Can't fight this feeling

by BMShipper

Starts after Jackson and the others have passed their boards, but goes in a different direction from there... It's Mark/Jackson, but there are also other pairings, involving April, Alex, Callie, Arizona and some other characters, so just give it a try... you won't regret! The M-Rating is for a reason, by the way... XD

6. Chapter 6

A/N: At first: thanks for all your comments on our story... that really means a lot to us and we're really happy you're enjoying the journey we put Mark and Jackson on... it starts to get very „Alternative Universe" from now on (okay, it probably was from the beginning, but well...) and of course no one dies... not in this story that is... =D

Just let us know if you like what we're doing and if you want us to go on... we're already a lot „ahead" of this, so I can provide new parts every couple of days... it's up to you... =)

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark straightened up a little bit so he could look into Jackson's eyes and smiled at him.

"Why haven't we done this before?" he asked, drawing little circles on Jackson's chest. He hadn't felt this satisfied and happy in a long time.

"I have no idea," Jackson replied, looking deep into his eyes before getting up a little bit and capturing Mark's lips with his own. And Mark responded to the kiss immediately.

When he moved, he could feel himself slide out of Jackson, so he pulled him closer to his body again. He didn't want to let go just yet. He wanted to hold on to this feeling a little longer. Wanted to hold on to the afterglow they were still feeling. At least Mark was still feeling it. He was still feeling so complete with Jackson there in his arms and that was all he needed right now. Being with him.

When he finally let go of Jackson and looked down at their bodies he let out an amused laugh.

"Look what you have done," he complained with no seriousness in his voice pointing to the dry tracks of Jackson's cum that was sticking at his skin.

"I'll make it up to you," he heard Jackson say and felt him grabbing him once more, pressing his lips against Mark's.

"Sounds good," Mark mumbled into the kiss, gently stroking Jackson's back. "But maybe we should continue this at my place. What do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea," Jackson replied and that was all Mark needed to hear.

Mark opened another drawer of his desk and put out some wet tissues he had carried in there for a while now. Jackson looked at him, shaking his head grinning. "You're prepared for everything, aren't you?"

Mark grinned, too. "I told you, you never know..."

He took one of the tissues out of the box and started cleaning up himself and then Jackson, before putting them back together and lifting Jackson off his desk. He felt Jackson's legs around his hips and took a few steps around his desk until he was at his black leather chair and sitting down. Smiling, he looked Jackson deep in the eyes.

"It was really amazing with you. You were amazing," he whispered and he meant every word he said. His nose touched Jackson's and again they started kissing, but with a lot less passion than before. The kisses were just gentle and sweet and it was all Mark needed right now. For Jackson to be here with him and for him to be able to hold him tight. He still didn't know what it was between them, but he knew he was happy and he knew that he didn't want it to end.

Jackson Avery POV:

Jackson loved the afterglow.

When everything was nice and quiet and the fog of lust wasn't clouding everything.

"It was really amazing with you. You were amazing"

Jackson kissed Mark softly on his lips again. This was the very last way Jackson thought he would be finishing his night,but he wasn't going to complain. Not at all.

Disentangling himself from Mark's body Jackson stood up and went about collecting his clothes. Putting on his boxers and following that with his pants and shirt he felt Mark wrap his arms around him and give him a kiss on the neck. Jackson could get very used to this.

It was going to be complicated, but they would find a way to make it work.

"I have to get some stuff from my locker" Jackson said "I'll meet you at your car in 15" and Mark's smile and kiss let him know he agreed.

Being almost midnight the staff was sparse. One receptionist and one front desk nurse were the only people Jackson saw on his way. Luckily neither of them cared to ask him why he was at the hospital so late, not that it was either of their concern.

He was just about to walk into the locker room when he heard his name.

Turning around he was shocked to see Julia standing there. He was sure this had to be some kind of joke.

"Ju-Julia" Jackson said as he walked towards her "is everything okay?"

