(Matt P.O.V)

Have you ever had one of those nights where you want to sleep, but sleep just eludes you? And you suddenly have the worst feeling in your gut that makes you wish you were asleep?

This was one of those nights.

Both Mello and I were wide awake in bed, just staring at the ceiling for no particular reason. It was close to one o' clock in the morning, but sleep continued to escape us. It was almost torturous how much I wanted to sleep. Mello seemed content to stare at the ceiling, but I wasn't. Mainly for the soul reason that I didn't want to look at the blonde.

I don't know how, and I didn't know why, but the colour in Mello's eyes changed from the brightest blue one could ever see, to a darker more gloomy blue that made my heart sink. This had happened in a matter of days, and nothing I did brought them back to their normal colour. I worried something was wrong with him, because ever since he spoke with L that day… he'd become someone else.

Against my better judgment, I looked over at the blonde. He just lay there, stiff as a board. Staring at the ceiling. He seemed to be thinking about something. What it was, I had no idea. But there was a part of me that didn't like him lying there.

I grinned a bit and grabbed my pillow silently. When I knew he hadn't seen me moving, I threw my pillow as hard as I could at him.

It hit him instantaneously and he jumped at the contact. I almost laughed when I saw him give me the most incredulous look he'd ever made.

"Matt!" He exclaimed silently, so not to wake anyone.

"Mello!" I said back, mimicking him. I then threw another, smaller, pillow at him.

He caught it with ease. "Knock it off!"

"Or what!?" I chuckled out.

He cocked an eyebrow. "'Or what?'? Seriously Matt, are we five again?"

I grabbed my third and last pillow that lay on my bed as slowly as possible. I made sure to look him right in the face whilst doing so. It was then that I saw his eyes change from annoyed and angry, to determined and strong. These were the eyes I remembered fondly.

It wasn't long before I made the charge for him, pillow in hand, and jumped onto his bed, furiously attacking him with my final pillow. He took the opportunity to use my other pillow that I'd thrown as a shield against me. But when he saw an opening to hit, he used the pillow to the best of his ability. He was always good when it came to these fights.

Ever since we were younger, we had had pillow fights. I started most of them, yes, but it didn't stop Mello from joining in. We had even gone as far as getting L and Near involved. There was even a time where I started a pillow fight so bad that most of the orphanage was involved. Maybe it was because I chased Mello throughout the halls and into other rooms… but it was still awesome! And even if we were in our teen year's right then, a good pillow fight was what we needed to stop the gloomy thoughts. For just that little bit, I had Mello back.

We had been having so much fun that I accidentally slipped and fell to the floor, causing a huge thump to echo through our room and into the orphanage.

Mello and I froze. The blonde had even placed his hands over his mouth for fear of breathing. When we heard footsteps walking towards our door, we scrambled to get back into bed. Not a second later did one of the adults open our door to see us both Feign sleep. It was the longest two minutes of my life, but as soon as the door closed, and I heard the footsteps tap in the distance, I bust out laughing along with Mello. We were silent about our laughs, but it was still good to see the old Mello pop up.

"You could've gotten us in trouble." Mello whispered to me.

"Like it's all new to you." I chuckled.

I suddenly felt a pillow hit my head, then my groin. I'll give it to the blonde… he can aim.

As I rolled in pain, clutching my… well, you know… Mello trotted his way over to my bed and crawled in. I hadn't taken notice of this until the pain dissipated to a dull level.

"You throw a pillow to my 'boys', now you want my bed?"

He grinned at me. "Don't start something you can't finish. And I'm not getting to sleep anyway, so I might as well hang out with you."

I had no choice but to grin at this. It'd been a while since Mello and I shared my bed, and I had missed the company. But, then again, we weren't little kids anymore, and his nightmares hadn't affected him too much over the past year-and-a-half, so I guess he saw no reason to seek comfort. There were also the trivial, homophobic, slurs the other kids took part in calling us. I think it affected Mello more than me, but it was so stupid I didn't even pay attention to it.

Society was a terrible thing. They mocked my friendship with Mello, and gave us an ugly name: Fags. Now, I have nothing against gays or the relationships they desire, but couldn't people tell the difference between us and them? Sometimes I just gave up in trying to make them see the difference. I think that only made it worse, anyhow.

We drifted into silence again. But it wasn't an awkward silence. It was more… enjoying the company silence. I relished the moments like this that I had with Mello. Where nothing bothered us, and we could just be together. I loved those moments.

So many kids feared Mello, and I never knew why. I mean, sure he got angry. But, they don't realize how much love he actually felt to compensate for that anger. It wasn't anger he put forth when he protected me from bullies. He was defending me, like the best friend he was. But no one saw that… because no cared to look.

I was deep into thought at this point. Or maybe just distracted. But I was brought back to the real world when Mello nudged me.

