A/N: Two new reviews 3 Thank you, thank you, thank you! That makes us really happy, and like I already said, the more you people review, the sooner you get new chapters of this story with more and more characters being involved… We're pleased some of you still enjoy our story and want to stay "with us"… of course if you have any critique, feel free to tell us… :-) We hope, you're still enjoying this story and follow Mark and Jackson (and the others) on their way… :-) And the more reviews, the quicker we can post new chapters! Have fun with the 13th one… ^_^

Alex Karev POV:

It had been a pretty good day for Alex.

He had spent the morning talking with Robbins about the best form of attacks for that day's surgeries. It had felt good getting back into the swing of things with the woman. It wasn't exactly how it used to be. Alex still felt uneasy talking to her about anything involving the plane crash or her injuries, but they were getting there.

Slowly but surely.

His first real problem came when he went to the cafeteria in order to have lunch with April and Jackson. It had become a pretty regular thing and Alex would never admit it to himself, but it was one of the things he looked forward to during the day.

He was about to dig into his sandwich when he looked around and saw somebody was missing.

"Where's Avery?"

April looked up from some novel she was reading "Probably hiding out" she said "I hear he and Sloan got into it pretty bad this morning" Alex could tell she was concerned and knowing April she had tried to talk to him, but was shut out.

"What about?" Alex asked and April shrugged her shoulders.

"Work stuff most likely" she told him "It can't be easy for Mark to see Jackson taking over his spot. It was bound to come to a head sooner or later"

She still didn't know about them. April had no idea how deep Jackson and Mark's relationship went.

Alex did know and that meant he had to do something.

Shit!

Standing up Alex grabbed his sandwich "Where are you going?" April queried.

"I need to speak to Avery about something" he answered and although he expected a line of questioning all he got was a small smile from the woman. A smile that made something in his chest feel just a bit tighter.

Alex found Jackson in his new office. It was small and the window only looked out to the parking lot, but it still had to feel good to have your own.

"Hey" Alex said as he walked in and saw Jackson filling out a stack of forms.

Looking up Jackson gave a half-hearted smile "Hey dude, what are you doing here?"

Holding up an extra sandwich that he swiped from the lunch counter he walked up to Jackson's desk.

"Thought you might be hungry" he said and placed the sandwich down beside the forms.

"Thanks" Jackson grabbed the sandwich "You didn't have to do that"

With a laugh Alex took the empty chair across from Jackson "Yeah, I did" he responded "you make a hell of a lot of noise when you're up at 2 am looking for something to eat"

"No I don't"

"Yes you do"

Jackson chuckled and opened the sandwich. Turkey and cheese. His favourite.

The two remained quiet for a moment before Alex decided to just jump into it.

"I hear you and Sloan got pretty heated this morning"

At the remark Jackson looked up "Is that all anyone is talking about?"

"Just April, as far as I know"

Alex heard Jackson groan and he could tell that whatever happened he wasn't happy that it could be public.

"What happened?" Alex asked and Jackson shrugged his shoulders "I better not say, I've been reprimanded enough about over stepping my bounds"

Alex could see that something was hurting Jackson. Alex didn't like it and he suddenly wondered when he started to care so much about the man.

"Who am I going to tell?" Alex asked "besides, I spend all of my free time with you and April. It kind of defeats the purpose"

Jackson fell back into silence and Alex almost thought it was a lost cause until the man started to speak.

"Mark is angry with me" Jackson said "he's going through something that he doesn't want me to be a part of" putting down the sandwich Jackson looked at Alex "I thought I was helping, but apparently I only made things worse. I know I shouldn't have been talking to Eli so publicly about it, but the man had been through something similar. He would know how to help"

Alex listened and it didn't take a genius to figure out why things had gone so badly.

"You know I was married before, right?" Alex asked.

"Yeah" Jackson responded "to that blond who I met during the lunch with Yang and Grey with the epic love vs. career debate"

"Yeah, that's her" Alex said "She was my one"

Jackson looked as if he didn't quite know where this was going, but he wanted to see where it would end up.

