Thank you so much for the lovely review. This upcoming chapter was a hard one. Please R&R if you can.
Easy spent the majority of their day reinforcing the foxholes once more after the mortar attacks destroyed their previous hard work.
The sun was just completely set when Jaclyn decided she was done for the day. She hopped into the foxhole next to Luz. He looked at her, but she closed her eyes immediately, wrapping her arms around herself. She had been quiet since Guarnere and Toye were taken away.
Luz sighed. "Mack," he murmured.
She waited a beat before opening her eyes. "Hmm?"
Luz sighed again, taking off his helmet and running a hand through his hair. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you for whatever you need." She was silent again, but she didn't turn away. "Even if you need someone to beat up, I can take it." She grinned softly.
Encouraged, he added. "Or if you just need to talk out loud. I know my thoughts sometimes eat me up. I can't stand you sufferin', doll."
Jaclyn looked into his eyes a long time before she leaned over and hugged him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, their cheeks pressed against one another.
Luz grinned, breathing in her scent. She pulled back until they were only parted by a few inches. His eyes grazed over her face, landing on her lips. "Do I need the code word?"
Rolling her eyes, she closed the gap and kissed him. Pulling away, she drawled, "I look forward to the day that you take the reigns and kiss me already, Luz. Code word or no code word."
Luz's grin deepened as she maneuvered back to his side. He fought the urge to touch his fingertips to his lips.
"George?"
He looked back at her, as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "Does your offer include a cup of coffee? I think Lip was making some."
He smiled lopsidedly at her. "Absolutely. Whatever my lady so desires."
"Dangerous concept." She gave him a wink.
"Tell me about it."
He leaned over and kissed the top of her head before standing up. "Mind jumping in with Perco and Malarkey while I'm gone? You'll freeze otherwise." She grunted, but nodded, already shivering. Hate when he is right. She stood and plopped down next to their neighbors, draping her peacoat over herself as a blanket.
Luz grinned, before walking away in search of Lipton. She hates it when I'm right.
He walked across the camp, asking around for Lipton until he spotted the first sergeant in the distance about twenty yards away. About halfway from his destination, he saw Muck and Penkala. Another mortar strike started again before he could even say a word.
The first blast came from behind him, blinding him with dirt and snow. He only had one thought, Mack. He rubbed his eyes, clearing them. Even from the distance, he could see her wide eyes and her mouth silently screaming to him. Another blast to his left knocked him off his feet.
She waved her hand, as if in slow motion, for him to move forward. She was too far away, and she had Perconte and Malarkey. He turned back and looked towards Muck and Penkala, starting to crawl his way to their foxhole. He saw Lipton in the corner of his eye, screaming to everyone to find cover.
Jaclyn watched, holding her breath as Luz crawled slowly to safety. Come on, she urged silently. Please make it. Please get there.
The ground exploded everywhere. Malarkey and Perconte tried to get her to cover her head and duck, but she refused. She had to make sure Luz got to Muck and Penkala. Please God. Not him.
The sound of whistling increased as three shells struck at the same time. Jaclyn watched in horror as they hit like dominoes, down her line of sight and towards Luz. She caught one last glimpse of him, so close to his friends, when the closest one to her hit, throwing her back against Perconte and Malarkey.
Her ears rang and the air had been pushed out of her lungs. She sat dazed for what only seemed like a moment, but when she sat up again to look over the edge of the trench, in front of her was nothing. No Muck. No Penkala. And no Luz.
She felt a scream pierce her throat as she clawed her way out of the foxhole, her coat being pushed aside in her frenzy. She felt hands grab at her, pulling her back.
"Jackie, no! You can't go out there!" screamed Malarkey. She snarled, kicking at him to release her. He hung on, but barely.
"You have to stay here. They're still bombing us!" added Perconte, but he was silenced when the bottom of her palm met with his nose. "Son of a bitch!" he cried, releasing her.