"I don't know Jackson" she said, her voice tinged with exhaustion and frustration "maybe you could tell me"

Don't panic

The statement kept replaying itself in Jackson's head.

"What do you mean?" Jackson kept his voice even and unwavering.

Julia's shoulders slumped and it looked like the woman was extremely tired.

"Is something going on with Mark?" she asked.

Jackson could feel himself start to panic, but he had to keep it under control.

"I wouldn't ask, but it's just I know you two have been getting pretty close lately" sitting down on one of the waiting room couches Jackson followed her and took a seat opposite her.

"He hasn't mentioned anything" Jackson said "but he's been helping me with some stuff so maybe he just didn't bring it up. Is there a problem?" Jackson asked,because no matter what, as far as Jackson knew Julia was a nice woman, which only made what he had just done that much worse.

Julia remained quiet "If you don't want to say anything I-" Jackson started to say before being cut off.

"I think I'm pregnant"

It felt like a punch in the stomach. Like all the air had just been expelled from his body and Jackson struggled to keep an even breath.

"I know me and Mark weren't near this stage and a kid could be the last thing he wants right now, but he's been avoiding me ever since I told him" Julia kept her head bowed.

Mark knew

The fact made Jackson angry and embarrassed, but most importantly it made him feel sick when he watched Julia look so sad.

"I'm sure he's just trying to figure things out" Jackson said.

"Julia?" a voice said from across the lounge and looking up Jackson and Julia watched Mark as the man looked nothing short of terrified.

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark felt so happy when Jackson left him and told him, that they will see each other in 15 minutes and he couldn't wait to see him again. What just had happened between them was maybe the most crazy thing in the world, but also the most beautiful, and he almost couldn't believe it. They had been close for a while, yes, but they had never crossed the line like that before last night. And now they just had sex and Mark couldn't feel luckier. Because Jackson let him. Jackson let him do things with him he had only imagined before, and it was great.

He was almost glowing - or at least he felt like it - when he left his office after collecting all his things and turned towards the entrance. Soon he would see Jackson again and then they would spend the night together. At his place. And tomorrow Callie would bring Sofia over and they could spend the day with his daughter. Jackson loved her, but who wouldn't? And Mark would be happy if they could spend their day off together. Almost like a real family.

Julia was completely erased out of his mind until he left the building and saw said woman sitting on a waiting bench in front of the entrace. Together with Jackson.

His stomach dropped and his heart skipped at least one beat. At least that was how it felt. He was afraid, almost terrified and he was sure he looked exactly like that. Why was she here? And why was she talking to Jackson? He stopped in his movements and just looked at them for several seconds. What, if she had told Jackson that she might be pregnant? From the look on Jackson's face, there was something completely wrong here. That was a nightmare and all Mark wanted to do right now was wake up and make things right, but he had done exactly the opposite. Instead of talking to Julia before anything had happened with Jackson, he had cheated on a maybe pregnant woman. His girlfriend.

His "former self" would have just shrugged it off and tried to get out of this situation somehow, his former self maybe wouldn't have given a shit, but he had changed over the past few weeks and months. He wasn't the playboy without a conscience anymore, and he damn well cared for the people he hung out with. Especially Julia and Jackson.

Slowly he moved closer and stopped in front of the bench.

"Hi," he started, and the look in Jackson's eyes almost killed him. So angry, so disappointed, amost disgusted.

"Hi?" Jackson repeated and moved to his feet. "Hi? That's all you have to say? I think you can do better than that, Mark. And you should." He shook his head before looking at Mark again. "I thought you were better than that. I thought..." he started, but stopped mid-sentence. Maybe because he didn't want to cause any more trouble for Mark, even though Mark knew he deserved it. He deserved a slap in the face and he deserved to be exposed like that, but Jackson wasn't like that. Jackson was so much better, and right now he felt like he didn't deserve him at all.

"How could you..." Jackson started when he had managed to compose himself. "How could you not tell me Julia might be pregnant? I thought we were friends and you know I would have listened to you. You should have said something."

