A/N: I'm so sorry it took me so long to present you the next chapter, but real life keeps me extremely busy at the moment… I hope, some of you are still enjoying the story, even though it takes a little time in between the chapters sometimes, but I post as quickly as possible :-)

Thanks again for all the comments and we definitely keep a lover for April in mind, even though it's not planned right now, but that doesn't mean it won't come at all, okay? :-)

Thanks for the suggestions!

And now have fun with Chapter 40… and comment if you like it… and also if you don't :-)

Eli Lloyd POV:

Hearing Arizona talk about her interaction with Jackson had confirmed Eli's worry about the man.

Once Alex had confessed his concerns it didn't take long for Eli to know that Jackson was the person Alex was talking about. Eli felt bad for not picking up on it before, especially having seen how bad that lifestyle had nearly destroyed his own family.

Arizona had seemed the logical choice for Eli to confide in. He could tell the woman had cared about Jackson and could possibly help Eli decide what to do with this new information.

Now, after hearing about Arizona's encounter with Jackson Eli knew it was time to step up.

"So, what did you need to tell me?" Arizona asked and Eli could hear the desperation in her voice. She knew Jackson and she knew this wasn't the Jackson she had come to care for and she needed an answer. That was human nature after all. When something...or someone...had such a drastic change people wanted to feel comfort in having a sound reason. In having something to fight against that could turn things back to the way they were.

"I had a talk with Alex this morning"

Arizona cocked her head to the side and he could see her curiosity was most definitely piqued.

"Alex?"

"He came in to check on April and I could tell that something was wrong" Eli began "I don't know if he just couldn't pretend anymore, or if he just really ran out of options, but he let me know that a friend of his may have found a, in his words, bad way of dealing with the stress in his life"

"Bad way?" Arizona asked

"It's not a secret that Jackson has been having a pretty hard go of it for the past few months" Eli told her "between his brother, Holt, and his problems with Mark the guy has been trying to juggle a lot of things"

"Holt" Arizona scoffed "I don't get that guy at all"

"He does look to be attached to Jackson, doesn't he?"

"It makes no sense, because it seems pretty obvious that Jackson doesn't even like him that much, yet they go out for drinks and are spending lunchtime together on a pretty consistent basis" Arizona responded.

"I was talking to Jackson last week and Holt came bombarding into Jackson's office with this sense of entitlement" Eli said "and I had a feeling that Jackson almost seemed scared of him"

"It's as if Holt has somehow managed to isolate Jackson from everybody else" Arizona said "but it's not just Holt, though"

"His brother" Eli injected "ever since he came here things have just gotten worse and if what Alex told me is true, if somebody doesn't step in soon Jackson is going to be in some serious trouble"

The statement seemed to alarm Arizona "Why do I get the feeling I don't know everything you do?"

Taking a deep breath Eli steeled himself "Alex thinks Jackson could have started using"

"Using, using what?"

"Come on, Dr. Robbins" Eli said "I know I don't need to spell it out"

Although looking at her he could tell the mere idea of Jackson turning to drugs was such a foreign idea that it hadn't even crossed her mind.

"Drugs, Arizona" Eli told her and the woman laughed almost immediately.

"Be serious, Eli" she chuckled "Jackson is far too smart to get involved with something like that"

"Think about it" Eli said "he's become withdrawn, you said yourself that he had that bout of anger and we both know Jackson was never somebody that reacted that way, not to mention the strain he and Mark's relationship has had. It all fits"

Arizona stared at him and her face twisted into a painful grimace and Eli knew that she believed him and as much as she wished it wasn't true she knew it was.

"How could this happen?" she asked and her voice cracked. Walking over Eli put a comforting hand on her shoulder and it seemed to help a bit.

"This can't have been his first time" Eli said "nobody decides to do that under this kind of stress unless it was a comfort for them in the past"

"I have to tell Mark" Arizona spoke aloud.

"No" Eli said "we can't, not yet"

"Why?" she asked "Mark loves him and he would want to help him through this"

"I know he would, but right now Mark is so close to coming back to this hospital and hearing this could derail that completely. His worry over Jackson and his need to fix him would take precedence over making sure he was getting better and that would only destroy Jackson more, knowing that Mark sacrificed his own wellness for him"

"So what do we do?" Arizona asked desperately "I can't just do nothing."

