1/Terreille
They rode all day. Alex was sore all over by the time they reached an inn for the night. He didn't care that the dusty little town looked rather worse for wear and the inn was humbler than anywhere he'd stayed in his life. If it had food, a bath and a bed, he was happy enough. Lilith dismounted and handed her horse to the waiting groom. Alex did the same and winced at the ache in his legs.
"Are you sure this is a safe place to be, Lilith?"
"It's fine. This is one of the few border towns between Hayll and Askavi. It's too small for the New Court to find it of interest."
"Well, then I don't know about you, but I'm starved. I hope the innkeeper has a well-stocked kitchen tonight."
Lilith breezed past him and pushed open the door. Inside a lively group of Warlords and witches were enjoying themselves. A few raked a curious glance their way before returning to their friends. Alex followed her to the bar.
"We're travelers passing through for the night on the way to the Keep- what rooms do you have available?"
The man behind the bar looked from Lilith to Alex and back. Alex got the feeling they were being measured up. Mostly Lilith. When he'd made up his mind, the Warlord gave them an easy smile.
"Busy night tonight. We got just the one room left if you want it."
Alex felt her tense beside him.
"Would there be any other rooms in town available," she asked in a strained voice.
"Don't reckon so. We don't get a lot of traffic through here."
Lilith shot Alex a disgruntled look.
"I don't suppose you'd be up to moving on until we reach the next town? It'll be larger- might have more rooms available there."
"We've been riding all day. I'm wore out; you're wore out. Let's just take the room and make the best of it."
The innkeeper nodded at Alex and gave Lilith a wink. "Listen to the Warlord, Lady. You both look done in to me. There's no sense riding to Kethal tonight. It's almost twenty miles from here."
Twenty miles? Oh hell no. Alex was not riding another twenty miles tonight. He reacted before Lilith could turn the offer down, pulling out several gold marks.
"We'll take the room."
Lilith hissed under her breath, seething with irritation. But she didn't argue with him. Alex took the room key and flashed a triumphant look at her. For once, he'd gotten the upper hand today. It was about damn time.
"Would you be taking supper here in the common room, or upstairs?"
"Upstairs is fine."
"I'll see the cook sends it up shortly. Yours is top of the stairs, fourth door on the left. It's got a bathroom and the linens are fresh."
"Thanks."
With that, Alex led the way to the second floor. The room wasn't fancy, but it was at least clean. Lilith scurried past him and scrutinized every detail. Her gaze froze on the single bed.
"Oh no- this is just not going to work at all." She tried to push by him, but Alex blocked the doorway. "Prince, we can't stay here."
"Why not?"
Her glare could have roasted him alive. "Seriously, you did not just ask me that."
"Okay, so not ideal. But it's only for tonight. We'll survive."
"No way."
"Hey, we survived worse than this."
"This is definitely nothing like that," Lilith denied as she paled and shook her head.
"Right. That's what I'm saying."
She was about to let loose the mother of all arguments when a knock at the door interrupted her. Alex answered it, and allowed a kitchen maid inside. With all the tension in the room, she hurried to deliver the food as quickly as possible. When she'd gone, Alex gestured to the table.
"You might as well face facts, Lilith. I'm right and we're just going to get through the night here."
"I hope 'Nelle knows what she's getting into," Lilith muttered as she sat down. "Why she's so eager to add another stubborn male to her family is beyond me."
Alex sat, too. He picked up the loaf of bread and broke off a piece.
"So you've said about the Warlord Princes in my family. I take it there are quite a few?"
"Your father, uncle and two cousins are all Warlord Princes. That's a whole lot of stubborn male temper if you ask me."
"And do you argue with them, too?"
Lilith hesitated, a faraway look in her eye. Then she shrugged.
"I'm rarely around long enough to argue. Usually a few days here and there."
Alex wondered why that felt like a lie and the truth at the same time. But he pushed that thought aside.
"If you've known my family for decades, then you can tell me about them."
