A/N: Hello again! Thanks once more for all the comments… we're really happy that some of you enjoy our story…
And to answer a few questions (sorry I haven't done this before) – so far we haven't included Bailey in the storyline, but at some later point she might make an appearance… same goes for Cristina, since the main characters are still Mark and Jackson, but who knows? Maybe at some point we'll include her as well… good to know that people would want that! :-) We're thankful for suggestions!
This following chapter will give A LOT of insight in Lewis' life… mostly his life with the guy he loved… not so much Mark/Jackson, though, but like I said, since the storylines are all connected so much, I hope, you will enjoy it as well…
As much as someone can with everything that happens!
Again, thanks for everything!
Enjoy Chapter 27! Don't know when Chapter 28 will be ready but I'm gonna try to have it finished for you by tomorrow :-)
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark was really fucking nervous when he entered the hospital and stood in front of the elevator. In about ten minutes he would have his first therapy session and he prayed to god it would help him. He needed something positive, something to focus on, because he missed work so much. Watching Jackson's surgeries from time to time didn't really help, the opposite, actually. It made him miss operating even more.
He had talked to Owen about Lewis and Owen was really excited about him. He even told him that his limited position could become a permanent one, if Mark made progress in his therapy. Owen thought about hiring him for good. Which would be a good thing, right? He was Jackson's brother after all. Having some kind of family here would definitely affect Jackson, and Mark was sure it was a positive effect.
Lewis and Jackson seemed to get along pretty well - as far as he could judge by the one time he had seen them together, and he couldn't wait for Jackson to find out the good news.
The ringing sound of the elevator pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he entered the small cabin, pressing the button for the third floor and getting out of the elevator as soon as it stopped and the door opened.
His heart was pounding like crazy when he paced along the hallway until he was standing in front of the door of one of the rehabilitation rooms. He didn't know what to expect at all. Of course he had seen rooms like that from the inside, for example when Callie had her accident and he had brought her there or such, but he had never needed one for himself. Like he did now. He didn't want to feel like he wasn't a real man anymore, but that was exactly what he was afraid of.
That he probably couldn't be helped by Lewis and that his problems wouldn't vanish. If that was the case, he could never ever be good enough for Jackson again and he hated that thought.
"Doctor Sloan, you're already here," a familiar voice made Mark turn around and he saw a smiling Lewis Avery coming his way.
"I already told you to call me Mark. Please. Then I don't feel quite as old as I am," Mark grinned, causing Lewis to grin himself.
"Oh come on. I'm sure you're not thatold, but I think I am, because I had already forgotten about that offer," His grin turned to a smile. "Okay then, Mark..." he went on. "Let's get to business... alright?"
Mark rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah... sure..."
"You alright?" Lewis asked gently while putting the key in the keyhole and unlocking the door of the rehabilitation room.
"Yes, sure... just a little nervous," Mark admitted. He didn't even know why he told Lewis this, because he barely knew him. He normally wasn't someone to trust someone other this easy, but with Lewis it seemed so easy. Maybe, because he was Jackson's older brother.
"Aww... don't be," Lewis replied, patting Mark's back. "I'm sure you're gonna be fine. And besides: I'm really good in my job." He winked at Mark.
Mark couldn't help the chuckle escaping his lips. "Pretty self-confident, aren't we?"
"I have every reason to," Lewis gave back, totally responding to Mark's flirty behaviour, even though Mark didn't intend to REALLY flirt with him. Just get to know him better since he was a part of Jackson's family. A part of Jackson for that matter.
"Haven't heard any complaints."
"Yet," Mark joked.
"Oh, nice", Lewis laughed, leaning closer to him. "Do you plan on complaining about me?"
Mark looked him in the eyes. "Who knows... Maybe I will if you're not as good as everyone says you are. Your reputation is unbelievable."
"I am good, and I definitely keep my promises," he said, finally opening the door to the rehabilitation room and walking in before Mark, giving him a sign to follow him which Mark did only a few seconds later.
Immediately, he started looking around, seeing two gymnastic balls, some mattresses and even some barbells. God, he was still so extremely nervous, even though he most likely shouldn't... Lewis was really okay, a quite funny guy, and Mark was sure to get along with him just fine.