"You talk to Alex" Eli said "he trusts you more than anyone else and I know he would be completely honest with you. So see how much he knows"

"And you?" Arizona asked

"If this started with his brother then I think his brother should know the trouble he's causing" Eli told her.

"Do you think maybe we should talk to Jackson first?" Arizona was twirling her fingers and Eli could tell it was a habit born of nervousness.

"He's keeping it a secret for a reason" Eli told her "if we went to him and told him, all that he would do is either deny it or get angry and defensive. I think if he knows that there are people who genuinely care about him and want to see him get better that could go a long way"

Nodding her head Arizona agreed "I'll talk to Alex. I know the two have had their problems, but if he came to you it's obvious Alex still cares enough to want to help"

"I know he does" Eli confirmed "I'm going to go talk to Lewis and how about we meet for lunch to see where we go from there?"

"Sounds good" Arizona told him with a smile.

"It's going to be okay" Eli said "we're going to make sure of it"

"Damn right we are!" Arizona told him and in that moment Eli knew he had come to the right person.

Eli hadn't talked to Lewis much since the man had arrived. He knew the guy was untrustworthy and something about him did not sit well with Eli.

Knocking on Lewis' door he waited a second until the man invited him in and turning the knob he entered Lewis' office and the man was obviously surprised to see him.

"Eli, isn't it?" Lewis asked as he stood up.

"Yeah" Eli responded with a friendly smile "I was wondering if you had a minute so I could discuss something with you"

"Sure" Lewis told him and the man's attitude was throwing Eli off. The man had come off so abrasive and off-putting before, but now he had seemed almost friendly.

"What do you need?" Lewis asked Eli.

"It's about your brother" Eli told him and in the time it took Eli to say it he could see something in Lewis' entire body tense, but he quickly tried to play it off.

"Jackson?" Lewis asked.

"Yes, Jackson" Eli said "he's a really great guy and I've noticed he's been having some trouble these past few months"

Planting his hands flatly against his desk Lewis looked away "You think so?" he asked "he's seemed pretty fine to me"

He was lying and Eli knew it. "Look, I don't know you very well, Dr. Avery, but I do know Jackson and I'm just going to be honest with you. Ever since you've come here Jackson has not been the person he used to be"

"What are you trying to say?" Lewis asked offended.

"What I'm saying is I've watched this man survive having a gun pointed at his head while performing surgery on one of the most prestigious doctors in this country, the loss of three friends in pretty horrific ways, and having to save the life of the most important person in his life and he has come through it like a champ. Yet, you come here and three months later he has turned into a shell of the person he used to be"

Lewis looked at him dumbfounded and shocked "I-I didn't know he had to go through all that" Lewis said "he never told-"

"Why did you come here?" Eli asked and the question brought Lewis out of whatever haze of guilt he had been in.

"That's really none of your business" Lewis told him.

"Correction" Eli said "Jackson is my business. I've watched that kid grow up these past few years and his well being is my concern and when I see people like Holt-"

"Michael?" Lewis asked "what does Michael have to do with anything?"

"That's a good question" Eli asked "I mean I would love to know why Jackson seems so scared of him"

"Michael is one of the best people I know" Lewis said "he may be a bit over-zealous, but Jackson should know him well enough to understand that Holt is pretty harmless"

"That's the thing, Dr. Avery" Eli told him "I don't think Holt is that harmless and you're Jackson's brother so I think you should know that all of this stress is pushing him into a really bad place"

Lewis perked up instantly and it made Eli take notice "What kind of dark place?" Lewis asked.

"The kind of place that could really ruin his career if it's not stopped soon" Eli told him and rushing past Eli Lewis closed his office door and turned back to face Eli.

"What do you know?" he asked the nurse.

"I know that a lot of people care about your little brother, and I hope you're one of them"

"Of course I am" Lewis said and it was the first time that Eli thought he was completely honest.

"Then it's time to be his big brother and help us fix this" Eli said and going back to his desk Lewis collapsed into his chair.

"I've tried" Lewis said "but we have a very bad history and anything I tell him will only come off as something he's suspicious of." Eli walked and stood in front of Lewis' desk.

"I think I may have been wrong about you" he said to Lewis "I can tell you care about him and if that's true you need to find out what this Holt thing is about, because something tells me he is a big part of this whole thing"

Looking up at Eli he could see Lewis letting his words sink in "I'll talk to Michael" he told Eli.

"Good" Eli said and as he was heading for the door he heard Lewis call him. Turning around he saw Lewis look almost bashful

"Thank you" Lewis said "I'm glad to see Jackson has people like you in his life"

"He's important to all of us" Eli said "we're not going to let him slip through our fingers, are we?"

"No, we aren't" Lewis smiled and with that Eli made his exit hoping that he had made the right decisions.

Lewis Avery POV:

Lewis thought about Eli's words long after the nurse had left. He just couldn't get them out of his head, couldn't get Jackson out of his head. What if all of this really was his fault? What if he was responsible for Jackson taking drugs again?

And if now already people like Eli noticed something was off, it was really bad. Lewis hadn't expected Jackson to crash like that and he had never meant for it to get out of control like that.

Yes, he had come here to get some kind of revenge. He had wanted to destroy Jackson's life like Jackson had destroyed his, but he had to admit, he had expected him to be stronger. Stronger than that. Stronger than he obviously was. Lewis had thought Jackson wouldn't even care all too much no matter what he would do. That it was like water off a duck's back, but he was wrong, oh so wrong.

He thought he had made it clear to Michael, that he didn't want him to interfere anymore, though, but maybe he had been wrong in this, too.

He had to talk to Michael immediately. Just like he had promised Eli. And also because he wanted to find out what Michael had done to his brother. And to make him stop.

Never before was he the guy to protect his baby brother, but Lewis knew now was the time. He wouldn't just stand by and let Jackson slip away again. He would do what he had missed all those years. He would take care of him. He would make Jackson believe that he still loved him and cared for him. Jackson just had to see that there were people who wanted to help him.

Slowly he got up from his chair, making his way to his door and opening it. He took a deep breath and stepped out of his office, directly moving to the neurological station, knowing he would find Michael there and he didn't even have to search long.

Once he got out of the elevator, he saw him standing there in the hallway with Meredith Grey, and it was obvious that the woman had hearts in her eyes looking up at him. As much as Lewis could say, that was, but she was definitely admiring him and if that had been Michael's goal, he was on a good way. Lewis just didn't know how Jackson should fit in all of this.

He moved closer towards the two of them, but neither of them noticed him until he was only a few feet away.

"Michael, hey!" he called out for him and immediately, Michael turned around looking at him.

"Lewis! Is something wrong?" Michael asked, taking a few steps towards him until they were standing in front of each other.

"I need to talk to you. It's important..." Lewis said with a serious look in his eyes. This was no joke and Michael just had to know that he wasn't kidding about whatever he was going to say.

"Sure... what's wrong?" he asked immediately, reaching the patient chart in his hand to Meredith.

"I would rather talk to you alone..." He took a look at Meredith, giving her a small smile. "This is nothing personal."

Michael tilted his head. "Come on Lewis... what is this all about? I have some work to do." He seemed pretty impatient all of a sudden.

"It's about Jackson, and I'm sure you don't want anyone to talk about the two of you, right?"

The mention of Jackson seemed to trigger something in Meredith, because the look in her eyes became very cold all of a sudden. And Michael seemed to notice that, too, because immediately, he topped it.

"Whatever there is between me and Jackson, I'm not ashamed of it... not at all..." An ambiguous grin appeared on his lips.

Lewis had been really patient with him, but right now he couldn't take it any longer. "Just come with me, okay? Please?"

Michael let out a sigh, turning to Meredith. "I'm sure it's not gonna take long. I'll be right back. You can prepare Mrs. Winter for surgery meanwhile, okay?"

Meredith gave him a dreamy smile. "Okay..."

Lewis watched her turn around and make her way to the patients rooms, and Michael was definitely checking her out. Checking her ass out. Annoyed, Lewis rolled his eyes.

"Really, Michael?"

"What?" Michael shrugged. "She's damn hot..."

"Yeah, and she admires you... you know as good as I know that you're on a good way... so what is Jackson's role in this game you're playing?" Lewis demanded to know.

Michael looked at him curiously. "What are you talking about? Don't you see that everything is about to fall into place? The more time I spend with Jackson, the more Meredith gets jealous. Which makes me getting closer and closer to her." He grinned deviously. "And as a bonus, I'm literally tearing apart your brother and his boyfriend... some little comments here and there, some rumours to be spread... I'm pretty sure it won't take long until Sloan connects the dots and thinks I'm screwing his boyfriend."

"If you're not careful, everyone else could think the same, and I don't think you really want that, right, Mikey? What about your reputation as a womanizer?" Lewis asked.

Again, Michael just shrugged. "Let me put it this way, Lewis... maybe not all of them are rumours. There is always a jot of truth to every story."

Lewis raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Michael leaned towards him, so he could whisper into Lewis' ear. "Maybe I am having an affair with Jackson. Maybe I amscrewing him." He didn't even seem to care that they were still standing in the hallway and that people could hear them if they weren't careful enough, but Michael had always loved the danger.

"Oh come on. You're straight as an arrow. Why would anyone even believe that?" Lewis asked, not wanting to believe that any of this could be true.

"Well... we have been pretty drunk the other night... and then we just lost control... And then we woke up without our clothes... in the same bed..." Michael winked at Lewis. "I think it's pretty obvious what happened, huh? At least to Jackson."

"Fuck, Michael! What have you done to my brother?" Lewis didn't want to fight with Michael, but he felt so angry all of a sudden, that it was hard for him to keep himself composed.

"I'm just doing what you asked me to. Destroying every good thing in his life and making him pay for what he did to you." Michael replied calmly. "You were the one who told me that he deserves this."

"I... I... you gotta stop this, Michael. Please," Lewis stammered, feeling a knot in his stomach. This was entirely his faHe was the one that had made Jackson use drugs again. He and Michael, but Michael would have never done anything to Jackson if it hadn't been for him.

"Don't you think we are way too deep into this to just stop anymore?" Michael wanted to know. "I did this all for you, okay? And I'm gonna end it."

"NO!" Lewis almost shouted, causing some nurses to turn around to look at them. "Mind your own business..." He blurted out at them and they just whispered something before leaving. He looked into Michael's eyes again. "If you go on with your plan you're not only destroying Jackson's life, but also the life of all the people who love him. You just have to trust me, when I tell you, I had my revenge and that it's enough. He has learned his lesson."

"You sure about that?" Michael asked suspiciously.

Immediately, Lewis nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure... just... please back off, okay?"

"If you say so..." Michael replied apathetic. "I just don't know if I can stop it anymore... Rumours are already flying around, and you know how it is with rumours. They spread very quickly."

"Just... just don't add any more fuel to the flames, okay?" Lewis pleaded, causing Michael to nod.

"Okay... whatever you say... and if you'll now excuse me? Mrs. Winter is waiting for her surgery." And with those words Michael turned around, leaving an almost desperate Lewis.

This was worse than he thought, and he just didn't know how to get out of this anymore. Michael was like a train and he didn't know if he did enough to stop him. Or if Michael was even able to be stopped anymore.

He needed a couple of minutes to calm down again, but then he made his way to the plastics section. He needed to see Jackson, needed to see how bad off he really was. It pained him that this was all his fault and he didn't know how to live with himself anymore if he just let Jackson slip away any further.

He made his way to Jackson's office and knocked once, before entering, just in time to see Jackson bringing a pill to his lips and swallowing it with a single move.

"Lewis! What are you doing here?" Jackson asked when he recognized his intruder, staring at him with a distant look in his eyes.

This was so much worse than Lewis had ever expected.

"What... what did you just take? Ecstasy?" he demanded to know, feeling a strong urge to just grab Jackson, put a finger in his throat and make him throw up again whatever he had swallowed, but he fought it back.

"None of your business. I already told you to stay out of this, but if you really have to know: I have a headache and that was a painkiller..." Jackson replied calmly.

"Liar..." Lewis hissed, making his way towards Jackson until he was standing right in front of him. "Please, Jackson. Stop it. Don't you see this is a downward spiral? You need help!"

Jackson let out a laugh. "From you?" He shook his head, still chuckling. "So you can make yourself feel better, because you saved your brother's ass? I'm not gonna give you that satisfaction..."

"Jackson, please... I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this to happen..." Lewis tried to convince Jackson, but he already knew it wouldn't work.

"For what to happen? Your dear friend made my life a living hell and just when I thought he might not be such a bad guy I'm waking up with him next to me. In my bed. Naked." Jackson snorted. "Did you tell him to screw me? Did you tell him to get me drunk and fuck me afterwards to put the last nail to my coffin? Awesome job, Lewis, because if Mark will ever find out about that, we're done..."

"I would never do something like that, Jackson. I'm your brother." Lewis pandered to Jackson, feeling really sad all of a sudden.

