disclaimer: visit chapter 4

A/N: hello again. sorry for the lateness of this update. i meant to get it up two days ago, but i just didn't have the time. hopefully the length will make up for that. unless you don't like long chapters...

i'd like to take this time to advertise MY WEBSITE. MY WEBSITE is really fun to look at. on MY WEBSITE, you can read this story, plus a bunch of other things, such as songs and poems, that my friends and i have written. i think they're rather amusing. to get to MY WEBSITE, all you have to do is visit my profile page and click on the homepage link. ok, technically it's clam's, not mine, but we won't go there right now.

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Chapter 5

Harry slowly drifts into consciousness, but doesn't feel like opening his eyes right away.

Harry's Thoughts: Dude, that was an intense dream. I've never dreamt of a giant coming to tell me I was a wizard before.

TAP TAP TAP

Harry's Thoughts: Dude, what's that noise? It's so not cool this early in the morning. Better get up and make it stop.

Harry opens his eyes and sees an owl outside the window, tapping on the glass and trying to get in.

Harry's Thoughts: Dude, why is there an owl trying to get in here? Dude, why do I keep saying Dude? Wait, where is here?

Harry thinks these things as he walks over to the window and opens it, allowing the owl to enter. The owl drops a paper on the floor, then proceeds to attack Harry's hands.

Harry: Ow! Hey, what are you doing that for, you crazy, lunatic bird? Stop!

Hagrid: He wants paid for delivering the paper.

When Harry hears this he spins around and searches for the source of the voice. Then he sees Hagrid.

Harry: Holy dear mother of God! Who are you and how did you get into my hut on a rock in the middle of the sea?

Hagrid is confused. He could have sworn that Harry had a better memory than what he was currently displaying.

Hagrid: I'm Hagrid, and I came in through the front door last night. Don't you remember?

Harry: You mean, that wasn't a dream?

Hagrid: Umm... no, I'm gonna hafta say it wasn't.

Harry: So, I really am a wizard?

Hagrid: Yes, that sounds about right.

Harry: And I really am going to a school to learn magic?

Hagrid: Yep, uh huh.

Harry: Oh, OK, just wanted to clear that up. Being a wizard is going to be so awesome. I can't wait to learn all those

fun words to cast spells. Do I get to have a magic wand?

Hagrid: Yes.

Harry: That's the shiznit.

Hagrid: Huh?

Harry: Nothing. OK, so, you said the owl wants paid for delivering the mail. How much?

Hagrid: Five knuts.

Harry: Knuts? That may be the strangest type of currency I've ever heard of. Where can I find five knuts?

Hagrid: Look around in the pockets of my coat, there should be some in there somewhere.

Harry digs around in the coat pockets until he pulls out a handful of coins.

Harry: Which ones are knuts?

Hagrid: The little bronze ones.

Harry: OK. What are they other ones called?

Hagrid: The gold ones are galleons and the silver ones are sickles.

Harry: Sickles? Like the really sharp, extremely dangerous farming device?

Hagrid: Sure, if that's how you want to think of it.

Hagrid's Thoughts: I really hope he isn't known to have psychotic episodes. That would really suck for everyone.

Hagrid finally gets off the couch and gets ready to take Harry to buy all of his new school things.

Hagrid: OK, let's go. We gotta buy a lot of stuff for you today, and I'd like to get done A.S.A.P.

Harry: Buy a lot of stuff? I don't have any money, how am I going to buy a lot of stuff?

Hagrid: You have money, trust me.

Harry: How do you know I have money? Why didn't I know I had money? How long have I had this money that I didn't even know existed?

Hagrid: Woah, slow down. I'll show you if you go and get in the boat so we can leave.

Harry looks at Hagrid suspiciously for a moment.

Harry: Fine, but I better actually have this money you speak of. If I don't, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Hagrid: You're 11 years old; you don't have a lawyer.

Harry: Oh, yeah, right. Well, then, just forget I said anything. Let's go get in that boat, shall we?

IN THE BOAT

Harry: I just thought of something. If there's only one boat here, how did you get here last night?

Hagrid: Flew.

Harry: You flew? I thought you weren't supposed to use magic.

Hagrid: Well, if you want to get technical about it, then no, I'm not supposed to. But I was allowed to for this assignment. Say, you want to see me do some more magic?

Harry: Sure.

Hagrid: You're not going to say anything about it at Hogwarts, are you?

Harry: Of course not. That would just be stupid. If I did that, you could hold it over my head for the rest of my life and bring it up whenever you think I need to feel guilty about something.