They'd talked most of the day about Kaeleer, and general questions about the Blood. But Alex was really hoping to hear something about his family. Hell, the names of his parents would be a good start.
"I could. What do you want to know?"
"You might tell me their names as a start."
Lilith toyed with her fork, making him nervous. What could be so difficult about that question? She muttered a prayer under her breath and sighed.
"I suppose it's past time to get that over with. Your father is Daemon Sadi, the Warlord Prince of Dhemlan."
"What exactly does that title mean?"
"To give you the short version- he rules that Territory, and its Queens answer to him."
His father ruled a territory. Unheard of in the parts of Terreille he'd known. Was it common in Kaeleer- or even in other Territories in Terreille? When Lilith had said males had power in Kaeleer, he'd never expected that much.
Alex thought of the second half- his father ruled over Queens. Was Lilith one of those Queens? She hid her caste here in Terreille, but maybe she was more open about it when she went back to her native realm. Even so, picturing her taking orders from anyone was next to impossible. He'd have to see for himself.
"I see," he answered at last. "And my mother?"
"Lady Surreal SaDiablo."
The names of his parents. For centuries, he'd never known where he'd come from. Now he had that much to hold onto. Alex was glad in some ways, but in others, he realized just what else Meredith had taken from him.
"So my name isn't really Alexander DeSade, is it?"
"Not if you'd lived in Kaeleer."
"Did they have one picked out?"
"That's something even I don't dare ask," Lilith admitted. "At least not to your parents. And your sister didn't know the answer when I asked her."
"I dunno if I could get used to a new name."
"You won't have to."
"Won't they expect me to change mine back to what it should be?"
"No, they won't." She must have seen that he wanted to ask why, and shook her head. "You'll understand when you get there."
"Okay. My sister- you said her name was 'Nelle."
"That's just her nickname. Her full name is Jaenelle Saetien SaDiablo."
"Interesting name."
"She's an interesting witch, so it suits her."
"And there's two cousins and an uncle?"
"Three cousins, actually. Daemonar, Andulvar and Titian. They're the sons and daughter of your uncle, Lucivar Yaslana."
Those names stuck him as odd, and it took Alex a few minutes to realize why.
"Those are Eyrien names."
"Yes, they are."
"Are you telling me that they're all Eyrien?"
"Lucivar is Hayllian and Eyrien- dual bloodline. But make no mistake, as he's been known to say himself, he's Eyrien in every way that counts. He married an Eyrien hearth-witch, Marian."
"I see."
"No, likely not. You won't really understand until we get to Kaeleer. Lucivar is someone you need to experience in person." She rolled her eyes heavenward.
"I hope you like being woken up at the crack of dawn to drill with practice sticks. I will never forgive 'Nelle for not warning me the first time I went to Ebon Rih for a visit."
"You can't be serious."
Lilith shrugged and attacked a piece of broccoli with her fork. Before it even left the plate, she set it down again and sighed.
"A word of advice…don't make Lucivar fetch you."
"What happens?"
"Don't ask. If he tells you to be at practice, just go."
They ate in silence for a while. Alex was thinking of the people she'd described. The names all tugged at something in his memory. A forgotten conversation or a half-told story. Every time he thought he'd caught a hold of it, the thought slipped away from him.
2/Terreille
Lilith hoped that Alex wouldn't press the issue about how seriously Lucivar took drill practice. Or at least if he did, he'd wait until she was out of range and didn't have to deal with the aftermath. As for herself, she had no intentions of being hauled out of bed at the crack of dawn and dumped under a cold shower. Once exceeded enough.
"So is that all you're going to tell me, or is there more?"
"Oh there's more," Lilith assured him. "It's just hard to know where to begin."
Alex looked dubious, pushing his plate aside.
"Virtually anywhere is fine. I just want to know something before I get there and come face to face with them."
"Why should you have the unfair advantage?"
"Beg your pardon?"
"They're not going to know anything about you until you get there. Perhaps I should let you meet them on even ground."
