To The Journey

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This is an AU story.

Chapter Six: Common Ground

James Kirk had only vague memories of what had happened after he'd grabbed the control pad Soran had tossed and dropped the cloak around the rocket. He knew the bridge had fallen with him on it, and that it had ended up on him. He remembered searing pain, agony through his entire body, every breath hurting his strained ribs. He remembered an explosion, Soran's rocket he assumed, and then silence. He'd heard distant footsteps, and then all of a sudden felt the tingle of a transporter beam. He'd materialized next to Picard on a transporter pad, heard a woman's voice, and felt his clothes being torn off. Picard and the woman had been talking, but he'd been hurting too much to make out what they were saying. He'd heard more voices. One of them had been unmistakably Vulcan, the familiar speech patterns cutting through his haze. The Vulcan and the first woman had started examining him, and then he'd blacked out from the pain.

He was lying on a bed in a small space. Beyond that, he wasn't sure where he was. He didn't hurt anymore, for which he was grateful. He sat up, and his head started spinning. Okay, that hadn't been a good idea.

"You're awake."

It was the same female voice he'd heard the day before. This time he was coherent enough to see the body that came with the voice. If he'd been standing, they'd have been about the same height. She was blond-haired and blue-eyed, and despite his dizziness he gave her his most charming smile.

"You feeling all right?"

"A little dizzy," he admitted. "Where exactly am I?"

"You're on a shuttle." She took hold of his shoulders and helped him lie down again. "You must be thirsty. You've been unconscious for sixteen hours."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyway. She brought him a glass of water and helped him to sit partway up against some pillows. He sipped gratefully. "You a doctor?"

"Ah, not in the strictest sense of the word. I'm Head of Security, but I'm also trained as a field medic. We had a pretty serious incident yesterday, a lot of people hurt, and Medical's got their hands full, but our CMO wanted someone with medical training to stay here in case any unforeseen complications came up. The planet's uninhabited, no foreseeable danger, so as soon as I secured the area I left my second in command in charge and came here."

"A woman of many talents. Listen, Commander, do you think you could do something for me?"

"I can try."

"I, uh, I want to know what's going on with my people. The people I used to serve with, my old senior staff. Do you think you could look it up for me?"

"Of course." She stepped over to the shuttle's computer console. "Who is it you want to know about?"

"First off, Spock."

She grinned. "As it happens, I don't need the computer for that one. I met him a few years ago, on Romulus."

"Romulus? What in blazes was he doing there? For that matter, what were you doing there?"

"He was working on the reunification movement. And since he left for Romulus without telling anyone, we were looking for him."

"Reunification." Kirk laughed. "Exactly the kind of cause I'd expect Spock to take up. Is he still on Romulus?"

"No. Last I heard, he was on Vulcan. I'll make some inquiries when we get back to Earth."

"I'd appreciate that. What about Dr. McCoy?"

"Give me a minute." She input the search into the computer. "Ah, here we go. At the moment, he's living on Earth, enjoying his retirement. You know, he came aboard the Enterprise on her maiden voyage."

"Really? What for?"

"Inspection tour. He certainly left his mark on the crew."

"Oh?" Kirk leaned forward, eager to hear more. "What did he do?"

"Well, the Enterprise has an officer who's an android, and this officer, Lieutenant Commander Data, was assigned to transport the Admiral back to the ship he'd come from. Not knowing much about the man, Data made the mistake of asking him if he wouldn't rather use the transporter -"

"I can imagine what happened next." Kirk was grinning now.

"It didn't even end there. Data decided to try and talk his way out of the situation, and so said that he just thought that at the Admiral's age, he shouldn't have to put up with a shuttle. So the Admiral asks how old Data thinks he is, and Data being Data rattles off an exact number down to the day. And, according to Data, the Admiral took a good look at him and then said I don't see no points on your ears, but you sound like a Vulcan, boy!" She said the last in a good enough imitation that Kirk burst out laughing. "Data wasn't exactly sure, but he said he thought McCoy regarded him with a mix of exasperation and affection."

"If he thought your officer - Data? - resembled a Vulcan, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. That's how he always thought of Spock, no question. What about Scotty - I mean Montgomery Scott, my old Chief Engineer?"

Tasha smiled again. "Now that's an interesting story. Mr. Scott was on his way to retirement when his ship got into an accident. Somehow - and don't ask me how, I'm not an engineer - he managed to rig a repeating transporter loop as a sort of stasis chamber. We found him seventy-five years later."

"Scotty never rigged something that didn't work." A fond smile crossed the man's lips. "Where is he now?"

"According to these records, also on Earth."

"Wonderful. What about Sulu?"

"Also on Earth, also retired. Actually, someone I know spoke to him just recently."

"Really?"

"Yes, a friend of mine. She's just finished her final year at the Academy. Her father's first assignment was with Sulu aboard the Excelsior, just before the Khitomer Accords. He was killed in action recently," she tried and failed to say this flatly, "and so, since she was his only relative in Starfleet, he made a point of contacting her."

