One of my friend's hobbies is invoking Rule 34 during who-would-win arguments . For example, the Gaara vs. Starscream debate ended up in the weirdest argument over who would be seme I have ever had the displeasure of being present for. I need brain bleach and better friends... I only shared that little anecdote because I don't want to suffer alone. All yinna gat to suffer too. For science.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Nineteen, Part Two: Interlude at Dispatch
By Kaori

"Thank you for calling Konoha Ninja Burger Delivery, what would you like to order?" A pause. "Does that complete your order?" Another pause and a hand furiously scribbles on a piece of paper that is quickly rolled up and put into a pneumatic tube. "Thank you. Your total for one Ninja Burget Combo Meal #2, Onion Death Blossom, Junior Ninja Burger, French Fries of Our Ancestors, and a Large Cola comes to $20.50. If your meal is not there in 30 minutes or less, your delivery ninja will commit seppuku."

The dispatch area of the franchise is usually manned by three ninja. Said ninja are normally permanent staff but today, Dispatch is being manned by Shiranui Genma, Namiashi Raido, and Yamashiro Aoba. Sadly, the usual staff members were killed in a freak accident involving a bus full of vampires, two thousand gallons of paint thinner, the SDF-1 Macross, and Uchiha Itachi (1). Very tragic. Frickin' awesome, but tragic.

I digress.

Dispatchers are not only responsible for taking customer orders and relaying them to the kitchen, but also to ensure that the teams making the deliveries are monitored and guided whenever appropriate. They are also required to dispatch additional ninja when backup is called for and report suspected incidences of joyriding in the company vans.

"Team 14, we have become aware of samurai activity in the area of your delivery." Raido stated. "A suitable distraction will be provided for you in T-minus thirty seconds. Team 22, commence Operation Dada, and please remember to put toilets back where you got them from. "

"Thank you for calling Konoha Ninja Burger Delivery, what would you like to order?" recited Aoba. He made a disgusted face. "I am afraid you have us confused with some other fast food delivery service. Our menu items are..." and he rattled off the entire menu from memory, then paused to let the person make their order. "Your total is fourteen dollars. As this is your first time calling, we will only be removing the tip of your pinkie finger as a reminder not to confuse us with an inferior franchise." He disconnected the call and sent the order down to the kitchen.

"Team 5, you have five minutes remaining in your delivery time. Quit screwin' around. Time is honour." snapped Genma, before taking another order. "Thank you for calling Konoha Ninja Delivery, what wouild...Dishonourable dog! You dare to call here? You were warned." he hung up the call and immediately dialled another number. "Public Relations? Shiranui Genma. Requesting a team to deal with a prank caller. Forwarding coordinates from phone trace now." he paused as he waited for confirmation from the P.R. Department. "Acknowledged. Happy hunting." He hung up satisfied that the annoyance would soon be eliminated with extreme prejudice. Assassinating prank callers may seem extreme, but to Ninja Burger employees any and all obstacles in their quest to provide fast, efficient service must be eliminated. Violently. To serve as an example to others.

"Hey guys." a new voice greeted from the door.

"Thank the ancestors, our relief's here." Aoba said, then did a double take when he realized who was standing in the doorway. "Anko? How'd they get you to do Dispatch?"

"They didn't." Anko leered evilly. "I just came here to tell you that you're doing a double shift today. The guys who were supposed to relieve you met with an unfortunate accident."

"Don't tell me they ended up committing seppuku."

"Nah, ran afoul of some robots during a delivery. Sorry boys, looks like you're working overtime."

"God dammit, I had a date tonight!" whined Genma.

"I'm sure your girlfriend will understand if you use the extra money you get from this shift to take her on a really swanky date." Raido said.

"You think so?"

"Nah, she's gonna kill you for standing her up again!"

"You're a dick Raido."

"Somebody say "dick"?" a new voice inquired from the door.

"Sai! Pal! Buddy! How would you like to gain some honour by helping a friend in need..."

Aand ending this chapter with Sai getting suckered into taking Genma's place in the Dispatch area.

1)In my head canon Itachi gets up to some weird crap when he's not present in the manga. Yes, even when he is technically dead. In fact, especially when he's dead.