To The Journey
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This is an AU story.
Chapter Two: Empty Spaces
Tasha climbed to her feet, aware that she was standing on the ceiling of the shuttle. The crumpled figure of Tom Paris lay nearby.
"You all right?" she asked.
He didn't answer.
"Tom? Tom, answer me!"
She reached out, feeling for a pulse but feeling none. "No! Come on, Tom! You have to live."
She rolled him onto his back and looked down on his face, but it wasn't his face anymore. It was darker, the features different, distinctly Vulcan. The face of her mentor. The body of her mentor. The dead body.
"NO!"
She jerked awake, tears pouring down her face. Shaking, she drew a deep breath.
It was just a dream, she reminded herself, but another, deeper pain pierced her when she remembered that while the specific instance may have been a dream, the substance was not. Dead - both of them dead -
She rolled over, sobbing, reaching for Data to find only empty air. She recalled belatedly that this was his day on the graveyard shift, and she didn't think Captain Picard would be thrilled with her calling the bridge on a personal matter (and it would have been silly to think he wouldn't find out). But she needed to talk to someone. Someone who might understand the pain she felt at losing a parent -
It hit her. "Yar to La Forge."
"La Forge here." He sounded surprisingly alert.
"Did I wake you?"
"No. I haven't been able to sleep yet. Got too much on my mind."
"Do - do you think you could come up here for awhile?"
"Sure. Are you okay?"
"Not really," she admitted.
"I'll be up in a few minutes."
Geordi was greeted at the door by Tasha, eyes red, face streaked with tears. Almost as soon as he was in, he opened his arms and she fell into them. Geordi could feel her body trembling, shuddering with every sob.
Tasha clung to Geordi like an anchor, the only solid thing in a rapidly spinning world. She wasn't aware of the passage of time, wasn't ever really aware that she was crying, was only aware of him and herself. After an indeterminate amount of time, she pulled herself together and stepped back a little.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I called you up here to talk and instead I end up crying on you without ever saying a word."
"Hey, it's okay. I know it isn't easy."
"That's why I called you, you know. You probably have some idea of what I'm dealing with. I mean, I should, but I don't." She stared into space, not really talking to him anymore. "I was only five when my parents died. The way a child reacts, and the way an adult reacts, are two different things."
"I know."
"How could you -?"
"After my mom - I talked to Deanna for awhile. She told me about her dad, and I could just tell it wasn't the same." He yawned suddenly. "Sorry."
"Are you okay?" she asked. "You said you hadn't been sleeping."
"Tasha - remember about five months ago, when the captain started shifting through time?"
She shuddered. What he had told them when he had finally stabilized in time still haunted her. "How could I forget?"
"Specifically, do you remember what he told me?"
She surprised both of them by laughing. "How could I forget that? He told you you'd get married to Leah Brahms and you were so excited Data and I had to forcibly restrain you from calling her to propose on the spot!"
"Because she was married."
"Right - wait. Was married?"
"Her - her husband was on Voyager too. I didn't realize at first, since she doesn't use his name, but yesterday she called me, crying. She's a mess. I mean, they had kids, you know?"
"I didn't."
"She was actually pregnant when she came aboard that time, though she told me later she didn't know yet then. So little George's three, and she's five months pregnant now."
"That must be rough."
"That's what I said. But she said no one else would really listen to her talk. Seems like she had a lot of fair-weather friends."
"I think tonight's episode proves you're not one of them."
"I just don't know what to do. I still have feelings for her, I have for years, but how can I tell her now? And how do I deal with her sadness when some tiny, awful part of me wants to be glad she's on the market again. Even if it means her kids growing up without their father. What does that make me?"
"What did you say to her when she called?"
"That I was sorry. And then I let her talk. You didn't think I'd -"
"No, I didn't. I just wanted you to take that into account. It's human to have those thoughts. What's important is that you didn't act on them. And you didn't. And I know you won't. In time, once she starts to recover, things might happen. In the meantime, she has a friend to lean on. One who won't let his personal feelings get in the way."
"How do you know?"
"Tell me the truth. How long did it take you to get over me?"
"Honestly? I got over you the day I fell in love with Leah Brahms."
"Which was when?"
"When she came aboard the ship and finally stopped being mad at me."
"But Data's near-death after the Iconian probe was before that."
"I suppose it was. But -"
"And Data's presumed death when Fajo kidnapped him was before that."
"Yeah, so?"
"And both times, you were there for me, taking care of me. Not trying to take advantage of Data's being gone, just being the friend I needed."
"It never even occurred to me."
