A few people have asked if there's some Hunter x Hunter in this. The answer is no. I actually had to go and read the manga so far just to find out what everyone was trying to get at. I still don't see it...

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles

Scroll Eight, Part Two: ...Screw It.
By Kaori

The island that Goldenrod Hotel was situated on was predictably covered in goldenrod flowers and a generous amount of ragweed, but the Ragweed Hotel doesn't sound very nice now does it?

Anyway, despite pirates and hay fever inducing atmosphere (the ragweed, not the goldenrod) it is a very popular destination for the rich and semi-famous. Our ninja friends docked their stolen yacht next to a cabin cruiser, and made their way to the rear of the hotel, intent on finding an inconspicuous route to the roof. The only route that met their criterion was the ventilation system.

What was holding them up at the moment was deciding who was going to go in first.

"I'm not going in before Sakura, and I'm definitely not going in after Naruto." Glared Sasuke. "He's got gas."

"I DO NOT!" yelled Naruto.

"There's no way in hell I'm going to let Naruto stare at my ass the whole time." Sakura said adamantly.

"Hey, I'm not starin' at the teme's ass so I'll go in first."

"No, Sasuke-kun should go first! You'll only get us lost."

"I already said I don't want you behind me." Sasuke growled. "You go first and then I'll go in after you."

"Yes! I knew Sasuke-kun couldn't resist this booty!" Sakura cheered in her head. "Wait, did I just make a pirate joke?"

"HELL NO! I'm not starin' at your bony behind! I'll go in after Sakura-chan!" yelled Naruto.

"AND THERE'S NO WAY I'D LET NARUTO STARE AT MY ASS!" Sakura agreed.

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU TWO AND ASSES?" Sasuke threw up his hands in exasperation. "You know what, screw it. Naruto you lead if you get us lost I will kill you, dance on your corpse, and piss on your grave. Sakura go after him, I'll guard our backsides."

"Wouldn't you rather do something else to my backside?" leered Sakura, after Naruto had disappeared into the vent. Sasuke twitched and then threw her into the vent before he himself entered.

What our intrepid heroes could not have known is that Goldenrod Hotel has two ventilation systems. The first one is your normal vent system that branches out to cool the various rooms. The second one only goes downward and completely bypasses the hotel's basement. Why? To answer that question all we need do is head to the cove on the other side of the island where a pirate ship is headed towards the mouth of a large cave.

Captain Bobby "Breezybottom" Maynard was returning from a day of pillaging pizza delivery vans aboard his ship, The Barking Spider. The sound of yelling and various breakable things being destroyed was barely audible at first but became more pronounced as he continued along through the grotto.

The lair of the Pirate Pizza Franchise was located in the sub-basement of the Goldenrod Hotel, mostly because it was the only place they could have a lair that wouldn't be subject to health inspections and was piratey enough to satisfy everyone.

The Barking Spider docked at the rickety pier and the crew disembarked and joined the chaotic scene. Captain Breezybottom decided he wanted to know what all the fuss was about before he got involved anyway.

"Oi, wha's all dis about?" he half spat half grumbled to the first pirate within walking distance; a young pirate simply called Eric since he had yet to acquire a proper pirate nickname yet.

"Ole Reeking Barney's crew got knocked off by a ninja." Eric replied.

Breezybottom gave a mighty snort. Reeking Barney was a womanizing idiot and anybody stupid enough to join his crew got what they deserved. If he remembered correctly, the man's crew consisted of fifteen men...and a cross-dressing woman that was simply called Hamstring Joe. No one was entirely sure how she managed to escape Reeking Barney's flirtations but the general consensus was that her habit of hamstringing people in their sleep if they ticked her off had something to do with it.

"And what of their vessel?" Breezybottom asked.

"Coast Guard impounded it. Cap'n Lloyd saw them take it away." Said Eric.

"Arr now we'll never get it back. Damned shame too, I here old Barney had some pretty coins in his hull..."

"Aye, we all heard. Tha's why we're fightin', we can't decide who gets to go raid the Coast Guard Impound Lot."

Now properly informed of the situation, Captain Breezybottom knocked out Eric with the flat of his sword, and proceeded to join the fracas.

Back with our three ninja friends, they had started down the shaft when it abruptly turned from a gentle incline to a steep drop. Had fallen quite unceremoniously to the bottom where they were now hiding behind the ventilation grate.

"Nice going Naruto, you lead us down the wrong shaft?" hissed Sakura.

"Hey, Sasuke-teme picked this vent not me." Naruto groused. "If anyone's to blame it would be him."

"But you were the one in front!"

"But you pushed me down the shaft."

"You grabbed me and caused me to fall down with you!"

"And you grabbed onto me even though I can't handle both your weight, especially not without forewarning." Growled Sasuke.

"...so it's still your fault for being weak." Naruto snorted. That earned him a punches from the other two. Unfortunately it also knocked him out of the vent and into a room full of already angry pirates who were now all staring at Team 7...

What a predicament? Will they manage to escape and make it to the picnic? Or will they all die an ignoble, piratey death? Find out next time on Total...Drama...Isla...I mean Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles!