A/N: Hello Again! There I'm back… :-) My niece is finally back home and I had time to "overwork" Chapter 42 so I can get it ready… and this chapter contains some kind of "showdown" between Lewis and Michael, so I hope, you all might like it =) Also there are some Jackson/Mark chapters… :-)
We hope, you all enjoy it! Reviews – as always – make us VERY happy :-)
(and we know, you want someone for April, but that might take a little time since we have already written stuff or a couple more chapters… but we want you to know, we've heard it and we definitely appreciate the input! :D)
Jackson Avery POV:
Three days later...
Jackson hadn't been in contact with many people after his latest, and hopefully last, fight with Alex. Michael had set up their Brachial Plexus surgery and immersing himself in studying up on it Jackson managed to block out everything else going on.
He ignored the fact that Mark hadn't tried to get in contact with him since that horrible night at his apartment.
He brushed off the numerous attempts that Arizona and Eli made in trying to have some kind of conversation, or "heart-to-heart" with him.
He blocked out everything that didn't have anything to do with surgery.
Jackson had arrived early in the morning in order to try and work out his game plan. After looking over Michael's research it seemed as if Holt would be able to go through the neck and correct the damaged nerve with a direct path. Jackson would still have to perform cervicalplasty, but at least the shoulder and arm could remain relatively untouched.
He had been looking at a video online when a knock on his door from one of the scrub nurses informed him that Holt was heading towards OR2.
Standing up and packing a few essentials Jackson walked out and greeted the nurse, Sasha Mills, a pretty and petite woman who Jackson had caught staring at him on more than one occasion.
He found it flattering and since it was nothing but a harmless crush, something Jackson could relate to himself, he never felt the need to bring it up. Not to mention she made awesome chocolate chip cookies for Jackson's birthday every year.
Sasha handed him the patient's chart and opening up the steel cover he started to look for any trouble spots that could cause unneeded complications.
Walking around the bend Jackson was just about to enter the scrub room when he heard someone call for him. Turning around he saw Mark standing a couple of feet away.
Jackson could feel his heart sink into his stomach.
"Hey" Mark said, both hands in his pockets and looking just as awkward and scared as Jackson felt.
"Hey" Jackson responded.
"I'll give you two a minute" Sasha smiled as she patted Jackson on the arm and made her way into the scrub room. Nodding his head he gave her a quick thanks and then cautiously made his way towards Mark.
"What are you doing here?"
"I-I thought it might be nice to come and see one of your surgeries" Mark told him "it's been a while, ya know?"
Jackson didn't know what to say. The last time the two had seen one another was when Mark was throwing him out after the two made love, well not made love, had sex.
"I also came to apologize for the other night" Mark said "how I acted... what I did to you was totally uncalled for"
Jackson could feel the same shame from that night wash through him. The look in Mark's eyes, the complete disconnect of seeing Jackson as anything more than something to bury himself in clawed at his guilt.
How could he blame Mark for treating him that way when for the past few months Jackson had done nothing but earn that kind of respect?
"Can you say something?" Mark asked and Jackson could hear the fear in his voice "I mean I know I don't deserve it but-"
"Stop" Jackson said as he held his hand up "you're not the one who's in the wrong here. I've been fucking this up for a long time now"
"Listen Jackson can-" Mark began before Michael Holt walked out into the hall.
"Jackson...you coming?" he asked "seems we have an audience for this one"
Turning around Jackson saw Holt give Mark a smile that he couldn't read, but didn't particularly like.
"Yeah. I'm coming" Jackson said before facing Mark once again "we can talk afterwards...if you want too"
"Of course I do" Mark smiled "go kick some surgical ass" and the remark was the first thing that made Jackson feel good in a very long time.
"Will do"
"It looks like everything can work out after all" Michael said as he and Jackson stood side-by-side and scrubbed in for surgery.
"Holt...I'm not really up to talking" Jackson responded "especially not about Mark"
"Come on, Jackson" Holt ran his arms under the hot water "I'm really happy for you that's all." Looking over at Holt Jackson followed his previous movements.
"I'm sure you are" he told Michael and once done he turned off the faucet with his elbow and made his way into the operating room. The team had already set up and he walked over to the table just as Meredith was getting gloved and masked.
"Hello again, Dr. Avery" Sasha said as she stood in front of Jackson and began to glove him and then put his mask on.
"Hello Nurse Mills" he smiled and he was happy that he would have at least one friendly face with him for the next six hours.