"You haven't promised me anything yet." Mark replied, smiling.
Lewis looked at him. "Okay... then I'll do now. I will promise you to be fit again by the end of December. This means you have about five months until then, and I will take good care of you," he promised. "This year will end with you being cleared and able to do surgery again. I'm sure my brother already misses you."
Mark shrugged. "Don't really know about that... I think he kind of even enjoys being the boss, and once I'm back I want to make him my partner anyways, so... yeah..."
"Your... your partner?" Lewis stammered, looking at Mark almost confused. "But why?"
Mark smiled immediately. "Because he's the best... because he knows what he's doing, and he's the only of the resident who decided to go in plastics. He's really talented, I've seen that the moment I've seen him, and I was so right. I'm glad I was right."
"Well... if you say so," Lewis replied with a small smile. "I don't think I can say anything about it... haven't seen Jackie in a while."
"I'm sure he's so happy you're here... you look SO much alike," Mark said, looking around. "But maybe we can postpone the conversation to later and get some work done. I really want to keep this promise you gave me. I really wanna be able to leave everything behind me and start over."
It took him a lot of effort, not to mention Jackson's name in the wrong way, because obviously he still hadn't told Lewis about their relationship and Mark was asking himself why. Was Jackson ashamed that he was way older? Or did he just not want anyone to know that they had hooked up?
He shook away those thoughts, looking around. "Where do we start?"
Lewis pointed to the ball. "Sit down... at first we'll do some Beginner's practices, before we get to the real hard stuff."
"Okay..." Mark smiled, fortunately feeling a lot better than before he came here. Lewis was a good therapist and Mark was sure he would really be able to help him in the long run. At least it was the hope he was clinging to right now.
Alex Karev POV:
Alex hadn't been able to get the events of that morning out of his head.
He knew all about difficult family relations, especially when it came to brothers, but seeing the vitriol in Jackson and Lewis' encounter shocked Alex. He had never seen Jackson angry enough to speak like that. Even when he fought Alex after the whole April debacle he had apologized almost immediately afterwards.
That didn't happen this time, though. Jackson hadn't sought him out to make up for what he had said to Alex and he was growing increasingly sure that Jackson wasn't going to.
He wasn't sure when it happened, but the closeness that he and Jackson had was disappearing faster then either man could stop it. What Jackson had said to him hurt like hell. He knew that he was never good enough for April, but to hear it spoken aloud felt like a punch to the stomach.
Still, seeing Jackson lying there unconscious had terrified him. Whatever he and Jackson were going through right now didn't wipe away the concern for the man's well being.
He had found himself milling around the main lobby in hopes of catching Jackson and trying to have some kind of civil conversation. It was obvious Jackson wasn't a fan of this thing between him and Lewis, but choosing Lewis shouldn't mean losing Jackson as a result.
Alex didn't let people in easily and he sure as hell didn't let them walk out of his life that way either. April was...different, he had to let her go to protect her and to give the child she was carrying a real shot at being something good one day.
He had lost her; he wasn't going to lose Jackson too.
Taking the initiative he made his way down the left corridor and headed down to Jackson's office. The hallway was quiet and dimly lit. Only Jackson's office and one of the general surgery docs resided there, so the quiet was to be expected. It still unnerved him, though.
Jackson's door was closed and if Alex were to guess he was sure it was locked too.
Knocking he waited for Jackson to respond.
"Yeah" he said through the thick wooden door.
"Jackson, it's me" Alex said and was met with silence "can I come in?"
"I'm really busy" he was lying and Alex ignored the small pang of hurt he felt in his stomach.
"Come on, man" Alex said "I don't want to have a whole conversation through a door, but I will"
It went quiet again until to his surprise he heard the unlocking of the door and Jackson opening it up. Getting a good look at the man he winced at seeing the man's swollen right eye, but it didn't look nearly as bad as it could have.
"How you feeling?"
Great" Jackson told him sarcastically as he returned to his desk and stared back on his papers. Alex felt awkward standing in front of Jackson while the man refused to look at him.
"Post-ops?" Alex asked as he took the seat across from Jackson "they can be a real bitch, huh?"
