A/N: A warning to all readers, this chapter deals with... less than happy discussions towards religion and beliefs. I do not mean any slander towards people and their beliefs. I promise you all this, I was raised to understand those who believe in what they will and I respect those who continue on with what they choose to believe.

This was a delicate subject for me to take on - being around a christian/atheist/agnostic family - but I hope you all enjoy the chapter nonetheless.

(Near P.O.V)

I had only been in the Wammy house for a month now and already I had made it to the top of the class. I guess I should've been happy about it but I wasn't. If anything it made me miserable. The other kids in the house shunned me most of the time, especially Mello… the one who used to be top student. All except for Linda, one of the rare females in the school, ignored me. I was alright with that… but Mello…

I will say that it hurt to be ignored by him. I didn't exactly know how to make friends, being a shy individual, so I followed him and Matt around to become more acquainted. It only made Mello angry though, and I had heard all the rumours floating around the house about his anger and little… inconveniences. However, this didn't worry me. Though I wouldn't want to be in his wake when his anger became too much… I wasn't afraid to be around him. In fact, I always made the conscious choice to sit beside or close to him in class. I believe a part of me wanted me to be like him. To be fearless and tough, not having to be cowardly and hide behind toys. Or maybe it was because I wanted an older brother. I had become so sick of my sisters and their stupidity. Mello was smart, strong, and never gave up. He was everything my sisters were not.

Mello… was almost a hero to me.

Of course, Mello didn't like me… at all. I suppose it was because of who I was. Maybe I was just too smart. Maybe it was because I was like L. Whatever the reason, he still didn't like me nor did he want anything to do with me. And that's when the occasional walks became daily.

I once tried to follow him, but L had stopped me. I don't know why, and he never told me, but I had come to think the walks had more to do with his nightmares than anything else.

He never found out about this, at least I don't believe so, but I had heard him screaming from his nightmares far too often than not. He was in the room next to mine so it wasn't hard to hear him scream bloody murder at one in the morning. I had even gone into his and Matt's room to check on him, but Matt ushered me out. The red head was the only one to explain why he screamed so much. I respected him for being a good friend to Mello, but I never found out how he got him to stop screaming. I suppose some things must remain a mystery.

But I shouldn't be delaying this story further.

On one of Mello's walks, he had returned later than usual and had had a rosary around his neck. I had been accompanying L in his room along with Matt when he joined us. Matt had jumped up to hug him while I merely stared at them in longing. Those two had each other, A had B, and L had Watari. So who did I have?

It surprised me when Mello said nothing to Matt right away. Usually the two were chatting away like school girls. Come to think of it… Mello was a bit more feminine than he'd like, so the role fit him perfectly.

Thank whatever forces reside in this world that Mello couldn't read my mind.

Once he became more aware of his surroundings, he seemed to tense up. Mello was always like that in school. He'd be caught with his guard down for a split second, then the wall of anger would replace it. It didn't faze me one bit, but it seemed to work on the others. I sometimes wished he'd let his anger go so he could just talk to someone, instead of the occasional grunt or scoff. The only ones he truly spoke to were Matt and L… and even with L, it was limited. One could say it was only Matt who knew Mello completely and honestly.

He sat with us after that and we continued on with our discussion about the school's lunch menu. Not that it wasn't good, but Matt seemed to bring up the oddest conversations. The one before this involved turtles and their long lifespan.

Mello never joined in, but merely sat on his chair with a thoughtful expression. He twiddled the rosary in his hands as he thought. I still wish to this day that I had asked him what was bothering him. Maybe it would have made a difference than what was to come.

It was scary when he got angry. I tried not to show fear that day… but I know it was close to a lost cause.

You see, Linda had popped by to ask me if I would join her for a game of football (or soccer, as most know nowadays) but had caught sight of Mello's rosary… and it all went downhill from there.

"Where'd you get that!? It's so pretty!"

He didn't answer her. He merely glared at her. I believe this is what's known as, 'the calm before the storm'. If only Linda had seen it sooner.