Turning around Jackson stood opposite Meredith, but the two seemed to make quite an effort not to look at one another. It was just one more person that Jackson would have to cross off his list. Which really sucked because in all honesty Meredith was probably one of the first friends he had made when he came to Seattle Grace.
She had understood his hesitation in working off his family's name and had been the only person he could talk too when every one else at the hospital had suddenly seen him as nothing more than a brand new opportunity.
Not to mention he had been in love with her sister and had even thought that one day he could have considered Meredith Grey family.
"Seems like this is the place to be" Meredith said and looking up at the gallery Jackson's eyes grew wide as he saw the packed seats.
Lewis, Alex, Arizona, Mark, Derek, Eli, and even Callie.
"You think they expect something interesting to happen" Meredith said and her tone let Jackson know that she was talking about more than just the surgery and for just a moment he feared she had talked to Lewis and Alex, but the second Michael walked in and her eyes went to him and watched him until he stood beside her let Jackson know this was about Holt.
Everything with Meredith was about Holt these days.
"I've always liked an audience" Michael said brightly as he got gloved and masked "makes me feel like a rock-star" and the small laugh that Meredith gave made Jackson roll his eyes. If he was going to have to put up with this for the next six hours he was going to be in trouble.
"Let's get started" Michael exclaimed "Meredith, why don't you open?"
"Love too" she told him and made the first incision.
Jackson couldn't deny the pressure as he felt the eyes from the gallery bearing down on him. It wasn't a coincidence that all of the doctors had found themselves watching his surgery. They were waiting for a mistake and Jackson could not afford to give them one.
As Meredith and Michael worked on the nerve repair Jackson was focusing on the outer ligaments, making sure he was able to resear them whenever either one of the other surgeons had to open up a particularly troublesome nerve.
"You're doing a fantastic job, Dr. Avery" Michael said as he worked on the inner cervical "you have quite a set of skilled hands"
Jackson looked up briefly, taking note of the flirtatious tone that Holt had given.
"DR. GREY" Holt suddenly yelled drawing the attention of Jackson to the woman's mistake. She had severed a nerve and pushing her to the side Michael worked frantically to stop the flow of blood as Jackson worked on trying to clip it and save it.
Meredith stood back, her eyes wide and after 5 intense minutes Michael stopped the blood flow which allowed Jackson to resear it.
The damaged nerve would cause damage, but the extent of it would not be known for quite some time.
"I-I'm sorry" Meredith said to Holt "I don't know what happened"
"You weren't paying attention!" Jackson told her angrily.
She looked at him with a mixture of anger and shock, but she remained quiet.
Everyone in the gallery was on his feet and looking down. Derek appeared as if he wanted to run down, but thought better of it.
The damage was done and repairs were already being made. There was nothing that any of the people watching could offer at this point. Jackson looked up briefly and he saw both Lewis and Alex standing together, both holding the same position, their arms folded over their chests and looking squarely at him.
Fuck them Jackson thought.
Another two hours later and having Michael close up the surgery was done. It wasn't as smooth as it could have been, but overall it was a success.
Scrubbing out Jackson and Holt remained silent until Michael spoke up.
"You did really well in there" he told Jackson "I really mean it"
"Thanks" Jackson said, but he couldn't help the anger that came out with it.
"What's wrong?"
"I know what you were trying to do in there" Jackson said as he turned around and faced Holt "that line about skilled hands with Meredith standing right there"
"It's the truth" Michael defended himself.
"You wanted to make her jealous" Jackson responded "I'm surprised the whole OR didn't pick up on it"
"Don't be ridiculous, Jackson" Michael smiled and inched closer to Jackson "she's not the one that I want. She's not the one I slept with, remember?" and he grabbed Jackson's arm lightly.
"I knew it!" Meredith said as she stood in the doorway looking at Michael and Jackson "I fucking knew it"
"Meredith" Jackson said as he approached the woman and she pushed him to the side in order to go to the cleansing sink.
Turning it on she grabbed the antibacterial soap and started to scrub her skin roughly "You two flirt with one another throughout the surgery and I'm the one who comes out looking the amateur surgeon" Meredith said.
"That's not what happened" Jackson told her "you know that's not what happened"
"So you two didn't sleep together?" Meredith asked.
"It was one time, Meredith" Michael said and Jackson turned around and looked at him in shock.