"I assumed not, since you were busy dealing with your own grief. But you did it anyway, just instinctively."
"Look, Tasha, I'm sorry. You called me up here to help you and I ended up dragging you into my problems instead."
"Believe it or not, helping you helped me."
"Really?"
"Would I lie to you?"
xxxxxxxxx
"What are you doing?" Tasha asked her daughter. For the previous five minutes, Lal had been playing with a small object that Tasha couldn't see well enough to identify.
"Oh. Just - thinking." She placed the item where Tasha could see it, and she realized it was a tiny model of Voyager. "It's hard - I mean, I remember Wolf 359, but a whole ship just gone? For apparently no reason at all?"
"Two ships," Tasha said quietly.
"You mean the Maquis ship?" Lal looked taken aback.
"They're people too, Lal."
"But they kill -"
Tasha couldn't help a half smile. Lal was very mature most of the time, but every once in a while she said something childlike enough to remind Tasha that she was really less than five years old. "I'm not saying I agree with their methods. But I understand where they're coming from, suddenly being told that their homes don't belong to them anymore. And the Cardassians are taking advantage of Starfleet's paranoia on the subject to attack the colonists, knowing we won't fight back for fear of restarting the war. They talk about the Maquis killing them, but they neglect to mention how many colonists the Cardassians kill."
"Why does it all need to be so complicated? Why can't they just agree to let the people have their planets in exchange for something?"
"Lal, I believe your question is one that has plagued diplomats for centuries. The simple answer is, people are greedy. They won't compromise because it means giving up something they'd rather have."
"But that's silly."
"Lal, I do believe you've realized what has eluded generations of politicians."
xxxxxxxxx
Joseph Carey stared out the window in the mess hall, not aware of the man standing behind him until he spoke. "Mind if I join you?"
"Huh?" He turned to see the man, the only one of his short, spotted, Delta-quadrant native species they'd ever met, standing behind him. He wondered if all members of the species were so - jovial. "Oh, sure, Neelix."
"You look lonely."
"Just thinking about my family."
"With the look in your eyes, you must love them very much."
"I do." He sighed. "You know, when my first son was born, I took a three-month leave from her eighth month of pregnancy until the baby was two months old. I told her I was going to be at her side when the baby was born, and I was. They were more important to me than anything, even my job - especially my job. Now she's pregnant again, and I won't get to be there for this one."
"Tell me about them," Neelix pressed. "What are their names?"
"Her name is Leah." The way he said her very name confirmed how much in love with her he was. "His name is George. She insisted on naming him after a friend of hers - totally denied it when I told her he was madly in love with her. Her labor was very hard, I almost lost both of them, and I decided that after that, if she wanted to call him George, we'd call him George."
"You're worried about her friend, aren't you?"
"To some degree, yes. But frankly, I have to accept that I may never see her again, and I'm more worried she'll end up with someone who isn't like him. I'd rather she go out with Geordi La Forge than someone who just wants his picture in the paper. At least he respects her - as a person, not as Leah Brahms."
"Is she famous, then?"
"She's a top scientist. She designed this ship." He sighed. "You know, that makes it bearable sometimes. Every time I look at this engine, I look at her. Every time I touch it, it's her."
"That's a very - interesting sentiment."
"She said it, I didn't. The first time I had an extended mission away from her. This was before we had kids, we'd only been married eight months and then we had to spend fifteen months apart. A month in, I told her over the comm how much I missed her, and she told me that I was with her as long as I was with the ship - that one was a Galaxy-class, the first model she had a major part in designing."
"I'm sure she said the same this time."
He shook his head sadly. "I was only supposed to be gone for three weeks. Ever since George was born, I've kept my missions short so I can spend time with them." His eyes shone with tears. "I never really said goodbye to her."
"Unless I'm very much mistaken about our Captain, you'll be home in time to say hello to her instead."
He gave the furry man a watery smile. "Thank you, Neelix."
Not all my chapters will bounce between the Alpha Quadrant and Voyager, but it's kind of the way it works for these first few chapters which are mostly exposition. Once we get deeper into the story, the chapters will be more focused.
I know some Geordi/Leah shippers may be disappointed about how I got rid of Leah's husband, since he's still alive, but, well, if you're a Voyager fan you'll know how things turn out in the end, and if not, you'll know when I get there. As for what Joe says Leah told him, it isn't that far of a stretch from my perspective to think that she recorded that conversation and so when Geordi created a version of her, that record was part of it.
Please review. I've been getting high traffic, alert notices, even favorite notices, so I know you guys like it, but I'd like you to tell me in detail what you think!