a/n: hello! wow, another 2 1/2 months since the last update for this. you have no idea how horrible that makes me feel. stupid giant research project that i must complete to graduate... how many times have i blamed school for my lack of updates? probably too many. just to let everyone know, i think the end of this chapter sucks. i just finished it today, and wanted to get it up soon, so it might not be the greatest. oh well.

HP4 came out last week! how many people went out and bought it on tuesday? i did. and i've watched it three times since then. obssesed? maybe...

ok, time to read!

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Chapter 8

During the first week of school, Harry learns many things about the building in which he is learning magic, such as; the staircases hate everyone and want to make young lives miserable, Peeves hates everyone and wants to make young lives miserable, Filch hates everyone and wants to make young lives miserable, and, though they may not hate everyone or even mean to do it, teachers spend all their time making young lives miserable.

On the last day of their first week of school, Friday, Harry and Ron are sitting at the Gryffindor table at breakfast discussing their classes for the day when Harry's owl brings him his first piece of mail since arriving at school. Harry stares at the scroll for a moment.

Ron: Well, aren't you going to open it?

Harry: I don't know. It could be a bomb.

Ron: Why would someone send you a bomb?

Harry: Why would anyone send me any kind of mail? I don't know of anyone who would send me mail. It's obviously from someone who's jealous of my fame and wants to eliminate me so they can get all the attention for themselves.

They stare at it for a little while longer.

Ron: But what if it's not a bomb?

Harry: What do you mean?

Ron: Well, wouldn't you look kind of stupid and paranoid if you didn't open it because you thought it was a bomb and then have it turn out to be just a regular letter?

Harry: Good point.

Harry slowly picks up the scroll and inspects the outside of it thoroughly before carefully breaking the seal. Nothing happens.

Harry: Whew, that was close. We could have been only moments from death.

Ron: I know. I think my life started to flash before my eyes.

Harry: Just started to?

Ron: Yeah, started to. It was taking too long to get through everything, so I stopped paying attention to that and started thinking about maybe starting on that Transfiguration homework sometime this weekend.

Harry: But, if there was a bomb in this letter, and you had died, you wouldn't have been able to do any homework this weekend.

Ron: Hey, you're right. That means I almost just wasted the last few moments of my life with all that thinking. I'll have to be more careful about things like that.

Harry: Yeah.

Harry and Ron sit there for a few minutes, contemplating the meaning of life. Ron gets bored with this very quickly.

Ron: So, what's the letter say?

Harry: GAHH!

Harry jumps a foot in the air and turns to see who startled him.

Harry: Oh, Ron, it's just you.

Ron: Of course it's me, I'm the only one that's sitting here all morning.

Harry: Oh, right... Anyway, the letter is from Hagrid. He wants me to go down and have tea with him this afternoon. You wanna come?

Ron: Are you sure he won't mind you inviting strange people into his home without notifying him beforehand?

Harry: No, of course not.

Ron: OK, sounds good to me.

Harry and Ron finish their breakfast and make their way to their first class of the day.

IN POTIONS

Harry and Ron sit down at the same table as Hermione and watch as Snape walks into the room, sees Harry, gets excited, remembers where he is, and tries to compose himself before he starts class. Snape walks to the front of the room and calls out the names of all the students. When he gets to Harry's name he does his best not to squeal in delight, but doesn't succeed. He squeaks and points at Harry.

Snape: Look, it's Harry Potter!

Everyone in the room looks at Snape like he is insane. Snape realizes this and, once again, attempts to compose himself before continuing.

When Snape gets done with attendance, he begins his lesson for the day by seeing which students took time out of their summer vacations to read school books.

Snape: Mr. Finnigan, what is the mixture of powdered root of asphodel and wormwood?

Mr. Finnigan: I don't know.

Snape: How sad. I bet Mr. Potter knows. So, Mr. Potter, what's the answer?

Harry: Umm, I have no idea.

Snape then leans down and whispers something to Harry.

Harry: The Draught of Living Death.

Snape: See, he knew the answer! Wonderful! Ok, Miss Patil, what is a bezoar, and where would I find one?

Miss Patil: I'm not sure, Sir.

Snape: What a tragedy. Mr. Potter?

Harry: What's a what?

Snape leans down and whispers to Harry again.

Harry: Oh, right, a bezoar. It's a stone found in the stomach of a goat.