"Exactly" Meredith responded angrily as she turned off the faucet and went to the door with Jackson hot on her heels.
"What I should do is tell Mark" Meredith said to Jackson "let him find out the kind of person he's really with" and the statement had both terrified and enraged Jackson.
"It's not my fault that you follow Holt around like a bitch in heat" Jackson told her "I'm quite sure Derek would be interested in hearing that, too"
Meredith delivered a sharp slap across Jackson's face and the sting on his face felt like fire.
"I'm going to tell Mark" she said as she got directly in his face.
"No need to" Mark said as he and Derek stood beside one another and the look on his face told Jackson that trying to lie his way out of this was pointless.
"Derek!" Meredith said nervously, but refusing to even look at the woman he turned on his heels and made his way down the hall.
Giving Jackson a death glare Meredith chased after her husband and only left Jackson and Mark standing in the hall.
Alone and with no idea what to say to each other.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark couldn't believe what he had just witnessed and in fact, he was in a state of shock. And he felt numb. Numb and paralyzed. He had already suspected something for a while. Especially after all the comments Holt had made towards him, but after Arizona had gotten to him like that the other night he had really started doubting his own thoughts.
And now it seems he had been right after all. And it hurt like hell, but right now he was able to block it all out. He was so sick of all this. Sick of this relationship and he really doubted the few happy times were worth all of this. He just couldn't take it anymore.
"So it was true all along, huh?" he asked calmly, surprised about how calm he really was.
"Mark, it... it's not as it looks like..." Jackson tried to say, but his words didn't reach Mark at all.
"So you haven't slept with Holt?" he asked sarcastically. "Because it totally sounded like you did, and so far you haven't even denied it."
"It was just one time... and I was really drunk..." Jackson explained.
Mark let out a laugh.
"Oh yeah... right... that excuses everything of course. I already feel so much better."
"Mark, please. I can explain it..." Jackson made another attempt to get to Mark, but Mark didn't even want to listen anymore.
"You know what? Save it..." He waved dismissively, shaking his head. "I don't wanna know... and I don't wanna hear it..." He bit his lower lip, trying his best not to let his true feelings get out, and it worked surprisingly well. He didn't want to show Jackson how broken he felt and how much he had hurt him. He had shown him just that long enough and Jackson had done his best to break his heart over and over again. Mark wouldn't let him do it again.
"What I don't get is why you had to lie to me constantly... I gave you more than one opportunity to tell me the truth... hell, I even told you I could live with an open relationship... you could have had the freedom to sleep with him and I wouldn't have cared, because it would have been just sex, but no..." Mark let out a despaired sigh. "No, you had to do it behind my back. You had to build up some bullshit stories and I was stupid enough to believe you. I was stupid enough to believe you really love me and care for me, but you only care for yourself."
He knew he was going way too far right now, but he was too hurt to care much for Jackson's feelings.
"I do love you," Jackson said desperately, and Mark could hear his voice breaking, knowing that for once Jackson was telling the truth. In this one thing he probably had always told him the truth, but somehow it didn't matter to him anymore.
"I believe you," Mark replied, hearing the relieved sigh leaving Jackson's lips, so he went on immediately, because he didn't want Jackson to get the wrong idea.
"But it doesn't change a thing... even if you do, I don't care anymore... I still can't do this any longer..." He buried his hands in his jeans pockets. "You don't do things like that to someone you really love, and if that's your way of showing me you love me... by lying to my face constantly, I don't even want you to love me..."
He moved towards Jackson in a swift move, so he was literally capturing Jackson between his body and the wall.
"I really... really wanted to make this work... I fought so hard... and I would have done everything for you. I would have given my life for you..." he said, fighting for control over his feelings, even though it grew harder with every second. "But I just can't take this anymore..."
"You're breaking up with me?" Jackson asked, and Mark almost couldn't bear the look on his face. Jackson looked so pained that it hurt him a lot more than he ever thought it would.
"Yes..." Mark replied. "Yes, I'm breaking up with you... I'm doing this for us... because we're not good for each other..."
"What makes you say that?" Jackson demanded to know.
Mark swallowed hard. "The other night... when we had sex... I... I never felt further away from you... emotionally..." he admitted. "We were so close physically, but it was just that... a physical act... I used you like some toy and that's not me... I've never been like that... I had sex when it was only sex a million times, but I still felt some closeness to my sex partners... I still felt satisfied afterwards... but when we slept together three nights ago I felt nothing like that... in fact, I felt awful... I don't think I've ever felt like that after just having sex... and I couldn't deal with it... I thought I had made a mistake, and I still think that's a fact, but... but I realized one thing just now... you brought that out of me... you brought out the worst in me..."
