"Goddamnit Johnny, you're breaking my heart, I'm telling you," Luz said to Martin, as he stacked up the chocolate bars.
"Come on, George," said Martin. "Just give me a bar." He reached over, but Luz swatted his hand away.
"You want a bar?" Luz replied, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. "Here, have a Juicy Fruit. Happy?"
Martin scoffed but took the gum anyway with a grin. Jaclyn listened from her couch, attempting to read a book Lipton found.
"Hey! Hersey bars!" cried Liebgott as he and a group of soldiers walked in.
"Jesus Christ," muttered Luz, swatting another hand away.
"Come on, George, one bar," he argued.
Luz was starting to get annoyed. "No, there's not enough to go around. Beat it!"
Unable to resist, Jaclyn walked over to them. "Come on, George, one bar."
Luz sighed. "You too? Come on, scram."
She leaned against the desk, giving Liebgott a wink. "Not even for a poor, afflicted woman? Have you no heart, Luz?" Her eyes were wide.
"Yeah, you're afflicted. Afflicted in the head," Luz replied, but grinned.
"Two bars, Luz, and I promise to stop breathing on you."
"Deal."
Jaclyn took the chocolate and waved it in the air as she made her way back to her couch. "As you were, boys."
"What the fuck, Luz," said Martin.
Luz shrugged, "The woman's got pneumonia, Johnny. You want to say no to her? Now she can keep her germs over there." He grinned again to himself.
A young private entered the room. Luz dropped his hands to his sides. "Christ, what now."
"Captain Winters needs you to bazooka a building in kraut territory, sir."
Finally, a reprieve from the madness. "Excuse me boys, I need to go blow some shit up." He put on his jacket before looking over at Jaclyn, happily munching on her prize. Yep, madness.
February 6, 1945
About a week later, Winters and Spiers assembled a team for the mission they'd been planning across the river. Colonel Sink wanted German prisoners to interrogate for information. It was Easy's job to go and get them.
"What the hell are they thinking? To risk lives for prisoners they don't even need?" said Jaclyn as Luz gathered his things. He was headed out with the team in an hour.
He shrugged, dusting off his rifle. "Sink's orders. I don't think Winters is happy about it either."
Jaclyn leaned back on her couch, frowning. She was to be left alone at headquarters. Lipton was given the green light by Roe yesterday to wait out the team in the bunker near the water with the others.
Luz saw that look in her eye. He came to her side. "And when I get back, I don't want to hear anything about a crazy woman leaving her sick bed to wander the streets of Haguenau in a pathetic attempt at bravery, got me?"
Jaclyn cursed him under her breath. He was pretty sure it was in Dutch. He squatted down on his heels to her eye level. "And when I find you in your bed, most likely wide awake and cranky, I'll finish the story about Ruth and the fish."
Jaclyn couldn't help it, she grinned. Luz had been staying with her every night helping her to fall asleep, eventually just sleeping there himself. Before sleep would take her, he'd tell her a story about his family.
"Can't wait," she grudgingly replied. He grinned back at her before standing up again. He walked to the door, looking back one last time. She didn't need to say anything else. He understood. Stay safe.
Luz was right. And I hate when he's right. Jaclyn was wide awake, sitting in her bed, beyond cranky. The house was silent. The lack of noise irritated her. Her stack of blankets, essential to try and stop her shivering, irritated her. Her own dark thoughts irritated her.
He's going to come back. He's got to come back.
Beyond the fear and irritation, her first instinct was to flee. The idea that Luz may not make it back alive was more than she could bear. Instead of enduring the pain of loss, she could always leave again.
No. You're bigger than the fear, Jackie. You can't keep running away.
With time to herself, her thoughts drifted to her past. To William. She felt the usual pain in her heart at his name, but it didn't seize her this time. The pain was duller, less electrifying.
Jaclyn frowned. His death didn't hurt like it used to. This thought weighed on her, guilt heavy on her heart.
She took a breath. You're wrong. The pain isn't duller, it's just different. You can't keep blaming yourself. William wouldn't want that.
Jaclyn sat a long time, finally shaking her head to try and rid the internal conversation in her head. I am as crazy as they say.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps in the hall. Her first instinct was to grab her knife, but realizing she only had quilts, she sighed, but relaxed.
The door creaked open and Luz's head peeked in. "I'm awake, Luz. No need to tiptoe."
Luz walked in and closed the door quietly behind him. Expecting him to sit in his usual chair to remove his boots and jacket, she was surprised when he sat on the bed next to her.
"George, what are you…" His eyes dark and wide, he took her face in his hands and kissed her.
She could smell the cold air in his hair, but his lips were warm, gentle, but persistent. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss and Jaclyn felt her heart pound. A beat later, she kissed him back.
Her hands ached to feel his soft hair, but before she could run her fingers through, he pulled back, his breathing erratic. "I'm sorry for being such an asshole, Mack," he said, his face serious.
It took her a moment to respond, but blinking, she replied, "You had every right to be. I'm sorry I ran away."
Luz, relieved, kissed her sweetly. He pulled back and she could see the tension starting to leave his body. "What happened, George?"
He got quiet. "Jackson was killed by his own grenade." She inhaled sharply. "It was such a senseless, stupid death." He looked into her eyes. "And then all I could think about was how stupid I was being. I knew you had past trauma. And I knew that you were only acting defensively, but still, I took it personally. I blamed you."
Jaclyn took his hand in hers. "I haven't told you everything."
He shook his head, trying to shush her. "I'm not trying to get you to talk, Mack. I will never force anything from you."