"Why would I believe any word you say? You don't believe any word I say either... and now I want you to leave. Leave this office, and leave this hospital. Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want you here. I don't need you here." Jackson shouted.

Lewis felt a sharp pain in his heart. "I'm not going anywhere. I wanna make things right." Lewis replied, trying to touch Jackson's shoulder. "Can't you see that I'm trying really hard here?"

"Don't you dare touching me!" Jackson replied, reaching out and pushing Lewis hard, so he stumbled backwards and landed with his back against Jackson's shelf, feeling a dull pain immediately, because Jackson had a lot of strength.

"Okay... I... I'm leaving..." Lewis said heartbrokenly, wincing as he moved away from Jackson. "But don't think I'm going to give up that easy."

He left Jackson's office, literally running to his own and closing the door behind, before he sank on the floor against it, letting the tears he had held back the whole time finally out.

He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on them, sobbing quietly. This was all his fault and he didn't know what to do anymore, but there was one person he knew could help Jackson. Probably the only person.

His fingers were shaking when he pulled his mobile phone out of his pants pocket and opened the telephone book, scrolling until he reached Tyler's name. He didn't even know why he still had his number. Why he hadn't deleted it after everything that had happened, but maybe it was foreshadowing. Maybe he knew he would need it at some point.

It took him forever to finally compose himself enough to dial Tyler's number, and he didn't even know what to say if he would really answer his phone. He hadn't thought about this, but fortunately the decision was taken from him when the answering machine went on.

"Hello, this is Tyler, you know the drill"

Hearing his voice again sent shivers down Lewis' spine and he felt his heart beat faster immediately. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he heard the beep he started speaking.

"Tyler? It's me... Lewis... I know I'm probably the last person you thought you ever hear from again but... I screwed up..." Another well of tears started falling down Lewis' cheek and he knew it was visible in his voice when he went on speaking. "Jackson... Jackson is using again, and I think it's my fault..." he sobbed. "I mean, I know it's my fault... And if I can't help him... if he destroys his life, it's on me... and I will never forgive myself if I let that happen, but there is no other person he trusts as much as he trusts you. And you already helped him once, so please... please, Tyler... save my little brother... I'm in Seattle and so is Jackson... he needs you... I need you... I... can't take this anymore... please call me back..."

He ended the call, almost regretting he even made it the same second, but he didn't think he had any other choice, even though he didn't want to show Tyler how bad off he was himself after finding everything out like that, but he couldn't change that anymore. It had been a weak moment and he would say exactly that once Tyler called him back. Or that he was fighting a cold and sounding like that because of it. He would figure something out, but right now his ego wasn't important. What was important was Jackson. And to get him some help.

Jackson Avery POV:

Jackson watched Lewis go and it made him even angrier that his brother was trying to play the sympathetic saviour.

It wasn't fair. It was Lewis who had come to Seattle with the sole intention of taking everything away from Jackson and now that he was accomplishing it, the man was trying to come out as the good guy and make Jackson the bad one… again.

It was the same story they had playing since Jackson was 13 and he was tired of it. He was beyond tired of it.

Fuck that and fuck him Jackson thought. How dare Lewis walk into his office with demands and accusations? He didn't know Jackson, none of them knew him and they all felt it perfectly okay to butt into his life and tell him what to do.

As much as what Mark did the other night hurt, and it hurt more then Jackson could ever put into words, at least the act was one of pure honesty on Mark's part.

Jackson had made himself into nothing more then a warm body in Mark's eyes and the man had used Jackson as such.

It was not as if he didn't deserve it.

Going back to his desk he sat down in his chair and putting his hands atop his head he took a deep breath. How had he let all of this happen? How did he let Lewis get to him again?

Opening his desk drawer he looked at the bag of white pills and the temptation to take another one made him hot all over. The one pill just wasn't cutting it anymore and Lewis' interruption ruined whatever good mood he would have had anyway.

He was just about to reach into the bag when his door swung open and a frazzled Michael came rushing into his office. Quickly slamming the drawer shut Jackson looked up at the doctor with anger in his eyes.

"Doesn't anybody knock anymore?" Jackson asked.

"Sorry" Michael told him "it's just...I think Lewis knows"

"Knows what?"

"About us" he said "about what happened the other night"

"Is that so?" Jackson asked sarcastically "now how would Lewis have come to know about that I wonder?"