He took a step back, still looking at Jackson.
"And that's the reason it needs to be over... For both of our sakes... you're not good for me and neither am I good for you... you deserve something better. Someone better. Someone who can give you everything you need. I'm obviously not that person..."
"That's not true. Mark, please..." Jackson literally begged, moving towards Mark and grabbing one of his hands. "Please, Mark... give me another chance... give us another chance... this thing with Holt was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it..."
"I know that, Jackson..." Mark said, looking down at their entwined hands. "I just... I just don't know how I can ever trust you again." He lifted his free hand, placing it on Jackson's cheek and leaning down, laying his forehead against Jackson's. "I don't want us to be over... I just don't know how to do this anymore..."
"Give me another chance... please... I... I love you... I need you... you're the only good thing left in my life... and if you leave me it's gonna kill me..." Jackson said, and Mark could see the tears welling in his eyes. He didn't even want to be here anymore, he couldn't stand the look in Jackson's eyes, the pain he saw in them, because it already made him regret his decision.
A couple of minutes ago he was sure it was the best to break up with Jackson but now... seeing him like that, he wasn't sure if he did the right thing anymore.
"Jackson, I... I don't know what to say..." he admitted, feeling Jackson's hand clinging to his shirt and pulling him close.
"Don't leave me, please..." Tears were running down Jackson's face and Mark was shocked to see him this vulnerable. He had never seen Jackson like that, and he couldn't take it any longer.
Therefore he pulled Jackson in his arms and caught him in a tight embrace, feeling a familiar burn in his eyes.
"I love you, Jackson..." he whispered, fighting back his own tears. "I love you so much..."
Jackson clung to him like his life depended on it and Mark just pressed him close against his chest, feeling Jackson's tears wetting his shirt.
"And I love you..." Jackson sobbed, looking up at Mark and placing his hands in Mark's neck, pulling him down and pressing a desperate kiss on his lips. One, Mark didn't return first, but then he did and he pressed Jackson against the wall with his whole body, feeling a desperate need rise within him.
They didn't stop kissing for even a second, their lips meeting over and over again, even though they were still standing in the hallway and there could come someone every second. They could be glad they hadn't been caught yet, but right now, Mark couldn't care less.
"Tell me you love me... tell me I'm the only one..." Mark whispered, rubbing against Jackson and pulling at his scrub shirt. "Tell me you're mine..."
"I'm all yours, Mark..." Jackson gave back breathlessly. "I'm never gonna hurt you again, I swear... I love you... I love you... I love you..." He repeated it over and over again like a prayer and it was exactly what Mark needed right now. To hear Jackson say those words and to feel that they were the truth, and even though he probably shouldn't: he believed Jackson. Because he wanted to believe him.
Mark lifted Jackson up, so Jackson could put his legs around Mark's waist, and Mark carried him inside the washroom of the OR, sitting him down at the sink, but still holding him very tight.
"We can't let them win... can't let him win, okay?"
"Who?" Jackson asked surprised, gently touching Mark's face. "What are you talking about?"
Mark bit his lower lip, thinking about if he should even tell Jackson, but he decided to do so. He was so sick of lying, because it put him in this position in the first place. He wasn't about to hold back information now.
"Holt... I had the feeling he wants you for a while... and I can't let him have you, because you're mine..." He let his hands slide down Jackson's back and grabbed his butt cheeks. "You're mine..." He repeated, pressing Jackson close to his body and letting him feel his growing erection, caused by the desperation to have Jackson completely.
"I'm yours..." Jackson agreed, pressing his lips against Mark again and again.
Mark only stopped so he could pull Jackson's scrub shirt over his head, and then his lips were everywhere on Jackson's body. He wanted to taste him, wanted to kiss every inch of his body and just have him. He wanted to kiss him, touch him, feel him, and smell him. He wanted all of it and he wanted it right now.
His lips moved over Jackson's cheek down to his throat and started sucking at a very sensitive point, feeling Jackson's chest rise a lot harder than before underneath his heavy breathing.