Hagrid: You think about things too much. You need to get a hobby, or something. Yeah, just make sure you don't say anything. I don't need anymore trouble from the Ministry.

Harry: Ministry?

Hagrid: The Ministry of Magic.

Harry: There's a Ministry of Magic? I don't think Uncle Vernon would like to hear that.

Hagrid: Of course there's a Ministry of Magic. Where do you think our laws come from, thin air? They even wanted

Dumbledore for Minister. Didn't take the offer though.

Harry: Why not?

Hagrid: Well, he obviously likes spending his time around children more than boring adults.

Harry: He's not related to Michael Jackson, is he?

Hagrid: Who?

Harry: Nevermind. So, who's Minister if it's not Dumbledore?

Hagrid: Cornelius Fudge.

Harry starts laughing.

Hagrid: What's so funny?

Harry: That's a really stupid sounding name.

Hagrid: Oh, I guess it is.

Hagrid joins Harry in laughter and neither stop until they get to shore.

WALKING THROUGH TOWN

Harry and Hagrid finally make it back to civilization. Hagrid keeps saying really random stuff about normal things.

Harry doesn't think Hagrid is the fluffiest squirrel in the tree.

Harry: Where, exactly, are we going?

Hagrid: First, we're going to the train station. Then, we're taking the train to London. After that, we're going to end up in a secret wizard street behind a secret wizard pub.

Harry: Sounds exciting. When do I get my money?

Hagrid: When we get to the secret wizard street we'll go to the bank.

Harry: How long has my money been in this bank? How do you know it's still there? What if someone stole it?

Hagrid: Nobody stole it. It's impossible to rob Gringotts.

Harry: Why is it impossible to rob Gringotts?

Hagrid: 'Cause the goblins that work there are mean little critters and no one wants to get caught by them and face their wrath. Oh, and there may also be dragons guarding the vaults.

Harry: Dragons? Dragons are real?

Hagrid: Of course, why wouldn't they be? I think it would be totally awesome to own a dragon.

Hagrid has a dreamy look on his face.

Harry: Aren't dragons really dangerous?

Hagrid: Yeah, that's why it's illegal to keep them as pets. Hey, look, we're at the train station now.

Harry pays for their tickets and they go find seats to sit in. Hagrid gets many strange look because, let's face it, he's humungous, and people enjoy staring at the unnatural. Hagrid asks Harry if he still has his letter. Harry answers in the affirmative and takes it out to read through the list of things he needs to buy to make his new school year productive.

LONDON

Hagrid and Harry arrive. They walk down the street on their way to wherever Hagrid is leading them. Harry enjoys looking at all the shiny things around him. Hagrid is a little worried when Harry stops in front of a jewelry store and just stared in the window for about five minutes, before he turns and walks away, as if it never even happened. The two find their way to the secret wizard pub (The Leaky Cauldron) and go inside. Everyone is shocked into silence when Harry walks in. Harry stares at them all suspiciously, then turns to look at Hagrid.

Harry: You all work for the CIA, don't you? This is a set-up, isn't it? Is this about the thing with the president? I swear, I didn't know he was afraid of pretzels!

Harry is now sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them, rocking back and forth.

Some Random Person in the Crowd: Umm... what's the CIA?

Harry: You mean, you don't work for them?

Some Random Person in the Crowd: Nope, never heard of them.

Harry: Oh, OK. Nevermind, then.

Harry stands up. Everyone suddenly gets tired of sitting and being quiet, so they all get up and rush Harry, saying anything they can think of to get his attention.

New Random Person: OMG, are you really Harry Potter?

Another Random Person: I've been waiting my whole life to meet you!

Harry: Wait, I'm only eleven, and you're, what, 40? How could you have been waiting 40 years to meet someone who's only been around eleven?

Another Random Person: Umm... really bad math?

Crazed Fangirl: Ahh!

Crazed Fangirl passes out.

Yet Again, A New Random Person: So, are you really Harry Potter, or are you just someone pretending to be him to fool us all and make us feel stupid?

Harry: I really am Harry Potter. Is there anyone else here who wants to meet me? I can tell I'm obviously really famous, and I wouldn't want to deny my adoring fans the chance to meet their idol.

Another new person steps forward. This person is pale, twitchy, and wearing a purple turban and a bright orange disco suit.

Hagrid: Harry, this is Professor Quirrel. He's gonna teach you Defense Against the Dark Arts. Make sure you pay attention in his class. It'll pay off in the end.

Harry: Okaaay... enough cryptic messages from the giant. Why is he wearing a bright orange disco suit?

Hagrid: He and Dumbledore have had one too many Saturday Night Fever parties, we think it's gone to his head. But we don't like to talk about it too much. He seems happy.