"I'm not an easy person to get along with Avery" Alex said "you know that"

Jackson smiled. It was true. The two men did not have an easy start. Somehow it made their friendship even that much stronger.

"I'm forward and abrasive. It's hardly a secret, but it was something that I had accepted about myself" Alex started "I wasn't a man that had any illusions about where I would end up and it wasn't with a woman like Izzie Stevens" Alex could feel the familiar faint pain that came whenever he thought of Izzie.

"She was beautiful and smart, and probably one of the most annoying people I ever met, but that only made her better. Women like that didn't end up with guys like me" Alex could already feel his palms start to sweat at the memories.

"Somehow she did, despite everything I did to screw it up she loved me. And for the family that I come from that's pretty amazing" Alex knew he didn't have to say what his family life was like. In a moment of complete surprise after dealing with the casualties of that college shooting Alex had told Jackson about his brother and told him about the night the man had tried to kill his little sister.

It was the first moment that Alex had saw Jackson as somebody more then just competition.

"Our wedding was the most amazing thing I had ever been a part of and I thought for once, just this once, life was going to turn out just the way I wanted it to, but then she got sick" It became harder to look at Jackson staring at him from across the desk.

"It was bad and her prognosis was going to end us and take her away from me. I was going to lose somebody else, only this time I was going to have to watch as she slowly faded from my life. Then came the day she died in my arms and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that losing her was it for me, but she came back" Alex finally looked at Jackson "she came back to me"

"I had my wife again and although she had a hard road ahead of her I was going to be there every step of the way. After she was well enough to finally get back to work I knew her schedule better then she did. I didn't think she was ready to go back and I let her know it. We argued and she told me she knew what she was capable of. That didn't stop me from being on her like a hawk, though. I made her take her medicine with me watching. I interrupted her surgeries to make sure she wasn't over-exerting herself. I even talked to Webber about making sure she wasn't getting anything too strenuous. I became her father, Avery" Alex told him "I stopped being the husband who supported her and became the father who made himself her crutch"

Jackson looked like he understood. Telling the story still hurt, but if it could let Jackson see then maybe it was worth it.

"How can I just do nothing Alex?" Jackson asked.

"I get it" Alex said "it's unfair to ask you to stand aside while somebody you love so much is hurting" Alex understood the kind of man Jackson was, because he was the exact same way. They needed to hold people close because far too often the moment they let go they were gone.

"Who was it?" Alex asked

"Who was what?"

"Who do you blame yourself for that makes you so terrified of not trusting Mark enough to know what's best for him?" Alex would never be this straightforward with anyone else, but he knew Jackson could handle it and hopefully answer honestly.

"My father" Jackson said as he ran a hand across the top of his head and through his curls "I watched him destroy his life and I did nothing because he told me he would get better. He told me that the family didn't need to know about any of it and by time I realized my mistake it was too late"

Sometimes it scared Alex how alike he and Avery were. It was easy to see why the man was the way he was.

"I can't watch the same thing happen with Mark"

"It won't" Alex said "because Sloan has you, he just needs to deal with this first. It's going to be brutal, but the man will come around and when he does he will need you there"

"What do I do?" Jackson asked.

"Just be there" Alex said "I can tell you that more then anything he just wants to feel normal. His life has been nothing but one big rollercoaster and something as simple as watching television or going to a movie will make the world of difference. If you're always treating him like a victim he will grow to resent it and eventually resent you"

The room fell back into silence.

"Thanks Alex" Jackson said "you don't know much this means to me"

The weight of Izzie still weighed heavily on Alex, but times like these the man knew that the pain wouldn't last forever.

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark was more than glad when he was finally home. In his own apartment. Okay, Callie was still here and she insisted on not leaving quite yet, and so he had to watch her cook tea in his kitchen. He didn't want to worry her, but she was the only person he could go to with things like that. Besides Derek, but right now it was hard for him to see Derek. Because Meredith mostly would be with him, and he couldn't stand to look at Meredith. Not with this guilt that was eating him from the inside out. Whenever he looked at her, he got a reminder of why she was so broken, because her little sister had died. Because she was on that plane, to support Mark. To support someone she loved that wouldn't love her back.

