/Authoress gets dragged away from playing Rock Band to write more fanfic by annoyed reviewers./

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Eight Part Three: Pirate Attack 2- Electric Boogaloo
By Kaori

Our ninja friends were in quite a predicament. Here they were, backs to the wall, surrounded by pirates, and for some reason "Stuck in the Middle with You" was playing over a loudspeaker they couldn't see. Yeah, life was sucking pretty bad for them right now.

If it weren't for the fact that the Ninja Law of Numbers was on their side, they probably would've been killed twenty seconds ago.

You see, unlike Reeking Barney's crew, the rest of the pirates were fully aware that although they outnumbered the young ninja, it actually put them at a disadvantage. Ninja are even better at using large crowds to hide in than pirates, and if the three in front of them decided to attack right now they were all as good as dead. So the pirates settled for starting at them until they went away or died from terror.

Unfortunately neither was going to happen. Sakura, unable to take the pressure anymore, let out a mighty shriek and let fly with the cyclone-inducing feather duster. The pirates were all blown backwards into the far end of the grotto; a few of them landed in the water.

Not waiting around to see how the pirates would react, the trio bolted for the exit. Naruto reached into his pack and took out a familiar looking, bowling ball-sized object. Sakura and Sasuke's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"How and when did you get that?" the Uchiha demanded.

"Shut up and run!" Naruto yelled, chucking the mega mustard bomb behind him.

The screaming that followed would haunt their dreams until they were replaced by the horrible sound of a drunken Maito Gai singing "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" (for those of you who are curious, the answer would be a definite "yes").

Back at the scene of the attack, a few pirates had managed to avoid being covered in the highly corrosive, mustard-coloured substance by diving into the water. Once they'd gathered a few of their wits, the rage took over and they immediately gave chase to their young assailants.

A slight breeze was the only indication of their passing as Team 7 tore into the hotel proper, pirates suddenly appearing in their wake a good fifty-two seconds (according to the security camera) later.

"Aw crap, some of 'em survived." Groused Naruto.

"How many of them are there?" Sasuke asked.

"About seven. Three for me, three for you, and one for Sakura."

"How come I only get one?" Sakura glared.

"Because when you get into a fight, you make a horrible mess." Sasuke said chucking a pirate crippler behind him. There was noticeable cursing.

"You guys do realize we could just outrun these idiots and head straight for the picnic." The rosette pointed out. Her male cohorts looked at her like she'd just declared herself the Queen of the Toilet Weasels; her glare grew more annoyed. "Men!" Sasuke simply rolled his eyes and signalled for them to split up.

Predictably, only one pirate went after Sakura while the other six split into two groups and went after Naruto and Sasuke.

Sasuke tore like heck through the hotel trying to lose the pirates but having little success. Pirates are, if nothing else, tenacious bastards when they're angry. Also, he couldn't resort to more effective methods like blowing up the hallway behind him, or killing the pirates outright. He was a guest at this hotel so it would be coming out of his paycheck if he damaged anything (the Pirate Pizza grotto didn't count and Naruto was the one who did the damage anyway). So, having no other recourse, the young shinobi kept running not really knowing or caring where he was going.

Imagine his surprise when he ended up in the kitchen. Not wasting a second he whirled around, grabbing hold of an open bottle of white wine on the counter in the process. Hastily he took a big swig from the bottle, careful not to swallow a drop. Three angry pirates burst into the kitchen directly in the path of a young Uchiha who was doing a fair impression of a chipmunk.

There was no escape.

FWOOOOOOOOOSH! A stream of conflagration was the last thing they saw before oblivion claimed them.

Sasuke surveyed the burning corpses with a satisfied smirk.

"Fire Style: Flame Broiled to Perfection, Drunken Master Revision."

This would have been one of the coolest moments of Sasuke's life had he been used to the smell of burning flesh. Since he was not, we have to be content with him finishing this scene by vomiting in a pot of soup.

On the third floor of the hotel, a maid was just finishing up cleaning one of the vacant rooms when two blurs pushed passed her before she could lock the door. Immediately she turned to yell at whomever had so rudely barged into the unoccupied room only to think better of it when she saw who was in it.

A kunoichi and a pirate wench.

Instead of calling for security, she reached into her trolley and pulled out a bag labelled "In the Event of Ninja vs Pirate Battle." From the bag she took out a video camera and started filming. In typical cat fight fashion, neither combatant realized they were being filmed and launched towards each other in a hair-pulling, trash-talking, clothes-ripping, sweet-kami-sama-think-of-the-children battle to the death.

Elsewhere, Naruto and his three pursuers had ended up by the pool of all places. Predictably all the hotel guests and staff who had been there made themselves scarce the second Naruto and the pirates came barrelling through.

Having nowhere to run, out of pirate cripplers, and unable to use any explosives for fear of wrecking the hotel Naruto had only one course of action open to him...

"RRRAAAAAGH!"

He flipped out.

/WARNING: You are now entering the Real Ultimate Power Zone. Do not proceed if you are not PUMPED UP!/

Guitar riffs wailed through the air as the orange one performed various flying kicks, death palm strikes, and the occasional split kicks on the totally pathetic pirates. It was a complete and utter massacre! Blood and entrails rained from the sky and hot women appeared out of nowhere and started stripping off their clothes because the scene was just too freaking sweet!

/Exiting Real Ultimate Power Zone. (1)/

When our young friend came out of his trance the women were still there...and very much naked. It was all he could do not to faint as they ran around unclothed screaming because of all the blood and body parts strewn in and around the pool. Apparently, none of them remembered how they had even gotten there or why they were naked.

Discretely, Naruto left the scene and went looking for his compatriots.

Well that was fun! Next scroll, we finally get to the company picnic! What awaits our young friends there? You'll have to wait to find out.

1)Yeah that's right, I went there.