Judging from the look on his face, Alex did not agree with her proposed plan. Lilith wasn't serious of course, but after that stunt he pulled with the room, he deserved to worry a little.
"Lilith, I'm not sure that's a good idea…"
"Yeah, I know." She sighed. "Can it all wait until tomorrow, at least? There's a whole day to ride through Askavi yet."
"I suppose it can. Although…you do owe me one answer."
"What?"
"What was that earlier with Tarine- about being forgiven? You said you'd explain later. Well, now it's later."
"Should have just kept talking about your family," Lilith muttered to herself.
"Too late for that now. Answer the question."
"Fine, no need to get snarly about it."
"Would you quit using that word," he replied, exasperated.
"'Fraid not. So if you don't mind, we'll get to my explanation." She stacked up the dishware and gave a small shrug.
"I was only supposed to be in Hayll for a week. That was the plan I made with 'Nelle. A quick trip in and out of Draega to break Meredith's hold on you and take you back to Kaeleer."
"Obviously, that week is now three months gone by," Lilith continued with a sigh. "If I'm lucky, the only person who will grill me about it is 'Nelle. She will be super pissed at me that I stayed away so long and didn't send any word when I'd be back."
"You could have gone to Kaeleer in three months."
"Return alone and crush my friend's hope that she might see her brother? Yeah…no. That would have been far worse."
"But…"
"Worse, Prince. End of story. So yeah, I expect she'll give me hell over how long I've been gone. But at least she'll forgive me if it wasn't for nothing."
"Someone else won't, I take it."
She rested her elbows on the rough wooden table and sunk her chin in her hands. Lilith knew Alex was staring at her, but she kept her eyes focused on the space between them. Start safe, she supposed.
"The cats will be upset, most definitely."
"The cats?"
"They live in the Hall with the SaDiablos when they're not in Arceria…or with me. They're some of the Kindred I mentioned today."
And that's all she was going to say about them for the time being. Alex didn't need to know that she wasn't quite sure how they would react to him. Or what could happen- even to a man like him- if the Arcerians took exception to him. Ebon-Black Jewels or not.
"Why would they be upset?"
"They didn't want me to go in the first place. At least not without them. But I stuck 'Nelle with the task of keeping them in Dhemlan. Something else she's likely going to give me hell for. Stuck in the Hall for three months must be driving her crazy."
"So there is someone with sense. Anyone else?"
Lilith tried to nod, but it was difficult the way she was sitting. She slid one hand down to rest flat on the table, and drummed her fingers a few times before answering.
"It was one thing when it was only going to be for a week. With the way I come and go at the Hall, no one thinks to press 'Nelle about where I've gone. But by now even they would have expected me to visit at least once."
"So if she couldn't keep this a secret from Daemon Sadi or Lucivar…" Lilith paused. "I will be in serious trouble when we get to Kaeleer."
"What will they do?"
"I honestly don't know. Lucivar will yell. That is a guarantee. But there's no telling about Daemon."
The silence was uncomfortable, leaving Lilith to imagine what the High Lord would do if 'Nelle told him where she'd gone. At least she could count on her friend to keep the why a secret, even if she had no choice but to spill her guts about the where. There would be no stopping him if he knew why she'd gone to Draega.
"Is that part of why you never went back," Alex asked quietly. "Because you're afraid what he might do?"
"Worried that he might do something inconvenient like tether me to Dhemlan for a few months? Almost certainly. Annoyed that he'll drag me into his study and lecture me in that bossy tone of his? Beyond a doubt. But afraid I might be hurt? Never."
"That doesn't sound all that bad."
"He could throw me out of Dhemlan and tell me not to come back. Unlikely, but I did break the rule. No one is supposed to go to Hayll. For any reason."
"Is that the punishment?"
"If you make it back alive, yeah. But I'm gambling that he'll let this one slide. It'll be harder to visit 'Nelle if I have to wait for her to leave the territory."