"What do you need, Alex?" Jackson asked frustrated "I'm swamped here"
Alex didn't know what to say. His whole life had been spent avoiding these kinds of situations that being right in the middle of one made him start to sweat.
"We've had all this animosity between us ever since-" Alex cut himself off from saying Lewis' name. He was sure Jackson was smart enough to know when he and Alex had fallen out favour with one another.
Jackson shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Why are you so against me and Lewis?" Alex asked
"A week ago you were planning a life with April" Jackson said "you know the pregnant ex-girlfriend you decided to abandon in order to start sleeping with somebody you know absolutely nothing about"
Alex gave a bitter smile "You sure know to hit 'em where it hurts Jackson"
Jackson looked away "I'm sorry" he said "I just...I wish you could see that this road your going down is a bad one"
"Why?" Alex asked "tell me"
Returning his gaze to Alex once more he could see the war going on inside of Jackson's mind. He wanted to tell Alex something, but he was holding himself back.
Shaking his head Jackson returned back to his work "You're a grown man" he said "you can make your own decisions".
Alex was suddenly angry and as he stood he saw Jackson jump back "So, that's it?" he asked "either I end this thing with Lewis or we can't be friends anymore?"
"No, I didn't say that" Jackson replied "I just-"
"Just what?" Alex leaned over and put his hands on Jackson's desk "Just don't think I'm good enough for Lewis, just like I wasn't good enough for April?"
"No" Jackson was starting to sound flustered "that's not what I meant"
"Then what did you mean?"
"I'm just worried about you" Jackson told him honestly and just as fast as Alex's anger came it washed away.
"Why?"
"I-I don't want you jumping into this relationship with Lewis just to try and get over April" Jackson told him "you deserve better"
Alex looked at his friend and saw that all was not lost between them "Lewis makes me happy and neither one of us is expecting this to turn into some great love like you and Mark" he said "but shouldn't we at least get the chance to enjoy this while we can"
Jackson shrugged his shoulders "I guess".
"I and April were never going to work out" Alex said "deep down I knew it and so did she"
"What about the pregnancy?"
"I'm going to support whatever decision she makes and I'll make sure that if she keeps the kid that it has everything it needs"
"It's going to need a father" Jackson said.
"Me and April going our separate ways will make sure they have a good one, because I'm just not cut out to be a dad, Jackson"
Jackson was about to respond when he looked behind Alex and saw Lewis walk in his office and towards the man.
"I've been looking for you" Lewis said as he wrapped an arm around Alex's waist "I was wondering if you want to grab some lunch?"
"Sure" Alex smiled "why don't you come with us Jackson?"
Both Avery brothers looked momentarily startled "No, I already ate" Jackson said as he made his way towards the bathroom to avoid a scene.
Once Jackson had closed the door Alex had turned his body towards Lewis' "You two are really going to have to find a way to not make every room you're in together feel like another World War"
When Lewis shrugged his shoulders Alex wondered if the two brothers knew how eerily similar they looked when they did that.
"We're not that kind of family...hell, we aren't really family at all" Lewis said as he pulled Alex close "but I don't wanna talk about Jackson right now" Lewis said as he kissed Alex's neck "We have an hour for lunch and I would really like to see all the things we could get done in that time"
Alex felt blood rush straight to his groin at the smile Lewis gave with his last sentence.
"I'd like that" Alex said as he gave Lewis a quick kiss.
"April" a shocked Jackson said as he walked out of the bathroom and turning around quickly Alex saw the woman standing in the doorway looking like she had just seen an alien.
"April!" and backing away from Lewis he was just about to walk over to her when she bolted out of the room and before he could follow her Jackson was already hot on her trail.
His stomach felt like it was going to collapse in on itself.
"You alright?" Lewis asked as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and looking back at him Alex shook his head.
"No"
April Kepner POV:
"We have an hour for lunch and I would really like to see all the things we could get done in that time" - "I'd like that"
April couldn't believe what she had just witnessed. She wouldn't have believed anyone who had told her something like that if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. And it hurt her like crazy. The tears were burning in her eyes, making it almost impossible to see straight, let alone think clearly.
She needed to get out of here. She needed fresh air. She felt like she was suffocating.
She heard a voice behind her, but she couldn't identify who it was from, because her mind was so clouded from the pain.
