A/N: Alright, a pretty sucky chapter, but i had to get this whole thing over with before i started on something better. :)

Reviews are appreciated!

(Mello P.O.V)

I wasn't afraid when L closed the door, but I didn't exactly look at him. I almost knew I was in trouble right from the moment I slandered Linda and her stupid belief of god.

Well… I guess it wasn't that stupid. But I… I was justified. Wasn't I?

L finally sat back in his chair and looked at me. "Mello, how could say something like that to Linda? Her beliefs are what help her to keep going, and to get Matt and Near involved was just ridiculous!"

His tone was different than the day we had first met, but I wasn't afraid. He could yell at me like Roger did and I'd still stand my ground. The reason I did? I knew they wouldn't touch me. If they were my father… I'd almost guarantee I'd cower in the corner.

"Mello," his voice changed back to its monotonous muse. "Do you really think you're stronger than everyone when you say stuff like that? Do you truly believe it's brave or honourable…?"

"I wasn't trying to be brave or honourable." I interrupted. "Look, I don't know what happened, she mentioned her dead mother, and I snapped! Do you want me to apologise?! Fine! Bring the little bitch back in here, and I'll apologise!"

"Mello!"

I flinched a bit when he said my name like that. Maybe because I expected to be hit. I shouldn't have thought that way, but it was the only thing I learned from my childhood.

I shook my head. "She doesn't know what the real world is like because she hides behind something fools created for that very purpose." I was calm when I said this, but still stiff from my previous escapade. "She doesn't see the people that suffer silently and cry themselves to sleep because she doesn't want to see. If she knew anything about the real world, she'd know that not everything is happy sunshine and rainbows."

L seemed to hear what I said. But I expected a counter to follow, like always.

"You are correct. The world is a corrupt and rotting husk in the eyes of one who has been through nothing but such. And usually, it is the strong who survive this horrid place." He paused, looking into my eyes. "However, to those that go through pain and toil of unimaginable proportions, yet live every single day with a smile on their face? They are the strongest of all. Linda is a rare case of this. She knows of the pain she went through, but her belief gives her comfort and therefor she smiles through this pain for the sake of others. Can't you agree with this?"

I didn't answer him. I wanted nothing to do with this subject. Religion and beliefs were nothing but a fairy-tale now.

"Mello, the pain you went through with your father was indeed harsh. But is it really fair to take out your anger on others? Does this not make you what you hate? Your own father beat you senseless because of his rage, and now you're close to doing the same. What if Matt is your first victim…?"

"Never!" I yelled. "I'll always protect him! I could never hurt him! He's my best friend and brother! If I ever hurt him, I'll take my own life!"

L seemed to be taken back by what I had said, yet he managed to keep his voice even. "You would take your own life… for Matt? Why do that?"

I lowered my head in thought. "Because no one deserves what I went through. No one I love will ever endure that torture."

I held my left arm where I still bore the scars my father left me in his worst of tirades. Matt wasn't the only one who had seen a blade or two in his life. I remembered it was the reason I stopped talking in my household. The fear it left me… and the nightmares of what followed still haunt me every time I close my eyes.

L never saw the scars, but he did today. When I rolled up my sleeve to show the knife marks even deeper than the ones on Matt. His were nicks compared to the lines I bore. It was one of the many reasons I changed my shirt quickly or out of sight. I was scared of the questions that would follow.

"What happened to you? Why didn't you show me these earlier?" L seemed shocked in his own little way. Not bug eyed or scared… but there was definitely something in his tone that screamed shock and dismay.

I rolled down my sleeve. "He pushed me into the kitchen counter one day, and it hurt so much that I stood up to him. I told him to stop or I'd call the police, told him he'd be taken to jail. That's when he started throwing knives at me, telling me he'd kill me if I did that. When I didn't die from the one that cut my arm… he pointed a handgun at my forehead... and I blacked out from fear. It was the only time he legitimately tried to kill me."

I hadn't noticed right away that I began to curl into a ball in my seat. The memories were too much I suppose. Funny how my memories were all around that gun and not the knives.

Thankfully, L was there.

He scooped me up and held me close when I began to shake from the oncoming tears. It was the first time he had heard of what my nightmares really were. The first time he had heard of the gun. And like a real older brother, he was there to help me through it.

I didn't cry like I had the first few times remembering my dreams, but I cried. I only hoped L wouldn't think less of me because of it.

When I stopped crying, I finally made my last argument. "If god was real, why did he let me live through the torture my father inflicted? Why does he remind me of it every night and day? Why was I the only one to get hurt? Just… why?"

L held me closer. "I'm not a strong believer of god myself, Mello. One could say I was agnostic. I can't prove he's there, and I can't prove he isn't. Not even L can do that. But if he did exist, I would like to believe he made you go through all this to make you a stronger person. And, from what I can see, you are a stronger person."

"How so?"

L took a long, patient breath. "I don't know that your father would be willing to sacrifice himself for those he loved."

"If he loves anyone." I said in the driest of humour. But it was true. The man only loved himself, if nothing else.

I finally let go of the hug and L set me back on the floor. I knew what I had to do now… though I sorely despised having to do so. Maybe I just hated to be wrong or to look like the bad guy.

"Do you think you could get Linda back so I can apologise?"

"I suppose I could. Though, don't be surprised if she doesn't listen to you. Everything you said was more than hurtful, you understand."

I nodded, but insisted on the meeting anyway.

I suppose I could've blamed her for everything, but I didn't. My anger caused all of it, but I wasn't below apologising for it. I did make a sincere apology to Linda as well, and she did forgive me – albeit with a hug I didn't return… nor enjoyed – but I'd have to watch how I controlled this rage I carried from now on. Although I was nothing like my father, I still held the risk of hurting someone I cared for. Namely, Matt. In time though, I had hoped to gain control before L chose who his successor would be. It wouldn't look very good if L's successor was always cursing at his clients because of their religious beliefs.