Jaclyn kicked at Malarkey again, hard, and she was free. She ran through the forest, shells detonating around her, but her eyes remained locked on the empty foxhole in front of her. No. No. No.
She stopped short at the edge, staring blankly down into the dirt and blood. Find him.
Kneeling into the mess, she started digging. Deeper and deeper, her fingernails tearing off, mixing her blood with what was already there. Find him. Dig deeper. Please find him. Tears burned her eyes, but they didn't fall.
Her fingers brushed against cold skin. Taking a gulp of air, she braced herself. Grasping it, she pulled it from the dirt to reveal a partially severed hand, half of its fingers missing.
Jaclyn dropped it as if it burned her, but her eyes remained on the body part. The image bore into her, taking the last of her sanity. Not again not again not again not again not again.
With mortars still bombing around her, a long scream left her chest and out her mouth, echoing, lost in the blasts.
Luz helped Lipton stand, making sure they stepped lightly around the dud mortar in the ground near them. Talk about a close call, he shivered. He thought briefly of Muck and Penkala, and shivered again. Two close calls.
Lipton needed to go deliver the bad news to Malarkey, Muck and Penkala's closest friend, but Luz joined him, eager to get back to Jaclyn. They arrived to the foxhole with only Perconte and Malarkey there. Perconte was trying to stop his nose from bleeding.
"Where's Mack?" he said, his voice hitching in his throat.
"She broke my fucking nose," said Perconte thickly.
Malarkey looked up to Luz. "We tried to stop her, George. She went after you."
Alarmed, Luz turned from them and ran, retracing his last steps during the attack. His eyes scanned the area frantically, searching for any sign of her. He was about to call out, when he spotted a small shape crouching ahead of him. It was in the foxhole that was hit and killed his friends.
Jaclyn sat there, her arms wrapped around her knees in nothing but her OD jacket. Her eyes stared down at something on the ground. Luz was sure it probably belonged to Muck or Penkala.
He knelt down next to her side. "Mack?"
Her eyes remained locked on the ground, but her white lips were moving, speaking, without sound. Luz noticed her bloodied fingers covered in dirt and he swallowed hard.
"Jackie, can you look at me, sweetheart?" he asked softly.
She didn't answer, but he thought he heard her whisper "Gone. Gone. Gone." He swallowed again before removing his peacoat and draping it over her shoulders. He shifted to kneel directly in front of her, trying to ignore the pieces in the foxhole.
"Mack? It's George."
Gone. Gone. Gone. She felt warmth surround her and she could smell him. The scent stopped her for a moment, and she breathed deeply. Something blocked the hand from her view.
Gone. Gone. Gone. She heard his name. Or maybe she said it aloud. She tried it. "George," she whispered through numbed lips.
Luz nodded, his heart bursting at the response. He placed both hands on either side of her face, but she continued to look down. "That's right. It's George."
"George." Gone. Gone. Gone.
He nodded again, encouraged. "Look at me, Mack. I need to see that you're OK." He gently tilted her head up to look into her eyes.
Jaclyn felt his hands on her face, savoring the feeling, trying to memorize it for later. His skin was cold and rough, but his touch was beyond gentle. Gone. Gone. Gone.
She lifted her eyes and she saw him. Strange, death didn't seem to alleviate the pain in his eyes. Her eyes raked over his face, trying to remember every detail. She thanked God for this small gift, this final hallucination.
She reached out a shaky hand to see if she could touch his face. She could. It almost felt real. "George," she croaked. She stroked his face with her fingers. "George," she said, again. Her face twisted. "Gone."
Luz closed his eyes to her touch, thanking God that she was OK. Then he heard her whisper. Shaking his head, he forced her to look into his eyes. "No, I'm right here. Look, I'm right here."
Her brow wrinkled as she tried to process this. "Then...then I'm dead too?" Gone together.
His heart broke then, seeing the relief in her eyes. A raw acid threatened to choke him. He tried to push it down. "No, sweetheart. No, you're not dead. We're both alive."