"I know I should, and I'm really sorry, Jackson. Please, let me explain," Mark almost begged.

Jackson rolled his eyes. "I don't think there is something to explain. You need to be there for your girlfriend right now and not abandon her like that. What kind of person are you, Mark? I thought you were better. I thought you were an honest man, but obviously I was wrong. You're nothing that I thought you are." And with those words, Jackson turned away and Mark felt a deep desperation building within him.

Aprubtly he grabbed Jackson's wrist and turned him around. "Don't go, Jackson. Please! Please don't go. I need you."

"You should have thought about this before," Jackson replied coldly and broke away. "Good night, Mark." And just like that he went away, leaving Mark with Julia.

It took Mark a moment to be able to face Julia again, but then he did and there were tears in her yes. "Do you love him?" she asked out of the blue and Mark felt cornered. There was no easy way out of this.

He most likely had lost Jackson right after something beautiful had started and his heart was broken, but he tried to hide it. He didn't want Julia to know.

"What are you talking about?" Mark asked on that account.

"The way you looked at him... that wasn't the way you would look at a friend," Julia stated. "I know we've only been together for six months, but I'm not stupid and I can see it in your eyes. And I deserve this much of honesty, don't you think?"

Mark nodded slowly. "I'm... I'm really so sorry, Julia... I didn't mean for it to happen... and after you told me you might be pregnant, I just couldn't deal with it... I thought I had messed up my life once again. This was everything I did not want to happen. Again. It was the same when Callie got pregnant with Sofia. It destroyed almost everything. Things between Callie and Arizona were very bad back then and my relationship with Lexie, if there still was something, was doomed from this moment on as well." he said. "Lexie recently told me, she still loves me, but in this moment I knew that I don't love her anymore. And then it sank in, that I didn't love you either... it was the same day you told me you might be pregnant... the same night... and I went to a bar and drank and Jackson picked me up and when he did, everything was... clear all of a sudden... like the fog had faded away and I could see what I wanted. Him." This was the first time he was honest like that, but it felt good to let it all out.

"Why didn't you tell me? You had two days, and I really needed you, Mark." Julia's desperate voice brought Mark back to reality.

"I'm so so sorry, Julia. I never meant to hurt you, and believe me when I say, that I was really happy with you. You helped me really grow up and I will never forget that, but I just... I can't be with you any longer." Wow, that felt even better. To let it all out and finally tell the truth, even though it broke Julia's heart. Mark could see it.

"Okay..." Julia replied while tears were running down her face. "That's it, then?"

Mark swallowed hard. He wanted to touch her and streched his hand, but when Julia took a step back, he pulled his hand back as well. She obviously didn't want to be touched by him and he couldn't blame her for that.

"I think so... but if you're really pregnant, I will be there for you and the kid. I will do everything and anything so you have a good life," Mark promised.

Julia shook her head. "You don't need to. I'm a doctor, I have money myself and I can take care of a baby."

"I know," Mark cut her off. "I really know, but I mean, this is my baby, too, and I want to be it's father. I can't change how evverything went down anymore, but I wanna make at least that right."

"I know," Julia finally said. "I'll see a gynaekologist and tell you as soon as I know something..."

"Okay," Mark replied and then Julia left as well, and Mark was alone. His knees went weak and he had to sit down on the bench. It was like every last drop of power had left his body and he just wanted to lay down and cry, but he wouldn't do that here. He just needed a moment to compose himself, so he could go home and do just that.

Jackson Avery POV:

"So tell me Dr. Avery, what makes you want to work at Miami General?"

Jackson had thought his interview days were over. Passing the boards and being confident of his future at Seattle Jackson forgot how much he hated the whole process.

Milton Brynes looked affable and pleasant as he waited for Jackson to answer. It was obvious the man and his hospital were more then happy to welcome Jackson, this was just part of the routine.