Hastily she ran down the stairs instead of using the elevator, not stopping for a single second, even though she was already breathing very hard.
Once she was finally outside the hospital, she leaned against the nearest wall and sank down on the floor, starting to cry very hard. Her whole body was shaking and she felt like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
"April..." There it was again, the familiar voice that had already tried to get through to her when she stormed out of Jackson's office, and when she looked up, she looked directly at him. Jackson.
She wanted to say something, wanted to tell Jackson to get lost, but no words left her mouth, only desperate sobs escaped her.
When Jackson tried to hug her, she did her best to push him away, but after a couple of seconds she just couldn't anymore. She didn't have the strength to resist any longer, even though Jackson was one of the last persons she wanted to see right now. He obviously knew about Alex and his "new lifestyle" and she felt so betrayed.
Still, it was almost impossible at that moment to get rid of him, because he wouldn't let go of her, until she leaned against him, silently crying against his chest.
April felt Jackson's arms around her, felt his hands caressing her back and tried to calm down, but she just couldn't. She couldn't believe how much it had hurt to see Alex like that after like what? Two days? They hadn't even really broken up when Alex had slept with someone else - obviously this guy in Jackson's office - and now he was making out with him in public already. April had thought Alex had loved her, heck, he had even told her he loved her, but it obviously hadn't been the truth.
"Why...? Why is he doing that to me?" she choked out, looking up at Jackson from tearful eyes. "What have I done wrong?"
Jackson cupped her face in her hands, gently wiping away some of her tears, but it was useless, because there were always coming new. "Listen to me, April..." Jackson started, causing April to nod.
"I'm listening," she finally got out, still barely able to speak.
"None of this is your fault. You haven't done anything wrong." Jackson said calmly.
April shook her head. "Yes, I have... It's not like I'm an angel, Jackson..." April replied desperately. "I pushed him away and that made him sleep with this... this... guy..."
"That doesn't excuse anything," Jackson gave back. "What Alex did was wrong, and he shouldn't have slept with him." Jackson bit his lip, obviously having something else on his mind.
"What's... what's wrong?" April asked cautiously. "I can tell there's something else."
Jackson let out a sarcastic laugh. "You're in tears and totally desperate and asking mewhat's wrong?" He let out a sigh. "That's wrong on so many levels." He obviously couldn't believe that April was this selfless, but she really wasn't. She just wanted to know the truth.
"Tell me, Jackson... please," she replied without going any more into what Jackson just said, causing Jackson to swallow hard.
"The guy Alex slept with wasn't... wasn't just anybody.. it was my brother," Jackson blurted out.
"What?" April asked shocked, pushing Jackson away immediately. She felt anger building up within her. "How could you let that happen? Why didn't you prevent him from that?"
"And how would I have done that? I didn't even know they even met until the next day and it was already too late then." Jackson said, looking at April earnestly. "Believe me, April, if I could have, I would have done everything in my willpower to prevent Alex from sleeping with my bastard brother. I have my reasons for never even mentioning him to anyone. Not even to you."
April felt her anger slowly fading away again, because she could see that this whole situation wasn't easy for Jackson as well. Alex was one of his best friends after all, and she could tell that the relationship to his brother couldn't be easy. And now he was in the middle of this whole mess.
"Why did he do that?" April asked again, coming back to the main reason of their conversation. "And how is it that he's into guys now?" She felt another well of tears in her eyes. "What's wrong with me that all the guys I sleep with turn gay immediately afterwards?"
"April..." Jackson replied, gently pulling her close again. "I already told you it had nothing to do with you that I fell in love with Mark. Or with us sleeping together. It was pretty awesome, actually."
"Really?" April looked up at him, still not entirely convinced. "Because I think I must be really bad in bed when everyone starts sleeping with men afterwards."
"Mark wasn't my first guy. I already told you that. And that I was in love with him long before we slept together. I just wasn't aware of it for a long time," Jackson replied.
April bit her lower lip. "But Alex wasn't... I'm sure he had never slept with a guy before."
Jackson let out a sigh. "Believe me, April, Lewis has his ways to get someone, even the straightest guys," he told her, going on immediately. "He thought it was a good way to get to me. He thought he could hurt me with sleeping with Alex and he did."