"Mark... Mark... oh god, Mark..." Mark heard him moan and while Mark's lips were still travelling over Jackson's neck and shoulders, he let one of his hands slide into Jackson's scrub pants, letting his fingers slide in between his butt cheeks and touching his hole, feeling Jackson tense for a moment.
"I need you, baby..." Mark said into Jackson's ear, capturing his earlobe between his lips. "I really need you... not like last time... I need to make love to you... I need to feel you completely... without anything between us... just you..."
"Then do it..." Jackson whispered and Mark watched him slide down the sink and getting rid of his scrub pants and shorts in a swift move, before he stepped out of them, standing in front of Mark completely naked while Mark was still fully dressed.
"God, you're so beautiful..." Mark said, admiring the sight in front of him for a couple of seconds, before he grabbed Jackson by the waist and pulled him close again, touching Jackson's nose with his own. "You belong with me... we belong together..."
"You're the only one that I want..." Jackson gave back immediately, and Mark knew he was telling the truth. And he would show him that Jackson couldn't only bring out the worst in him, but also the best. He would show him how much he loved him, would show him all of his love right now. This time he wouldn't use him, he would make love to him. With all of his heart.
Jackson Avery POV:
Jackson felt Mark's hands hold strong to his waist. With his arms wrapped around the man's neck Jackson kept kissing him, because try as he might Jackson couldn't get the thought that if he broke away from Mark, gave the man just a second to think things through clearly, he was going to leave Jackson and there would be nothing the young doctor could do.
With his body naked and his eyes puffy from the tears Jackson had never felt so vulnerable in his life, but if this was what it would cost him to keep Mark then that was a price Jackson would gladly pay.
There was no such thing as shame, no such thing as pride. There was only Mark and there was nothing Jackson wouldn't do to keep him. Mark was his last hope, the only thing that kept him from falling into the darkness that had taken his father and had nearly taken Jackson all those years ago.
If he lost Mark there would be no coming back from that. Jackson had done it once, but he knew he would never be able to do it again.
Mark had lifted Jackson up once again and sat him up on the sink and the coldness against his bare ass made him jump slightly. Mark leaned in and kissed his neck and dipping his tongue into the hollow of Jackson's neck it made the man shiver and hold onto Mark's sides tighter.
"I'm so sorry" Jackson whispered before Mark put a finger to the man's lips.
"Shhh" he told Jackson "we don't talk about anything but this okay" and shaking his head in affirmation Jackson remained quiet as Mark got to his knees and put his face directly in front of Jackson's crotch.
Jackson's cock hung long and thick and once it felt Mark's breath sweep over the sensitive skin it jumped. Sticking out his tongue Mark ran it down the length and once he reached the tip stuck his tongue into the slit causing Jackson to jerk his hips.
"Mark"
"I got you baby, I got you" Mark said right before opening his mouth and engulfing Jackson's cock in one fell swoop. Leaning over Jackson gasped as he felt Mark take him in deep in one suction and he could feel Mark's nose settle into his pubic hair.
Mark's suction started slowly, languishing at the tip for a second before going back down to Jackson's base then repeating the movement. Putting both his hands on Mark's head Jackson worked his long fingers into the man's salt and pepper hair. He could feel himself grow harder inside Mark's mouth and the man adjusted expertly. Widening it and wrapping his tongue completely around the shaft.
By the time Jackson had even realized Mark was preparing him the man had already had two fingers inside of him and was working on a third.
Once Jackson was wide enough Mark reluctantly broke away from the spittle laden cock and stood up in front of Jackson. Quickly undoing the buttons of Mark's shirt he opened it up once the last was free and flinging the shirt open Jackson went and took one of Mark's nipples into his mouth and gave it a light suction and bending his head Mark kissed his neck.
Mark had undone his pants and let them pool around his ankles as he grabbed Jackson's waist and picked him up to trap him against the far wall. Lifting him up Jackson wrapped his legs around Mark's waist and locking his ankles he felt Mark start to work the head of his cock into Jackson.
"Fuck me, Mark" Jackson whispered.
"No" Mark said strongly "that isn't what this is about"
Jackson looked into the bright shine of Mark's eyes and he understood. "Make love to me" he told Mark and he got a passionate kiss from the man as his answer.
Mark was halfway inside of him when Jackson dug his nails into the blue cloth of Mark's shirt and closed his eyes to try and adjust. Mark had always been on the thick side and trying to balance himself on the man's hips let Jackson feel just how big Mark was.