"You don't think I told him, do you?"

Shaking his head Jackson stood up "I don't really care one way or another" Jackson said "I'm going to tell Mark the truth then I'm ending it"

Michael looked at him astonished "You can't be serious?"

"Mark deserves a lot better than me and I've been a selfish dick for depriving him of that" Jackson told him "you and Lewis were right about one thing, I never really deserved him in the first place"

"Where is this all coming from?" Michael asked and Jackson could almost hear a trace of fear in his voice. This was not what the surgeon had planned and Jackson could take the small piece of joy he got from knowing that.

"Tell Lewis you two won" Jackson said "you both taught me a lesson I won't soon forget, now please...get the fuck out of my office" and opening the door he gestured for Holt to leave.

Michael moved to stand in front of Jackson and something had passed over the man's face. Something that had looked between guilt and shame. A look that Jackson had recognized every time he looked in a mirror.

"I'm sorry" Michael told him then once he left Jackson's office the man closed the door and went back to his desk.

3 Hours and two pills later Jackson was feeling level once again. He wiped his mind of the terrible morning and focused on doing his job. It was the only thing that kept him grounded most days and he would make damn sure that at least he didn't lose that.

His peaceful solidarity had ended when a knock on his door produced April walking in with a smile. He was more than happy to have told anyone else to go away, but not her. She was one of the last people in Seattle Grace who still held Jackson to some kind of respectable standing.

"Hey April" Jackson smiled "you're out of bed"

"Yeah, Dr. Hemsfield said it might be good to walk around and get the blood pumping" she told him "well as much as walking at a glacial pace can get the blood pumping"

"You wanna sit down?" he offered as he ran over and tried to usher her into the chair behind his desk.

Playfully batting him away she laughed "I've had enough sitting and laying down to last a lifetime" she told him "I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing"

"I think the only person you need to be concerned about is you, come on take a seat" he offered again.

"I promise I'm okay, Jackson" she asserted "but I did have a talk with Mark yesterday"

"Oh" Jackson tried to make himself sound as casual as he could.

"Yeah" she said "and he mentioned something about you going to the apartment for me to pick a few things up"

Jackson knew what she was getting at and it made his stomach start to knot.

"You know my loyalties are always with you Jackson, but Mark is a good guy and if you're lying to him to hide something bad I can't-"

"I'm not, April" Jackson lied, hating how easy it came for him, but he couldn't take another look of disappointment, not from April.

"So what was it?" she asked and the care that she was showing only served to make Jackson hate himself that much more.

"It's been tense around here the past few months and I don't want Mark to see the difficulty I'm having with heading this department" Jackson told her.

"He'd understand, Jackson"

"I know he would" Jackson said "but he would also blame himself and get frustrated that he isn't able to be back here and I don't want that"

April nodded her head. Jackson could tell that she had brought it.

"I get it" she told him "but next time how about giving me a head's up so I don't look like a floundering fish"

"Will do" Jackson said as he put an arm around her shoulders "so how can I make it up to you?"

"The cafeteria is serving hamburgers and they smell delicious"

"Deal" Jackson laughed and walked with her out the door and towards the cafeteria. The dark cloud over his head had seemed to only get bigger with each passing minute and Jackson had no idea how to stop it anymore.

If Jackson couldn't even be honest with April how was he going to keep his word to Michael and tell Mark everything? If today had showed Jackson anything it was that he was far too weak to lose Mark Sloan.

He wouldn't be able to survive it.

Jackson had spent most of his free time in his office, so eating lunch in public was an uneasy experience. He didn't miss the nurses who were gawking at him when they believed Jackson wasn't looking.

Or the chatter that came from certain tables the moment he passed by.

It was so high school and it made Jackson angry.

At least April seemed blind to the whole thing so that was somewhat of a silver lining.

After getting their food the two sat at a table far in the corner. "It looks amazing" she said "I think the food staff have really come into their own" April said to which Jackson laughed.

"No, I just think that pregnancy has you craving things you know you wouldn't touch before"

"Whatever the reason" April said as she bit into her sandwich.

Jackson was just starting to eat his own when he heard the woman gasp and looking up he saw April waving someone over. Looking at the direction Jackson could see Alex and Meredith in what appeared to be a pretty tense conversation and Jackson found himself mildly curious. The two didn't look too happy, but once they saw April both put on smiles and walked over to them.