April was surprised. "Why would he do that? He's your brother..."
"Because our relationship is very... difficult to say at least." Jackson explained. "It's a long story I won't get into right now, but like I said: Lewis knows how to handle guys like Alex... he tells them whatever they want to hear and he met Alex exactly at the right time. When he was vulnerable and heartbroken because you two had a fight. He used him. I think he's still using him, but Alex won't listen to me. I already told him to stay away from Lewis."
April nodded slowly. "I... I played my part in this whole mess, too, but I didn't think he would jump into bed with someone only a few hours after we fought." She let out a sigh. "He has always been such a player... but I thought I could change him. I thought the thing between us was special."
"It was... it is," Jackson immediately said. "And this thing with my brother... it doesn't mean much to Alex... and it's... it's just typical Alex to do something like that. I mean, I don't know him for thislong as you know, but he reminds me so much of myself. Running away when things get difficult. Destroying the things you love most, because you think you're not good enough to have all that."
April looked up at Jackson who was still holding her tightly. "Why would he think that?" She shook her head. "I love him so much, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I know he's been very troubled and that in certain situations it's difficult to deal with him, but I'm not perfect either." April swallowed down another well of tears building inside of her, trying to compose herself again. She didn't want to be this weak.
"Who is?" Jackson asked with a small smile. "But Alex thinks he's not worthy of your love. He thinks he would screw up your life, and the life of your kid, and he loves you so much that he doesn't want to do that to the both of you."
Instinctively, April placed a hand on her still flat stomach. "But that's not true. I need him, and this baby needs him."
"Then you have to fight for him, April," Jackson insisted, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead. "And I'll be there for you every step of the way. And if there is something I can do, just let me know."
April shook her head, getting back on her feet and waiting for Jackson to do the same.
"Thanks... but I think that's something I have to do by myself." she said determined. "I will get him back, Jackson, no matter what he did to me. I... I won't be able to trust him again that easy, and it will be a long way, but we have a shot. I just know it. You telling me that he really loves me makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just need him to start thinking higher of himself."
"I'm sure you're the only one that can do that... and if you ever need anything, I'll be there," Jackson replied, causing April to smile. A real smile. The first one since she stormed out of his office.
"Thank you, Jackson..." She leaned forward, hugging him tight. "And maybe you can tell me what's wrong between you and your brother at some point. I would really love to know what tore you two apart like that..." and she did. She could tell by the look on Jackson's face that he wasn't ready to talk about his brother at the moment, but she always wanted a brother, and Jackson seemed to rather not have him as his brother at all.
Alex Karev POV:
Alex had wanted to go after April. Apologize and erase that look he saw in her eyes that told him he had officially broken her heart.
Lewis had stopped him before he could follow Jackson out.
"You'll just overwhelm her" Lewis told him "Jackie...I mean Jackson will help her". Alex could still feel his whole body shaking. He had ended it with April, but seeing her hurt still tore him apart inside and knowing that it was because of him only made it worse.
"Let's go get some lunch" Lewis said "that burger joint down the street looks pretty good".
Alex just nodded and let Lewis lead him out of Jackson's office and the two made a beeline out of the hospital.
The restaurant that Lewis picked was pretty quiet for mid-day and for that Alex was thankful. The last thing he needed was to get frustrated at a large crowd and take his fear and frustrations out on someone who didn't really deserve it. He had done that more then enough for one lifetime.
The men ordered their food and found a table in the far corner. Alex tried to eat, but everything tasted like metal and for a brief moment he thought that he should probably get himself checked out just to make sure nothing was wrong with him.
Well, nothing more then the usual.
"So, that's April" Lewis said causing Alex to look up at him "She's a pretty girl"
"Yeah" Alex responded quietly. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was talking about the girl he used to sleep with to the guy he was currently sleeping with.
That was a sentence Alex never thought would apply to him.
Alex could feel Lewis staring at him and he suddenly felt as if he was being scrutinized.
"So, Jackson was right about your feelings for her" Lewis didn't sound hurt or angry; just curious.
"No" Alex said "I mean we used to, but...not anymore"
"Because of us?" Lewis asked.