"Here!" he heard Callie's voice when she reached him a cup of tea and Mark grabbed it slowly, happy that his hands worked at least this one time.

"Thanks," he replied, sipping at the cup, before placing it on his living room table.

For a while, it was pretty quiet in the room, and they were just sitting there in silence, drinking their tea, but of course Callie eventually had to break the silence.

"Do you really think he's good for you?" she asked.

Mark let out a sigh.

"Seriously, Callie? Again?" he felt slightly annoyed, because whenever they were talking about anything, the subject came to Jackson at some point.

"I'm just sayin'... he doesn't really make you happy right now," Callie gave back.

"He doesmake me happy," Mark clarified. "He tries his best to be there for me. To support me no matter what. You should have seen him a few days back, when I... had some problems with my hands. He was awesome... I pushed him away over and over again, but he wouldn't let go of me. He wouldn't stop telling me that he loved me, until I finally gave in. And I needed that. I needed to know he'll be there."

"But..." Callie started, but Mark cut her off immediately.

"No! We had a fight, yes... and I'm still damn pissed that he talked about my problems behind my back. With someone else. This was not right of him and it doesn't help me." he paused for a moment, looking directly into Callie's eyes. "But that doesn't mean I question our relationship. We'll get through this. I just know it."

He wouldn't give up on Jackson just because there were some problems in their relationship. He wouldn't end this relationship under no circumstances, because he loved this guy. From the bottom of his heart. They would find a way to deal with this whole situation, even though it would take time. Mark knew that. He wasn't ready to let go of Jackson. Not because of something so small. Especially since it wasn't only Jackson's fault that things went ugly. He hadn't talked to him, because he just wasn't the type to cry on someone's shoulder, and he had thought he could overcome those nightmares himself. And they had stopped since he got home, so maybe he already had. Jackson just shouldn't have interfered.

"Don't you think he's maybe too young? Too inexperienced? How much does he know about love and relationships? And wasn't this the problem with Lexie? That you two were on completely different levels in your life, and it just didn't fit?" Callie gave voice to her concern.

"Jackson is not Lexie, Callie! And you can't compare them," Mark shook his head. "All Jackson tried was to protect me. To be there for me. To help me get through this."

"Oh! Now you're coming to his defence? May I remind you, that it was you who came to me, because you were so angry and mad and disappointed that he went behind your back?" Callie objected.

"Yeah... I... I know, Callie, but that doesn't change anything. And maybe it was my fault, too." Mark said.

Callie sighed. "And sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes it isn't enough to just love each other, if the rest doesn't work out."

"But I don't wanna lose him." Only the thought of losing Jackson againmade his chest grow tight. It hurt, and he would do anything in his willpower to not let that happen. He didn't want to be without him, but he also didn't want Jackson to chaperon him so much. He was a grown up man, he knew what he was capable of, and he definitely needed to make things clear to Jackson. That he would come when he was ready, but that Jackson just shouldn't push it, because that would make Mark shut him out even more, even though he didn't intend to. But that was just his nature. That was how he rolled.

"Okay," Callie pulled him out of his thoughts.

Mark looked up at her, feeling slightly confused for a moment. "Okay?"

Callie nodded. "Okay... if that's what you want, I support you in this. I mean, it's not that I don't like Jackson, not at all. He seems to really love you. And he seems to be a great guy."

"He is." Mark replied with a smile.

"I know I have been very hard on him since right from the start, but I know now, that this... he is what you want, and I think I'll have to accept that." Callie realized.

"I guess so," Mark slid closer to his best friend, hugging her tightly and almost spilling all of her tea over his couch.

"Ouch, that was hot," Callie complained while putting the cup down and wiping away some traces of the tea with a napkin.

"I'm sorry." Mark apologized, but then Callie hugged him again.

