Chapter 5
"Mare," Rhoda held the edge of the comforter tightly in her hands, pulled right up to her chin as if it might protect her from something. She could feel the warmth of Mary's body, so very near her, yet still distant.
"Yeah?" Mary had been nearly silent since she'd joined her in bed. For the fourth night that week. This had become a regular occurrence and for the first few nights Rhoda had let it slide, but here they were again. There was absolutely no way that Mary was still sick and in desperate need of her.
Rhoda would like to believe that Mary really wanted her there because she enjoyed having her in bed with her, but the tension that sat thick between them felt less lusty and more needy, heavier. Like Mary was genuinely scared about something.
"The other day, when you told Phyllis I'd come down to check on you that morning…" Rhoda turned to face Mary.
"Yeah?" Mary turned on her side, looking expectantly at Rhoda.
"Why'd you lie?" Rhoda's eyes moved to the floral pattern of the comforter, not willing to meet Mary's gaze.
"Oh, I don't know." Mary shrugged. "I didn't want Phyllis getting any wild ideas. You know how she can be. I'm sure she'd love to think she was in on some juicy gossip, but there's nothing to tell. I was sick and I needed you."
Rhoda nodded slowly. "Why am I here now, then?"
Mary clammed up then. As if this thought had not crossed her mind, as if she hadn't thought Rhoda could ask her such a question. "Well, gee, I guess I've gotten used to it." She finally responded.
"Yeah, well I'm not sure I'm used to it, kid." Rhoda rolled onto her back.
"Does it make you uncomfortable? You could go back to your bed if you'd like." Mary's body tensed, Rhoda could feel it there beside her contracting. She sensed that she'd made Mary feel weird about it and that was the last thing she'd wanted.
"No, Mare. I'm fine here." Rhoda glanced to her and smiled reassuringly.
Mary relaxed.
"I like it here. Really, I do." Rhoda gazed back at the ceiling. Probably too much.
"Good, I'm not sure what's gotten into me these past few nights but I haven't felt like being alone." Mary fluffed her pillow absently. "Thanks for staying, Rhoda. I appreciate it." She sat up on her arm to look down at Rhoda as she spoke this, as if she might just lean forward and press her lips to Rhoda's in a chaste, friendly goodnight kiss. Instead they held each other's gaze until Mary smiled and curled back into her side of the bed. "Night, Rhoda."
"Goodnight, Mary." Rhoda pulled the blanket back up around her, wondering if tonight she would sleep, or if she'd wake up in the wee hours of the morning to feel Mary's body wrapped around her. Again. That was the worst. Feeling Mary's hands and legs pressed against her was torture.
This evening she curled as far away from Mary as she possibly could, reminding herself that she could have made an exit, she could have been scotch free in her apartment upstairs, laying in her own bed, away from Mary. Mary who made her stomach flip, her pulse quicken, her skin tingle each time an errant hand or foot found their way to her person. Whose hair smelled of gardenias and lavender when it sprawled up against her cheek.
She couldn't keep doing this to herself.
Yet, she could find no reason to stop.
Rhoda no longer knew what time it was. Her alarm clock was a floor above her and Mary did not keep a clock by her bedside table. She could only imagine it was nearing dawn. The incessant snow muted the night so that not even the sounds of passing cars could be heard to make any certain judgement about time. She felt utterly alone, stranded in this room, in the winter silence.
Only the even breathing of her bedmate could be heard. Breath inhaled through parted lips, the rush of air as it escaped lungs in a cycle. There was the click of a clock hung up on Mary's wall. The second hand ticking away the time.
Rhoda shifted ever so slightly in the bed. She was always afraid to turn and face Mary because if she dared to do so she might get lost in the easy contour of her neighbor's cheek, how soft and rosy her lips were, the little point her nose came to right there at the end. No, Rhoda couldn't get lost in Mary like that. It felt too strange when the other woman was asleep to be staring at her, like an invasion of her privacy, somehow crossing a line.
The even breathing broke and Rhoda felt Mary stirring in her sleep, twisting ever so slightly so that she was facing her. A leg errantly moved closer to Rhoda as if searching for warmth in the chilly night. Rhoda silently groaned, glancing over, ever so briefly, to stare daggers at her sleeping partner, but found that Mary was wide awake. And looking right at her.
Rhoda's eyes went wide, her heart hammered in her chest. She thought to turn away, to pull the covers up over her head. Instead she found herself turning towards Mary, as if some invisible force was pulling them closer.
"Heya, kid. Can't sleep?" Rhoda tucked her hands beneath her pillow, as if needing something to tether them down, to keep them from reaching out and smoothing back an errant strand of Mary's hair from her face.
Mary just shook her head, hooded eyes holding Rhoda's gaze.
They laid there for what felt like hours, just staring at one another in the night. Mary came more alive with each passing second. Her leg, that had innocently moved in her sleep, stayed right where it was, pressing up against Rhoda. Rhoda did not question this.
Nor did Rhoda question as Mary's eyes consumed her, took in every inch of her face, made her feel like she was on display. Was she imagining this moment? Might Mary have understood her feelings? Might she, in her own way, be returning them?
Mary's hand moved ever so slightly forward, cupping Rhoda's cheek. Her hand was warm, soft against Rhoda's skin. She liked the way it felt there, the way Mary caressed her cheek with her thumb. She wondered if she might kiss her, it felt like the perfect moment for a kiss. Rhoda wanted to pinch herself, for perhaps this was all a dream and Mary was asleep and Rhoda was also asleep. But she opened her eyes as wide as she could, pinched the palm of her hand beneath her pillow, and realized she was not asleep. Mary Richards was going to kiss her.
And just as she thought the moment might occur Mary stifled a yawn and smiled. Her hand moved from Rhoda's cheek. "You're a wonderful friend. I'm so glad to have you." Her body snuggled in, close to Rhoda, arm protectively about her stomach.
Rhoda thought her heart might burst, felt tears pricking her eyes. She wasn't sure how to feel, how to take this. Friend. Yes, she certainly was Mary Richards' friend. But hadn't they become much more?
Rhoda wrapped her arm around Mary, the taller brunette snuggling impossibly closer.
Rhoda smiled up at the ceiling. This could be enough. Yes, if this was all Mary was willing to give, Rhoda would give it all for these nights spent together cuddling close to one another. It could be enough. It would have to be enough.
The next morning as they stood in Mary's bathroom brushing their teeth together, side-by-side, Rhoda could only laugh. Mary stared up at her, confused, but as they caught one another's gaze in the mirror Mary started to laugh as well.
Since when had Rhoda left a toothbrush in Mary's apartment?
The thought seemed comical, that she should have a toothbrush here. Here in her neighbor's apartment. Her friend's apartment.
Something about it felt nice.
"I'm not sure why you're laughing." Mary said after spitting into the sink.
"I keep a toothbrush in your apartment." Rhoda replied after spitting her mouthful of toothpaste into the sink. "We're like a regular old married couple. What would Phyllis think of that?"
Mary laughed, this time not as loudly or in tandem as she had before. "I'm certain Phyllis has a book on just this sort of situation. Though neither of us are married."
"No," Rhoda looked at her bedraggled reflection in the mirror. No wonder she wasn't married. She tried to flatten down her hair, to make herself somewhat more presentable but it was futile. Mary would always be more beautiful than she in the morning. "No, neither of us are." But we certainly could be.