"Not really" Alex tried to take another bite of his burger and still tasted the same bitter flavour "it was over before we met in the bar...hell before me and April even got started really"
"You love her" Lewis said factually "it's written all over you".
"I'm not the kind of person who does well in love" Alex responded "I tend to fuck it up in very grand and epic ways, as you've just witnessed"
Lewis smiled at him and Alex felt the first bit of relief since Jackson's office.
"If you want to work things out with her I completely understand" Lewis said "is it true that she's pregnant?"
The question jarred Alex "I.. yeah" he said "I've had an awful father; a man who should have known that he was never cut out to be one and I don't want whatever kid I have to say that about me 30 years from now"
"I think you're being a bit hard on yourself, Alex" Lewis reached over and grabbed his hand. Alex almost jerked back before he felt the man run a thumb over his knuckles. The gesture was comforting.
"I-I've done the marriage thing and even the potential father thing" Alex said as he thought of Izzie and then Rebecca "and each one ended with the woman either dying, leaving, or getting sent to the loony bin"
Alex grabbed Lewis' hand in his own "I do love her, but I also know when walking away is the best thing you can do"
"Then you need to talk to her, Alex" Lewis said "it's not fair to just leave her with the hope that it can be different someday"
"That's not what I'm doing"
"Not intentionally" Lewis said "but I've been in her position and finding out that the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with doesn't feel the same is crushing"
Alex knew Lewis was right. He would have to talk to April; he should have done it before she caught him with Lewis.
"You mind if we take a rain check on the rest of this lunch?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, no problem" Lewis said "let me know how it goes later".
Standing up Alex leaned over and gave Lewis a passionate kiss "I will" he said "and thanks"
"Anytime" Lewis smiled and turning around Alex made his way back to the hospital.
Alex had found April walking towards the supply closet and taking a deep breath he tried to quell his nerves.
"April"
The woman turned around and the fear was on her face in an instant. She was just as nervous as he was.
"Alex" she said and looked away quickly "I-I'm kinda busy"
"April, please" he said "I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but can we talk? I promise I'll make it quick"
It took her a few moments to finally nod her head in agreement and walking ahead of her he led her to the locker room that was located a short distance down the hall.
Once the two were alone neither knew how to start, but Alex felt this situation was his to own and he should have been the one to make things right.
"I never meant for you to see me and Lewis; see us...like that"
April's face flashed a quick sign of pain and it twisted Alex's heart "When did you and Lewis become an us?"
She was angry.
"I-I don't know" Alex answered honestly "it kind of snuck up on me"
"Jackson's brother, Alex, really?" April asked "did you even take a breath between deciding to move out and jumping into a relationship with him?"
"It's not a relationship...I mean I don't think it is"
"Then what? It's just sex...? You know what? I don't even want to know" she said and tried to make her way past Alex but the man blocked her path.
"This is me, April" Alex said "I warned you that this is what my life had always been and will always be...that's why you and that kid-"
"Our kid" April corrected.
"Deserve better" Alex said "I could never live with myself if I make you live a life I know you'll regret one day"
"I love you, Alex" April said "and maybe because you don't seem to love yourself very much you can't see the amazing man you can be, but trust me, you don't just have to accept this life you've decided to pursue just because you think it's the one you deserve"
Grabbing April's hand he heard the girl take in a breath "You see the best in everything, Kepner" Alex said "it's part of the reason why I love you, but it tends to leave you blind to the faults of the people you care about"
"That's not true" she said.
"It is" Alex told her "You have a good heart that you leave too open to hurt and that's all I would do if we were together" he pulled her in for a hug and kissed the side of her head "I've accepted who I am, April...I wish you would too"
"Like Lewis has?" she said bitterly as she pulled out of his hold.
"This isn't about Lewis" Alex said "it would have been somebody else down the road eventually. I've done it with every single person naive enough to think that I was capable of someone worth building a life with"
"So that's it?" April asked "I just watch you self-destruct?"
Alex could feel the same emotions from that night of their break-up and the air suddenly felt constraining.
