Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Sixteen, Part Three: No Running in the Pool Area
By Kaori
After Naruto had regained his wits from being shocked at what (or rather who) had scared the shit out of him, Jiraiya informed him that apparently the training centre at the administrative office was free.
"Itachi-kun was kind enough to give us this tip. We'll go there first thing in the morning." Jiraiya stated.
"It's already 3 a.m. Jiraiya-san." Itachi pointed out. Young Uzumaki was beginning to understand why Sasuke disliked his elder brother.
"So it is! Let's go Naruto!" The blonde's protests that he hadn't slept since the night before went completely ignored.
He was still complaining when they arrived at the pool area. Jiraiya rolled his eyes and hit him upside the head, which only served to give the blonde something new to complain about. Seeing that the boy was not about to cease his ranting, the older man picked him up by the hem of his boxer shorts and tossed him into the pool with a loud splash. Several seconds later, Naruto's head broke the surface of the water spluttering and enraged.
"ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT IF I HAD DIED?" Somewhere across town, a dark-haired teacher wearing a hakama, kimono, and glasses(1), sneezed.
"But you aren't dead." Jiraiya pointed out placidly. "And look, you're treading water." He smiled at the surprised look on the blonde's face. "Now try and get your body horizontal while keeping your head above water...Good. Now kick your legs and move your arms like this."
After a few false starts Naruto was happily doing the breast stroke around the pool. When the boy had made ten circuits, Jiraiya decided it was time to up the ante. Ambling nonchalantly over to a panel near the door towards the shower area, he discreetly pressed a few buttons.
Oblivious to his teacher's deeds, Naruto was attempting to dive to the bottom of the pool, which was approximately fifty feet down. Idly he wondered why it needed to be so deep, when he felt something brush past him. Startled, he turned around but saw nothing. Something bumped against his left leg and again he turned to look, but once again it was gone.
Starting to get annoyed, Naruto surfaced taking a deep gasp of air before yelling, "HEY! ERO-SENNIN! I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE POOAAAAAAAAGGGBLL!" He didn't get to finish his sentence as he was yanked underwater by something large and tentacled. Jiraiya simply made himself comfortable at the edge of the pool not worried in the slightest, merely bemoaning the fact that Naruto was not a nubile teenage girl in a bikini.
What Naruto could not have known (and what Jiraiya had no intention of telling him) is that the pool had been re-assigned as a holding area for the main ingredient of a menu item they were planning to introduce: kraken balls (2). As it was, our blonde hero now had to contend with the ridiculously oversized and severely undercooked calamari that currently had him wrapped in its tentacles.
His arms pinned, his breath running out and fear welling up inside him like a geyser there was only one thing he could do.
Naruto flipped out hardcore.
/WARNING:We have overshot the Real Ultimate Power Zone and are now at the precipice of the Godzilla Threshold. Should we cross the threshold please be advised that summoning any and all Elder Gods up to and including Him Who Is Not to be Named will be overlooked./
When the floor started to rumble Jiraiya should have been a bit more concerned. As it was, he wrote it off as an earthquake. However, when the pool literally erupted in steam and a shower of cement he had sense enough to be shocked. Only then did he hear the music...
TROGDOOOOOOOOOR! TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOR!
Said beast flew up from the steam, Naruto riding on its back with a half-naked woman clinging to his side. Distracted by the sexy sight, Jiraiya was not paying proper attention when Trogdor began to burninate the entire facility for the next minute and thirty seconds.
AND THE TROGDOR COMES IN THE NIIIIIIGHT!(3)
/We are now pulling back from the Godzilla Threshold. Crisis averted. You may continue to read safely./
And just like that it was over. Somehow, the only thing that didn't survive the mini-apocalypse was the giant octopus.
"Hey, what happened to the building?" blinked Naruto, genuinely confused. Jiraiya, still in shock, just stood there staring at him mouth agape. "Pervert-sensei?" he poked the white-haired lecher tentatively. No reaction. "Dirty old man?" he punched him in the arm. Still no response. "Snap out of it you're freaking me out!" Naruto yelled, drop-kicking Jiraiya into the rubble. That seemed to do the trick.
"OW! What was that for?" Jiraiya complained.
"Quit staring at me you old pervert!"
"Why the hell would I stare at..." he suddenly remembered what he had just witnessed. "Never mind that! How the fuck did you do that!"
"All these years employed with the franchise and you can't do a simple drop kick?"
"Not that you imbecile!" he gestured wildly to the destruction they were standing in. "This!" Naruto's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.
" You mean I did this?" Naruto squeaked.
1) Zetsubou-sensei!
2) Say it a couple of times out loud. Go on. Louder. Ow! No fair hitting me!
3) Homestar Runner reference.