Alex sat back and thought for a while. She'd probably told him too much, but it was nice for once to let her thoughts have the weight of sound. Over the past three months, they'd chased themselves around her head like Sceltie puppies, nipping at her all the time. Finally, they were let loose on someone else.
"You wager with high stakes, Lilith."
"This isn't the first time, and won't be the last."
For a moment, she thought he might try to bring up their unfinished conversation from Tarine's garden. She braced herself to fend off another attempt to discuss what happened in Meredith's Hall.
"I don't think I envy my father the task of dealing with you," he said finally. "From what I've seen so far, the Warlord Princes of my family aren't the only ones who embrace that first law."
Lilith didn't know whether to be relieved or insulted. Either way, she was pretty sure her jaw was hanging open in a very unladylike fashion.
"Why…you…" she sputtered. "That's so…"
"True?"
"Unfair," Lilith retorted.
"Oh I think it's more than fair."
She was going to argue, but a yawn caught her off-guard. Lilith rubbed a hand across her face and sighed.
"I think this disagreement will have to wait for morning," she admitted.
"Or you could just concede now."
"Nope."
Alex gave her a look that meant she'd have her hands full winning that argument. But that was a worry for tomorrow. Tonight, she had just one thing on her mind. Her eyes darted to the bed at the far side of the room. She had to find some way not to spend tonight in that bed with Alex. He must have noticed.
"You're going to be difficult about the one bed issue, aren't you?"
"Define difficult."
"You're going to insist on sleeping somewhere else."
"How is that difficult?"
"Where were you planning to sleep? The chair? We both know you won't get any sleep that way."
"Then you be the one to sleep in the chair. That will solve the problem just as well."
"Neither of us is sleeping in the chair, Lilith."
"Yeah, well, both of us aren't sharing that bed, either."
"And there it is- difficult," Alex muttered. "Just what are you so worried about?"
Lilith checked herself before she answered him. What was she worried about? Obviously he had no interest in her. That was clear enough from the day they'd parted. No way in Hell was he going to make an invitation to her that would involve sex.
Lilith admitted that it wasn't him, it was her. As she'd feared, this trip was already eroding the impersonal wall she'd built to protect herself against him. It had been easy in Tarine's court with everyone else around. She couldn't talk to him informally if they were around, or they'd find out things they couldn't know about her.
Once they'd left all of that behind, though, Lilith struggled to maintain the same distance. So far, she could only congratulate herself that she hadn't given in yet to the temptation to call him by name. The second she did that, it would be over. Alex would hear everything she wanted to hide.
That was beside the point. She couldn't get into that bed with him. Not only was it a temptation, it was also dangerous. The nightmares hadn't abated at all over the past three months. Alone in bed they were bad enough, but with him there…Lilith wasn't sure what would happen. They could get far worse.
Alex was in front of her, waiting for an answer. Lilith realized that she couldn't give him one. She'd waited too long to lie, and giving him the real answers would be worse than the risk of sleeping in the bed. So she was trapped…again.
"Nothing," she replied shortly.
"It had to be something."
"I wasn't thinking. Just forget it."
"No more arguments…just like that." He eyed her suspiciously.
"Just like that. Now let's forget it."
Alex's expression didn't change, but didn't say a word when she called in some clothes and headed for the adjoining bathroom. Lilith had no intention of changing into pajamas in front of him. And tonight, she would be wearing pajamas. He could growl at her all he liked.
Mother Night, I hope Alex gives us both a break and wears them, too, Lilith thought suddenly. In Kaeleer, Warlord Princes tended not to wear anything to bed. She prayed Alex waited until this trip was over before adopting that particular habit.
3/Terreille
Alex considered Lilith's sudden change of mind as he stared at the closed door of the bathroom. He wasn't naïve enough to believe that she really agreed with him that this was no big deal. She just didn't want to answer his question. Not if it meant opening the door to the discussion she refused to have with him. And he was pretty sure it would have.
