A/N: I know these last few chapters have been pretty sad, but I promise it's going to get happier!

(Near P.O.V)

I won't lie to you, A's death was the first I'd ever witnessed. His was the first funeral I went to, and still I didn't cry. I suppose I wanted to look brave for L and Mello, but I felt more pain the more I held it all in. Mello hadn't cried, neither had L, but I suppose that was their natures. They've both been through so much it's close to impossible to feel anguish or pain. But maybe that was just my imagination. A five year olds own deduction. Maybe it wasn't that far off.

When I was alone I cried… only a little though. A would have been first to succeed L had it not been for me. I suppose I felt guilty that he took his own life because of the pressure. The pressure I created the moment I stepped foot into the Wammy house. Even Mello was being pressured because of me. I sometimes wondered if he'd end up the same way. I didn't like that thought.

Mello was strong, and I was not. Yet somehow I knew he was intimidated by me. It took me a short time to rise to the top, whereas it took him a few months, if not years. I knew for a fact that he hated me for it… but what could I do? I was smart and in a place where it was looked highly upon. I would've thought Mello would like me for that. Instead, he alienated me and made sure I was always alone. It was probably the most painful time of my life.

I was alone in my room, stacking dominoes while thinking of recent events. A's death, B's attack… there was much to think about. I had built a tower of dominoes when Mello had shown up. I was glad to see him, but I did wonder why he was there. It didn't take long to find out.

"So What'cha doing?" He asked in a tone I hadn't heard from him before. It wasn't like he cared, but there was wonder.

I shrugged. Talking to people wasn't my strong suit. Every time I opened my mouth, I seemed to insult someone. It wasn't like I meant it, but it happened. I suppose I was on a level no one could comprehend.

Mello sat next to me then. I had wondered if he would kick down my tower like he had so many times in the past. I guess that was his payback for… something I did.

"I'm guessing A's was the first death you've had to go through. I could tell at his funeral how much you wanted to cry."

This wasn't like the usual way he spoke to me. He seemed to treat me like a child… an actual, normal, child. But why? Why now of all times?

I looked at him through my bangs, but he seemed to know my question before I had a chance to even think about it.

"It's not that common for you to show emotion, but when it does surface I'm able to detect it. It's like a gift or something."

I nodded again, still holding back the tears.

Compassion wasn't something Mello was known for on a regular basis, but he was kind on his own occasions. Like now for example.

He put a hand on my back. "You know, Matt cried for A. He's not ashamed of it."

"Then why didn't you?" I asked quietly. I truly did want to know what strength Mello had to keep from crying.

He shrugged. "Can't say. I don't really know myself. But that shouldn't stop you from showing some kind of emotion. If you keep things bottled up, like A did… you may wind up with the same fate."

I stared at the floor for the longest time after that. I think I was just scared to look at Mello. What would happen if I cried in front of him? Would he go telling everyone what a baby I was? I was already ostracised enough in this school, did he want to make it worse?

"Why are you here?" I asked rather rudely. I wasn't letting him get to me, especially today.

Mello sighed heavily. "Because I don't want you to end up like A or me. Constantly bottling things up until we either explode or…" He stopped before he could come close to the words. Something told me he would bring up suicide, but maybe it was just that specific day. "Look, I know and you know that I don't like you. But I won't sit back and watch kids drop one by one because no one's there to help them. L isn't around twenty-four-seven, and I doubt Roger or any other teacher can help us that easily. The Wammy house doesn't need that pressure."

I wanted to believe him. Really I did. I wanted to think he cared for all of the younger kids… that he cared for me. But something in the back of my mind just wouldn't allow me to believe it.

"Please go away, Mello."

He didn't say anything. He simply got up and head for the door. Once he closed it, I began to cry again. I was five at the time. Five, considerable genius, and in line to be L's successor. Yet, even with all that, I still didn't understand the concept of death. Perhaps I didn't want to understand it. Perhaps I wanted to believe that the world didn't have death… only life. But again… I was only five.

(Mello P.O.V)

Near was hard-headed, that was for sure, and I still hated him as much as I did, but how could I sit back and watch the little egg head suffer with his own feelings? It was cruel, to anyone really, and so I tried to talk to him. Tried to coax him into letting go and just let it out. I know how difficult it was to do that, but for someone who's so young?

I decided to leave him alone. Besides, Matt needed me more. He had felt guilty for A's death… I think we all did. None of us saw it coming, or maybe we did and we just didn't want to see it. When you're a kid, the concept of life and death is so faded you almost don't know what it is. You don't see death, you only see life. Then, once you've witnessed death, life just seems… pointless. You know it'll come someday, so why keep trying?

I suppose I shouldn't be talking like this, but it's difficult not to. Life was probably the most difficult thing to go through. To have it all end… is scary. Especially for a bunch of kids. And that's why I spoke with Near. He was five years old, and had just went through his first death. No kid should have to deal with that kind of stuff.

It was evening when Matt fell asleep in his bed. I suppose he wasn't in the mood to play video games until midnight. It did give me the chance to walk around the house in thought. Studies were postponed for a week due to A's… absence, so I would have time to study later. I had been munching on a chocolate bar when I had found the little albino sitting in the rec room staring out the window. It was the first time I saw him without any toys in his hands. He usually had those creepy finger puppets if nothing else.

I walked up to him, snapping a bit of chocolate off the main bar. He hadn't noticed me until I offered the bit to him. When all he gave me was a look of question, I simply said, "It dulls the pain. Trust me."

I think he was just too sad to argue but he took it with a small thank you. For the rest of my visit I stayed silent along with him. And for the next month and a half, I was kind to Near. At least until we all got back to the same rhythm that was the Wammy house. But even then, it was difficult to really forget the tragic event that happened to one of our own.

A, L's first in line, and best friend to B… was gone.