disclaimer: see chapter one

A/N: iii'mm baaaack! did you miss me? i was originally going to post this tomorrow (friday), but i got bored and decided to do it tonight. i'm slowly making progress with new chapters, but it's actually been harder to write since i've gotten out of school as my prime writing time was on the bus on my way home. oh well. i've really got nothing else to say at the moment, so read!

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Chapter 4

BOOM!

Harry: Come in!

BOOM! CRASH!

Harry: Hey! You didn't have to knock the door down, I told you to come in!

Mystery Giant: Sorry, this seemed like a better entrance than just walking in.

The giant comes into the hut on the rock in the middle of the sea and fixes the door. The Dursley's enter the room and freak out because there's a giant in the room.

Petunia: AHH! There's a giant in here!

Petunia faints.

Vernon: Boy! Why'd you let a giant in here? You made your aunt faint!

Giant: Quiet, you.

The giant smacks Vernon upside the head with his pimpin' pink umbrella, knocking him out. The giant then walks over to the couch and tells Dudley, who is still sleeping, to move. Dudley doesn't move, so the giant rolls him onto the floor and sits down. Dudley continues snoring. The giant turns to look at Harry.

Giant: Hey, Harry, what's up? Oh, happy birthday! I made you a cake.

The giant hands Harry the cake, which Harry accepts.

Harry: Umm... right, who are you?

Giant: Sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I'm Hagrid. I work at Hogwarts.

Hagrid says this as he starts to cook over the fire that, mysteriously, no one sees him light.

A few second later, Dudley suddenly sits up and looks straight ahead.

Dudley: I smell food. (AOL commercial, anyone?)

Dudley then sees Hagrid and promptly faints, just like dear old Mummy.

Harry: He's kinda strange, I know. Anyway, about this Hogwarts place you work at - what is it?

Hagrid: What do you mean 'what is it?' You know what Hogwarts is.

Harry: No, I don't.

Hagrid: Yes, you do.

Harry: NO, I don't.

Hagrid looks at Harry for a few moments.

Hagrid: You mean, those sorry excuses for relatives never told you that you mum and dad were a witch and wizard that went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and were killed by the darkest, most evil wizard in history, and that you're a wizard, too?

Harry: Nope. Don't recall ever hearing them let that slip.

Hagrid: Well, that's not good. Here, you should probably read this, then.

Hagrid hands Harry an envelope.

Harry: Dude! It the letter the CIA has been trying to send me!

Hagrid: CIA? No, it's from Hogwarts.

Harry: Oh, too bad.

Harry reads the letter.

Harry: Dude! I'm a wizard! How cool is that?

Hagrid: It's wicked cool.

Harry: And I get to go to school and learn how to do magic instead of going to a stupid school that I hate and learning math and science?

Hagrid: Ye-

Vernon: NO! I forbid you to take him to that joke of an institution and teach him that magic nonesense!

Hagrid: I thought I told you to be quiet. I don't like you. And I'm very upset that you kept Harry's true identity hidden from him for all these years.

Vernon: I don't care. If he's going to be living in my home, he won't be going!

Hagrid: OK, I tried to handle this like a gentleman, without yelling and all, but now you've gone and made me angry.

Hagrid pulls out his pimpin' pink umbrella and shoots a purple light in the general direction of the Dursleys. The light comes into contact with Dudley's backside and he squeals in pain as he sprouts a curly pig tail. The family hides in the back room.

Harry: Woah, will I get to learn how to do that?

Hagrid: Eventually. Umm, about that, don't mention it to anyone at school.

Harry: OK. Now, I was wondering what exactly happened to my parents. I was always told they were killed in a car accident.

Hagrid: Well, long story short, they chose not to join the Dark Side, so the leader of the Dark Side killed them. He tried to kill you, too, but I guess yoy were special, or something, because the only thing you got out of the whole ordeal was that scar on your head.

Harry: Wow, that was short. What was the Dark dude's name?

Hagrid: You just had to ask, didn't you?

Harry: Duh.

Hagrid: But, I don't wanna say it.

Harry: Why?

Hagrid: Umm...

Harry: Are you scared to say it?

Hagrid: NO! It's V... V-v...

Harry: You are too scared to say it.

Harry laughs. Hagrid pouts.

Hagrid: Only a little. OK, I'll say it, but just this once. Voldemort. There, happy?

Harry: Momentarily. What happened to him? Why isn't he still running around killing random people?

Hagrid: Don't know, no one does. Something happened to him when he tried to kill you that made his power disappear. Some think he died, some think he's waiting for the opportune moment to return. I, personally, think he opened a bookstore somewhere in Ontario.

Harry: I really made his powers disappear? I feel so special.

Hagrid: Yep, you're special. I'm tired now, go to sleep.

Harry: But the floor is cold and dirty.

Hagrid: Here, use this.

Hagrid takes his coat off and throws it to Harry. Harry catches the coat and falls to the floor under the weight of it.

Harry: Thanks.

Hagrid: No problem.

Harry spreads the coat out on the floor, lays down, and rolls himself up in it to keep warm. Ten seconds later, he screams like a little girl and jumps up out of the coat.

Hagrid: What happened?

Harry: It wiggled!

Hagrid: Oh, sorry about that. Probably just a mouse.

Harry stares.

Hagrid: It's OK, they won't come out of the pockets.

Harry nervously lays back down and goes to sleep, humming "Larger Than Life" by the Backstreet Boys. (A/N: yay! their new album came out on tuesday!)

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psychic squirrel: i love your name! it is so great. squirrels are the best. thanks for the review.

katie: ah, you've seen the character quirks. you must have visited my (and clam's) website. thank you for reviewing, glad you likeit.

I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD FOLLOW KATIE'S LEAD AND VISIT MY WEBSITE (click the homepage link on my profile page.) IT'S FUN, I PROMISE. :D

Gryffindor777: yay, you're the first to review multiple times! and yay, it's still funny! i'm glad you like the CIA thing; it comes back quite often. much thanks for the review.

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A/N: are you sick of seeing so many author's notes in this story so far? you are? oh, well too bad. : ) actually, i'm really very depressed at the moment. through the course of the past week i've found out that my parents, after being married for 18 years, are seriously considering divorce. i'll be even more depressed if they actually go through with it. please bring a tiny bit of joy back to my life by leaving a review and telling me what you think of my story. it really will make me feel better. until next time...