Jackson could feel the small bit of panic bubble just underneath the surface, but he managed to squash it before Alex took a seat across from him.

It was clear that they would all be civil for April's sake and little else.

Jackson took a long sip of his soda as he tried to focus his attention away from Alex, even when the man was clearly trying to get it.

"Just like old times, huh?" April said.

"Yeah" Jackson responded.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Alex asked

"Dr. Hemsfield said-" she started to say before Meredith cut her off.

"Because she's a grown woman, Alex" she said "and she obviously knows what she can and can't do"

Alex turned his head towards Meredith and if it looks could kill the woman would have been dead on the spot, but she also gave as good as she got.

"As you've shown us many times, Mer, just because a woman is grown that doesn't mean they are anywhere near capable of making smart decisions" Alex's words were bitten off one-by-one.

Jackson took another drink and looked between Alex and Meredith as their tension escalated.

"What in the hell does that mean?" Meredith asked.

"Why don't you ask Holt what I mean?" Alex responded.

"Maybe you should ask Jackson that question, well when he's not avoiding you like the plague, Karev"

"What in the hell does that mean?" Jackson asked angrily.

"Please" Meredith said to Jackson "you're not fooling anyone and question Karev, do you know how pathetic you look chasing Jackson around trying to become his very best friend again?"

"About as pathetic as you look sniffing after Holt" Alex told her.

"Guys-" April tried to interject

"Yeah, I knew this was a mistake" Jackson said as he stood up.

"Running off again" Alex said "you're becoming really good at that"

"Fuck you, Karev!" Jackson told him.

And that's where the 3 were now. In a mere 6 months the only thing they had in common was the girl who was forced to watch them attack one another over things that were personal and painful.

And something told Jackson that it was only going to get worse.

April Kepner POV:

April looked between 3 of her best friends and recognizing that she was the only thing that still kept them together hurt her. Very much. How could she not have seen what was going on here? Was she this egoistic and self absorbed?

When the three of them were about to start arguing again, she finally stepped up.

She knew she shouldn't get so upset. That it wasn't good for her, or the baby, but right now Meredith, Alex and Jackson didn't even give her the opportunity to calm down.

"Would you guys stop it? Please?" she asked almost desperately, looking at each of them. "What's going on here? I thought we were friends..."

"You got that one right, April. We were..." Alex was the first to say something and every single word hurt like a knife. "But obviously, we aren't anymore..."

At least he was talking calmly now and they weren't shouting anymore. That was a first step.

"You moved in with Meredith and Derek to get some help with your pregnancy, but instead of really helping you... of being there for you, Meredith prefers to run after this Holt like a lost puppy, not seeing that there are people who really need her, because she's way to busy chasing after him." Alex said directly, and April could already see that his words did something to Meredith, because the look in her eyes changed.

"That's so not fair, Karev, and you know it... I really had a lot to do with helping Holt get settled here..." she said.

Alex let out a laugh. "Why would you even do that? This is still Shepherds department and he might come back..."

"And what if he doesn't? We need a good neuro-surgeon here and if it's not Derek, then Holt's the best..." Meredith replied, and April just knew they were about to get in another argument, so she had to stop it.

"I'm not a baby anymore..." she interrupted. "And I can take care of myself... and I understand that Meredith has her own life and her family she needs to take care of."

"Is that so?" Alex asked sarcastically. "Because I think she just uses this as an excuse not to feel guilty. She wasn't there for you when you almost had a miscarriage and she didn't even bother to visit you..."

"She visited me today." April tried to defend Meredith, but she already knew she didn't stand a chance.

"Yeah, because I told her you were here. She didn't even know, April... because she doesn't care." Alex shot back, causing Meredith to look at him angrily.

"That's not true. I just had a double shift and wasn't even home for almost two days. I'm not a visionary... how should I have known?"

"Stop... god, please... why can't you just stop?" April asked, placing a hand on her belly and taking a few deep breathes. "This is not helping..."

She turned to look at Jackson who was still standing there, but hadn't said a single word in the past few minutes.

"What happened with us?"

"Life happened, April..." Jackson said. "And that's not always a good thing. Sometimes life sucks big time... I know I haven't been a good friend to you lately, but I will do my best to make it up to you, okay?"

"Look who's playing the hero now..." Alex commented and April shot him a death glare.

"What is wrong with you? And why do you hate each other so much all of a sudden? We moved in together... the three of us... because I thought we are friends..."