If she thought he might try to coerce her into another night of sex, Lilith didn't need to worry. Three months apart seemed to have quieted that intense feeling he'd had for her in his suite. He hadn't wanted her while they'd been in Tarine's court. Or even today while they were on the road. Alex was sure whatever it was…it was gone now.
As his mind turned over these thoughts, Alex called in a pair of pajamas and changed clothes. He rarely wore them, but tonight would definitely be a good time to make an exception. Unless he wanted to argue with her for another hour or two. Alex was turning down the blankets when Lilith emerged.
Desire roared through him as his eyes swept over her from head to toe. The sleeveless camisole drew his attention first, followed by the loose pants that stopped mid-calf. Both pieces were made of deep blue silk. He swallowed hard and forced himself to glance away.
So much for the lie he'd just been telling himself a moment ago. Alex reminded himself over and over that he didn't want her. And she definitely didn't want him.
Lilith must have seen him looking at her.
"I can't sleep in long sleeves and pants, okay? They bunch up and get all twisted around. It just bugs me. So let's just not make a big deal about it and go to sleep."
"I didn't say anything."
"And let's keep it that way."
"Fine," he replied with a shrug.
He pretended to have some reason to turn back to his things on the far side of the room until she'd climbed into bed. Then Alex doused the witchlight and got in beside her. He'd try thinking of something else, and hope that he could ignore the craving to hold her again. And maybe the sun would shine in Hell tomorrow.
To keep himself distracted, Alex thought about their conversations about Kaeleer today. What could he have been if he'd lived there his whole life? Could he have silenced the viciously cold…something…that lurked in him if he hadn't been taken to Draega? Or at least to have a better mastery of it.
After what almost happened in Tarine's court, he feared what he might do in Kaeleer if anyone provoked him the wrong way. Lilith had been able to help pull him away from that edge then. But Alex got the impression she wasn't around much in Kaeleer. When she wasn't around, what would happen then? Even if she was there, it wasn't a guarantee he'd respond the next time.
Those thoughts chased themselves around his head for a while. Lilith fell asleep, and Alex was grateful she'd kept her distance. If she wasn't so distant, he wasn't sure his control would hold. The last thing he needed to do was make another mistake.
"What are you doing here?"
Alex turned towards Lilith, startled. Not just that she'd spoken…but that the words she'd spoken weren't the common tongue or even Hayllian. They were in the Old Tongue. The true language of the Blood. No one in Hayll spoke it anymore, and if not for the ancient books he'd found tucked away in the library, neither would he.
He'd hoarded the books away in his suite, studying them for centuries. Even after all that time, he only knew the basics of the language. Definitely never heard any of it pronounced. But despite the archaic bent Lilith gave to the words, Alex was able to follow what she'd said.
That didn't explain why she was speaking the Old Tongue at all. Unless it was still widely spoken in Kaeleer.
"What do you mean?" he answered.
"Daeniel, what are you doing here?" she repeated, this time more frantic. "You shouldn't be here today."
"Lilith, no one's here but us."
Alex realized belatedly that she must be having a dream. She didn't hear him, continuing to talk to herself.
"I don't understand. You said you wanted the Court…all of you insisted it was what you wanted. I didn't want to do this. I did it for you."
A Court? From what he knew of Lilith, hearing that she had one came as a surprise. The Protocol books were very clear about the responsibilities of a Queen when she held a court. Lilith didn't strike him as someone who would abandon those duties for months at a time when she came to Draega.
Not to mention she didn't seem the kind of witch who would tolerate all the male attention that came with a First Circle. It was all very confusing. Especially when combined with the use of the Old Tongue. But his thoughts were interrupted when she spoke again.
"If you don't want the court, then I'll break it. The others will be free and we could…" She paused, as if interrupted. When she spoke again, her voice was rough and uneven. "But…I thought…you said that you and me…"
Okay, this was not just a dream. And it was going to stop right now. Alex reached out to touch her shoulder, intending to shake her awake.
"No, you can't! I won't." She wrenched her shoulder from under his grasp.
