Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Sixteen, Part One: The Juhakkei Master
By Kaori

Seeing as how the rest of his team were in the hospital, and seeing that there was no way they were going to allow the boy to be left to his own devices for three days so the Third Franchise Manager thought it would be best if the boy got some experience additional training.

All fresh Ninja Burger employees know the newbie juhakkei commonly referred to as Miyagi-do, and a few have the basics of five of the twenty juhakkei (usually taijutsu, shuriken techniques, infiltration, disguise, and fast food). Employees from long-standing Ninja Burger families would be privy to additional techniques; Aburame Shino for example is exceedingly well-trained in the art of choho (1). It is exceedingly rare for anyone to be master of all twenty, and those individuals usually go on to become franchise manager.

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Third Franchise Manager of Konoha Ninja Burger wanted to go back to retirement very badly, and currently the candidates he had in mind to succeed him consisted of a masochistic doctor, a traitor, and a lecher. If he ever wanted to retire without fear of his entire franchise collapsing, he needed to groom someone into the position. His only hope for a peaceful retirement, and the only person who showed any remote interest in the job besides Orochimaru, is Uzumaki Naruto.

Said boy was lounging in his deep fat fryer cum hot tub eating cookies and watching World's Dumbest Daredevils 3 when a large, white-haired man suddenly popped out of the ceiling tiles, scaring the bejeezus out of him.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he shrieked, immediately tossing his cookies at the intruder's head. The intruder, not phased in the slightest, caught the bag and proceeded to eat a few; while remaining upside-down.

"Wow, if I had known being franchise property had such cushy perks I would've sold myself a long time ago. Nice hot tub."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE ANYWAY? WHO ARE YOU? GIVE ME BACK MY COOKIES!"

"Sheesh, settle down I'm not your enemy." placated the older man, finally getting down from the ceiling. "I'll answer your questions once you put some clothes on."

Once Naruto had dressed, and his uninvited guest had given him back his cookies, the two went up to the employee lounge where it was a bit more comfortable.

"To begin, my name is Jiraiya." explained the man. "The franchise manager asked me to give you some special training while the rest of your team is in the hospital."

"Oh really?" Naruto retorted, incredulously. "Just what are you supposed to be teaching me, how to break into people's homes and perv on them?"

"If you want" was the flippant response. Naruto gaped at him. "What? Spying on people is an essential part of being a ninja. How else are you supposed to carry out a high-level assassination if you aren't familiar with every minute detail of your target's personal life?"

"We actually assassinate high-level people? I thought we only offed losers with no lives!"

"Well, usually the contracts are for losers with no lives but every once in a while a high profile client may request a ninja burger and an assassination because they don't want their government involved." Jiraiya rubbed his chin.

"And you'll teach me how to carry one out?"

"Don't be absurd, that's way too advanced for you at this time!" Jiraiya snapped at him. "No. What I am going to teach you is..."

...something that will have to wait until the next chapter. Patience is a virtue.

1) Espionage.