A/N: Blame TV Tropes for this chapter.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Fourteen, Part One: Conveniently Placed Inconveniences
By Kaori

"It's not working." Kakashi stated blandly.

"What do you mean "it's not working"? I thought you said we could track the idiot!" growled Sasuke.

"I mean the tracker isn't being picked up. Either the GPS chip has been removed and destroyed or…"

"Or…" urged Neji.

"…or he's somewhere the satellite can't find." Shrugged the supervisor.

"Well this is just great." Ino moaned. "At this rate we'll never find them!"

The group were currently at an Internet Café using the computer to log on to the GPS tracking network in, what now appears to be, a futile attempt to find Naruto and the missing Deliverators. With that option now proven to be completely worthless, they now had to come up with a new plan of action.

"Hell yeah! In your face Alliance scum!"

But first they have to get TenTen to stop playing World of Warcraft (1).

Meanwhile, Orochimaru was having a fit. During the inspection stage of the delivery process, roaches and other vermin had been discovered in the food. This would severely set back his invasion fans and if there was one thing he hated it was setbacks. His plan would be held back all over three minutes! Someone needed to be punished for this…

"Kabuto!" barked Orochimaru, his ponytailed lackey immediately appearing at his side.

"Master?"

"Fetch the whipping boy (2)."

"As you wish, Master." And he scurried off to find Zaku.

Once Zaku had been found, Kabuo and Orochimaru dragged the hapless young man to the kitchen and had him stand before the captured Konoha Deliverators, shirtless. The Oto Franchise Manager glared at the quartet.

"I know you have been interfering with my plan somehow." He stated coldly. "Know that I am on to you and that you will not stop me. However, someone must be punished for this disruptive act, and since you are still my guests…" he made a small gesture towards Zaku who was suddenly whipped with what appeared to be a very long, thick, noodle. Zaku howled in pain. "I shall have to dole out your punishments on Zaku here. Kabuto, one hundred lashes…" he glanced at Naruto and company. "…per guest."

Back to Kakashi and company who still have no idea how to find their missing coworkers, but managed to pry TenTen away from the computer somehow.

"It's starting to get really late." Chouji observed. "Our parents are going to be suspicious if we're not home soon."

"Screw our parents." Sasuke muttered darkly, not looking forward to the attempts on his life he was certain to suffer for just for this incident. "That pales in comparison to what'll happen to us if we don't get Naruto back to the franchise before our shift starts."

Everyone except Sakura, who was deep in thought, winced.

"You know where they are don't you?" she growled, her comrades giving her strange looks.

"Sakura, who are you talking to?" asked Sasuke, edging even further away from her. Ino flapped her hand in annoyance.

"Oh she's been doing that for a while now. I swear she's a complete schizo!"

"I AM NOT CRAZY!" she yelled at the blonde. "Well?" she continued. Honestly, why the hell can she hear me? "I don't know and stop talking about me like I can't. Do you know where Naruto and the others are or don't you?" Of course I do, but I can't tell you. "Why the hell not!" It's against the rules, it's bad enough I'm acknowledging this conversation. Do you have any idea the kind of confusion this sort of nonsense causes? "Don't know, don't care. Tell me where Naruto is or I promise you, you're not going to like it." Psh. I don't have to listen to you, you can't even see me.

"Yep, she's lost it." Shikamaru nodded. "Do you think we need to call D.E.A.T.H.S?"

"No, I think I've heard of this condition." Kakashi said. "Some people are able to communicate with forces outside of normal human perception."

"And you think Sakura is talking to one right now?"

"It's a possibility." Shrugged the supervisor. "Hey, Sakura does whoever you're talking to have the ability to take us to where the others are?"

"Do you?" Sakura asked. I do, but I'm not allowed to do it. "She says she does but she's not allowed to."

"'She'? The figment of your imagination is female?" snorted Ino. I resent being referred to as a figment of some fangirl's imagination. A pigeon chose that moment to defecate on Ino's head. "AAAAARGH! EEEWWW!" Her coworkers stepped away from her; no one insults me and gets away with it.

"Childish much?" deadpanned Sakura. 'Ey screw you pinky.

This scene is beginning to get on my nerves (and probably your nerves) so let's check back with Naruto and Team 8.

Zaku was still being whipped while the young prisoners watched…bored. Really why should they care if some idiot from the rival franchise gets the crap beat out of him? In fact, for the first five minutes they'd been screwing up Kabuto's counting so he'd have to start whipping the poor fool all over again.

"Okay, this is lame. I say we blow this popsicle stand." Said Kiba. "Seriously, nobody's watching us and Kabuto's too busy auditioning for a spot in the Whip It re-mix video."

"Shouldn't we stop Orochimaru though?" Hinata pointed out. "I mean, if he manages to take over the franchise we'd have to work for him."

"That would suck. It's bad enough I'm company property, but if he takes over it'll be like I'm his property." Shuddered Naruto.

"And there's no way I'm making any frou-frou, sissy burger. I mean look at these guys, they're using Dijon mustard for ancestors' sake!" Kiba spat. "Shino, let us loose so we can pwn these losers!"

Swift as a breeze through a whore's panties they escaped their bonds and jumped up to the ceiling where the proceeded to climb into the franchise's air conditioning system; Kabuto obliviously continued to whip poor Zaku.

The first thing they decided to do was find the dispatch room. From there they could contact Konoha franchise and warn them about Orochimaru's diabolical plot. Unfortunately, they were not alone in the ventilation system…

"And just what the fuck are you shitheads doing in here?" ground out a feminine voice.

Uh oh, busted, but by whom? Will Team 8 and Naruto be able to escape capture and warn the Konoha franchise? Will their friends be able to find them, or will they be subject to loss of honor (and possibly digits)? And why the hell can Sakura hear me? Answers to at least one of these questions next chapter.

1) For the record, I don't but I know a few poor souls who are currently in WoW rehab.

2) A reference to Prince Brat and the Whipping Boy, a movie (based on the book The Whipping Boy) I had intended to parody using Sasuke (as Prince Brat) and Naruto (as The Whipping Boy) but never got around to doing it.