"You don't really want to, anyway. You just said so. You want her- not me. Her court. Her bed." She shook and trembled.
"All of you lied. You just wanted to use my Jewels to do what none of you could. Everyone knew it but me. Lorn, Weaver…all of you. Nothing but a tool with a purpose. And now that it's done, you don't want me anymore."
The pain in her voice was brutal. Whoever this Daeniel person was, he'd left deep scars behind. Now things about her were starting to make sense, especially how she'd acted in Draega. Rejection like that would be crippling to her self-confidence.
"W…what do you mean, just one last thing?" Lilith's question brought him back to the present.
"Daeniel, there's nothing more to say or do. We should just consider the court broken and be done with it." Alex felt her tense up beside him as a moment of silent passed. He jumped when she let out a startled cry.
"Daeniel, stop. You're scaring me!"
Only an idiot would have misunderstood her. Alex swore and put an Ebon-Gray aural shield around the room, like he should have done from the beginning. This could get a lot uglier, and the last thing they needed was any uninvited guests. Only then did he try to rouse her out of the nightmare.
"Daeniel, no! You can't! Please, I'll let you all go and I'll disappear. Just don't do this!"
Lilith began screaming and thrashing, still crying out brokenly in the Old Tongue. All the blankets got tangled up around her limbs as she fought. He tried several times to wake her up, but it just added to her nightmare. Every touch fueled the pain and terror in her mind.
So he pulled back and watched helplessly as Lilith relived some memory- or whatever this was. It was selfish, but he thanked the Darkness that his fluency in the Old Tongue wasn't as good as hers, because her cries reached a desperate pitch that was almost unbearable even without translation.
The ordeal went on for hours, until at last her voice became hoarse from all the screaming. When it was over, Lilith was sobbing, curled into a ball.
"I wasn't going to hurt you- would never have hurt you. You should have just killed me. Not this. What good am I if I'm cut off from my Craft and the Abyss?"
She keened a terrible note of pain and wept.
Mother Night. What the hell had just happened? Alex knew plenty of nightmares. In particular, he knew the difference between a nightmare, and a dream that relived a nightmare. What Lilith had gone through was of the second kind.
But it made no sense to him. He knew first hand that Lilith had been a virgin three months ago. So that threw out his theory that she'd met Daeniel before they met. On the other hand, she wasn't broken. So when the hell did this happen?
He waited for a while before he found the courage to try waking her again.
"Lilith?"
She stiffened beside him. "So they sent you now that they're finished. Are you going to do what they couldn't? Are you here to kill me?"
"No," he answered, even though he knew she couldn't hear him.
"Of course you won't. I should have known you were no different than the rest of them."
Alex wasn't sure what that meant. Obviously she was seeing him as someone else instead of Daeniel. Just who he was now, he didn't know. Maybe she could tell him if he kept digging. That is, if he could stomach the answers.
"Why wouldn't I be different?"
"You're just like them, Thaene- you're here to gloat at your victory. Are you satisfied to see how they left me- an empty shell?"
"Lilith…"
"Or do you need to find some other way to punish me?"
"I'm not here to punish you."
"Oh no, none of you see it that way," she replied bitingly. "You call it a necessary precaution- crush the power that you can't control. All because I was the witch you needed instead of the witch you wanted."
Alex struggled to follow her words, since she was still using the Old Tongue. He was having a harder time keeping from reverting to the common tongue.
"And what was that?"
"You dreamed of a witch who'd unite the Blood and give you a guide to understanding our power. But you didn't like that she was strong and wouldn't set down the rules you wanted. I did what was best for all of us- not just some of us."
An eerie shiver came over him as soon as he could puzzle out the words. Alex didn't quite know what Lilith meant by them, but it felt ominous. Almost like he ought to know. He asked, anyway.
"What are you?"
She gave a broken, bitter laugh. "What was I, you mean. The Weavers called me a dream- caught and spun into flesh to walk the Realms. But what does that matter- I'm a broken dream now."