"We...you're...alive?"
He nodded, kissing her forehead. He leaned his against her, closing his eyes. "Yes. I'm here, Mack. I'm right here. We're both going to be fine."
Her breath hitched in her throat. Her surroundings, the world started to become clearer. She looked down and saw the hand again and recoiled.
He felt her stiffen, knowing she was coming back to him, back to this hellhole. Quickly, he gathered her in his arms and found another empty foxhole. Wrapping his coat tigher around her, he coaxed her to his chest, bundling her up. Slowly, he felt her thaw.
A moan of pain started deep in her chest as flashes of the attack mixed in with memories of her past. They started to mix together, blending into one giant nightmare. The moan made its way into her throat and out of her mouth.
Jaclyn couldn't remember the last time she had cried. She honestly thought all her tears had been used up. But when she felt the hot liquid course down her face, she couldn't stop it. Like the moans in her chest, the tears needed to get out.
Luz bit his lip when he heard her cry out. All he could do was hold her tighter, allowing her to let go. He'd never seen her lose control before. If he thought his heart was broken before, it was smashed now listening to her.
He crooned to her, speaking nonsense, and brushing her hair back with his hand. Her tears dampened his neck, but still she tried to crawl closer to him. Her pain became his pain.
The other soldiers could hear her crying, but they stayed away, knowing that Luz had her. They weren't stupid or blind - it was obvious that there was something between them, more than the friendship that they had with her.
It took a long time before Jaclyn calmed down enough to think clearly. Tears still ran down her face, but she was able to catch her breath. Luz became silent, knowing somehow that's what she needed at that moment.
She took a deep breath against his chest. "When I was still a pilot," she started, before having to clear her throat, "my regiment and I were called upon to bomb and fight in Italy." She stared blankly ahead, flashes of memories blinding her.
"The fascists were almost as bad as the krauts. They held no mercy, even when we would stupidly give some to them." Jaclyn took another deep breath, taking in his scent again, giving her strength to speak the words she never had before.
"It was a massacre. My friends..." Luz tightened his arms around her. "...they were gone. Almost all of them. And I didn't even get wounded." He wanted to scream to her that it wasn't her fault, but he bit his lip, stopping himself.
Get it out, Jackie. "I only had William left." She stopped, her breath leaving her, not able to continue. Saying his name was too much. Not yet. I can't, not yet.
Luz didn't press her to explain who William was, whether a brother, lover, or friend. He could tell she wasn't ready to explain him or what had happened to him yet. It's OK. You don't have to. It's OK.
He felt a shift in her tone before she continued. "Whomever I meet, whomever I get close to, they seem to die." Gone.
Luz couldn't hold back this time. He tilted her chin up with a finger so that he could look into her eyes. They were dry, but bloodshot and glassy. He spoke softly, but made sure that his voice was clear. "Their deaths are not your fault. Do you hear me?" Listen to me, Mack. Please listen.
She stared up at him and nodded. You're wrong.
He could tell he didn't convince her. He sighed. "I'm not going anywhere, Jaclyn Mackenzie. You can't get rid of me that easy." Stop being so goddamn stubborn and listen.
She looked at him for another moment before leaning back against his chest, listening to the miracle of his heart beating beneath her ear. You can't know that.
Before the sun had a chance to fully rise, Jaclyn was awake. She gently took off his coat and slipped out of his arms, trying not to wake him. She laid it across him, taking a moment to caress his chest.
Her eyes stared at his face for a long time, attempting to memorize every laugh line and freckle. With a breath, she stood and walked from the foxhole and towards battalion.
Get close, get hurt.
Jaclyn walked towards where she knew to find Winters. He was thankfully awake, about to shave.
He silently took in her disheveled appearance and red eyes. He could hear her crying last night as well. "Jackie."
She stood stiffly in front of him, her eyes hard and determined. "Sir, I'd like to request a mission."