"I'm sorry, April" Alex said as he made his way over to the door and opening it he looked back at her "I want you to find somebody who makes you happy Kepner. Nobody else deserves it more"
"Alex" she said but the man had left before she could finish her sentence. Alex knew what the right thing to do was and eventually April would see it too.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis made his way back to the hospital once he had finished his lunch alone, still thinking about the conversation he had with Alex. He could tell from the look in his eyes, that he really loved this April-girl, and it made him realize that he knew exactly how Alex felt right now. Loving someone you think you didn't deserve was always bad.
He sat down on a park bench and closed his eyes, immediately thinking about Tyler.
The whole time they were together, Lewis had thought their relationship had been too good to be true. He had thought that he didn't deserve a guy like Tyler and that he wouldn't break up with him sooner or later, but Tyler had managed to convince him otherwise. Tyler had done everything to convince him that he was the one he loved, even with his bad sides, and he had quite a lot of them. He had worked so hard to make Lewis believe, and the day he finally did was the day he proposed to Tyler. He remembered this moment as if it was yesterday.
Closing his eyes he let the memories flood his mind.
Lewis had never been the romantic kind of guy, and neither was Tyler, but this night... tonight... tonight everything was different. Tonight was special. Lewis had spent a whole lot of time and money to think this moment over and to wait for the right time to ask Tyler to marry him and tonight would be the night. He loved him more than anything in the world and he wanted to spend his life with him. He never wanted to let him go again.
Their apartment was almost beyond recognition once he was finished with it, because he had managed to shove the couch and even the TV-cabinet with the TV on it away to have enough space, before he had formed a heart out of what felt like hundreds of tea candles. He had lighted them when Tyler hat called him that he was on his way home and turned on the music. Their favourite CD. With the song they first kissed to.
He had also filled the room with Rose pedals that led to their bedroom, and he had bought new silk bed-clothes in red and put them on their beds. He had prepared everything, and it was just perfect. He couldn't wait for Tyler to come home, even though he was nervous as hell. Tyler could say no, even though Lewis was pretty positive he wouldn't, but what if he did?
Shaking away his thoughts he pulled the small casket out of his jeans pocket and opened it. Two rings in dim silver, very simple and very them. He was sure Tyler would like them. If he said yes, that was.
When Lewis heard the key in the keyhole he felt his heartbeat quickening immediately and got off the couch he was sitting on to welcome Tyler at the door.
"Hey, Baby..." he said, once Tyler opened the door, blocking his view to their living room.
"Hey..." Tyler replied, kissing him gently and looping his arms around Lewis' waist. "I've missed you."
"Me too... glad you're finally here..." He took both of Tyler's hands in his own, looking him in the eye. "I have a surprise for you."
"Oh my god, are you pregnant?" Tyler joked, causing Lewis to gently punch him in the ribs.
"Idiot..."
"That's why you love me, don't you?" Tyler replied, smiling up at him. "So what is it?"
Lewis walked backwards into the living room, still blocking the view to the candle heart, but finally moving away enough for Tyler to see what he had done.
"Oh my god... what's that all about?" Tyler asked, looking really surprised.
Nervously, Lewis cleared his throat. "Tyler... I..." He bit his lower lip, taking a deep breath. That was harder than he thought it would be. He wasn't the romantic type after all, but he needed to say what he had to say. He pulled Tyler a little closer to the heart before falling onto his knees, still not letting go of his hands.
"I love you so much..." he started again. "I love you like I've never loved anyone before in my whole life and more than I ever will love anyone. You're all I ever dreamed of, and even though I still sometimes think I don't deserve you, I'm so glad you love me too. I don't want this to ever change again. I wanna spend the rest of my life loving you... being with you... making you happy... will you marry me?"
Tyler stared at him in shock for a couple of seconds and Lewis almost expected him to say no, but only a mere seconds later he was down on his knees as well, literally falling into Lewis' arms. "Yes... god yes... yes... yes..."
Lewis looked at him, fighting back the tears. He was so moved and happy at the same time, he almost couldn't speak. "Yes what?" he asked, gently caressing Tyler's face.
"Yes, I will marry you, Lewis Avery." Tyler replied, placing a soft kiss on Lewis' lips and with this kiss it was sealed. They belonged together and no one would ever get in between them.
At least that was what Lewis had thought for a couple of really happy weeks, when they had started to prepare their wedding. Why hadn't he noticed that something had been wrong? Why hadn't he noticed how close Jackson and Tyler had become during the preparations?