"I don't hate Jackson... but he obviously has new friends now... don't you see it, April? He doesn't need us anymore..." Alex replied. "But he will see if those friends will be there for him when he really needs them..."

April watched Alex move towards Jackson, not letting them out of her sight for a second. "The moment will come, Jackson, where you will regret that you got rid of the only people who really care for you... who love you and who want to help you... you just don't want to see it... and at some point it's gonna be too late..."

And with those words he left. Just went away and left April, Meredith and Jackson in the cafeteria.

"I need to get back to work..." Jackson said hurriedly and then he was gone too, leaving only Meredith and April behind.

April felt a desperation she hadn't felt in a long time. It was as if her life was falling apart and she couldn't do anything to fight it. How could she ever make a decision for one of their friends and against the others if it ever came to this? She loved all of them and she didn't wanna lose them, but if they didn't get back to being friends it would be very difficult in the future.

"Look, April... I'm really, really sorry, if you thought I didn't care for you..." Meredith started and April turned to look at her. "I know I haven't been there for you when you needed me most, but it's just... Michael needs me right now..."

"You sure that's all?" April asked, looking deep into her eyes.

"What do you mean by that? You can't seriously think Alex is right with what he's saying..." Meredith replied and April could see the nervous movement of her hands.

"I don't know... why don't you tell me?" April gave back. She knew she had to talk to them one by one, and maybe she could find out what was wrong between them like that.

"There is nothing going on between me and Holt... he's just my colleague... my boss... and he doesn't have it very easy here... he just moved here a couple of months ago and the majority of this hospital doesn't seem to like him..." Meredith blurted out.

"Don't you think there is a reason for that?" April asked, glad that she could talk to Meredith this calmly after everything that happened before, and glad that Meredith was listening to her.

"No... most of them don't even know him and I'm sure they haven't bothered to get to know him," Meredith said. "Michael is great... he's funny and he's charming and he makes me laugh... and he really cares for the people he loves..."

April raised an eyebrow. "Okay... now you dosound like a teenager with a huge crush..."

"I'm not!" Meredith defended herself. "I just really like him..."

"You sure about that?" April wanted to know, almost expecting Meredith to get angry soon.

"What do you mean by that? I'm a married woman. I have a daughter..." Meredith replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's not what I asked, Mer... and you know that has never kept anyone from having an affair... not even your own mother." April knew it wasn't fair to bring up Ellis Grey, but she didn't know how else to 'wake up' Meredith, because she could almost see that she was about to make a big mistake.

"I'm not my mother!" Meredith said, shaking her head.

"Not yet... please don't become your mother, okay?"

Gently, April placed a hand on Meredith's arm. "I really don't want you to get hurt... I know you love Derek, and he loves you... If you play with fire, you can easily get burned."

"I'm not... whatever there is between me and Holt, it's strictly professional." Meredith repeated once more, as if she wanted to convince not only April but also herself.

"Good..." April said, putting a smile on her face for a moment, but becoming serious again soon after.

"And now... do you have any idea what happened between Alex and Jackson that things are so bad right now?"

Meredith shrugged. "Not really... I mean, I think, Jackson's brother plays a big part in that whole story."

"Lewis?" April sighed.

"Yeah..." Meredith replied, gently grabbing April's hands. "Listen, April... I know you want us all to be friends again. You want us to get along and everything, but sometimes life has other plans... I don't know if it will ever be the same again... but if we still have one thing in common it's you... We all love you and we all want your best... In times like that you shouldn't have to worry about us, you should worry about yourself..." Meredith placed a hand on April's stomach, smiling at her. "About yourself and the little girl in there..."

A small smile crossed April's lips. "What makes you think it's a girl? Not even the doctors are sure yet."

"It's just a feeling... call it intuition or whatever..." She looked directly into April's eyes again. "We're all gonna be fine, okay? I don't know if we're fine together, but as for me, I'm gonna try and talk to Alex again..."

"Really?" April asked with a hopeful look in her eyes.

Meredith nodded. "Really... because I don't want to cause you any more stress than you're already having..."

"Thanks, Mer..." April replied, hugging her close. She still needed to find out how or when things got so ugly between Jackson and Alex, but Meredith was right. Right now that should be her least concern. Still, she knew she wouldn't be able to let go of it completely. She cared way too much for all of them to just ignore what she had witnessed.