"I want an opportunity to work at a place that can let me hone my skills to the best of their ability" Jackson said. He made sure to smile and look as earnest as possible when repeating the line he had practiced with Alex as the two flew down to Miami.

"You seem to do very well at Seattle Grace" Milton said "I hear Mark Sloan has taught you well"

The name caused Jackson to inwardly cringe. It had been a week since that night with Julia and Jackson hadn't seen or spoken to the man since then.

Milton was right however. Mark had taught him a lot, but it was nothing Jackson wanted to learn.

"Mark is a great surgeon, one of the best I've ever seen" Jackson told Milton "but I need to grow out of his shadow, see what I can do on my own"

Nodding his head Milton seemed impressed by the answer.

"Thank you for your honesty" Milton said "and I'm confident in telling you that Miami General would be lucky to have you"

"Thank you, sir"

"You should hear an official word in a couple days" Milton said and stood up to shake Jackson's hand.

Walking Jackson to the door Milton opened it "Once again, it was a pleasure to meet you"

"Likewise Dr. Brynes"

Alex was sitting at the coffee bar waiting for Jackson to finish his interview.

Walking into the bar Jackson took the empty stool that was beside the man.

"So, how did it go?" Alex asked.

Raising his hand to catch the waitress's attention Jackson looked at Alex "They pretty much offered me the position already, just have to wait for the official word" Jackson told him.

"Same" Alex said "can you believe this is actually happening?"

"Not really" Jackson said.

"It'll be good, though" Alex took another sip of his drink "new beginnings and all that, I'm going to miss Seattle, but there is a lot of shit I'm happy to leave behind"

Jackson was aware of his habit of getting lost in his own issues. Looking at Alex and seeing the solemn way the man said his last statement Jackson knew it wasn't just him that needed to start over.

That hospital had cost Alex a wife and gave him a bullet. If Alex could see this as a positive step forward then so could Jackson.

Once the waitress brought Jackson his drink he held it up towards Alex.

"To new beginnings" Jackson said.

"To new beginnings" Alex repeated and clinked his cup with Jackson's.

"I'm not looking forward to breaking the news to Hunt, Robbins, or Sloan though" Alex said "something tells me they won't be overjoyed"

"Probably not" Jackson said. A part of Jackson wanted to run as far as possible, but another part was still going to miss Seattle. Even with all the bad stuff that the city had given him.

"But tonight is for South Beach" Alex said "I want to get the full Miami experience"

"Hear, Hear" Jackson said and held up his cup again. Tonight was going to be filled with no thoughts of Seattle, the hospital, or Mark Sloan.

That could all be saved for their flight back in the morning.

Mark Sloan POV:

One week. One fucking week and he had barely even seen Jackson. Jackson didn't reply to his messages and he didn't take his calls, always only rejected his calls, and it hurt Mark. He didn't even give him the chance to explain anything - not that there would have really been much to explain, but Mark had been in an unusual situation, a situation he hadn't been able to deal with before things with Jackson happened.

Cheating on Julia was wrong, and he knew it, but in this moment, in this very special moment with Jackson, he just hadn't thought about it, because he had felt so close to him. and now he probably would never get the chance to talk to him again. Because Jackson flatout avoided and rejected him. He had even worked with Hunt for a day or two, even though Mark just knew plastics was Jackson's "home"... Plastics was what the younger doc wanted.

"Can I talk to you for a sec, Doctor Sloan?" Hunt's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he looked up at his chief.

"Sure," he replied, putting down the chart he was holding in his hands and handing it to the nurse in front of the counter.

"I need to know about Avery," Hunt statet and Mark felt his stomach flip.

"About Avery?" he asked hoarsely, looking at him nervously. He tried his best not to show how he really felt, but in a situation like that it was almost impossible. Did Hunt know anything? Did anyone know what had been going on between them? Had Jackson told anyone that they had sex?