"I love you" Mark told him once he was all the way inside and started to thrust upwards "I love you so much"
"I love you too" Jackson answered as he wrapped both arms around Mark's neck and bounced up with each of Mark's thrusts. The room felt hot and the abject fear that someone would come looking for them was a worry that was far too distant for Jackson to give any actual consideration.
Jackson's world only consisted of Mark, as it should have always been.
Mark was starting to sweat as his thrusts became faster and more urgent. His forehead sat on Jackson's collarbone and one arm was around Jackson while the other was planted firmly on the wall behind them in order to keep balance.
"This is how we should be" Mark said "I should always be showing you that everything I want to give you comes from the heart. You're my fucking king Jackson and I never want you to forget that" and the statement came with another bruising kiss. The words shook Jackson to his core and for just a moment Jackson could feel the tears start to well up in his eyes again.
"I don't deserve you" Jackson told him "you're the greatest person I've ever known and I don't deserve to have you in my life like this"
Mark thrust up again "You deserve every good thing in the world" Mark said as he took his hand from around Jackson and wrapped it around the man's cock "tell me you deserve it"
Jackson hesitated, because even though he heard the words and knew Mark meant what he said Jackson still couldn't get himself to believe it. Not after everything he did to hurt the older man.
"Tell me!" Mark repeated as he gave another thrust and Jackson could feel his mind go fuzzy.
"I deserve it" Jackson told him as he felt his balls start to tighten.
"Don't ever think you don't" Mark said just before Jackson clenched his eyes shut and released himself between their bodies. Feeling Jackson's body tighten around his cock Mark started to pummel into him frantically and with a strangled cry of Jackson's name Mark ejaculated inside of the man and it was so strong and so full of love that Jackson could almost feel it course through his veins branding him as Mark's forever.
10 minutes later and the two men had cleaned themselves off and Mark was holding Jackson in his arms "I don't want to leave" he said to the younger doctor.
"You're coming back to the hospital in 3 weeks" Jackson told him "you can't slack off on your therapy now".
Mark smiled down at him "I always knew you were the smart one in this relationship" and kissing Jackson he rubbed his stomach lightly "I'm going to come to your office afterwards, is that okay?"
"That sounds perfect" Jackson said "now why don't you go and I'll try to sneak out in a few minutes"
"Okay" and with one last kiss Mark opened the door and seeing that the hall was empty he quickly headed for the nearest elevator.
Jackson adjusted himself one last time and took a deep breath before opening the door and trying to casually walk back to his office.
"Hey, man" Alex said from behind Jackson and it caused the man to turn around and jump.
"Sorry" Alex told him "I didn't mean to scare you"
The two men were standing in front of each other and Alex looked like he wanted to say something, but was worried.
"What do you want?" Jackson asked with a hint of agitation.
"I-I just wanted to say you did a very good job with that surgery"
"Right" Jackson said sarcastically as he turned back around to continue his journey.
"I mean it" Alex told him as he jogged to catch up with Jackson "I was impressed"
"You were surprised, not impressed" Jackson corrected "you don't think I saw you and Lewis standing there just waiting for me to screw up?"
"That's not what we were doing" Alex told him as he followed Jackson "can't you believe just for a moment that we do care about you and want you to do well?"
Jackson stopped a couple of feet from his office and turned to Alex again.
"No, I can't" he told Alex bluntly "I think you two have some warped sense of responsibility and you want to make each other feel good about yourselves so you've decided to concoct this.. whatever it is and try to save me, even though it's you two who have caused the damage to begin with"
"That's not fair, Jackson"
"My promise still stands" Jackson said to Alex "if you come to my door again I'm having you suspended, so I suggest you turn around and have a nice day"
Then without another word Jackson opened his office door and walked in. Leaving Alex standing alone in the hallway.
Jackson wasn't going to let Alex...or anyone...destroy what he had just experienced with Mark. He was going to finish at least one day on top.
He was going to be happy for one single fucking day.
Michael Holt POV:
Michael was satisfied. Very satisfied. Things couldn't have gone any better for him, even though he hadn't planned the thing with Jackson to come out like that, but he was a person to take an opportunity when he got it. Just like he did in the bathroom in front of the OR when Meredith caught him and Jackson talking and overheard the one thing he knew could damage Jackson once it came out.
Okay, he had to admit, he didn't feel very comfortable with everyone thinking he might be gay, but that was a problem he would take care of later. For now he had experienced a success and he should be happy about it.
And he was.