"It's okay... I'll survive, I guess... and if I'll get burn marks, I'm sure you're gonna fix me," Callie joked.

Mark nodded slowly. "I hope so..." He looked down at his hands, still feeling the insecurity he felt during those tests. If they turned out bad, he might never be able to operate again, and he was fucking afraid of that. But he didn't want to think about it now. And he wouldn't have to, because his daughter seemed to have a perfect timing.

Just when Callie was about to reply something, the baby monitor went off and they could hear Sofia screaming.

"I'll handle it." Mark said, before getting up and moving to Sofia's room. They had picked up Sofia from day care before they had left the hospital and now she was sleeping in her room in Mark's apartment. Or not sleeping anymore.

He went to her room and looked down at her with a smile, and she immediately stopped crying. He lifted her up and noticed a strong smell. "Someone needs a new diaper..." he told her as if she could understand him and put Sofia down at the changing table, but when he started to open her diapers, his hands started shaking again.

"Fuck... not now..." he cursed, and all of a sudden he felt two hands on his. Callie's hands.

"Let me..." she said softly and even though Mark wanted to snap at her, he didn't. Instead he just nodded and let her handle the situation, even though it broke his heart that he now wasn't even able to take care of his daughter properly.

"I'm sorry..." he said once Callie was finished and lifted up Sofia again.

"Don't be," she replied, caressing his arm. "It's okay... really... I'm sure you'll get through this. We'll get through this, because I will be there every step of the way."

"Thank you," Mark sighed, before leaving Sofia's room with Callie and sitting back down on the couch while Callie put Sofia in her playpen.

"Is it okay for you if I head back to the hospital to visit Arizona? It won't take long, I promise," Callie asked after a while.

"Sure. Are you taking Sofia with you?" Mark asked back, but Callie shook her head. "No... I think you can handle her."

"But what if..." Mark started, but Callie cut him off, touching his hands and stroking them. "You can handle it. And if not, call me and I'll be back immediately."

It meant a lot to him that she trusted him like that. That she was willing to leave their daughter with him, even though she just witnessed one of his problems. That was exactly the problem with Jackson - as it looked like. That he didn't trust him the same way and always wanted to take care of him.

"Thank you." he said, hugging Callie when they got up and walking her towards the door. "Give Arizona my regards. I will visit her as soon as possible."

"I will," Callie said and then left. Mark smiled happily as he made his way towards Sofia's playpen and looking down at her, while she was looking up at him through her big, brown eyes. He could consider himself lucky to have a friend like Callie, even though she wasn't perfect, but she accepted his limits and stepped back when it was necessary. Just like now. And Mark would make the best of it.

Jackson Avery POV:

Sometimes Jackson's father came back to him in his dreams.

He's 12 again and he and his dad are in Georgia during the peak of summer. Blistering heat makes the air unbearable, but there's a lake not far from their house and most of the day is spent learning how to do a proper back stroke.

Jackson always woke up in a cold sweat and for the first few seconds he was convinced that the man's cologne was suffocating him.

Alex left Jackson's office twenty minutes ago and he has spent every second since gathering the courage to call Mark. The talk with Alex had let the man see how unfair he was to Mark. Jackson should not have taken control of a situation that wasn't his to manage.

Staring at his cell phone Jackson knew he had to sack up and do it. The worst Mark could say was no. Picking up his phone he quickly dialled Mark's number and with each ring his heart felt like it was going burst out of his chest.

On the fifth ring Mark picked up unexpectedly and after the man said "hello" Jackson suddenly forgot everything he wanted to say.

"It'-It's Me Mark" Jackson said

"I'm aware, Jackson" Mark said and his voice sounded cold and annoyed. Maybe this was a mistake after all. Maybe Jackson should give him a few more days, but Jackson knew the longer the two remained apart the more likely the two would never find their way back to each other.

