Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or the characters. Some "guest stars" are based on or named after people in my life while others are totally made up, as are some places and events.

Heads up: My muse is feeling sweary.

Chapter 8

"Bab... " Derek released Penelope's hands in confusion.

Penelope stopped laughing and glared at him. She sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest.

"Don't. Don't even 'Baby Girl' me. Derek, can you honestly sit there and say you have no idea why I would be pissed off at you right now? No clue... no inkling... no hints at all?" Penelope cocked her head from side to side and shot him a death stare.

Derek sighed and looked down at his hands. He knew exactly why she was mad, and he didn't blame her one bit. The adrenaline rush was long gone and was now replaced with anger. "I know why you're mad at me," he said without looking up.

"Really?" she snorted.

"You're upset that I didn't tell you before about... about what happened in Chicago," he said as he finally looked up and into her eyes. He saw anger in them, but more than that, he saw betrayal. And hurt. His heart dropped. He knew he screwed up, big time.

"Ba... Penelope," he corrected. "I know I should've told you. I just didn't..."

"You didn't what, Derek? Didn't have the time? You couldn't spare five minutes to say, 'by the way, Baby Girl...' and told me?" she yelled as tears filled her eyes.

"It's not like that... "

"Then what was it like? From where I'm sitting, it looks like you kept a pretty big secret about us from me, like I'm too insignificant or emotionally unstable... Wait... that's it, isn't it? Because I can't compartmentalize like you and Hotch, you thought I couldn't handle the truth? That I'd fall apart or be scared shitless and not be able to do my job?"

"No..."

"Then what is it? Am I too undeserving or stupid? I know it was a fluke that I was hired by the FBI in the first place and that there are hundreds of geeks who deserve to be the BAU's tech who actually have degrees who went to the academy and did all the right things instead of the wrong ones "

"Dammit, Penelope, stop!" Derek yelled. "No, it wasn't because I thought you were insignificant or unstable and you sure as hell are not undeserving or stupid."

"Then why?" she whispered.

Derek stood up and paced the room. "I don't know why I never told you, OK? I wanted to so many times but..."

"Like all the time we spent together after I was shot? Or in Alaska?"

"No! I couldn't tell you when you were that vulnerable!"

"Fine... but what about during our ten-thousand movie nights? Or our million video chats? Or our countless phone calls?"

"I was scared, OK," he yelled back.

"Of what?" she asked.

"This! Of this! Your reaction!" he yelled.

"What do you expect?"

"I don't know! I guess I thought I was sparing you."

"How long have you known?" she asked.

Derek took a deep breath. "Almost right away," he admitted. "I thought you were familiar during our first dinner together. I had a dream that night and by the time I got to the office the next morning, I knew it in my heart. I read my father's file and got some information and that's when I knew one-hundred percent."

"So you knew about this for the better part of twelve years?"

"Yeah."

"Would you have kept this a secret had Montgomery not escaped?"

"Maybe... I honestly don't know. I wish I had told you."

"Derek..."

"You want to know why I never told you; why I never told anyone besides my mama? I'm a coward, OK? Is that what you want to hear? I'm a coward and I didn't want you to hate me. All I ever wanted was to be the hero you deserve. The one you always say I am. And I failed. I'm a horrible friend. Why do you think I always say I'm not a hero? It's because I'm not."

"I don't hate you, Derek Morgan. I could never hate you. I'm just really, really pissed off. This has been an incredibly emotional and confusing day. Right now, all I want to do is finish my food, take a bath, and relax."

"OK. Whatever you want to do," he replied.

They finished their dinner in silence and afterward they each opened a fortune cookie. They read their fortunes to themselves and looked up at each other.

"Well, I think I'm going to take that bath now," she announced, breaking up the awkward silence as she crumpled the paper fortune. She picked up her cartons and threw them in the trash bin. She smiled a little when she saw the separate bins for recyclables. Although the food containers weren't recyclable, she was pleased to see glass, plastic, aluminum, and paper divided up.

"I put your bags and purse in your room," Derek said as he came up behind her. He saw her sneak the smile when she saw his green efforts.

"Thanks." He watched as she climbed up the stairs, pausing halfway up to remove her heels. He waited until he heard the door close before he headed upstairs. He heard the water running and music coming from the guest bath as he walked past the closed door.

Derek paused outside the open door of the guest room and smiled. Truth be told, it was Penelope who he had thought of when he was trying to decide how to paint and furnish this room. He painted the walls pale yellow and the ceiling lavender. He had built a window seat and Penelope herself had sewn the yellow cushion and pillows in different shades of purple. The bedspread was lavender and the walls were dotted with small, framed pictures of flowers. There was a dresser, nightstand, and rocking chair, all stained to a dark hue.

He saw her bags by the window seat and her pajamas on the bed. He saw the crumpled fortune on the dresser next to her purse and his curiosity got the better of him. He walked in and picked up the slip of paper. His eyebrows rose as he read, "Life is an adventure in forgiveness." He replaced the fortune and went to his own room, where he sat down and pulled his own fortune out of his pocket. "The Great Wall was built to keep enemies out, not loved ones," he read again. He knew he had to be completely honest in order to make things right with Penelope, even if it meant opening up his heart.

He replaced his work clothes with sweats and an ancient FBI t-shirt and turned on the TV. He flipped through channels and watched the news and weather reports before switching to ESPN.

Derek heard the bathroom door open and the guest room door close and a few minutes later he heard footsteps going down the stairs. He got up and went downstairs to see what Penelope was doing. He looked into the living room and frowned when he saw it unoccupied. He then walked to the kitchen and stood in the doorway and watched as Penelope cracked open a fortune cookie and fished out the paper. She took a bite of the cookie as she read the fortune. She sighed and threw out the wrapper. She turned and jumped when she saw Derek standing in the doorway.

She squeaked a little and dropped the cookie and fortune as her hand flew to her chest. "Derek Morgan! Don't sneak up on me. I'm already super on-edge as it is!"

"Sorry, Baby," he apologized as he picked up the cookie and paper for her. He threw out the cookie and handed her the fortune.

"Want to watch Netflix?" he asked.

"Sure."

They moved to the couch and Derek handed Penelope the remote before sitting down. She flipped through the titles quickly before deciding one she knew they both liked. As the movie progressed, she kept noticing Derek staring at her. As the credits rolled, she looked over and he was staring again. "What?" she asked.

"What?" he repeated.

"You've been staring at me the last two hours," She stated.

"Sorry," he replied. "Do you want some popcorn?"

"Yeah!"

"We can go upstairs and watch some more," he asked.

"Sounds good," She replied as she followed him to the kitchen. He took out his air popper while she got the kernels and seasoning from the pantry. He got a couple of beers from the fridge and together they went back upstairs. They got under the covers in his bed and ate the popcorn and drank the beers. He couldn't stop himself from stealing more glances, studying her features and expressions like never before

Halfway through the third movie he turned to ask her a question and saw she had fallen asleep. He took her glasses off her face and placed them on the nightstand. He debated on whether to carry Penelope to her room or just letting her sleep here. He was still contemplating and didn't realize his eyes had closed until he woke up a few hours later with his arm wrapped around Penelope. He grinned as she mumbled in her sleep and her hugged her closer, breathing in her strawberry scented shampoo until he fell back asleep.

A/N: Merry Christmas Eve. I found out some interesting news (several pieces) and I don't want to jinx it, so I'm just going to ask for positive vibes. Enjoying the vacation but missing my furbabies.

Xoxo,

Pita(homesick)Cake