Lewis had told him he should stop hurting Jackson. He should stop doing what he's doing, but this had been out of his control already, and also he was sure, once Lewis would see the damage it has done to Jackson, he would be really thankful.
He just had to, because Michael had done it for him. It had all been for him. To make Lewis see that he would do anything for him and that nothing would stop him. Lewis was like the brother he never had and he meant the world to him. Seeing him that broken after everything with Tyler had destroyed something within Michael. And now he felt a lot better.
Deep inside of himself he knew that Revenge was never the right solution, but now Jackson was at least able to feel how it was to lose the one person he loved most in the world.
Mark was a clever guy and he wouldn't forgive Jackson that easy. Michael was sure of it. And he would connect the dots and if Michael just put some oil to the fire even more, making Mark believe he was into Jackson and would do everything to have him completely, Mark would back off for sure.
"Doctor Holt!" a kind of familiar voice called his name and Michael - just on his way to his office - turned around to see Derek Shepherd following him and stopping right in front of him.
"What can I do for you?" he asked with a bright smile, noticing the disturbed look on his rival's face.
Oh yeah, it definitely went better than he thought, and just like he expected, everything was about to fall into place.
"I want you to put my wife off your service and I want you to leave her alone." Derek demanded.
Michael crossed his arms above his chest. "And why the hell would I do something like that? Something this stupid? She's one of the best residents I've ever had and she's talented."
"And she just made a mistake..." Derek clarified. "A mistake that could have cost this person's life. And everything just because she was jealous that you prefer Jackson over her."
"You really believe that bullshit?" Michael asked, knowing that Derek was telling the truth and if he already saw it, everyone else did, too. Meredith wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Had wanted her from the moment he had laid eyes on her.
"I know it. I know my wife." Derek gave back. "I only tell you once to put her off your service..."
"Or what, Doctor Shepherd?" Michael grinned confident of victory.
"Or I'm going to the Chief and tell him about your inappropriate relationship with your residents. I know he won't like it." Derek replied, staring at him.
"Is that a threat?" Michael asked, not the slightest bit bothered.
"It's a promise. A promise I'm gonna keep. Keep your fucking hands off my wife." Derek was already mad and if looks could kill, Michael knew he would have dropped dead any minute.
"Well... what if your wife doesn't want me to keep my fingers off her? Actually, the way she looks at me sometimes, I think she wants me to do quite the opposite... she literally undresses me with the way she looks at me..." Michael provoked and he got just the reaction he expected.
Derek started attacking him. He pushed him against the wall and his healthy hand was at Michael's throat.
"Touch her one time and I swear I'm gonna kill you!" There was anger in his voice, but also pain, and then his hand was starting to press down on Michael's throat, making it hard to breathe all of a sudden, and speaking wasn't an option anymore.
Until a few seconds later, when he felt someone pull at Derek, heard a voice he knew and recognized immediately and his throat was released.
"Derek! Stop! Don't do this. Don't make yourself and Meredith unhappy..." Mark Sloan tried to get through to Derek and Michael could tell by the look in his eyes that he really was.
"You know, Doctor Shepherd, I could report you for this!" Michael said once he fully recovered his voice.
He could see Derek was starting to move towards him again, but Mark got in between them, holding Derek back with one hand.
"Yeah you could, but you won't..."
"What makes you say that? Why are you so sure about that?" Michael asked, his eyes focusing on Mark.
"Because then I would have to go to the Chief and tell him about your inappropriate relationships to not only one of your residents but two. And that could get you fired." Mark replied coldly.
"You have no proof for any of your accusations." Michael said with a smile.
"Oh... I'm sure half of the hospital already knows about what happened in the washroom. And people are gonna start talking. And we're here way longer than you are, Holt. And Hunt's our friend. You really think he would put your word above ours?" Now it was on Mark to smile.
"And just for the record: not that this is any of your business, but I forgive Jackson. Because it was only sex and it meant nothing."
Michael was very surprised to hear Mark's last words, but of course he wouldn't show that. Instead he put on his poker face, glaring back at Mark. "You sure about that? Because I remember him telling me that this was the best sex he ever had."
"Keep lying to yourself if that makes you happy, Holt. Maybe you need this to pump your ego, but Jackson and I talked it out. He loves me and I love him, and if you ever get near him again other than professional, suffocating will be the least of your problems." Mark threatened, and somehow the way he said it made Michael almost believe it. The look in his eyes sent a cold shiver down his spine and he was just glad he was able to hide it.