"Right" Jackson said with an embarrassed laugh and he could feel his hands start to sweat "I was wondering if we could talk in person"

"I'-" Mark started

"Just for a couple of minutes, I promise" Jackson waited as Mark appeared to be thinking it over. Maybe he shouldn't pressure the man so soon after their argument.

"Okay" Mark said.

"Why don't you come to the park near the hospital" Jackson said "if you want too"

The phone went silent again and Jackson felt like he was pulling teeth, but he knew if he didn't talk to Mark now he would chicken out completely...

"I'll be there in twenty" Mark told him.

"See ya then" Jackson said and once he hung up he buried his face in his hands. He felt as if he was going to be sick.

Jackson was already in the park going over what he would say when he heard the man call his name. Standing up and turning around Jackson squashed the nerves in his stomach and that was when he caught sight of the little girl Mark was holding.

Jackson had met Sofia a few times. Mostly only for a minute before the girl left with Callie or was put to bed. Suddenly Jackson felt the nauseousness return. This wasn't the way Jackson wanted to have a real first meeting with Mark's daughter. Not while he was trying to save their relationship.

"Callie had to go back to work" Mark said as he bent over and let the girl stand on her own two feet. "I hope it's okay?"

"Of course it is" Jackson said with a smile as he bent down to the little girl's level "Hello Sofia, my name is Jackson" he said "I'm a friend of your dad"

The little girl shied away and gripped Mark's hand tighter.

Sofia's hold triggered Mark's hand to spasm. Looking up Jackson could see the fear that came on Mark's face instantly.

"Hey Sofia" Jackson said "how does some ice cream sound?" and with a big smile the little girl looked up at her father and Mark managed to put on a brave face.

"You want to walk with me?" Jackson said as he held out his hand for the little girl and nodding her head she grabbed hold and the two started to walk towards the ice cream truck.

Looking back at Mark to see if he was okay Jackson saw the man hold his shaking hand to his chest and before he turned back he could see Mark mouth "thank you".

Twenty minutes later and the two men were sitting on a bench as they watched Sofia playing on the swings a few feet away.

"Thanks, Jackson" Mark said "I-I couldn't even feel it coming on that time"

"No problem" Jackson told him. How could the two feel this uncomfortable with one another?

"I'm sorry about what I did, Mark" Jackson said "It was a shitty thing to do and putting you in that position wasn't fair" he couldn't bring himself to look at the man and see his disappointment.

"I just don't understand why?" Mark asked "did you think I was going to keep it from you?"

Shrugging his shoulders Jackson looked down at the ground "I don't know".

"I love you Jackson" Mark said "I just needed time to make sense of it myself".

"The trembling hands is how it started with my father too" Jackson said "just out of the blue he was reaching for the remote and the next thing he knew it was on the floor."

"The doctors told him it was a fluke, probably nothing more then a random occurrence" Jackson looked over at the swing set and could see Sofia watching one of the kids go higher and higher.

"We all ignored it and one day while he was performing a liver reconstruction it happened again and he lacerated a brand new liver. In one second he went from being the future of medicine to a cautionary tale" Jackson still remembered the look in his father's eyes as he heard his grandfather say it would be best if he took some time off.

"He tried to come back from that, but his hands never recovered and even if they did the fear of being in an OR made him break out in hives. His fear lead to arguments which lead to divorce and I got to choose who I was going to live with" Jackson's chest felt tighter and tighter. He had never told anyone this, but he needed to show Mark that he trusted him enough to tell him one of the worst things in his life.

"Me and my dad were always really close and I didn't second guess myself when I chose to move with him to Georgia. It was the complete opposite of everything we had in New York. I learned how to become a pretty awesome cook and my dad had no pressure to be an Avery or live with the shame of his mistakes. That first year was the best of my life" Jackson could still remember everything about that time. There were moments he missed it so much it hurt.

Mark's silence was Jackson's cue to continue.

"Then came the National Medical Journal article on Harper Avery. The article that touted his award and brought back the failure of his son all over again. After that my dad started to drink and eventually he was drunk more times then he was sober" Jackson felt Mark's stare on his neck.