"Yeah, about his options. I thought he was about to stay here, but he is in Miami for another job interview. I thought they were done with this? Didn't you tell me you would do everything to keep him here?" Hunt sounded pretty reproachful and Mark didn't even know what to answer him, since this was news for him. He hadn't even known that Jackson was up for interviews again and he definitely hadn't arranged that for him. He must have done it himself.

"I... I did, but I guess he... he wants to stand on his own feet. I think he doesn't want to be second best the whole time. He would always be underneath me and I think as an Avery he doesn't want this," Mark tried to sound confident, but he wasn't anymore. He had done everything wrong, and now it probably was too late to fix anything.

"Okay... let me know as soon as you know more whether he stays or goes, because if he leaves I need to hire someone new." Hunt said, patting Mark's should while passing him by.

"I will," Mark replied, feeling like all his energy had left his body all of a sudden. So Avery really wanted to go, and it was all because of him. He was sure it was because of the things that happened between them. He already lost him, but now he would lose him completely, not even being able to see him anymore.

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. "Fuck!" he cursed, trying to stay calm but failing miserably.

"Mark, are you okay?" a familiar voice came from in front of him.

Mark opened his eyes to look at Callie. "Sure. I'm just tired. Everything's fine," he lied, but of course Callie didn't buy it.

"You don't look tired. You look sad," she stated, gently rubbing his arm. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong between you and Avery? maybe I can help?"

Mark looked at her, shocked. "What?"

A small smile appeared on Callie's lips. "Come on, Mark, I'm not stupid. Ever since Avery doesn't work under your service anymore, it's like you're not complete. Like you miss a part you didn't know was there before."

"How poetic," Mark said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Be as rude as you want, but I know what I see, and I know you. You should talk to him." Callie replied.

Mark shook his head. "It's too late. He might go to Miami and never come back." he took a look at his watch. "And I have to go now, I have a surgery soon." With these words he turned around and left Callie in the hallway just like that. He didn't want to shut her out completely, but he also wasn't ready to talk to her about Jackson, even though he knew at some point he probably would. She already felt that it had something to do with him, but he needed time to deal with it himself before he could talk to anyone about him.

At least Julia wasn't pregnant. Mark had never felt so relieved, but when she had called him two days ago that it had been false alarm, he had been just glad that he had one thing less to worry about.

Jackson Avery POV:

South Beach more then lived up to it's reputation.

A boardwalk that sat on one of the most beautiful beaches Jackson had ever seen. The place was lined with restaurants and clubs that all seemed to bleed into one another and gave the illusion that it was one giant party.

Alex was already enjoying the festivities. Drinking his third beer and talking to some pretty brunette who went by the name Emily.

Sitting on the beach with a beer of his own Jackson was enjoying the night breeze. He could get used to this city. It was nice and uncomplicated.

Miami General had one of the best Plastic Surgery programs in the company and Jackson was happy that he would be chosen to be a part of it.

Feeling his phone buzzing signaling a text Jackson took it out of his pocket and looked at the name.

Mark.

He had been avoiding all contact with the man since that night one week ago. He worked with Alex and then moved on to working with Hunt in the pit.

It was easier to avoid the situation all together, but Jackson still couldn't stop himself from reading the message Mark sent.

"I'm so sorry" the text read "please just give me 5 minutes to let me explain"

Shutting his phone off Jackson shook his head. There was nothing to explain. Mark had a pregnant girlfriend and ignored that fact in order to fuck Jackson on his overpriced desk.

Feeling himself start to become overcome with anger Jackson stood up and decided to get another drink. His flight wasn't until late in the morning. Jackson could get a nice buzz tonight.

Walking towards the bar closest to the beach Jackson was about to enter when he heard his name being called. Turning around it took a second for Jackson to recognize the tall figure walking towards him.

Once the man got closer and Jackson got a look at the man's face he couldn't believe it.

"Tyler?" Jackson asked "what in the hell are you doing in Miami?"

Tyler Browing stood in front of Jackson with a wide smile "I should ask you the same thing"

It had to have been 5 years since Jackson saw the man who stood before him. What kind of weird happenstance would bring the man back into his life now.