Harry: Got it. Alright, let's go get my money already. I'm still not sure if I believe it's really there. I want to actually see it before I get excited about having it.

Hagrid: OK, guess we're out. See ya'll later!

Everyone At The Pub: Bye Hagrid and Harry!

Harry and Hagrid walk out the back door into a tiny, concrete courtyard.

Harry: I think I like them. They were like one big, really strange family.

Hagrid: That's good to know, I think. OK, stand back, this could get messy.

Harry: Messy? I don't see anything around here that could make a mess. Unless, of course, you have a bomb in your pocket and decided you want to blow everything up.

Hagrid: Actually, I just said it more for effect. Didn't seem to work, though. Anyway, here we go.

Hagrid taps a certain brick in the wall three times with his pimpin' pink umbrella. Nothing happens.

Hagrid: Oops, wrong brick.

Hagrid recalculates and taps a different brick. The wall suddenly opens up into an archway that leads to a magical street.

Hagrid: Welcome to Diagon Alley.

Harry: Dude, that was so awesome. Do it again.

Hagrid: Um, we actually have to go through now. We have to get your money, remember?

Harry: Oh, that's right. Let's go.

Hagrid and Harry set off down the street. They walk past a bunch of shops full of things that Harry has never seem before. They eventually make their way to the bank at the end of the street. Harry sees what he thinks is a statue standing beside the entrance to the building. Then he sees it move.

Harry: Eeek! Creepy! Why is it moving?

Goblin: Now, really, don't you think that's a bit harsh? I don't freak out every time a human walks by.

Hagrid: Harry, that's a goblin. He works at the bank.

Harry: Oh.

The goblin opens the door and lets the two in the building.

Harry steps inside and is immediately mesmerized by everything he sees. He especially likes all of the large gems. He even has the urge to stuff all of them into a duffel bag, move to the Caribbean, and proclaim himself King of the

World. However, he decided this probably isn't a very good idea, considering he's only eleven years old; not a very believable age for someone claiming that important of a title. Harry then snaps back to himself and follows Hagrid to the counter where they are helped by a second goblin.

Hagrid: We're here to make a withdrawal from Harry Potter's account.

Goblin Number 2: Do you have his key?

Hagrid: Yes, I do...

Hagrid reaches into his coat pocket in search of Harry's key.

Hagrid: Somewhere...

Hagrid then begins taking things out of his pockets. At first there are only small things, like pencils and paper clips.

Then there are bigger things, such as a tea cup and a ball of yarn. Harry is impressed as Hagrid finally pulls a bowling ball and pin out of one of his pockets.

Hagrid suddenly stops emptying his pockets and puts his hand up to his neck, pulling on a string tied around it.

Hagrid: Oh, I forgot, I put it around my neck so I wouldn't lose it.

Goblin Number 2: That's nice. Now, kindly unbury me so I can get someone to take you to Mr. Potter's vault.

Hagrid returns all of his items back to his pockets.

Hagrid: Oh, I've also got some Hogwarts business to attend to while I'm here.

Goblin Number 2: Great, Griphook can help you with both things. Griphook!

Griphook: Yes?

Goblin Number 2: Please escort these gentlemen to their respective destinations.

Griphook: Right away, sir.

Griphook leads Harry and Hagrid through a door and into a tunnel. He summons a cart for them to sit in. They all get situated and the cart takes off down the passageway.

Harry: Wee! This is just like a roller coaster! Only, I don't know what a roller coaster is like because my relatives suck and have never taken me to an amusement park.

Harry ponders for a minute.

Harry: Wee! This is just like what I've always imagined a roller coaster to be like! Hagrid, what's wrong? Are you sick? Are you not enjoying this?

Hagrid: No.

Harry: Wow. You suck! You should enjoy this! It's a great form of entertainment!

Hagrid turns to Harry, looking a little angry and quite green.

Harry: I'm sorry! Really, I am... Please don't throw up on me.

The cart suddenly jolts to a stop.

Griphook: First stop; Mr. Harry Potter's vault.

Hagrid: Thank God, firm ground.

The three get out of the cart and Griphook unlocks Harry's vault for him. Harry looks inside and sees mountains of money in there.

Harry: You weren't lying, I really do have money. Cool.

Hagrid: Yeah, it's cool. Stop spinning.

Harry ignores Hagrid and continues spinning in circles until Griphook grabs his hand and stops him.

Harry: Aw, I never get to have any fun.

Hagrid: We don't have time for that right now. Just grab some money so we can waste the next few hours spending it all.