"He promised me that he was going to get better. We were in it together and I wanted my dad back so much that I believed him. So when the family came for visits we pretended that everything was perfect. That my dad had the best job and I didn't have to put him to bed after he got blackout drunk. Then came the days when he would disappear for days on end only to show up and pretend nothing was wrong" Jackson finally looked at Mark.

"I shouldn't have ignored the problem" Jackson said "but I didn't want to lose him and then one day I arrived home from school at 13 years old and found him at our kitchen table. The bottle of Vicodin had fallen by his feet. I wasn't even aware I was screaming until our neighbour came busting in the door and rushed me out" Jackson was doing his best not to cry. All this time and it still tore him apart from the inside out.

"Jackson I-" Mark started to say before Jackson waved his hands.

"I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel bad or because I want your pity" Jackson started "What I did was wrong and I know that. I just want you to know why I did it, because losing him like that never leaves and I know it made me paranoid and overbearing, but I can't go through that again, Mark. I almost lost you twice and hearing about your nightmares and knowing about your hands it made me go insane" Jackson grabs hold of his hand "I promise you though, that if you give me another chance I will do whatever I have to do to show you that it won't be a mistake"

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Mark asked quietly.

"Because I hate that look" Jackson said "that look of pity whenever somebody pictures that 13 year old finding his father at their kitchen table. I'm telling you this now because I want you to know I trust you, Mark. I trust you with the worst story of my life and I will trust you with whatever you decide to do from here on out. I just-"

"Just what?" Mark asked

"I just need you to know this is a two way street" Jackson said "I know that Callie is your go to person, but I don't want you to feel she is the only person here for you. I don't want you to keep things from me because you're scared of how I'll see you. You can never be weak to me Mark, because you're the strongest man I know and nothing you can do will change that"

Jackson couldn't read Mark's face, but right now he felt too exposed and he couldn't stay here. "I'm going to go say bye to Sofia. Call me tonight. Whatever you decide I'll accept it" Jackson said and after saying his goodbye he made his way back to the hospital.

He didn't know what the outcome would be, but at least Jackson gave it his all.

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark had been sitting on the bench for a long while after Jackson was gone. He didn't even know how long, because he had lost track of time. Only when he heard Sofia's voice, he came back to reality and saw her stretching her little hands for him from afar. So it was his time to get up and get Sofia home. He was sure she must be very tired. He got up and walked to the swings to take her into his arms, which were fortunately not trembling this time. He held her tight, caressing her back and feeling her cuddle into him.

"I'm here, honey... Daddy is here," he whispered into her ear and turned around to look at the hospital one more time, before he made his way home.

He gave Sofia something to eat - amazed that she already tried to grab the spoon to eat herself while feeding her.

"You're a big girl, Sofia, but this will have to wait a little more time," he grinned and cleaned her up after she had finished her meal, before he lifted her up and sat down on the couch with her.

"I guess it'll be only you and me tonight, huh?"

Sofia looked up at him as if she wanted to comment on his suggestion and in this moment she looked just like Callie. A lot. He knew this look. Like she was about to say something, but she was just a baby, and that probably wouldn't happen. Instead she made a few disapproving sounds that made Mark let her down on the floor.

She went on her hands and knees and started to crawl around and Mark's eyes never left her. He would take care of her. He wouldn't disappoint Callie in this. Callie trusted him to be able to do that, and he would.

His thoughts drifted away to Jackson again. The story he had told him... it was hard to imagine, and it made him realize through how much pain Jackson must have gone. Of course it was natural to act the way he did after going through a traumatic experience like that, even though it was long ago, and he definitely wasn't mad at him anymore. He totally got why Jackson was doing it, even though he didn't want it to happen again.

He had to talk things through with him. He had to tell him how he felt, and that he wouldcome to him if necessary and that not coming to him didn't mean he didn't trust him. It only meant that he wasn't ready to talk.

All of a sudden he felt someone tugging at his Jeans and when he looked down, Sofia was pulling herself up at Mark's leg, so she was standing in front of him. When he looked closer, he saw something in her hand. A picture.