Thinking about the moment he had found out about Tyler and Jackson still tore him apart, and he just couldn't deal with it. Not now, not ever. He needed this relationship - or whatever it was - with Alex to keep those thoughts of Tyler away, because looking at Jackson... looking at him being happy... reminded him about the fact that it was Jackson's fault that he didn't have all that for himself.
Jackson had a job he loved, he had friends, had a family. He even had a boyfriend who obviously loved him as well, he was happy, and Lewis hated him for it, even though deep down he somehow still loved Jackson. He was his brother after all, and if he didn't love him so much, he wouldn't be able to hate him like that. Still, he managed to keep the love deep down inside his heart, because whenever he saw Jackson smiling, the hate was a lot more present.
Shaking away his thoughts, Lewis got off the park bench, making his way back to the hospital. He knew what Alex was going through, new exactly how it felt to lose the love of your life, but he actually wasn't sure if he wanted Alex to go through the same pain he had gone through. He cared about him, no matter what Jackson or anyone else said. He wasn't the asshole some people tended to think he was, and even though this thing with Alex REALLY felt good and was exactly what he needed, he wasn't sure he was the right thing for Alex.
April obviously loved him, and he loved her too. It wasn't like with him and Tyler, April hadn't cheated on him with his brother or anything like that and April seemed to still have enough love left for him to be this heartbroken by the view of him and Alex making out. It was wrong to keep Alex from having what he wasn't destined to have.
Lewis wasn't even aware he had already gone this far, until he was standing right in front of the hospital. He didn't have a shift anymore today, but he made his way in anyways, getting into the elevator and in the fifth floor. He was just about to walk into his office when he heard a female voice behind himself.
"Doctor Avery!"
When he turned around, he saw April standing there, looking just as uncomfortable as he felt the exact same moment.
"Doctor Kepner," he replied, trying his best not to look her directly in the eye, because he just didn't want to see the pain he had caused. He didn't even know the woman, but he knew what he had done was partly wrong, even though it wasn't only hisfault. Now he was the other guy someone had betrayed his partner with, and this wasn't a good feeling after all. Especially with the knowledge that the woman in front of him was carrying Alex' child.
"Can I help you?" Lewis asked when April didn't say anything else, just watched her feet.
Finally, she took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Doctor Hunt needs you to sign some papers for your limited contract, so he sent me over to get them to you."
"What are you, his secretary?" Lewis asked directly, not really understanding how the chief would use her for his errands.
"No... I'm the one who failed her boards and can now be relieved to even still be here. If it wasn't for Alex and Jackson, I would be long gone," April replied, letting out a sigh. "But this is none of your business anyways." She moved towards him, placing a bunch of papers in his hands. "And if you would have the kindness to sign these papers now, please? I have other things to do than making you do your job."
Oh well... she was clearly pissed, and Lewis could hear the pain with every word she was saying.
"I'm... I'm really sorry, Doctor Kepner," Lewis pressed out, not even knowing what he was apologizing for, and April called him on that immediately.
"What for? Stealing away my boyfriend? Sleeping with your brother's best friend? Not giving any damn about me or Alex' baby?" She let out a sad smile. "You know what? I don't care... save your apologies for someone who actually wants to hear them, because I don't... and if you think you can give Alex everything he needs, you're wrong. At some point he will recognize that this is not the life he wants to live, but guess what? It will be too late by then, because I will have moved on."
She turned around, walking a few steps away. "And you will have to live with the guilt, because you will be responsible for destroying what could have been a happy family. I could have made Alex happy." She turned around once more, looking Lewis deep in the eye. "I wanted to fight for Alex, I really did, but sometimes love is just not enough and he seems not to want me to fight, so I give up. You can have him."
She walked away a few more steps. "Please make sure the papers get to Chief Hunt by the end of the day." And with those words she was gone. Out of sight, leaving Lewis alone with his thoughts. Confusing thoughts he didn't know what he should make out of them. He needed to talk to Alex as soon as possible. He didn't want him to make the mistake of giving up the love of his life for whatever he and Alex were having, because he was not sure it was worth it, but he was definitely sure Alex would regret it later. He shouldn't let Alex make this mistake.