She smiled at him. "I know. But I want to tell you. I actually decided on this before you came back."
Luz was silent, not sure on what to do. She fidgeted. "Do you mind if we have this conversation lying down." She paused again, shy. "I'd like to be in your arms in case I need some extra strength."
Luz smiled softly. "Of course. But are you sure?" She nodded. He took a deep breath and quickly removed his boots and jacket before crawling in under the dozen covers with him. She removed several from the top as his heat warmed her.
Sliding under his arm, she clung to him, taking a deep breath. Let it out. He tightened his arms around her.
"William was my closest friend in the world. We grew up together. He's the reason why I joined RAF and became a pilot." She stopped, smiling softly. "He was able to pull a few strings to get me into the program. But I proved my worth from there."
Jaclyn continued her story, reliving her training and flight school with William. They were a great team, so they often flew together. When the war broke out in Europe, they were trained and ready as pilots and in combat.
"After Africa and Italy, he and I were only a few left of the original group. We only had each other for a long time," she said quietly. She took a breath, gaining strength from hearing Luz's heartbeat beneath her ear.
"We fought alongside the Dutch Resistance for a while before being transferred to northern France near Amiens." At this moment, she paused for a long time, trying to catch her breath.
Luz felt her freeze. He grazed his fingers into her hair, stroking her scalp gently with his nails. "Let it out, Mack," he murmured, repeating her own words to herself.
She cleared her throat and swallowed. "Our plane went down. I was piloting. I can't remember the details; they are too fuzzy. But I've since convinced myself that I was probably doing something foolish." Luz kept his mouth shut, but he tightened his arms around her to relay his disagreement.
"This was in early December of 1943. Where we landed, it reminds me a lot of Bastogne."
A few minutes passed before she spoke again. "William was injured, but we attempted to travel towards safety. We were deep in German-occupied France. We didn't stand chance."
Luz swallowed hard, preparing himself. But what she said next, he couldn't have imagined.
"The Germans found us and took us to Amiens prison. It was more like a work camp, really. Our cells were in a large building, so we had a roof over our heads, but when they didn't leave us to rot away, the krauts would experiment with us."
Luz froze, his hand stopping in her hair. He couldn't help his question. "What do you mean by experiment?"
She shrugged against him. "The prison was full of French soldiers with the odd Brit, Pole or Dutch thrown in. We all had to endure the labor tests, but they...they were particularly interested in their female prisoners."
She continued before he could speak. She could feel his anger and disbelief growing hot on his skin. "The SS would pay a special visit to the women's cells. It's as if they had never seen a woman soldier before. I guess, now that I think about it, they probably hadn't. They were curious if we could tolerate the same as a man in battle."
Jaclyn flashed back to the pain she felt in the hands of the SS and their doctors. She shuddered, suddenly cold again. "They made sure to leave no scars. They fancied themselves gentlemen; they didn't want to ugly a pretty lady's face, even one of the enemy."
Luz could feel bile building in his throat. He struggled to keep it down. He knew she wasn't done, but he was afraid of what else would come. How did she do it? When I can hardly stomach hearing about it?
She took another deep breath. "If it wasn't for William, I don't think I would have made it." She smirked. "The krauts stupidly placed his cell next to mine. He would encourage me to keep going every day. He did the same for the others nearby. Anyone that would listen. The krauts underestimated the power of humanity, especially in that place."
"Across the way from us, two Polish prisoners had been there for almost a year. Another man and a woman, also partners together in this war. Kaspar and Aldona." Jaclyn smiled sadly. "William wanted to keep their morale up as well, but they didn't speak English or French. It took weeks, but eventually we taught them English, and in turn, they taught us Polish."
The pain she felt next was ten times worse than what the SS did to her. It took her several minutes before she could continue. "On February 18, 1944, the British and French bombed the prison to free the prisoners. Operation Jericho. Apparently they received intel that mass shootings were to happen the next day. This was their attempt to save us." She paused, swallowing the tears in her throat. "But it was bedlam."
"Although the attack did free some, the bombs killed mostly prisoners. I can still hear the plane engines echoing. I heard the sound of the blast before I felt it." A breath. "Clear and cold night air streamed into my cell, but from the left side, not from my window. I remember turning to look, and the cell with William was gone."
Tears raced down her face and into the fabric of Luz's shirt. Can't stop now.
"I could only find a piece of him here and there in the rubble that was left behind. Beyond that, he had disappeared."
Tears began to course down Luz's face as he remembered her sitting in that foxhole, her fingernails torn away from digging. She was trying to find me.
"I tried to be brave like William. I tried to free Aldona. Kaspar was already dead, hit by another bomb. Her cell remained intact, and the krauts had begun to come back to secure us." Jaclyn shut her eyes tightly. "I wasn't trained then like I am today. I couldn't kill the enemy without a gun. Aldona told me to run, and I did."
She began to sob against his chest. He resumed stroking her hair, trying to keep his own tears silent. "I left her behind. I ran away for myself. And I haven't stopped running." She leaned up on his chest with a hand, locking eyes with him in the dark. "I'm so sorry, George. I'm so sorry for running."
He immediately shushed her, kissing her forehead repeatedly. "You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. To me or Aldona. She wanted you to be free." He kissed the tears from her eyes. "Forgive yourself, Jackie," he whispered. "You need to forgive yourself."
She placed her head back down on his chest and cried until there was nothing left. And after that, she fell asleep.
I had to reread and rewrite this one several times. This chapter was necessary, but extremely difficult to put into words.