"I was just interviewing for a job at Miami General" Jackson told Tyler.

"How did it go?"

"Nailed it" Jackson said with a smile.

"That's my boy" Tyler responded "I owe you a celebratory drink".

Jackson hesitated. This had all the makings of a really bad decision. Before Jackson could say anything another text vibrated his phone and grabbing it once again he saw Mark's name.

To hell with it Jackson thought as he shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"Sounds like fun" Jackson said and let Tyler lead him to the bar.

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark was so glad he had managed to get through the day without going crazy. Ever since he knew Jackson was in Miami for another job interview, he was not the same anymore. He was afraid, Jackson might really leave him. Leave Seattle Grace Mercy West.

If he did, it was all on him and he knew it. He almost had Jackson ready for staying and one fucking mistake had changed anything. Everything. Even though it didn't feel like a mistake. It still felt more real than anything else Mark hat felt in a long time and he didn't want to end it like this. If Jackson really had to go, he wanted it to at least end on a good note, so that they at least would say good-bye like they should. He hadn't invested the past few months in the younger man for nothing now. He had taught him everything he knew and now Jackson would leave without even telling him?

Mark grabbed his coat and left the hospital. He made his way to Joe's bar and sat down at the counter to order some Tequila, remembering where that had led him last time, but he did it nevertheless.

He was already on his fifth, when he finally grabbed his mobile phone and started to write a message to Jackson.

"I'm so sorry... please just give me 5 minutes to let me explain"

He didn't really expect an answer, but when nothing happened after several minutes, he still felt disappointed and sad. Why did it have to end like that? Why couldn't they at least talk it out? He made a mistake by not telling Jackson that Julia might be pregnant, but everything else wasn't a mistake, and he wanted Jackson to know. He wanted Jackson to know that he broke up with Julia and that he wanted to be with him. Badly.

He ordered another few drinks until he could get himself to write another message to Jackson, the alcohol already influencing his words.

Jackson, please. I need you here. You made me feel things I've never felt in my whole life. You make me complete and I wanna at least have a chance to talk to you, before everything ends. Don't you think you owe me that much? Talk to me, please. Just once. Give me five minutes and then you can go.

He hadn't even noticed someone coming in, until said someone patted his shoulder and pulled him off the stool.

"I think you've had enough," the familiar voice said and Mark even stumbled a bit, before regaining balance and looking at his best friend.

"And I think I'm old enough to decide myself," Mark complained.

"I don't think so," Derek replied and gave Joe a sign, before grabbing Mark's coat and literally putting it on him. "And you're coming with me now."

"No!" Mark objected, but Derek didn't give him the slightest chance. He was so much stronger in this moment, and Mark had already his problems NOT to fall down, so it was easy for Derek to drag him out of here.

It took them only ten minutes to get to Derek's new house and within a couple of minutes he found himself laying flat on Derek's livingroom couch. "I wanna go home," Mark complained, but Derek shook his head.

"You're not in a position to go home, you're spending the night here and when you sober up, you will tell me what's going on," Derek replied and sat down next to Mark, gently rubbing his arm. "But I'm sure whatever it is, it's gonna be okay.

"NO!" Mark almost shoutet and sat up. "Nothing's ever gonna be okay again. I lost him."

Derek looked at him knowingly, but still he asked. "Lost who? Jackson?"

"None of your business," Mark mumbled. His head hurt and he just didn't want to talk about it anymore. When Derek started again, he just grabbed him and pressed his lips onto Derek's without hesitation. Because this was his way of NOT talking. His way of ending the talking.

But of course Derek pushed him away and pressed him down on the sofa. "Stop it, Mark. You're drunk, and I'm married and have a family now. And so do you. We're not in med school anymore. Get some rest and tomorrow we talk." And with this words, Derek pulled a blanket over Mark and left the room.

Jackson Avery POV:

Morning came later then expected for Jackson.