Harry: Oh, that sounds like fun.

Harry fills a little sack with as many coins as he can. He then gets back into the cart with Hagrid and Griphook. The cart takes off down another tunnel and Harry again imagines himself being at the greatest amusement park on the planet.

The cart makes one more stop in the catacombs beneath London. Hagrid and Griphook both get out of the cart. Griphook opens the door of the vault with, what Harry deems, his creepy goblin powers.

Harry: Fun! I think I like seeing magic. I want to see more of it to make sure I love it. Hurry up Hagrid. We need to get out of here so I can see more magic.

Hagrid: OK, OK, hold your horses.

Hagrid grabs a tiny package out of the second vault of the day, then gets back into the cart.

Harry: You know, I've never really understood that expression. I don't have any horses to hold. In fact, I've never seen anyone have horses with them when someone says that to them.

Hagrid: You think too much, you know that?

Harry: I've been informed of that on several different occasions, yes.

DIAGON ALLEY

After his last ride of the day, Harry finds himself back outside.

Harry: What should I buy first?

Hagrid: Uniform, it's closest. You know, I'm feeling kinda sick from that stupid cart, do you mind if I abandon you in a world you've never been to before so I can go drink a bunch of alcohol?

Harry: Go ahead.

Hagrid: Thanks, I knew you'd understand.

Hagrid walks away and leaves Harry to enter the robe shop alone.

Harry's Thoughts: Well, this sucks a little bit. I have no idea what I'm doing. Oh, look, that must be the shop owner.

Maybe she can help me.

Madam Malkin: Hogwarts, dear?

Harry: Yes.

Harry's Thoughts: Well, that was easier than expected.

Madam Malkin: OK, go stand on the stool next to that boy over there.

Harry walks to the back of the shop and jumps up on the indicated stool. He then looks at the boy next to him and is shocked when he sees that the boy had just put on a large cowboy hat.

Harry: Nice hat.

Boy: Thanks, I got it at a Garth Brooks concert last year. Hey, are you going to Hogwarts too?

Harry: Yes, I am.

Boy: Great. My parents are out buying all my school things for me. Then, I'm going to make them get me a new hat. I can't wear one that I got from someone who will soon be my rival while I perform. After that, I'll make them take me to look at brooms. Do you have one?

Harry: Have one what?

Boy: A blue dancing elephant.

Harry stares.

Boy: A broom, bright one.

Harry: Oh. No.

Boy: Do you play Quidditch?

Harry: Uh, no.

Boy: You don't? What's wrong with you? I do. And I'm very good. My father says I should be picked to play for my house team. Do you know which house you'll be in?

Harry: Umm... no... am I supposed to?

Boy: Technically, no one actually knows until they've been sorted, but my whole family has been in Slytherin, so that's where I'm bound to end up. As long as I don't get sorted into Hufflepuff, though, I think I could survive.

Harry: I see.

Boy: Wow! That guy's large. He should win some kind of prize for that or something.

Harry: Oh, that's Hagrid. He's the gamekeeper at Hogwarts. He's here with me because my parents are dead and the relatives that I live with suck monkeys.

Boy: Oh. Were your parents our kind?

Harry: Our kind? You mean, you're from the planet Ni-Pang-Niwong, too?

Boy: What?

Harry: Oh, sorry, you meant were they a witch and wizard. Yes, they were.

Boy: Well, that's good. I would have to either ignore you or make fun of you if you were from a muggle family. What did you say your name was?

Madam Malkin suddenly comes out of the back room with something in her hands. She hands it to the boy.

Madam Malkin: Here's your special order, sir. One pair of black leather chaps with matching vest, complete with fringe around the bottom.

Boy: Ah, great! It'll be nice to practice my show with the complete ensemble from now on.

Madam Malkin then turns to Harry.

Madam Malkin: And you're done, dear. You can leave now.

Harry leaves the shop and meets Hagrid outside. Hagrid is concerned because Harry is unusually quiet and looks depressed.

Hagrid: Harry, what's wrong? You're unusually quiet and you look depressed.

Harry sighs.

Harry: I guess I just feel really stupid because I don't know anything about the wizarding world.

Hagrid: Oh. Yeah, I can see how that would make you feel pretty stupid. Maybe I can help you with that problem. What do you want to know?

Harry: Alright, what's Quidditch?

Hagrid: Wizard sport. Played on brooms in the air and you have four balls and I don't really know the rules so I'll let you find them out from someone else. Next?

Harry: OK, what are Slytherin and Hufflepuff?

Hagrid: School houses. Everyone thinks Hufflepuffs are too cuddly and annoying, and the Slytherins are just evil. The Dark Dude that I was telling you about before was in Slytherin.