"My mummy had one just like it before she died. She said it was her path to god, that every time she held it, it made her feel safer."

"Well, look how well that turned out for her." He had said in a snarky tone. "I guess it was her path to god… if she got there, that is."

"What do you mean? Of course she's by his side. God keeps her close now so that she'll be safe. Why wouldn't she be with him?"

"Well, are you so sure that this 'god' is real?"

"Of course! God created us, he created…"

"Are you sure he did?" Mello interrupted, dropping his rosary to hang on his neck. "Because neither I nor you have seen him… so what makes him real? The fact that you believe?"

"The belief makes him strong… doesn't it?"

Oh Linda, you are such a fool to have given him the ammunition to all this.

"Your belief? Your belief?! Let me tell you something about your 'belief'. It's nothing more than a farce! You were made to believe in something like a powerful being sitting on a cloud, because you simply grew up with it! And now the only reason you find comfort in this 'god' you're so intent on believing in, is because your mother isn't there to give you the same comfort!"

L and Matt said nothing as the blonde started raving on. Though, it was evident that L was unamused.

"God - - he - - he…"

"Isn't there!" Mello yelled at her, bringing tears to her eyes. "He's nothing more than a made up being that people depend on because they're too stupid or desperate to believe in anything else! And, news flash, your mom isn't at his side right now. In fact, I don't think god even cared for her! Otherwise, she'd be alive and caring for you! Oh! A double hitter too! This must mean he hates you too, because he took away the only family that cared for you!"

"Mello!" L warned, something very unlike him.

The blonde mass of anger ignored him though, and kept going. "In fact, if the bible is anything like it says, god made us all in his image. Which means he created the guy who got drunk and slammed his car into your mother's car. Think about it… That was god who killed her. Isn't that how you said she died? She was hit and instantly killed? All while you watched her die from the backseat… what kind of fucked up god does that to a child? And you believe in him… how stupid can one be, to believe in someone who took that away from you?"

"You're lying! Y-you're pitiful and hateful! Nothing you say can turn my faith!" Linda screamed at him, tears flowing down her cheeks.

At this point L grabbed Mello's arm, another warning I suppose, and pulled him back. But it didn't stop him.

"You really think god's on your side? You think he loves all of us? If he loved us, why did he allow us to get maimed and broken beyond repair!? Why did he sacrifice his own creations, and allow the others to be tortured?" He turned to Matt. "Why did he allow your father to throw knives at you!? Why did he let you get beaten and thrown in the trash!?"

Matt seemed hurt by what he said, but stayed silent. It was hard to see with his goggles, but there were definitely tears.

He then turned to me, a new rage in his eyes. "Why did he put you in a family that threw you to the curb?"

His words didn't hurt me as much as he wished. But they did leave an indescribable pain in my heart.

His rage finally calmed down as he looked to the floor. "If god existed, don't you think he'd have more for us than this?"

There was a silence after that. It lasted for a great many minutes before L ushered me, Matt, and Linda out of the room. I suppose he wanted to talk to the blonde alone. It was useless though. What had been said, had been said. Mello had spoken his mind, but it left everyone in tears.

I hugged my arms close to my chest. I felt oddly cold at what Mello had said to me. It was true that most people, including him, knew of my plight. Knew of my arrival and how I had been found. I never made it a secret. Simply, because I didn't care.

Matt's tears seemed to have stopped, and he soon pulled out his game and sat in front of the closed door.

Linda looked aghast. "You're really gonna stay friends with him? After all he said?"

Matt simply looked at her. "You don't know him, Linda. Not like me. Yes, he hurt me pretty bad… but did you stop to think about how much he's hurting? How much he's suffered?"

"Suffered?! He makes us suffer if anything! Always angry at something, and then takes it out on us!"

Matt ignored her after that. He simply went back to his game and pretended like she wasn't there. When she left, however, he uttered one sentence to me as I began to leave.

"He's in so much pain. I wish I could help him."