"I challenge you to Kermit Kombat!" –Kermit the Frog, Kermit Kombat

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Three, Part One: …and a Side of Assassination
By Kaori

The week following their trial delivery was filled with run of the mill, safe, non-seppuku inducing deliveries to places like security booths, corporate offices, and the occasional adult store; although Sakura was beginning to think her supervisor specially requested those deliveries. This was fine because it afforded her all the time in the world to ogle, grope, and seduce Sasuke.

For the record the seduction wasn't going very well but the pink-haired one figured he'd break down sooner or later.

Sasuke on the other hand, was bored. These simple deliveries were beneath him. Did he not graduate top of the class at Ninja Burger Academy? Wasn't that enough to fast track him to Drive-Thru Ninja? After all, Itachi had been working the drive-thru window straight out of the academy and working the deep fat fryer a week later. "Damned showoff…" grumbled the youngest Uchiha. "I'll show him. I'll become Employee of the Month much faster than he did and then I'll be the favourite! Then Itachi will feel the ire of our parents as I blame his less than perfect self for all the mischief I shall cause…and subsequently get away with! AAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA"

"That boy has issues." Muttered Kakashi, turning the page on his Playboy Magazine. "And where is Naruto?"

"He said he was going to the bathroom." Sakura replied, not taking her eyes off Sasuke's rear end.

"He's been gone a while, did he fall in or something?" (1)

Naruto had finished…using the facilities forty minutes ago, but didn't bother going back to the employee lounge. Instead he decided to go bother the Franchise Manager.

"Get off my desk Naruto." said Sarutobi. The young Deliverator was sitting on the edge of his desk swinging his legs.

"But I'm bored, bored, bored (2)." groaned the employee.

"If I give your team a senior level delivery will you get off my desk so I can get some work done?"

"Throw in some coupons and you have a deal."

"Fine, I'll tell the dispatchers that the next senior level delivery that comes in is to be given to your team."

"Thanks a bunch old man!" Naruto smiled, and bounded off to rejoin his team in the employee break room.

"Finally, he's gone." Murmured the Franchise Manager, pressing a button under his desk. A television screen rose up out of a hidden panel in his desk. "Back to Kunoichi Gone Wild."

Naruto burst into the break room like a train through a brick wall; loud and causing a lot of collateral damage.

"That wall's coming out of your pay, Naruto." Kakashi said, turning the playboy sideways to better appreciate the centrefold model.

"Idiot! What took you so long?" glared Sasuke, who had spent the last fifteen minutes playing "Dodgedick" (3) with Sakura and the girl was starting to get too close to grabbing the target.

"This is the thanks I get for snagging us another senior rank delivery?" Naruto said, feigning indignation.

"You did what?" Sasuke was immediately placated. Maybe the blonde baka was good for something after all. "Hmph, not bad for a nitwit."

"HEY!" Before Naruto could even make an attempt at retaliation, a runner from the kitchen appeared before Kakashi.

"Delivery and an Assassination for Team 7." Said the ninja, handing over the delivery bags. "Destination is on the receipt." And without another word he was gone.

"All right you three, here's the bag. Get a move on." Kakashi passed the bag over to Sasuke.

"But, sachou, aren't you coming with us?" Sakura asked.

"No way, I'm a supervisor. Running around doing grunt work is your job. Now get going." The white-haired ninja said, waving his free hand in a shooing motion while the other held his Playboy.

Some distance away, in a dark corner of an already dark house, a figure sat hunched in a chair stroking an effigy.

"Soon, very soon you will regret ever leaving me…oh yes. You'll be sorry that you didn't listen to me. I said as long as I was by your side I would protect you. But you tossed me away. You will pay for that. Yes you will. Because if I can't have you, then no one can…"

Aaah! Creepy stalker alert! But who is it? And who is going to be assassinated? And where have all my cookies gone?

1) Whenever my mother takes too long in the bathroom I always ask her if she fell in (the toilet).

2) Code Monkeys!

3) I've referenced this in another fanfic but I'm more than happy to point you to Gaijin Smash dot com for the explanation. Trust me, you'll laugh.