Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has continued to read this story. It fills me with so much joy to see how many people are enjoying it. My hope is to finish this story over the next few weeks as I'm on holidays from work. So, fingers crossed I can dedicate a lot of my time to writing this FanFiction. Please, enjoy this chapter but have no fear, there is still much more to come to give this story the ending it deserves.

The Nightmare of Living

Rose's POV

My breakdown had been ugly. Not in an unattractive way – though I suppose having my face turn red and puffy, tears covering my face and snot undoubtedly running from my nose wasn't the most attractive. I mean ugly as in; I'd had a full mental breakdown minus the rocking back and forth in a darkened room muttering to myself. In fact, it was so ugly that even after the long car ride back to base my tears hadn't stopped flowing. Dimitri still held me in his arms, whispering words of comfort, not reassurance though. He knew better. We all did. The chances of every getting Lissa back were so low they didn't even register.

Even once we'd arrived Dimitri quietly removed me from the car and carried me to the motel room they'd assigned to me right near our set up. My brain felt fried from all the crying, so I didn't even protest being manhandled into my room. I didn't complain when Dimitri drew closed my curtains, flicked on the bedside lamp and began tucking me into bed. He even took off my shoes. For some reason, that's what my brain decided to focus on – the shoes. They had splatters of blood on them from our fight into the warehouse. My eyes stayed locked onto those until Dimitri crouched beside my head, effectively snapping my focus. My eyes finally met his.

His eyes were as beautiful as ever, yet they were ringed with so much sorrow.

He had loved Lissa in his own way. She was the one who had miraculously saved his life, the one he had promised to protect always. I knew he blamed himself for losing her, even though Lissa had made those decisions alone. I blamed myself too.

"Get some sleep, Roza." He whispered. "I'll be right next door if you need me." His eyes showed his reluctance to leave my side. And despite the past few weeks, the memory-losing and then suddenly regaining, our broken love and trust, the heartache I felt every time I looked at him… I found my hand suddenly reaching for his arm, stopping him before he could leave me.

"Please," my voice croaked after hours of disuse. "Stay."

Despite the grief that had overcome both of us today I saw a faint glimmer of happiness cross Dimitri's eyes at my request. I knew we should both be getting debriefed and letting everyone know about Lissa, but I also knew Oliver would take care of that. He would let them know everything and soon they would be dispatching Guardians to hunt down our former Princess. I knew I should get up, but I couldn't bring myself to move.

Dimitri shed his shirt, pants and shoes. And once he was in nothing but his boxers he climbed under the blankets and rested his stomach against my back, encircling me in his arms. I closed my eyes and breathed in his familiar scent. Somehow, his presence settled my mind and gave me a small sense of peace. Not much, but enough that I was able to close my eyes and drift into sleep. His presence wasn't enough to keep the nightmares away.

Dimitri's POV

When morning arrived Rose and I reluctantly climbed from the bed we'd shared. She wouldn't meet my eyes but I didn't see regret on her face, just an overwhelming amount of loss and confusion. Her eyes were unfocused like she was still seeing the events that had transpired the previous night unfolding before her.

I'd dreamt of Lissa.

Of the red-ringed eyes and the venomous look that she'd cast at us before she strode from the room, issuing our death warrant. It had been a terrifying sight. I could still feel the way my heart had stuttered upon seeing our delicate Princess standing alongside those monsters, not just a prisoner but one of them. Our sweet, innocent Lissa.

I knew what she would face during her existence as a Strigoi. The terrible things she would do. I almost wished we'd been able to follow her last night and end her suffering before it began…but we had been severely outnumbered. We would have been slaughtered if we didn't flee.

"Rose…" I kept my voice soft, comforting. Her eyes snapped to mine like she'd suddenly remembered my presence. I couldn't read the expression on her face. I normally could, but she had concealed her feelings behind the stoic Guardian mask we all learnt to wear.

"I'm going to shower." Her voice was even, unwavering. "And then we'll assemble everyone and plan our next move."

Before I could utter a word she had disappeared into the bathroom with a change of clothes. I let out a sigh, running my hands through my hair. This was not the time for her to close off her feelings. I knew we were trained this way, and for a reason, but I didn't know what would happen to Rose if she bottled them up for too long. Defeated, I stood and headed to my own shower. Judging by the determined look on Rose's face we'd have a long day ahead of us.

Adrian's POV

Motels were great. I mean, what other place has a little fridge full of alcohol? Granted, they were tiny bottles and I eventually had to leave the comforts of my room to find a liquor store, but it was helpful all the same. I cracked open my new bottle of whiskey the second my motel door closed behind me.

"Where's my cup?" I asked the empty room. My eyes wouldn't focus on my surroundings and I gave up my search right after it started. No one was here to complain about me drinking from the bottle anyway.

I plopped on the couch. It was a faded jade colour, not the best and certainly not that comfortable but it would do. I could barely feel my body anyway. With a sigh I lifted the bottle to my lips, taking a swig. I was surprised to see ten little bottles lining the coffee table in front of me. I didn't realise I'd already drunk so much, but hey…it wasn't any day you lost one of your best friends.

My mind didn't want to think about it. But Lissa's face kept surfacing in my mind no matter how much alcohol I tried to bury it under. Lissa…she was a Strigoi now. A damned Strigoi. I still couldn't make sense of it. How could this happen? I'd almost prefer it if they'd taken her life completely so she wouldn't have to live with the agony she must be facing now. But wasn't that the way life went? It just screwed you over and over and over again until you couldn't get back up.

But why her?

She was the most powerful spirit user I'd met, and ironically one of the only people who could save her now. The only other spirit user we knew of that had saved a Strigoi before was Robert…but he'd disappeared a long time ago. And me…well, I couldn't even save myself. I was useless. I'd never had the power Lissa had. I'd never been able to do much of anything.

I wiped at my tired eyes and realised with a start that they were wet.

Was I crying? Yes…I was crying.

I let out a bitter laugh.

Christian's POV

I couldn't sleep. I'd sat in my room all night reliving the moment my world shattered around me. The moment I knew that the future I'd had carefully mapped out in my head for so long had been crushed. All my hopes had been tied to Lissa. She had been everything good in my life for so long and now that had been ripped away. And for what?

She'd left. She didn't even say goodbye before she went walking through the woods at night. She'd had no protection when she'd stumbled upon a group of Strigoi. All because she was in a rush to find Rose when she didn't even want to be found.

I was so angry, at her, at Rose…at myself.

I just...needed her. I needed Lissa in my life for it to make sense because right now nothing did. It didn't feel like anything would ever make sense again. Ever since I saw her standing there, with her corpse-pale skin and red-ringed eyes, an ache had formed in my chest that wouldn't go away. A pain that said I'd lost her forever and now my heart was being ripped in two. The worst part was; I couldn't stop it. We could fix what had been done. At least, I doubted we could. Adrian was the only spirit user here and…well, he wasn't the most reliable nor was he the strongest. Lissa had always been the one who was stronger than everyone…but she couldn't save herself.

A knock sounded on my door and with a deep sigh, I rose to open it.

"Rose," I said in surprise. I'd seen her breakdown earlier…but now it looked like that never happened. She'd gotten dressed and scrubbed any trace of her feelings from her face.

"We're about to hold a meeting. We need you there." No emotion crossed her face or entered her voice. I felt envious of her because no matter how much I tried I couldn't get a handle on my own emotions. They battled within me, tearing me apart.

I nodded and followed her from the room.

Please review and let me know your thoughts on this chapter. And tune in for the next one "Murder and Mayhem," which will begin to show the new and not so improved Lissa - this should be posted in the next few days.