Grabity!

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Five, Part Three: Out and About with Hatake Kakashi
By Kaori

Kakashi didn't wake up until the middle of the afternoon. Why get up when you don't have to? After the usual routine of stretching, scratching, and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he zombie walked to the bathroom to finally start his day.

Halfway through his shower he heard knocking at his door. Seeing as none of his friends ever came through the door and the cleaning lady only comes on Monday's, it could only be the landlord.

"Hatake!" he yelled. "I know yer in dere, ya bobo I kin hear de shower runnin'! Get out here and pay me mah rent!"

Hatake Kakashi was not well-liked by the landlord, Hao Mai-Sun. The silver-haired man had incurred the wrath of the balding Taiwanese after wondering out loud why the hell the older man had a thick Jamaican accent. Long story short it was the end result of speech therapy gone wrong and Mr. Hao is extremely sensitive about it.

Kakashi had not been warned beforehand about Mr. Hao's sensitivity and the ninja had been on the landlord's shit list ever since. If his rent isn't paid in full by midnight on the day it was due, Mr. Hao comes banging on the door; like now.

"HATAKE!" BANG BANG BANG! "Don' mek me get mah keys!" To his satisfaction, he could hear the tumblers on the locks turning and the bolts turning back. The door opened just a crack, but instead of the lazy-looking young man he had been expecting, there was a green-eyed blonde woman instead; and she was only wearing a towel.

"You must be Mr. Hao." Said the woman. "Kakashi's not here right now but he left me the rent. If you'll just give me a moment…"

Mr. Hao watched, mesmerized as the girl turned around seemingly in slow motion…and the towel got caught on the door.

"Yeek!" the girl desperately tried to cover herself but it was too late, Mr. Hao had seen everything and was still staring. "You pervert!" she started throwing things at him.

"No! Wait! (ouch) I didn't mean tuh (ouch) look! Put down de en' table! ACK!" when it was clear that she wasn't listening to him (i.e. when she prepared to throw the couch), he made a run for it.

The naked girl turned into a fully clothed Hatake Kakashi. "Well, I guess I need to buy a new end table." He said.

Since he had to go downtown to the furniture store anyway, he decided that he may as well drop off his dry cleaning on the way. After thoroughly going through all his pants pockets for loose change and the occasional phone number, he bundled all the clothes into a pillowcase and headed out.

The streets were crowded and the subway even more so. Thankfully, a ninja can travel by less conventional means to get from place to place. Most people don't notice ninja walking on the telephone wires; mostly because ninja are fast bastards, but also because people seldom look up.

He made it to the dry cleaner's in record time.

"Good afternoon 'Patra." Kakashi greeted the bored-looking girl behind the counter.

"Hey Kakashi, haven't seen you in a while. You been busy?"

Kakashi hefted the pillowcase onto the counter and started taking out his uniforms while making idle chitchat.

"Okay, you can pick up your clothes on Friday." 'Patra said, handing him the laundry ticket.

"My thanks. Now that that's out of the way what are you doing tonight sweet Cleopatra?" purred Kakashi grabbing her hands. She swatted him.

"Get out of here you old pervert!"

"I'm not old…" he said as he exited; her laughter ringing in his ears. He smiled. Ah, the sound of a pretty girl laughing…he could listen to it for hours.

The furniture store wasn't very far from the dry cleaner's and it took him less than twenty minutes to get there.

Sosumi's Furniture Store; he'd bought all of his furniture from this place. Their merchandise was high quality, but affordable. Plus, there was another reason he liked this particular store so much…

"Kyaah! Kakashiiiii!" squealed a bikini-clad brunette in the pool furniture section.

All the salesgirls dressed in outfits relating to the furniture they were selling.

"Hi Linda." Smiled Kakashi.

"We haven't seen you in months! Hey girls, look who's here!"

Three more salesgirls came out of the other areas in the store. A platinum blonde in a maid's outfit from the dining furniture section, a strawberry blonde in a negligee from the bedroom furniture section, and another brunette in a short skirt and tank top from the living room furniture section.

"Oh!" exclaimed the salesgirl in the negligee. "Kakashi would it kill you to stop by and visit?"

"Now Janet, if I came by all the time you girls would never miss me and your boss would think I'm a stalker."

"You could still call." Pouted the platinum blonde.

"All right you've got me there. But Michelle, you can call me too…" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively causing the girls to giggle.

"All flirting aside, what can we do for you?" asked the other brunette.

"I'm so glad you asked, because I actually need your help Francis."

"Oh?"

"Yes, my end table met with an unfortunate accident this morning and I am in need of a replacement." He suddenly appeared behind her. "I'm looking for something…sturdy." He whispered that last part in her ear as he ran a finger up her spine. Predictably she shivered.

"Follow me round the back and let's see if something…entices you."

Fifteen minutes later, Kakashi had paid for his new end table and was exiting the store. Francis guaranteed it would be delivered first thing in the morning.

And no, nothing indecent happened in the back of the store...except in Kakashi's little fantasy world.

"I should really break my furniture more often." Thought Kakashi, as the cute salesgirls waved at him from the door. "Let's see, if I hurry I should be able to rent some porn before I have to get changed to meet up with Gai, Anko, and Asuma at the bar…"

Tell the truth, how many of you were actually expecting Kakashi to do normal things on his day off? Next scroll we take a look at the Ninja Resources Department because apparently there isn't enough Itachi in this story… (sounds of Sasuke cursing the authoress)