"Khitomer, huh? Don't suppose I ever met him."

"You probably did. From what I know, he spoke up rather loudly against the treaty."

"Ah, wait. Dark-skinned Vulcan, an Ensign at the time?"

"Yes."

"Him I remember keenly. You know, he was really only saying what most of Starfleet was thinking."

"I know."

"Sulu told me he'd resigned."

"He did. Then he reenlisted." She smiled sadly.

"He was more than just your friend's father, from the looks of things."

"He was like a father to me, too."

"I am sorry."

"Thank you."

"Now, what about Uhura, my communications officer?"

xxxxxxxxx

Tasha lay in the bunk across from Kirk, who'd cried himself back to sleep upon hearing that his navigator and head nurse had both passed away since his disappearance. Somehow, that episode had changed her perception of him. The man's name was splattered across the pages of history. He'd always seemed larger than life. But seeing him break down and weep over the loss of his friends made her keenly aware that he was as human as any of them.

Hearing odd noises from him, she rolled over and sat up. Her first concern was that Kirk was having trouble breathing, the way he was gasping. But a quick tricorder scan showed that there was nothing physically wrong with him at all.

"Come on - come on," he mumbled. "Come on, Kevin. I've got you. Don't look."

Look at what? Who was Kevin?

"No - NO! David!"

She'd worry about the specifics later. She reached over and took hold of his shoulder, shaking him hard. "Captain. Captain!"

Eyes flew open, locked on her. He stared for a long moment before seeming to realize where he was and what was going on, and he relaxed back into the bunk. "Sorry about that. Did I wake you?"

"No, it's okay. Do you want me to get someone? We have a counselor onboard -"

"No. I've had enough of counselors. Someone needs to explain to me why it's such a given that someone who grew up on Earth or Vulcan or wherever in the nice, safe Federation can understand what it means to -" he broke off abruptly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Don't worry about it. What's bothering you?"

"I just said I don't -"

"Look, I'm not a counselor, looking to analyze or assuming I have all the answers. I just -" have felt the way you look now more times than you could possibly imagine. Can't stand to see that pain in someone else's eyes because I know how very much it hurts. "-thought it might help you to talk."

He nodded a little, acknowledging the truth of her statement. "Ever hear of Tarsus IV?"

"Yes." That was one history lesson she'd never forgotten. "The planet was struck by an agricultural plague, leaving it without enough food to feed its eight thousand inhabitants. The governor, Kodos, commonly known as Kodos the Executioner, divided the population in half. He selected four thousand to be murdered, believing himself to be doing the right thing. Starfleet ships arrived sooner than expected but too late to save the four thousand." Her eyes widened as her thought process caught up with the facts she'd been reciting. "You were there, weren't you? On Tarsus?"

"Yes." A silence, in which he knew she was waiting for him to say something else. "I was one of the four thousand that Kodos decided was less worthy of life."

"But how -" she stopped suddenly, and a look of awe came over her face. "You were one of the nine. The people who managed to escape the execution."

He nodded silently.

"I always admired you, you know. From the first time I heard about Tarsus IV, I admired you."

"There was nothing to admire, Commander. Just a group of us, all kids, mostly boys, who managed to run to save ourselves." He shuddered, and without really thinking about it she reached out and touched his shoulder. "I grabbed the closest kid to me, which happened to be Kevin Riley, and we managed to crawl between the guards - that's why we were all kids, we were smaller, easier to miss. But I can't forget the others." His hand found the wrist of the woman standing next to him, and Tasha wasn't at all sure he was aware of what he was doing. "But I watched them die. I watched almost four thousand people killed, murdered, executed in the name of survival - oh, God." He let his face drop into his free hand, and his shoulders trembled with the effort of holding back tears. She said nothing, just let him hold onto her arm as he pulled himself together.

"I'm sorry, Commander." He abruptly released her wrist.

"My name's Tasha," she interjected.

He got a partial version of his former charming smile back. "Well, then, I'm sorry, Tasha. I didn't mean to lose control like that."

"It's okay. Really."

"It shouldn't affect me after this long -"

"Who in the galaxy told you that? Captain -"

"My name's Jim." He turned her own words back on her.

"Jim, then." It didn't flow as easily as her name had from him - it was somewhat odd addressing the most famous captain in Starfleet by his given name. "Seeing something like that, living through it, never goes away completely. If that's what your counselors have been saying, then I don't blame you for wanting to shy away."

"You talk like you know."

"I do know."

"About what? The counselors or the never going away?"

"Both."

"Really?"

She sighed. "You told me your story, I suppose it's only fair I tell you mine."

"Sit down." He shifted position on the bed so there was room for her, and she obliged. "Now, what were you saying?"

"Ever heard of the planet Turkana IV?"

He shot her a very strange look. "Yes, an Earth colony. Labeled one of the most pleasant places in the galaxy, if I recall correctly. Made its name on tourism."