"Sofia! Where did you get that?" Mark asked and tried to take the picture out of her hands, but she had a tight grip on it. So he lifted her on his lap and when he got a closer look he almost froze.

Sofia was holding a picture of the baseball game a few months back. Of their team. They were all on this picture, even Teddy, Henry and Lexie, because they all had been a part of the team. It hurt him to look at all those smiling faces and knowing that some of them would never be there again. He would never be able to talk to some of those persons again. His chest tightened and he gently stroked the glossy paper.

Sofia's little fingers went over the paper as well and stopped at Jackson's face, as if she was pointing at him.

Mark looked down at her with a sad smile.

"That's Jackson. You know him, right? The nice guy that bought you ice-cream today," he explained and Sofia looked from him to the picture and patted at Jackson's face, with a "hmmm" sound.

"You think I should call him?" he asked his daughter, even though he knew he wouldn't get a proper answer, but to his surprise Sofia nodded and laughed at him.

"That's a yes, I guess..." he bent down and kissed her head, before putting her back on the ground and grabbing his mobile phone.

He had no idea what to tell Jackson, but he knew he wanted him here, despite everything he said. He missed him already and he wanted to fix things between them. He wanted to tell Jackson everything. He wanted Jackson to know how he felt from the inside out. It was time. He had kept quiet way too long, and even though he had already told Jackson about his nightmares, he hadn't told him everything. He hadn't told him about not being able to face Meredith, because he felt so guilty, or not being there for Derek because of this, even though he knew he should be.

A sigh left his lips. He was sure Meredith didn't blame him for what happened, but it was still difficult to even look at her and knowing that her sister could still be alive if it wasn't for him.

It took him a couple of minutes to find the courage to dial Jackson's number, but then he finally did, and with the first ring his heart started beating faster and he had problems to breath easy.

It took a lot out of him to make this call, but he knew he wanted it. He knew he had to do this, because he didn't want him and Jackson to drift apart from each other. They would fix this. They would be happy again and he would - no matter how hard it would be - let Jackson be there for him. Let Jackson help him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Jackson's voice at the other end of the line.

"Mark, you called..." he sounded relieved and Mark could totally understand him. And he felt the same relief washing over him.

"Yeah... I... I thought about what you told me earlier today and... and I'm really happy you trust me like that. You have to believe me, I didn't mean for things to get ugly," he admitted, biting his lower lip.

"I love you so much, and I just don't wanna lose you, but... it's not easy for me to depend on someone. To rely on someone. This is all so new for me, because I was always the strong one in a relationship. The one to take care of his partners. But now I feel like I'm weak." he let out a sigh. "I... I don't wanna be weak. I want us to be equal partners. I want us to take care of each other. To be there for each other. Like a two-way-street as you said."

He paused for a moment, waiting for Jackson to say something, which he finally did.

"I want that, too, Mark. And I already told you, I don't think you're weak, just because you have some problems. And it makes me sick not being able to fix them. Not being able to be the one that makes you better."

Mark shook his head, before realizing Jackson couldn't see that. "No... That's not true. You are the one that makes me better. With you I ambetter," he clarified. "Maybe not medically, but everything else. With you by my side I am happy, and it helps me a lot that you believe in me. That you believe I can overcome that."

"We can overcome that," Jackson corrected him, and a smile crossed Mark's lips.

"Yeah, right. We. Still have to learn to use us more than I" he admitted, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"I... I miss you already, and I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Do you... maybe... wanna come over? I can make you dinner..." he suggested. He probably would have to go to the grocery store before he could really provide something delicious for Jackson, but he wanted to do that. He wanted to spend the evening with him as a couple. He wanted to cook for him and then maybe watch a movie together. He realized that he didn't want to hide anymore, because so far, they have been very cautious when they were in the hospital, and he didn't want this anymore. He had to talk to Jackson about it, and if he was ready, they could show everyone that they were an item now. He didn't want to hold back anymore.