He was still sleeping when he heard a constant pounding on his door. The fogginess in his head took a moment to subside before he could hear Alex's voice on the other side of the door.

"Get up, man" Alex yelled "Our plane leaves in two hours and I'm not catching a later one".

Swinging the bottom half of his body off the bed Jackson ran his hands through his short dark curls. How could he possible be this hungover?

"Avery!"

"I'm coming Alex, damn" Jackson yelled and stood up straight.

"Loud one, isn't he?" Tyler said as he exited Jackson's hotel bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. Jackson couldn't have looked more surprised if he tried.

"What- What?" Jackson said noticing Tyler, as well as himself, was just wearing boxers. They couldn't have done what Jackson think they did.

"You okay?" Tyler asked the man. Concern in his voice as he walked up and wrapped an arm around Jackson and pulled him against his body.

They did have sex last night and now the images came flooding back to Jackson like a wave. Drinks had lead to talks of old times which lead to Jackson inviting Tyler back to his room and that lead to the two falling back into old habits.

"Avery, I don't have all day" Alex said and it shook Jackson out of his thoughts. Wiggling his way out of Tyler's hold Jackson walked to the door and opened up just wide enough to peak out at Alex.

"Give me 30 minutes and I'll meet you in the lobby" Jackson said.

The smile Alex gave Jackson let the man know Alex knew he was hiding something. Peeking his head around Jackson Alex tried to look inside his room.

"Who is it?" Alex asked with a snide grin.

"None of your business, now go" Jackson said pushing the man bag into the hall "30 minutes"

"Okay" Alex said "but you're going to miss breakfast"

"I'll survive" and after Alex made his way down the hall Jackson closed the door.

"I get the feeling you're not 100% thrilled with what happened last night" Tyler said walking towards Jackson "you're not seeing somebody are you?"

"No" Jackson said "I mean I don't know, it's complicated"

"Look Jackson" Tyler started "me and you go way back, I get that this was unexpected and one hell of a coincidence, so I'm not expecting much to come from this".

Jackson hated feeling guilty about last night and he really hated making Tyler feel like they had done something wrong. It wasn't fair, it was not like Jackson was committed or anything.

Yet Mark was all he could think about and this situation felt wrong. It made Jackson hate himself.

"You have a plane to catch, but when you get back to Miami" Tyler said as he walked over to his pants and pulled out one of his cards "make sure to call me"

Tyler kissed him and then went and got dressed.

"Don't be a stranger, huh" Tyler said and Jackson nodded.

"I won't" Jackson said and when Tyler left Jackson sat back down on the bed.

He needed to get his head right. Jackson had no idea who he was turning into, but he didn't like it very much.

Looking over Jackson saw his phone sitting on the night stand and reaching for it he opened it up and found the last message Mark sent.

Jackson, please. I need you here. You made me feel things I've never felt in my whole life. You make me complete and I wanna at least have a chance to talk to you, before everything ends. Don't you think you owe me that much? Talk to me, please. Just once. Give me five minutes and then you can go.

Slamming the phone back on the bed Jackson buried his head in his hands.

Damn Mark.

Damn him for making Jackson care so much.

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark woke up with a headache that literally killed him. He needed a moment, before he really knew where he was, and then it all came back to him. Hunt informing him that Jackson had had another job interview in Miami, him almost not surviving the whole day, him going into Joe's bar drinking and then Derek.

Mark opened his eyes and sat up straight, even though he regretted it a moment later, because his head felt like it would explode any minute. Derek. Fuck. He had kissed him, and Derek had pushed him away, but that didn't change the fact that he had done it again. That he had tried to seduce his best friend. Oh yes, he was really fucking great in messing up all of his friendships. Derek should have kicked him out of his house the minute he had tried to kiss him, but he didn't. Instead he had given him a blanket and told him to sleep. Which Mark had done after a while. After he had made sure that Jackson hadn't answered his message again.

