AN: For those of you who have noticed my update pattern and are scratching your heads in confusion, I haven't stopped writing Killing Time I just had more inspiration for this story.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Sixteen, Part Two: Just When You Thought it Was Safe to go Back in the Water
By Kaori

The look on Naruto's face when he learned just what the older man had in mind for his training is best described by the following scenario:

Do you remember when, as a child, your parents told you that for summer vacation you had to go stay at your grandma's house instead of going with them on a trip to some (undoubtedly awesome) location? Even if you don't remember just imagine that you're eight years old and your parents just told you that.

Yeah, that's the face Naruto made.

Anyway, considering that you can't very well teach somebody to swim without water Jiraiya dragged the still pouting Naruto to the beach.

"Why can't we just use the pool on Level Seven?" Naruto asked.

"First of all, you're not supposed to know about that until you become a shift manager. Secondly I'm not allowed down there anymore when any of the female employees are present and they've booked the pool for the rest of the month." groused Jiraiya. "Aren't you embarrassed having me dragging you around like a sack of potatoes?"

"Nope, because to anyone else this looks like you committing child abuse. And if you think this is embarrassing now just wait until I start screaming about you being a paedophile trying to kidnap me."

"You wouldn't dare."

Six hours later...

"I can't believe you fucking did that!" growled Jiraiya.

"Careful, the police can still see you." Naruto commented dryly. "Actually, I'm kinda shocked about how unsurprised they were when they arrested you? How often do you get locked up for sexual harrassment?"

"None of your business you manipulative little sonnovabitch. No wonder Sarutobi wants me to train you. Making you Franchise Manager would really piss that guy off..."

"What guy?"

"No one you've met. Anyway, the sun's almost completely set so I guess..."

"...we can forget about the swimming lessons for today?" Naruto suggested.

"No. You're going to have to learn how to swim in the dark."

"Wanna go for two arrests in one day?"

As an answer, Jiraiya knocked the boy unconscious, stuffed him into a Type III Bag of Holding (1).

The sun had completely set and the moon was half-risen when they arrived at Jaws Beach (2). Jiraiya dumped Naruto out onto the sand; the boy coughed and spluttered disgustedly.

"Why the hell do you have a pile of used women's underwear ?" he demanded, disgusted. Jiraiya gave him a negligent wave.

"You're too young to understand. Now shut up and strip."

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Alright, but don't blame me when you catch cold from wearing wet clothes on the way home." shrugged the white-haired man. Naruto grumbled uncomplimentary things about Jiraiya's ancestors as he stripped down to his underwear.

"Now what?" groused the blonde.

"Now you try not to die." And without any further warning, Jiraiya picked Naruto up by his neck and the hem of his underpants, and tossed him out into the ocean. The poor Deliverator skipped four times before finally sinking into the water. "Damn, I was hoping I'd get at least six good bounces..."

Naruto, for his part, was livid. How dare that dirty old man toss him like yesterday's trash! He flailed about uselessly as he struggled to reach the surface of the water.

Daah dum.

He blinked, startled. Why was he hearing music?

Daah dum.

There it was again. He looked around but he couldn't see anything except a school of fish leaving the immediate area in a hurry.

Daah dum, daaah dun. Dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun...

Was it just him or was the music getting louder? Suddenly, something forcefully grabbed his leg and he passed out from terror. (3)

Naruto woke up about twenty minutes later, flat on his back, staring at the starry sky.

"Ah, Jiraiya-san he's awake." a voice Naruto thought he recognized stated. He sat up slowly to see Jiraiya, Itachi, and a blue-haired guy he didn't know sitting across from him roasting hot dogs. "Hello again Naruto-kun. Care for a weenie?"

Now, to be honest, he could have started ranting. He could have screamed about how he could have died. Instead he chose to sit next to the blue-haired guy and enjoy the free food.

"Oh, sorry for grabbing your leg like that." said man apologized, causing Naruto to notice just how sharp his teeth are. "I really ought to wear my prescription goggles when I'm diving, everything looks like a fish without them."

"You should also stop playing that stupid theme song, Kisame." Itachi added. Naruto almost choked on his hot dog at that.

"I keep telling you I don't do it on purpose! It just happens whenever I get in the water!"

Shame on you guys for thinking this was going to be something pervy! Shame! Happy Pre-Shark Week everybody!

1) For those of you who have never played a D & D based game, a Bag of Holding is (in anime terms) a portable hammer space capable of holding objects bigger than it is. The bag will always weigh the same regardless of what is to put into it, but there are limits as to the cumulative weight and volume of the objects put into it. Any living thing put into the bag will suffocate after ten minutes. Also, never combine a Bag of Holding with a Portable Hole; that's just asking for trouble.

2) Fun fact: Many of the beach scenes filmed for the movie Jaws: The Revenge (one of the worst movies ever) were shot in The Bahamas at a beach not too far from the house I grew up in (and by not to far I mean it would take less than an hour to get there on a bicycle). If you go there now you can still see parts of the lifeguard tower.

3) There was going to be another one of my evil cliffhangers here but you guys are already ready to lynch me as it is.