Snape: Bravo! That was spectacular! Right, one more. Let's see... ah, Mr. Weasley. What's the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?

Ron: Um, one's yellow and one's green?

Snape: Wrong! Harry?

Harry gives him a blank stare.

Snape: Nothing, exactly! You're such a good student. Everyone should try to be more like Harry. Twenty points to Gryffindor.

Draco: Excuse me, but how can you say that he's a good student? He didn't know any of the answers to the questions you asked, he just repeated the answers you whispered to him.

Snape is upset by this accusation.

Snape: What are you talking about? Of course I didn't give Harry the answers to those questions! How dare you insult his intelligence by suggesting that the only way he could answer a question correctly is if he has someone whisper it in his ear! Ten points from Slytherin!

Draco: But, Sir, you did whisper the answers in his ear. Everyone saw you. And Slytherin is your house; do you really want to take points from us and risk losing the house cup?

Snape stands in the middle of the room for a moment, a confused expression on his face.

Snape: You're partially right. Ten points back to Slytherin. Now stop talking and get to work.

Draco: But you haven't given us an assignment yet.

Snape: Fine! I'll give you an assignment!

Snape waves his wand and a potion recipe appears on the board at the front of the room.

Snape: There, happy? Now be quiet and work until the end of class.

Harry goes to work, humming while doing so.

AT HAGRID'S

Harry knocks on the door and waits for Hagrid to let him and Ron in. The door opens and they are immediately knocked down by something equal to the size of a horse.

Hagrid: No, Fang, no!

Fang continues his assault.

Hagrid: Fang, freeze!

Fang is instantly covered in ice and unable to move. Harry and Ron get up and run behind Hagrid, into his house.

Harry: Holy crap, what was that?

Ron: Yeah, what was that? It felt like a horse!

Hagrid: That's Fang. He's a dog, not a horse.

Harry: A dog? That's insane! There's no such thing as a dog that big! Well, except Clifford, maybe.

Hagrid: That's what you think...

Harry: What was that? I couldn't hear you through my musings of humongous dogs.

Hagrid: Nothing. You know, I think I'll leave him there for a while. I don't feel like having him running all through the house at the moment.

Hagrid closes the door and turns to welcome his guests.

Hagrid: Thanks for coming, Harry. Who's you're friend?

Harry: This is Ron Weasley.

Hagrid: That's nice. I'm gonna make the tea now.

Hagrid starts making tea. When it's ready, he grabs the pot and a plate of snacks and turns around to take them to the table. When he looks up and sees Ron he is so startled that he drops the plate and screams.

Hagrid: AHH! Who are you?

Ron is confused.

Ron: I'm Ron. We just met like three minutes ago.

Hagrid: Oh, that's right. Sorry about that.

Hagrid picks up the plate of snacks, which somehow miraculously landed upright with all its contents still in place, and sets it, along with the teapot, on the table.

Hagrid: So, how was your first week of school?

Harry: Great! I think I've finally decided that I definitely love seeing magic performed.

Hagrid: That's great. What about you, Ron?

Ron: I hate homework.

Hagrid: That's great.

They all sit there in silence, drinking their tea. After a few minutes, Harry gets bored and picks up a newspaper he sees lying on the floor. The first article that he looks at he deems not interesting enough. The second is too cheerful. The third, however, catches his attention. The article is about the vault at Gringott's that Hagrid emptied.

Harry: Hagrid, did you know that someone tried to rob the vault at Gringott's that you emptied when we were there?

Hagrid: Oh, umm... no, of course not.

Harry: Oh, ok.

Harry tosses the paper to the floor, clearly losing interest.

Harry: Hey, do you have any more tea?

Hagrid: Yes.

Harry stares at Hagrid expectantly.

Harry: Well?

Hagrid: Well, what?

Harry: Tea?

Hagrid: Oh, right, forgot. Sorry.

Hagrid gets up and gets more for all three of them. They then spend the rest of the afternoon drinking gallons of tea and telling dirty jokes.

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a/n: so? what did you think? is it still good? sometimes it takes me so long to start writing again that i think it will just stop being funny. hopefully it doesn't seem like that to anyone else. if so, tell me. oh, you can also tell me if you like it... and, really, reviews make me want to write. whenever i feel like it's been way too long since i last updated, i go through and read old reviews. they put me in a good mood and make me want to write more. please review?