Coming soon to a fanfiction site somewhere on the Internet: Shinobi's Guide 2! That's right, everyone's favourite comedy fanfiction is returning with brand new instalments for all members of The Depraved Masses! Spread the word! It's coming!

Also, be on the lookout for Shinobi's Guide to the Internet by MattsyKun-TEFA! Yes, that's right, someone was brave enough to take up my challenge from my last Shinobi's Guide.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Nine Part Three: Ninja Games Continue
By Kaori

While the spectators looked on in horror as Sakura and Ino continued to stuff Temari's brother like a turkey at Thanksgiving.

"Kankurooooo!" wailed Temari.

"Heheheh, classic." A deep tenor chuckled disturbingly. The rookies from Konoha whirled around, Temari stood ramrod straight while Itachi regarded the newcomer lazily.

While he wasn't nearly as tall as Itachi himself, the younger ninja couldn't exactly be called short. A strange tattoo adorned the left side of his forehead and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"H...hi Gaara when did you get here?" she asked the short red-head she knew was standing directly behind her.

"Right after those girls started using Kankuro for a baked potato oven."

"Ah...I...I see."

"Hey, you two seem awfully familiar with each other is he your boyfriend or something?" Ino asked. Temari gave the blonde girl a horrified look while Gaara (1) looked like he was either going to burst out laughing or shit his pants.

"Kinky..." Gaara giggled. Laughing it is then.

"DON'T SAY CREEPY THINGS LIKE THAT!" yelled Temari.

"Me or him?" blinked Ino.

"BOTH!"

"So then what exactly is your relationship?" Lee asked.

"He's my weird little brother."

"Oh..." chorused the Konoha ninja.

"Spaisu no Gaara at your disservice." The red-head grinned disturbingly. "Oh, looks like the second part of the race will start soon."

And with that everyone's attention was returned to the field just in time to watch Kiba get tripped by a well-tossed potato peel from Sasuke.

So now it was down to the Uchiha and the pink-clad girl who had now reached the checkpoint albeit with at least a quarter of the potatoes left in their bag.

"Go Sasuke!" Ino and Sakura cheered from where they were kicking an unconscious Kankuro.

Sasuke was peeling potatoes as fast as he could but he just couldn't seem to catch up to the more dextrous TenTen. His frustration was obvious as he almost fumbled a potatoe. However, that little slip up reminded him of two very important things:

One, he was a ninja trained to work under pressure and

Two, cheating is the way of the ninja.

Off on the sidelines, Itachi noticed the devious glint in his brother's eyes and nodded approvingly. If it seems you will not succeed then cheat. You cheat your ass off. Repeat until you get caught then lie. If you are bad at lying then run like hell. This too is the path of the ninja.

So no one raised any red flags when Sasuke started covertly flinging his potatoes into TenTen's potato sack, but they did murmur about how stupid the girl was for not noticing that the weight of her potato sack never changed.

When TenTen took a potato out of her sack, Sasuke would throw one of his in at the same time while peeling his own potato.

Neji, deciding that he couldn't let TenTen go out like that, yelled to his teammate that the Uchiha was increasing her load. Enraged, TenTen threw a knife at the younger boy who had to stop peeling in order to block the incoming projectile with his own knife.

"Kick it into overdrive TenTen!" boomed a loud voice, causing everyone on the sidelines save for Itachi, Gaara, Neji, Lee and a deaf ninja from the Kumogakure franchise to jump. Standing next to a now very annoyed Shikamaru, was a Konoha supervisor who looked more than a little like Lee. Or was it that Lee looked like him? Either way it was freaking out everyone but Itachi, Lee, and Neji.

"Gai-sachou! Where have you been? You've all but missed the entire youthful race!" Lee pouted.

"I was engaged in my own youthful contest!" the now identified Gai stated, striking a pose. Lee had stars in his eyes and Neji looked like he was going to be violently ill. "Yes my cute student, I was participating in the ever-challenging log-rolling competition. I am ashamed to admit that I was defeated."

"No!" gasped Lee.

"It is sad, but true. However, take heart dear Lee for I will make up for this dishonour by ensuring that I am the victor of the weight-lifting competition later on today!"

"YOSH!"

"Hey," Naruto said, poking Neji. "are they related?"

"Unfortunately no." Shivered Neji. "I have no explanation for their creepily identical appearance or bizarre behaviour."

"What bizarre beha..." Naruto started to say, but was instantly silenced by the sight of Lee and his supervisor hugging each other and crying.

Gaara tugged his sister's sleeve and pointed at the scene. "Why don't you ever hug me like that anymore?"

"I've only ever hugged you once and I smelled like garlic powder for a week; my boyfriend wouldn't go anywhere near me." Glared Temari.

Back to the race still in progress, TenTen had retaken the lead during the second half of the race. Being a year older and more experienced, she was much better able to deal with the onslaught of various ninja pretending to be pirates, monks, tax collectors, and various other fiendish foes. However, counting Sasuke out at this point would be foolish as he had something that TenTen did not Well a couple of somethings, namely: WPSM IIs (see Scroll Seven: Part Three for a reminder), a gas mask, and...

"Is that a feather duster?" blinked Ino. She and Sakura had rejoined the group on the sidelines having gotten bored with half-killing Kankuro.

"Not exactly..." mumbled Sakura as she and Naruto hurriedly looked through their things and put on gas masks of their own.

"What are you two..." Chouji started to ask but was immediately cut off by a sudden storm of wasabi powder.

Everyone observing the race (with the exception of Team 7, Itachi, and Gaara) fell onto the ground hacking, coughing, and sneezing. Their eyes burned and watered, and they gasped for air.

"You...bastards..." wheezed Shikamaru, when the whirlwind of wasabi finally subsided. "Why didn't you warn us?" Naruto and Sakura shrugged unapologetically as they took off their gas masks.

"A ninja must be prepared for anything." Sakura stated. Ino jumped up and strangled her.

"Hey, how come you weren't affected?" Temari asked Itachi, once she was confident she could speak without coughing.

"I held my breath." Said Itachi.

"What about the race?" sneezed Chouji. "Who won?"

Everyone turned their attention back to the field, where TenTen was still lying on the ground twitching; having been much closer to the wasabi powder storm than the observing crowd. At the finish line, triumphant and smug as all hell, was Uchiha Sasuke.

"ALL RIGHT SASUKE-KUN!" cheered Ino, letting go of Sakura to celebrate.

That's one event down. Next time on Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles the dreaded 1000 meter Deliverator Dash!

1) I tried to imagine what Gaara would be like without a homicidal demon inside him but still suffering from bouts of insomnia. I ended up with a manic teenager who likes to sneak up on people, a penchant for death threats and the ability (not to mention eagerness) to carry them out on a whim.