This afternoon, I stole my twelve-year old niece's popcorn and made her chase me around the house for thirty seconds before handing the bowl to my cousin. I am proud to say that is the most fun I've had all day.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Ten Part One: On Your Marks...
By Kaori

The 1000 metre Deliverator Dash is mainly a test of stamina, bravery, and fortitude open to anyone who is strong, experienced, or stupid enough to try it. It is a gruelling 1000 metre race...

...up and over a skyscraper; five hundred metres straight up, and five hundred metres straight down. (1) As the name implies, this race is open only to Deliverator Ninja.

Each Deliverator is given a paper bag with a number on the side containing one samurai chicken burger, large fries of our ancestors, and an onion death blossom. They must find the window corresponding to the bag they are holding while avoiding the booby-trapped windows and the other Deliverators and enter the corresponding room, hand the package over to the waiting ninja, and then head for the finish line on the other side of the skyscraper. What the deliverators don't know is that each bag has an identical twin with the same number so whoever gets to the window first will be able to move on while the unlucky latecomer will be thrown out the window by the ninja inside the room. The first ninja to make it down the tower to the finish line after successfully delivering the food is the winner.

"I can't wait to get up there! This race is going to be so awesome!" Naruto bounced around like a rabbit on speed.

"Wow, mom was right about idiots liking high places..." Sakura muttered.

"I will conquer this." Sasuke glared up at the massive structure

"Yeah! This will be a piece of cake for you Sasuke-kun!" cheered the rosette, doing a complete one-eighty. "How about I give you a kiss for good luck."

"Back of skank I have mace..." backpedalled the Uchiha.

"Heh, you're going to need all the luck you can get." Snorted Temari. "You got lucky last time but it'll take more than luck to win this race."

"Shut up sandy, you're just mad because Sasuke-kun totally smoked your brother in the last contest!"

"'Sandy'? Why you little bi..."

A whistle blew cutting off Temari before she could unload on the other kunoichi.

"Will all participants please take your position at the starting line!" a voice announced over the loudspeaker. "We will be starting the 1000 metre Deliverator Dash in one minute! I repeat, will all participants please take your position at the starting line!"

"I'll deal with you later, pinky this ain't over." Snarled Temari before stalking over to the starting line.

On the sidelines, a group of jounin were procuring prime seats to watch the race; namely the supervisors of the newest batch of Konoha Deliverators.

"Kakashi, you're not participating this year?" Kurenai asked.

"No, I think this time I'll watch my cute little minions." Kakashi replied. "Besides, Anko's participating and we at least want other people to have a slim chance of winning. Not to mention that Kotetsu and Izumo supposedly helped set up this year." Kurenai looked horrified. "Oh relax, I'm sure they didn't put anything lethal up there...well, mostly sure..." Kurenai now looked like she was going to faint.

"Kakashi will you please stop traumatizing my girlfriend?" Asuma groaned, patting the distraught woman on the back in an attempt to calm her down. "Don't worry Kurenai, I'm sure Hinata'll be fine."

"Or she'll be ripped to shreds." Kakashi's tone was positively negligent. "I think I remember Kotetsu dragging one of the Ninja Resources bears in there..." Kurenai fainted.

"Do you get off on making women faint?" glared Asuma.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

At the starting line, eager young deliverators awaited the signal for the race to begin.

"Okay," Sasuke thought to himself. "All I've got to do is find window 57, deliver the food, and get to the finish line before the rest of these losers. Piece of cake."

Similar thoughts were running through the heads of almost every deliverator at the starting line; the exceptions: Rock Lee...

"I shall win this race and prove that hard work, youthfulness, and hot sauce will prevail over all! Watch over me Gai-sensei!"

...Hyuuga Hinata...

"I can do this. I can do this. I just have to finish this race and Naruto will notice me, and Neji-niisan will be proud of me, and Kurenai-sachou will stop wrapping me in bubble-wrap every time we go on a delivery run to the bad part of town."

...Spaisu no Gaara...

"I'm gonna be sooo high!" the red-head let out a creepy giggle that caused the two deliverators next to him to scoot away a little.

... and Spaisu no Temari.

"Little pink bitch. Call me "Sandy" will she? I'll fillet her and serve her up with a side of wasabi sauce. No, I'll deep fat fry her ass..."

A ninja wearing a chef's toque walked to the far end of the starting line with the starting gong. Yes, gong. Gun is filthy gaijin weapon only used by foreigners and barbarians...er...where was I? Oh yeah, the race was about to begin...

"Racers ready..." the ninja-chef said in a loud, clear voice. "On your marks...get set..."

GOOOO.....

The competitors were off like a shot.

...NNNNNNG.

Three minutes, fort-eight point zero six four seconds later...

"Winner: Rock Lee!" announced the ninja at the finish line.

Now I know, you really want to know what the fuck just happened, but we're going to have to wait for the slow motion camera footage in the next chapter!

1) If you're having trouble visualizing the height, look up Taipei 101, the second tallest skyscraper in the world at 509 metres tall.