Alex's heart stumbled and missed a beat. He'd read about the Weavers and their tangled webs. Witch. Lilith was telling him she was Witch. It couldn't be. None of this could be as she said.
"It's not true, Lilith. It can't be."
"You think I'm a liar."
"Not a liar- just mistaken. You think you're broken, but you're not. You're just a witch. Don't you remember rescuing me three months ago in Draega?"
"What's Draega?"
Oh this can't be good, he thought with a sinking feeling.
"It's the capital city of the territory Hayll here in Terreille, don't you know that?"
"Now who's crazy? There are no cities, or Hayll for that matter. We've only just begun the expansion of the Keep here in Askavi. The rest are just towns and scattered settlements."
The wheels began turning in his mind. Maybe there was a way to make sense of all this. If Hayll didn't exist for the Lilith in the dream, then this wasn't a memory in the past. She was a memory from a different lifetime.
Alex had found other ancient texts in Meredith's library other than the ones on the Old Tongue. In one of them, he'd read about a rare circumstance where the Blood walked the Realms more than once. After they'd rested in the Darkness long enough, they would return again.
It had seemed unlikely at the time. Something people had told their children to ease the loss of a family member. But he'd thought the Kindred weren't real, either, and look at how that turned out. Alex had to admit this was the only option that would explain what just happened.
And if that were true, Lilith had walked the Realms before. Not just as any witch- as Witch. The living myth and the most cherished dream of the Blood. But from the nightmare he'd just seen, not everyone felt that way. But how had this Daeniel managed to overpower her in the first place? Alex had always imagined Witch had greater power than anyone in the Blood.
"Why didn't you fight him," he asked her.
"Them," she corrected. "The whole First Circle- minus one exception."
Alex felt ill, but he thought he knew who the exception might have been. So he asked.
"Everyone but me."
"Your guess is as good as mine why they left you out of the fun."
"None of this strikes me as anything 'fun', Lilith."
"The rest of your brothers seemed to have a good enough time."
"You still haven't answered my question, though. Why didn't you fight them?"
"Nothing to fight with- as everyone well knew. I'd already drained my Jewels for my moontime."
Yes, Alex should have known. A witch's moontime was the ideal chance a male had to attack her. Not only was she fighting him, but her own body as well. The picture was becoming very clear to him what these men had put her through.
"You're right," he replied after a pause. "So what happens now?"
"I expect I'll be kept here until I die, used however it suits my former Court. I'll watch them pretend serve a witch they want as their Queen instead of me."
Now Lilith paused. "Unless you change your mind and kill me."
"I can't do that."
Even as he gave her the answer, Alex almost hoped that the Warlord he was pretending to be in her dream had answered differently. It was a horrible thing to wish, but when faced with the alternative, death would have been the lesser of two evils.
Lilith said nothing after that, and eventually fell into a deep sleep. Thank the Darkness, without dreams. Alex stared at her for a long time, thinking. He began putting pieces together, filling in some of the 'holes' in what he knew about the witch named Lilith. If she retained any memories of these nightmares- or the past life they came from- he understood why she would be so determined not to have a Virgin Night.
The scars left behind after that experience would make it difficult to trust anyone again. Alex would know that firsthand. The hell Meredith had put him through wasn't quite the same, but the scars left behind were just as painful. It only convinced him all the more that if not for the safframate, she never would have agreed.
Guilt nipped at his conscience again. Maybe Lilith didn't remember these nightmares after she woke up. Maybe she did. But either way, only one piece mattered to Alex. She'd said she trusted him.
Did she really? If so, Alex didn't feel like he deserved it. Even if he hadn't tortured or broken her, he'd definitely hurt her. Until he managed to ask Lilith for an answer either way, he couldn't quite say with the same certainty that what he had done didn't cross the fine line from persuasion into rape.
How could he bring that up now that he knew about the nightmares? A question he didn't know how to answer. But Mother Night, he hoped that Lilith never recalled any of these memories in the light of day.