Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Fourteen, Part Three: Somnium ex Scriptor
By Kaori

After being forced to sing for their rental item, the group of young ninja were rather bewildered as to what exactly they were supposed to do with it.

"How is a frog supposed to help us find the others?" Ino wondered out loud, blinking at the amphibian currently being held by Lee.

"Don't you know? A frog is a talisman." Kakashi explained, and was given dubious looks from the teenagers.

"If frogs are so good at finding people, then why do the police use so many dogs?" Neji pointed out.

"It's true." Kakashi insisted as he reached into his pocket, pulled out a ball of red yarn, and tied it around one of the frog's legs before taking it from Lee. "Now, go! Find Naruto!" he released it.

Meanwhile, the missing foursome were still being forced to endure Kimimaro's horrifying poetry.

"And this one is called, "Ode to a Lawn Sprinkler"." the Oto Recruitment Head intoned solemnly.

"NO MORE! ANCESTORS! NO MORE!" wailed Kiba. Hinata had long since fallen into a catatonic state, and Naruto was babbling nonsensically. Shino had actually escaped sometime during Kimimaro's third poem and had replaced himself with a dummy; he's probably off wreaking havoc somewhere at this very moment.

"Ssh, this is a very emotional poem." said Kimimaro. Orochimaru chose that moment to enter the room.

"Kimimaro have you seen any Konoha...Ah, never mind." he said placidly. "Do carry on." and with that he left.

"Heartless bastard..." Kiba cried as Kimimaro resumed his poetry reading.

Shino stealthily and swiftly navigated through the building, heading for the dispatcher room. His comrades would be fine for the moment, but his franchise was in danger. Despite any outward stoicism or nonchalance he portrayed, he really did love Konoha Ninja Burger and did not want it to fall into the hands of a deranged madman intent on destroying years of tradition in favour of hoity-toity, expensive burgers and flashy presentation. These burgers may have great beauty, but they lacked the essential soul of a ninja burger. There was no honour in that and loss of honour is beyond unacceptable in Shino's mind.

The Oto Dispatch Centre was far different from the one at Konoha franchise. Where Konoha's was a bloodstained (from numerous promotions and demotions over the years) with stainless steel furniture and terminals in a mostly featureless room, Oto franchise's room consisted of a loan computer hooked up to a router. Apparently all order placements and deliverator assignments were handled by this one computer. While he applauded the efficiency of such a set up, Shino had to shake his head at the lack of warmth from such a system. It did make it a hell of a lot easier for him to screw with Orochimaru's plans and contact his home franchise though.

Several blocks away Kakashi, followed by the other Konoha Rookie Deliverators, was reeling in the red yarn as they followed it to where they hoped their missing friends would be.

"We're getting close." the supervisor muttered. "The string feels tighter."

"The sooner this is over the better." grumbled Sasuke. It was getting very close to midnight and while he was already in for it when he got home, this adventure was far more trying on his patience than anything his parents would do to him.

"If Shino's spent all my money I'll kill him." TenTen declared. "The first chance I get I'm going to buy a new laptop. The one I've got now is way too slow to play Warcraft on."

"Should we be worried about TenTen's new addiction to MMORPGs?" Lee asked Neji. The Hyuuga shrugged.

"It's no worse than you and your plastic figurines."

"Oh! That reminds me! The Prince Harry and Katherine Middleton figurines come out tomorrow! We must complete our rescue mission quickly else I will not be able to get a place in line! Ah! And I promised Gai-sachou I'd pick him up the latest Barack Obama figure!" gushed the bowl-cut Deliverator. Neji gave an aggravated sigh and wondered if he would ever find anyone else in his franchise with a sane level of appreciation for their hobby.

"It looks like we're reaching the end." Shikamaru stated. "The yarn seems to lead into that building up ahead." he pointed.

"Right." Kakashi agreed. "Everyone get ready, we don't know what we'll find when we get in there."

What they found when they got in there was a ninja sitting in front of a small grill. A grill that the red yarn lead into.

"What are you doing?" Chouji exclaimed.

"What does it look like I'm doing." grumbled the other ninja, not turning around. "I'm making a frog burger."

"Frog burger?"

"Noooo! Our frog!" cried Lee. This caused the strange ninja to turn around.

"Hey! You're not supposed to be he..." he was cut off by a well-placed chop to the neck courtesy of Neji.

"Hey, look at this!" Sakura exclaimed, picking up an object near the door. "Isn't this Kiba's backpack?" she held it aloft for all to see. Indeed it was Kiba's beloved "Akamaru".

"They must be here." Sasuke said. "Let's go. Ancestor's know what kind of trouble they've gotten themselves into."

Sasuke doesn't know the half of it. At any rate, for those of you who don't speak Latin, the tile means Foolishness from the Author. The frog thing is a reference to a Kung-Fu film called Legend of the Liquid Sword. In fact most of the conversation involving the frog is a direct rip-off from the movie.

Happy New Year everyone!