"Come on, Derek... let's get out of here, okay?" Mark said, grabbing both of Derek's shoulders from behind and literally shoving him out of the hallway. Out of Michael's way.
Okay. So Mark was still not breaking up with Jackson, but Michael wasn't finished yet. No one who treated him like the two guys just did would get away with it.
Michael made his way to his office, only to find Lewis and Alex standing inside of it once he opened the door.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, immediately feeling a shortening reaction inside of him.
"We need to talk to you," Alex replied immediately. "I wanted to talk to you in private, but Lewis wouldn't let me. He was afraid I might hurt you."
"Hurt me?" Michael raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck is wrong with you people here?"
"What the fuck is wrong with us?" Alex asked angrily. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Haven't you caused enough trouble already for everyone? Why do you keep messing it up even more with everything you do?"
"I don't think this is any of your business, Karev, but if you absolutely have to know: I never did anything Jackson or Meredith or anyone else didn't want..." Michael replied distantly.
"You took advantage of Jackson. He would have never ever cheated on Mark in a million years if he had been in his clear state of mind." Alex blurted out and Michael could tell he was angry. And so was Lewis, even though he hadn't said anything yet.
"Well, it wouldn't be the first time, would it? I'm sure by now you know about Tyler and what he did to Lewis..." Michael said, pointing to the door. "And if you two could now excuse me, please, I have some work to do."
"How lame for you to bring up Tyler as your excuse over and over again whenever you hurt Jackson... I thought Lewis already told you to back off, so why can't you just leave it at that?" Alex demanded, glaring at Michael.
"Because Jackson doesn't deserve anything better. He deserves to suffer and he deserves to lose everything important. Just like Lewis did." He took a look at Lewis who was looking back at him.
"I already told you, it's enough... Michael, seriously... you proved your point and you can stop now. It's over." Lewis finally said, and it was definitely not what Michael expected to hear.
"It's over when I say it is, Lewis. You can't just make me do all the things I did and then change your mind just like this. Hell, I even slept with your brother and I did it all for you." Michael stated.
Lewis shook his head in disbelief. "Are you out of your fucking mind? I never told you to screw Jackson, and I still don't believe you did it."
"I did... how else would I know about the birthmark on one of his thighs? It was driving him crazy when I kissed it... and licked on it..." Michael grinned, and that was the point when Alex - who has stood by the last minute or such and just listened - lost it and went onto him, pushing him, so Michael lost his balance and stumbled over, catching himself at his desk.
"Alex, stop it!" Lewis screamed, grabbing Alex' shoulders. "He's not worth it..."
The last words made Michael stop in his tracks and stare at his best friend. They hurt like a knife and he couldn't believe that he just said that.
"You don't mean that." he said and it took everything of him to compose himself enough not to let his feelings get ahead of himself.
"I think I do..." Lewis said, taking a stand in between Alex and him. "You went too far, Michael and I seriously can't deal with you anymore. Not unless you stop whatever game you're playing and back off."
"I can't do that." Michael replied immediately.
"Then I guess we can't be friends anymore." Lewis said, and again his words felt like someone was twisting the knife he had just stabbed into Michael's chest. "I have to choose a side and I need to choose my brother. I've already done enough damage and I should have stood up for him a long time ago, but I didn't. It's time for me to be his brother."
"Fine!" Michael replied, opening the door to his office. "Your decision. But don't you dare crawling back into my office once he hurts you again, because I won't help you anymore. I did this all for you, and this is your fault, too. What happened to Jackson is on you, because you started it. I hope, you know that."
"I do, and I regret it, and I will have to pay for it for a long time, I know that. But that doesn't change a thing." Lewis replied, grabbing Alex hand and pulling him with him. "And don't worry, I'm not coming back. We're done." And with those words he closed the door behind him and left.
Michael sank down on his chair and buried his face in his hands, trying to compose himself, but that was easy, because he had always been someone to push his feelings aside. He felt somehow numb and robotic, but he knew it would go away eventually. He just needed to distract himself with work, until this all was over. He was sure Lewis would come back. They could never stay away from each other for too long when they had fought, and it had happened quite a few times. Only, it had never been this bad. Still, Michael was sure this wasn't over yet. Lewis would see what he had done for him and then he would come back and apologize. Michael just had to wait and sit it out until then. And he would. Everything would be fine.