Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Fifteen, Part One: The Author's Run Out of Pithy Titles
By Kaori

They say that if you go mad long enough you eventually wrap around back to sanity. Of course, the people who say that are usually the same people that say if you screw enough people you get your virginity back. Yeah, normally it's more sensible to ignore such people but in the case of Naruto Uzumaki it would be prudent to side with the slutty whores because it is the only explanation for what happened when Kimimaro started reading his "Exaltation of a Bondage Queen" poem.

At first he just started moaning softly to himself, but then the moaning turned to muttering, and the muttering got louder. The louder the muttering got the more apparent it became that Naruto hadn't actually been muttering at all but had been singing "Stone Cold Crazy" by Queen and now he was starting on Guns n' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle".

Kimimaro was about to perform a percussive reset (1) on the blonde but then...Naruto Flipped Out.

/WARNING: You are now entering the Real Ultimate Power Zone. Do not proceed if you are not PUMPED UP!/

A guitar riff that sounded suspiciously like the one from Crazy Train started playing and hot women in bikinis led by Hinata (who had somehow been divested of her usual clothing and was clad in a monokini) started dancing while Kiba and Naruto flipped out, and Kimimaro set the room on fire! As if the Gods of Rock themselves had been called to the scene, steams of pyrotechnics erupted from the floor!

Then, General Zod descended upon Kimimaro and the white-haired man was forced to Kneel Before Zod before he was immediately dragged down to the bowels of the Underworld for blaspheming against Chuck Norris!

/Exiting Real Ultimate Power Zone. (2)/

"What the hell just happened?" Kiba demanded as everything was suddenly back to normal. Naruto just looked at him in confusion, having no recollection of anything odd even having occurred and was just as confused as him. "AND WHERE THE HELL DID THESE WOMEN COME FROM?" he pointed to the scantily clad (and also befuddled) females who were exiting the room in a hurry.

Hinata was too busy putting her clothes back on to add anything to the conversation, but was also wondering just what had happened. There wasn't anything in the Ninja Burger Employee Manual about summoning the Power of Awesome to escape from peril. Sure there was a subsection on Flipping Out but that was usually taught to master level ninja. She blinked. "Taught" isn't the right term to use, Flipping Out is the result of trying to learn master level techniques, going through the training, and then finding out that the instructor has been screwing with you the entire time for his own sick amusement. Still, Flipping Out at this level takes quite a bit of power; Hinata was very impressed.

And just how had she ended up in a monokini anyway?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled rescue attempt already in progress.

At this point in time Kakashi and the remaining young Deliverators had managed to sneak their way into Oto Ninja Burger's break room. Unfortunately it was being occupied by some irate Oto Deliverators. Fortunately Oto Deliverators aren't very good in a fight and they were defeated most handily.

"Hmph, it seems the Franchise Manager here doesn't seem to care too much about the quality of his Deliverators." Neji observed, kicking one in the side just because.

"He also doesn't seem to worry about people finding this place. I haven't spotted any surveillance cameras anywhere." Shikamaru noted. "And look, not one of them is carrying a weapon. We'd never get away with this kind of slackness at our franchise."

"Truly this is a den of evil." nodded Sasuke.

"Well our co-workers are somewhere in this den of evil and we need to find them quickly." Ino said. "So where should we start?"

"In the basement and work our way up methodically?" suggested Shikamaru. Kakashi shook his head.

"No, that makes too much sense."

"Splitting up into teams and then scouring the building Mission Impossible style?" Chouji put forward.

"Still too sensible."

"Ooh! I got it, rampaging through the building with reckless abandon, destroying everything and everyone in our path just for the hell of it until we find our missing comrades!" Lee said excitedly.

"Now you're thinking with portals! (3)"

"No he's not!" Sakura protested. She was widely ignored.

"Onward!" cheered Kakashi.

We return to our Deliverator friends who have left Kimimaro's office in search of Shino.

"I can't believe he took our wallets." grumbled Naruto.

"I can't believe you don't believe it (4)." Kiba quipped.

"Your mom."

"Why you..."

"Um, guys, we should really try to be more quiet. No one knows we escaped yet so we might be able to get out of here without being noticed." Hinata decided to intervene before things got out of hand.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM! An explosion rocked the building, causing the doors in the corridor they were currently standing in to fly open as Oto Ninja Burger employees rushed out of the various office spaces to find out what was up.

"The prisoner's are escaping!" someone yelled after a beat.

"So much for that." Hinata sighed, as she and her companions prepared to fight.

This story may or may not be continued...

A couple of rock songs in this chapter...heheh. Anyway, I'm going to be on vacation in Panama next week, who knows what kind of weird ideas for fanfiction I'll get while I'm there...

1) Percussive Reset: (i) hitting a machine until it starts working again. (ii) hitting a person upside the head with a blunt object until they start making sense / stop their hysterics/ stop stuttering / are unconscious (pick any two).

2) Those of you who thought I wouldn'treference Real Ultimate Power again are not only wrong but have just lost The Game.

3) As much as I loved Portal I was unable to finish it because (after getting as far as Test Chamber 15) I got incredibly horrible simulation sickness after playing for only ten minutes. No matter what I tried I couldn't last any longer than that so I unfortunately had to stop playing. And I was having so much fun...I ended up pathetically watching videos of other people playing instead.

4) Har! Stealth pun!