It killed him, not to be able to talk to him, to barely see him, and just being in a position like that. He missed Jackson so fucking much, and if he hadn't slept with him, if he hadn't made the mistake of seducing him, they could still be friends. They could still work together and be a team, but he had really destroyed everything.

"Good morning," Derek's voice came from across the room and the smell of fresh coffee clouded Mark's mind.

When he turned around and looked at his best friend, he was standing in the doorframe with two cups of coffee, finally moving towards him and handing him one.

"Were you able to sleep?" Derek asked, and there was concern in his voice. Derek was really concerned for him, after all he had done. How did he even deserve this?

"A little bit, yes," Mark replied, grabbing the cup and looking at Derek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek said quietly and sitting down on the couch next to Mark. "Will you now finally tell me what happened?"

Mark swallowed hard. "I... I totally fucked up, Derek. And I don't think it's something that can be fixed ever again. He won't even talk to me. He doesn't look at me and he's avoiding me. He doesn't reply to my messages and he doesn't answer my calls. I tried everything to get him to at least give me a chance to explain, but it was all for nothing."

"Avery, huh?" Derek wanted to know and Mark nodded.

"Yeah, Avery. And now he's most likely leaving and I won't see him ever again."

"That didn't really answer my question from before, though. What happened between the two of you? I mean, you were literally inseparable, and now you're not talking to each other at all? Must be really bad," Derek assumed.

Mark let out a heavy sigh. "I... we... We slept together."

Derek looked at him in disbelief. "You did what?"

"We had sex... and afterwards everything was just so perfect... until Julia came into the picture and told Jackson that she might be pregnant. Which I hadn't told him..."

"Wow, wow... slow down, what?" Derek cut him off. "Julia is pregnant?"

"No!" Mark shook his head. "But she thought she was... and when she told me, I was so confused that I didn't know what to do... there was Lexie telling me she still loves me, and then Julia telling me she wants a family with me, and then those feelings for Jackson and I don't know... there was this perfect moment between Jackson and me, and then it happened and I haven't been this happy in a long time... I know I should have told him about Julia, but there wasn't really the time for it, and now he thinks I'm an asshole who would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend and maybe he's right... I don't think I deserve him." He looked at Derek expectantly, but Derek just stared at the cup of coffee in his hand for what felt like an eternity.

Mark almost wanted to break the silence himself, when Derek finally started speaking again.

"That's... a lot to take in. I mean, I didn't know you were still into guys," he admitted.

A little smile appeared on Mark's lips. "Neither did I, believe me. Neither did I. I thought the thing between us back then was a one-time thing, out of curiousity. I never really was interested in any other man since then. Until now. It hit me by surprise, and I don't even know when it happened. There wasn't a special moment in which I knew 'him or no one else', it was just there all of a sudden and kissing him felt more natural than anything I've done since Lexie."

"So you really love him?" Derek asked.

Mark shrugged. "I don't know... it could have gone that way if things had started the way I wanted them to, but it doesn't matter anymore, because he might be leaving soon, and I lost him."

"Are you sure there is nothing you can do anymore?" Derek looked at him sympathetically.

"I guess so, yes. I really tried everything... I think work is the best thing to do right now," Mark replied.

"Maybe you're right." Derek patted his shoulder. "So are you up for the surgery tomorrow morning? You know, the conjoined twins. Boise has asked for our help with it. Karev, Meredith, Lexie and Cristina are coming as well."

"I guess so, yes." Mark tried to smile but failed. He still felt so lost, but work would definitely be a good distraction for now and at some point, it might not hurt this much anymore.

"I'm sorry for kissing you last night," he said after a while.

Derek smiled at him. "It's okay, really. If it doesn't happen again. I'm your best friend, nothing more, but nothing less. And at least I understand now why you did it... because that's just your way of dealing with the pain." He rubbed Mark's back. "But believe me, it's not the right way."

Mark nodded. "I know... so we're good?"

Derek nodded as well. "We're good."