I looked down at the blonde. "Hmm?"

"I asked you a question."

"Oh… Sorry. What was it?"

"I asked whether or not you believed in heaven."

I gave him a curious look. "Why do you want to know?"

He looked away from me towards his hands, which were twiddling with a loose thread on our blanket. "I was just thinking about it. That's all."

The look in his eyes said different, but I said nothing about it. "Well, it's difficult to say."

"Try."

I gave him the same look. Why did he want to know so badly?

I sighed. "Well, I believe that, when we die, and if we've done well, we are granted our own personal heaven."

"Personal heaven? What do you mean?"

I thought about it. "Like, let's say an old man, whose soul life revolves around his family, dies. If he were granted a personal heaven, in it would be him and his family. Together again. Or maybe he would choose to walk the earth as a quiet spirit, and watch over his family with love. Who's to say that this is or isn't true? I mean, none of us know what heaven truly is."

"Then what about hell?"

"Well, I guess a personal heaven's counter-part would be a personal hell. Let's say this old man's hell is to walk the earth without ever seeing his family again. It's kind of sad, really."

Mello was silent for a bit. I had thought he'd fallen asleep until I heard him ask, "So what would be your personal heaven?"

The question took me off guard, but I knew what my answer was. I just didn't know if I could trust Mello to understand it.

"I'd rather not say. Not now anyway. Besides, you'd laugh at me."

He looked up. "I would not."

"Yes you would. I know you, and you'd laugh."

"No, you just don't trust me."

"Look who's talking." I retorted. "I know for a fact that you don't trust me any more than you trust the rest of the orphanage."

"That's such a lie."

"Oh? Then prove me wrong." I challenged.

It was a long five minutes before anything was said. Within that five minutes, Mello's face contorted to ones of question and fear.

"See, I knew you didn't…"

"Mihael Keehl."

I stilled my tongue. What on earth…?

"Is… was that…?"

Mello sighed. "My real name is Mihael Keehl. I was born in Bavaria, Germany. My mother's name is Selena, my father's Armin. I have one older brother named Julius, and a younger sister whom I've never met or know the name of." He grinned at me then. "Only two people know all this." He pointed at my chest. "You," then to him, "and me. That's how much I trust you, Matt."

I… really didn't know what to say. Mello had shared his name with me. His real name. I recalled a time when he got upset about me asking for his real name, and I never once brought it up again. But… now…

I grinned back at him. "Well then, since we're being formal…

"My name is Mail. Mail Jeevas. I was born in Tecuci, Romania. I'm an only child, or so I'm aware, and I was informed that my mother's name was Genevieve. My father's name is Andrei, or as I like to call, 'Jack-ass McDick-face.'"

Mello chuckled. "So, he's Scottish too?"

I shrugged. "For all I know, he might be. Actually… maybe not. The guy too much of a mental-case to be anything that's considered human."

We joined in a laugh before finally getting back to our topic.

"You know, I think 'Mello' suits you a lot better than 'Mihael Keehl'."

"And you are definitely a 'Matt'. I couldn't imagine you being anyone but."

I smiled happily at the blonde before pulling him into a hug. "Thank you for trusting me with this. I'll always keep your secret."

Mello hugged back. "I trust you with my life, Matt. And with my real name, you hold my life. Thus, my reason for sharing it with you."

I suddenly realized the severity of Mello sharing his name with others. If anyone knew his real name, the one he was born with… he risked everything. And I'm the first he trusted to share it with.

I rested my cheek on his head, still holding him close. "Mel?"

"Hm?" He responded tiredly. I guess it was finally time to sleep.

I grinned. "Never mind. You should sleep."

But he had already drifted off by the time I'd finished speaking. His breathing low and calm. I sometimes envied his ability to quickly fall asleep. It sometimes took me hours to even begin to tire. Mello was lucky in my eyes. He could forget the world in just a few short minutes. But, then again, I was happy he didn't have to suffer through this world more than he did.

After about a half-hour of waiting, I finally began dozing. Before falling asleep though, I quickly looked at the sleeping blonde in my arms.

"I'll always be there for you, Mel. I promise." I whispered, giving a small peck to his forehead.

In truth, I was always scared for Mello. He defended me so much, and had taken so many beatings for me… I worried he'd take it too far one day. But it's why I would never fight with him, or call him out on something. I loved and respected him so much, I had no need to.

When I lived in Romania, I was far from loved. My father hated me, my mother ran away, and everyone else ignored me. When Mello found me, when he loved me as his friend… I was happy. I didn't care if he had anger issues, if he had an inferiority complex, or if he hated Near. He cared for me. More than anyone ever did or could have. And I cared for him. Without a doubt.

He was my best friend.

So… why didn't I go with him?

A/N: The next chapter may be the last for this part guys, so... I'd get ready.

Reviews welcomed.