"Right." She blushed a little. "I keep forgetting you're eighty years out of the loop." She swallowed hard, she'd been hoping, for some silly reason, that he'd know enough about the situation for her to skip the history lesson. "You're right - sort of. Turkana was a tourist haven - my mother described it as paradise, and from what I vaguely remember, it was. But there were problems. The government started breaking down, and factions emerged everywhere. By the time my sister was born, it was chaos." She drew a deep breath, trying to keep back her tears. "My father was a member of the government, a face people recognized. That's why - that's why they killed him. My mother too. I was five."

His face softened. "I'm so sorry."

"For the next ten years, I saw and experienced things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I was rescued by chance by a sympathetic Starfleet doctor, but then I ended up in a center with counselors who were - condescending, arrogant, harsh, you name it. So you see, I do know."

"I do see. And I can't imagine." He had a look on his face that suggested he wasn't entirely aware of where he was anymore. "At the end of that terrible couple of days, I was able to find my parents, to know I was safe and feel their love. To lose them at such a young age, and then to spend ten years on your own, must have been - I don't have words for it."

"Niether do I. Listen - can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You called out two names in your sleep. One was Kevin, which makes sense, since you told me about a Kevin you rescued. But who is David?"

A million expressions crossed Kirk's face at once; wistfulness, pride, love, and unbearable pain most striking among them. "A - a mixing of memories. While we were trying to run, I tripped over a body, a stranger. But in my dream, I turn the body over, and it's David." He drew a shaky breath. "David was my son."

Kirk's words hung in the air for a long moment before Tasha broke the silence with a whispered question. "What happened?"

"He and two others were trapped on a planet with a group of hostile Klingons and taken hostage. The Klingons threatened to kill one of the hostages to prove they were serious about taking lives if we didn't comply with their demands. They tried to kill one of the others, a woman David had been involved with, and he lunged at the man." He closed his eyes against the tears. "He was brave, but he didn't have the fighting skills to match. The fight only lasted a few seconds before -"

"I'm so sorry." This time, she consciously took his hand.

"I barely knew him," Kirk continued after a pause. "His mother didn't want me involved in his life, and I respected her wishes. I didn't meet him until a few weeks before..." Tasha squeezed his hand. "But we built the beginnings of a relationship. And then I lost him - you can't imagine what that's like."

Tasha placed her free hand on his shoulder and let him compose himself. When she finally spoke, it was little more than a whisper.

"The first time I held my daughter in my arms, I vowed I would protect her as long as I lived. A baby was a thing of beauty in the ugly place I lived - and she was so beautiful. I should've known it couldn't last." She felt his hand tighten around hers. "She lived less than two days. She was too early, too small. And when she died, I wanted to die with her."

Jim mentally kicked himself for once again making an assumption about this woman's background. Hadn't she just proved his first assumption wrong? He released her hand so he could hold her shoulders, comforting her as she had him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her. "And I'm flattered that you trusted me enough to tell me."

"You have something most people don't."

"And what's that?"

"You understand. We're a lot alike, Captain. So many people in the Federation have never known pain or hardship on the level that I have, that you have. And I can't hold that against them - I could never wish my pain on them. I just wish -"

"That they'd stop pretending they understand."

"Exactly."

He wrapped his arms around her, tentatively at first, remembering that despite the fact that he felt like he'd known her forever, it had really been only a few hours. When she lifted her arms to return his embrace, he tightened it, feeling her tremble with the force of suppressed emotions - or was that himself?

The touch brought down something in Tasha, and she began to weep silently, releasing her heartache into the man's shoulder. That in turn set him off, and he began to shed tears he wouldn't have thought he'd had left after how much he'd cried that morning. They remained in each other's arms, comforting and being comforted.

After a few minutes, she drew back from him. "Ah, Captain..."

"No more of that. Didn't I tell you to call me Jim?"

"It's a little difficult. Children learn your name in primary school. I'm talking to a legend."

"I never asked to be a legend."

She smiled. "The Klingons have a saying. 'Great men do not seek power. They have power thrust upon them.'"

Kirk smiled too. "We humans have a similar saying. But those great men don't want to be treated like gods. Sometimes, they just want to be friends with the people who are like them - and I don't mind telling you, Tasha, that for me, those people are few and far between. All but one of my friends are eighty years older. Two of them are dead. I've made one new friend in this century. I'd like to make more. And I'd like to start right here."

"I'd like that."

"Good. Now, I won't blame you if a "Captain" slips out from time to time. But at least try to call me Jim."

"Okay, I'll try."

"That's all I ask."

The multiple similarities between Tasha and Jim Kirk were entirely coincidental. Tarsus IV comes from the TOS episode "The Conscience of the King" (which I'm in the process of writing a short story for), and David Marcus is from "The Wrath of Khan" and "The Search for Spock". I created Eva, Tasha's baby, long before I decided I'd be saving Kirk.

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my friend Richard. Yesterday marks the second anniversary of the day he decided that his life was too painful to continue living. Rest in peace.

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