Harry: Woah, someone famous went to the school that I'm going to.

Hagrid stares at Harry in disbelief.

Harry: I mean... it's horrible that he was exposed to all those other innocent children.

Harry and Hagrid then go around Diagon Alley collecting the rest of Harry's school supplies. Hagrid buys Harry an owl for his birthday, and makes Harry feel guilty in the process. Hagrid ignores Harry until Harry stops thanking him. They finally make their way to Mr. Ollivander's shop to buy Harry's wand.

INSIDE OLLIVANDER'S

Harry and Hagrid are greeted by a creepy old guy that Harry assumes is Mr. Ollivander.

Mr. Ollivander: Why, hello Mr. Potter. I wondered when I'd be seeing you in here. You look just like your father, but you have your mother's eyes. I remember them like it was just yesterday. And I remember the wands that I sold them also. Your father's was an 11 inch mahogany wand. Your mother's was a 10 1/4 inch wand made of willow. Isn't it great how I know all this stuff about your family without you even realizing it?

Harry stares. Mr. Ollivander looks at Harry's forehead.

Mr. Ollivander: Oh, and that's your wicked cool scar. I must confess, I sold the wand that did that. Thirteen and a half inches, made of yew.

Harry: Made of me?

Mr. Ollivander: No, yew. Y-E-W. It's a type of wood.

Harry: Oh, right, I knew that.

Mr. Ollivander turns around.

Mr. Ollivander: Ah! Hagrid! So good to see you!

Harry: You just noticed he was here? How could you have missed him when we came in? He's a freakin' giant!

Angry Mob Outside Shop: Hey, it's not nice to make fun of large people!

Harry: No, he's literally a giant. Well, half giant at least. His mother was one.

Angry Mob Outside Shop: Oh, sorry.

Angry mob dissipates.

Author: Wait, you don't know that until the fourth book.

Harry: Oh, uh, whoops?

Mr. Ollivander: OK, moving on. Harry, let's find you a wand.

Harry: Whoo!

The next part of the afternoon is spent going through just about every single wand in the entire store, trying to find one that is right for Harry. Harry is a very difficult person to find a wand for. After they go through about 7,000 wands, Harry finally finds one that he thinks could work for him, but it turns out to be a false alarm. They go back to searching through more wands.

Mr. Ollivander: Hmm... I wonder if this one would work. I could be perfect, but it could also be very bad. I've never seen a case like this, so I don't know what to expect. Maybe-

Harry: Are you going to stand there and babble much longer?

Mr. Ollivander: Eh, what the hell, we'll give it a shot.

Mr. Ollivander hands Harry a wand. Harry tries the wand out and it obviously does what it's supposed to because Mr. Ollivander is happy about what he sees.

Mr. Ollivander: oh, thank God, I didn't know what would happen with that one.

Harry: Why would this one have been so much worse than the others? I, personally, thought the one that blew up everything purple in the shop was pretty bad.

Mr. Ollivander: Well, I thought this one might hurt you. Possibly even kill you. You see, there's a phoenix feather in the middle of your wand, and the phoenix that gave it gave one other feather. That feather ended up in You-Know-Who's wand. Yeah, I figured that since that wand cursed you, it's brother wand could have some really strange effect on you.

Harry: Oh, I see. Well, it didn't, and I'm tired, so let's go.

Harry and Hagrid leave.

Hagrid leads Harry back into London and stops to get them something to eat before helping Harry onto the train, then handing Harry his ticket for the school train. Hagrid then leaves Harry alone on the train that will take him back to his sucky relatives for the rest of the summer.

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woohoo! both of my newest reviewers reviewed more than once! i now have a total of 15. it would make me happy to have just a few more, if it's not too much trouble...

Karen: yay! you like my story! that makes me feel special. i, too, thought the pimpin' pink umbrella was a wonderful addition to this story. thanks for the offer.

Grim Reaper's Assistant: much thanks. yes, i like the backstreet boys; please don't hate me! hey, why are you threatening bill? what did he ever do to you?

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A/N: did you get through it without falling asleep? if you did; yay! if not; i'm sorry! i know it's long, but it just wouldn't stop. i have a feeling the next chapter will be somewhere around the same length, just to let you know. and another note about my personal life, which i'm sure everyone just loves to hear about -after next week's update, there may not be one for the two weeks following. i'm going to visit my grandmother in tennessee during that time. i have internet access there, but i don't know that i'll be able to update. if i do get that chance, i'll be sure to do so. ok, i'm done now. please leave a review?