Okay so again I'm sorry last chapter was short! This one will be longer!

Again (…)=thoughts ((…))=translations and also Im going to put *for Spanish and ^ for Italian translation!

And also I feel like something's (mi tomate being one of them) don't really need to be translated cause it's kind of obvious sooo yeah.

I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters in this story.

What do I do… oh dio oh dio oh dio… ((oh god oh god oh god^)) I can't… I can't do this I can't find anything I can't… I need to… I need to find out where he hid it… or maybe I can find something else… something else he never thought of… I'll look tonight when he's asleep… I'll start in his room… then the kitchen so hopefully he'll wakeup, if he wakes up, while I'm in the kitchen… I'll just pretend I'm hungry.

I don't know if I can wait though… I can't, I can't wait… but have to damnit I hate this! Why can't I just be like my brother! Why can't I be tiny and loveable and funny and cute and nice and talented god damnit it's not fair! It's not… I can't do this anymore I need him gone… I need… I need him to leave… but I don't want him to leave… I want him to stay… I want him here I need him here… God help me… I don't know… I need… I…

Lovino was curled up on his bed with the blankets covering his whole body. He was biting his lip hard enough to draw blood, which it had in fact and Lovino really wasn't bothered by the taste. The Italian could feel tears in his eyes and his body started to tremble the more he thought about how much worse he was than his brother. He hated himself. Everyone hated him and he knew wanted someone to talk to about it all. Someone he could trust with his secrets, all of them, including the one about the Spaniard he was living with. But he had no one. Feliciano's mouth was too big to keep a secret, that being his only flaw to Lovino's hundreds. He figured he could talk to Antonio about mostly everything else but what was the point?

Lovino whimpered softly and buried his face in the pillow. God he was glad Antonio was in the kitchen, it sure would be hard to explain this. The Italian pinched and scratched at his inner wrist, wanting nothing more than the sweet release only a blade could truly give him. He missed it. It had been weeks, days even since he had last felt it. He couldn't handle it. The cuts on his thighs had scabbed over more times than he could count from how much he'd picked at them.

He couldn't help it. Sure he didn't really try, very hard. But to be honest he didn't want to stop.

Lovino froze when he heard the door open. He held his breath and blinked quickly to make the tears go away. Once he had them under control he licked his lips to make sure there was no blood. Lovino closed his eyes and tried his hardest to relax as he heard footsteps grow ever nearer.

"Lovi…? Are you awake, mi tomate?" Antonio called softly as he sat down on the bed, Lovino felt the bed move under his weight.

Lovino was quite for a moment, trying to figure out which would play out better in his favor, feigning sleep, or showing that he was awake. In the end he chose what he knew would be the wrong choice.

"What do you want…?" He mumbled from under the blankets.

Antonio smiled at the sound of the younger man's voice. "Mi dispiace ((I'm sorry^)) if I woke you, Lovi… I made you breakfast."

Lovino groaned at the mention of food and his stomach rumbled. 'Way to go , my own body part just sold me out.' He thought angrily.

"You didn't wake me…and I'm not hungry…" He tried.

"Non mentire a me ((don't lie to me^)), Lovino." Antonio gently pulled down the blanket that was covering Lovino's face.

"Then stop speaking Italian, asshole." Lovino spat, though it held no venom behind it. He sat up, the blanket pooling at his waist, he rubbed his face in an attempt to make his whole face red instead of just his eyes so Antonio wouldn't know he'd been crying.

"I'll stop speaking Italian when you stop calling me names, now here, eat." The Spaniard countered and gently placed the tray of food on the younger man's lap. There were eggs, bacon, pancakes, two churros, a cappuccino, and even a little vase with a flower in it.

Lovino looked at the food in his lap then back at Antonio. "I can't eat all this."

"Yes you can, I'll help, but I want you to eat most of it." Antonio smiled widely. Lovino didn't return his smile. Instead he bit his lip again, ignoring the sting, and looked back down at the tray. A few short moments later Antonio placed a gentle hand on Lovino's chin and tilted his head up.

"Can you do that for me, Lovi…? Please? I won't speak Italian for the rest of the day." Antonio's voice was soft, pleading almost, but it was met with a dirty look and a scoff.

"Seriously, Antonio? You're bribing me to get me to eat? Are you kidding me? What's next are you going to give me a fucking present if I don't take the fork you've so graciously trusted me with and stab myself with it?! Take your fucking food and get the hell of my room!" Lovino shoved the tray into Antonio's lap and he covered himself in the blankets once more. He could feel the sorrow from earlier welling up inside once again and he had to force himself not to cry to reach over and grab the fork and do just as he had said.

His whole body was shaking. With anger and fear and sorrow, and he couldn't keep himself from crying any longer, but he kept his tears quite. And he couldn't help himself when he got the urge to cut again and he started scratching and pinching at his wrists again.

"Lovi…." Antonio whispered brokenly. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He didn't mean for it to come off that way. He was just worried and was trying to play around. He didn't think there would be any harm in it, but he saw now that he was wrong. Antonio placed the tray on the ground and curled up beside him.

"I didn't mean it like that Lovino… You know I trust you… I'm just…I—"

"Leave…"

"I'm not lea—"

"Get out!"

"No!" Antonio pulled down the blanket and looked at him in shock. Lovino was staring up at him and was stammering, trying to think of an excuse as to why his wrist was red and irritated and why there was blood on his lips.

"Lovi …"

I was going to make this longer but I wanted to end with a kinda sorta not really cliff hanger also it 2 in the morning and I really wanna get this posted because I've been slacking off so much!

Hope you guys liked it! I'll probably update again tomorrow! If not tomorrow then Saturday!

Reviews keep me motivated! 3