it one bit. I wonder if she'll let me speak to him now, I thought bitterly. Maybe she'd still try and keep me from him. Maybe this time she'd claim it was for my own good. And Dimitri would let her. Because after all this time he'd still harbour the same guilt which had caused him to break my heart in the first place. I turned from the window, taking a deep breath. He'd wanted me when he couldn't have me, and when he finally could he didn't want me anymore. Maybe that was his problem. He only wanted me when I was unattainable; when I was his student, or when I'd erased him from my mind. Both times he knew deep down that he wouldn't be with me, yet he'd tried. After he'd been restored to his Dhampir form we finally had a chance to be together, yet he chose a completely different path. He'd cut me out of his life.

My feet were suddenly moving before I could stop them. I pulled on a pair of runners which were discarded on the floor and I exited through the front door, carefully closing it behind me and then I began to walk. Away from the Belikov's house, away from my best friend and away from the man who'd both stolen and broken my heart. With every step I took I relived the pain I'd felt all the time I'd had to walk away from both of them before.

Maybe this was it.

Maybe my friendship with Lissa and relationship with Dimitri was irreparable. How could you fix something so broken? Could I really trust them both with my heart again? How many times could I handle this kind of pain? I'd always been strong, but I could only take so much. I just wanted to live a happy life, and I was beginning to realise that neither of them had made me happy for quite a while.

It seemed toxic to try and keep them in my life. It felt like poison in my veins, this sadness. I'd loved Dimitri with everything I had, everything I was capable of giving, and he'd rejected me. I'd loved Lissa with every inch of my heart, we'd become sisters and we shared a connection which made our friendship so unique, yet she betrayed me easily. Without hesitation they both turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. The trust I'd had for them was gone. I wasn't sure how to begin to get that back.

I wanted to put as much distance between myself and them as I possibly could. I didn't want to be around them when I felt so miserable. Every thought which entered my mind was screaming at me to just run away. I'd be better off. I was always spending my time fixing their problems anyway. My life would be extremely less complicated without them. But it was also be lonely. My existence already seemed lonely enough. I was wandering around Russia, in a tiny town, all by myself while all my friends were together having fun. My life was slowly becoming pathetic and I didn't like it.

I missed being carefree and happy.

I missed everything I'd had before Lissa and I had been forced to flee from the only home I'd ever known. I'd been happy before we'd left. I gave up everything to be with her, to keep her safe. I wished she could have remembered that when Dimitri was Dhampir again. Why couldn't she remember everything I'd sacrificed for her? I guess that's just how life works. You can do everything in your power to improve someone's life, to keep them safe, healthy and alive…even if it means you're putting yourself in danger, but the second the tables have turned they'll leave you in a ditch to rot. Friendship was supposed to be a two way street, but I think somewhere along the way Lissa and I merged into one lane.

I picked up my pace until I was jogging. I had no idea where I was going; I just had to go somewhere. I needed to think, to clear my head from the muddled mess of thoughts which were jamming their way in. I had to make a decision regarding Dimitri and Lissa. I had to decide whether I wanted to forgive them or whether I wanted to let go of both relationships.

Finally I reached a familiar place. The church. I wasn't a religious person, but I did find the peacefulness of churches soothing. I'd avoided it back at 's, but I felt like I needed it now. I needed spiritual guidance, or at the very least just guidance from a stranger. Someone who didn't know or understand me or my problems; someone who could provide an unbiased opinion about what I should do.

I entered the church, finding it empty which wasn't surprising. It was the middle of the day, not exactly the prime time for believers to pray to their gods. I found the quietness eerie, but still I began to walk up the aisle between the pews. It was a large church. I remembered it from my visit to Russia before, when I'd come to kill Dimitri and free him from a life as a soul-less monster. Candles burned at the front of the church, flickering precariously as if they might fade out at any minute.

I sat in a pew towards the front. I didn't know what I was doing here. I wasn't religious. I couldn't pray to god to fix my problems…in fact the humans who knew about us regarded us as abominations. Even if god did exist he probably didn't like my kind, so asking for his help would be pointless. He'd probably smite me before he attempted to mend my broken life.

"You look troubled, child." A man suddenly spoke. I jumped. It almost seemed like he'd appeared out of thin air. He hadn't. I'd just been too preoccupied to notice him standing so still and silently. He almost faded into the church as if he was merely just another piece of furniture.

I let out a sigh, "You can say that again." Troubled barely covered what I was.

"I can lend an ear if you'd like." He gave a small smile. He was an older man, probably lonely. It wouldn't hurt to talk to him, yet I suddenly felt reluctant to actually ask someone for advice. My troubles would seem petty compared to other people's problems. Hell, some people suffered from plague and famine. I was just having relationship dramas.

As if sensing my thoughts the old man smiled. "No trouble is too small. All matter."

I smiled back, still unsure whether I should tell someone. Maybe I should just figure it out for myself. Dragging people into my problems wouldn't help me fix whatever was broken. I needed to mend fences or tear them down.

"I-" I began to talk, unsure how to even describe my situation. "I'm having trouble with forgiveness." I finally said.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Are you perhaps looking for forgiveness or trying to give it to others?"

"I'm trying to give it." I replied.

"Tell me why they need your forgiveness." He implored. "What did they do?"

I let out a sigh. "There was…this man that I loved. We couldn't be together. We wanted to be…but we couldn't. One day we decided the risk was worth it, and we finally decided we'd try, but he was taken from me." I paused, trying to sift through my thoughts. "When I finally found him, when he was back, my best friend wouldn't let me see him. He didn't want to see me. He felt guilty about things. But I felt betrayed. I still feel betrayed. After everything we'd been through he just gave up on us. He didn't want me. And my best friend betrayed me. She wouldn't let me speak to him." A tear rolled down my cheek. I was tired of being sad.

"Do you want to forgive them?" He questioned. "Do you think you're sadness will dissipate once you give them forgiveness? Will it make you feel better? Don't think about them or how they feel. Think about your own feelings. Can you forget a betrayal that's left you so…broken?"

"I…don't think I can." I breathed. "It feels like they've stabbed a knife into my stomach and every time I see them together it gets twisted even more. It's painful."

"Then you must confront your feelings. Tell them the truth. Let them feel the hurt you've bottled up inside before it begins to erode away every chance of happiness you have." He said with a thoughtful expression on his face. "You deserve people in your life who make you inextricably happy."

"Thank you." I smiled.

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