A/N: I really debated on this chapter, but decided to go along with it. Please try not to hate me too much, it does sorta help with where I'm going with this story.

Reviews are greatly appreciated.

(Mello P.O.V)

My task was finally complete. I had the death note right in my hands. Looking at every page, every rule, and feeling the immense pride well up inside me. Sad as it was, it was probably the best feeling of my life to date. Knowing I'd done something that even Near was unable to do.

I'd won.

To celebrate, we'd moved to a new hideout in Los Angeles and stocked up on liquor and drugs for a small celebration. I only really partook in the mass amount of chocolate Ross had gotten me for a job well done, and only had a little bit of wine to go with it. Thankfully, I wasn't the kind to get drunk right away, so my senses stayed with me for the duration of the celebration.

The first night at our new hideout was spent in celebration of obtaining the notebook. However, I was the one to keep it beside me. I didn't trust these men for a moment, and I wouldn't allow them to make a quick decision about me. Though, since they didn't know my real name, it would be difficult for them to actually use the death note on me… but I was still wary.

That first night I retired early to my bedroom, which was now twice the size of my old one – feeling like I deserved the space – and I simply collapsed onto my bed. Though the week's events were exciting indeed, they were tiring for me since I had to keep my mind focused. At that moment though, I was finally at peace.

…

Well… for all of fifteen minutes.

Most of you have probably guessed it by now, too. Ross had casually sauntered into my room, tipsy from the amount of liquor he'd drunk, and was more than brave enough to take me on once again. He knew fully well he wasn't supposed to be in my room, but I suppose he was too drunk to really care at the moment.

"Mello, my sweet blondie, what on earth you doin being in here?" He slurred out.

Dear lord, did I say 'tipsy'? My mistake, the bastard was flat out drunk. Seriously, I wondered if he could even see straight right then.

I merely moved my head to glare at him. I was way too tired to deal with him at the moment. "Ross, get out!"

He chuckled a bit, sauntering his way to my side now. "Or what? You gonna hit me again? I ain't scared of you."

"Fuck off, you're drunk."

He leaned down to my level of eyesight. "So? I'm enjoying your victory. Why don't you do the same?"

"'Cause I'm tired. Now, get lost!" I exclaimed as I turned over in my bed to face away from the mess. Unfortunately, that was a mistake.

Remember what I said about turning your back on people? Because I didn't.

I instantly felt the weight on my bed, but I was too late to get away. He had already draped his large arm over me and was now holding me close. No amount of martial arts training could really help me right now, and if I tried I would risk my neck being snapped.

I tried to kick him, but to no avail. It was then that I had a panic attack. The memories of that revolting man who had raped me were bombarding me like a hail storm. At that moment, I wanted to disappear and remain unseen until I said so. However, I had no such luck. At that moment, I had to suffer through this… situation.

Ross rested his chin on my shoulder, making me ill. "Nowhere to run, blondie. So what will you do?" He whispered.

I got rather angry now. "No matter what you do, take me with or without consent, I will fucking murder you afterwards."

"Relax, kid. I don't want you right now anyway. I at least wanna remember having fucked you. But, with that attitude, I don't believe I'll get very far. So I propose a deal."

He suddenly held me a bit tighter, his face getting closer. "I know you've got someone on the outside. It's why you won't fuck me. And I've got a pretty good idea who it is. Even if I don't know exactly who, I still have power over you. Because, if I don't get what I want from you soon, you can say goodbye to that orphanage of yours. The one with that red-head waiting there for you?"

I felt my heart drop to the floor. 'Matt. No… no, no he… he couldn't know about him. I've kept him secret…'

He chuckled now. "Checkmate. Now, I suspect tomorrow night would be best for us to…"

"He's dead."

My room fell silent now. I had completely stopped his thoughts. Good. Now I had to think fast.

"Dead? What on earth…?"

"You killed him, Ross." I had to try. "When you knocked him over the head when he was ten? He suffered a severe brain injury. It killed him. You killed him. I left the orphanage after his funeral, so I don't give a shit what happens to them now."

'Please, please, please believe me! Or at least be drunk enough to believe me!'

No chance.

"Do you honestly suspect me to believe that? Mello, the desperation you have to save your little boyfriend! I'm quite impressed. But honestly, there's only one way you can save him. I just need your answer."

Fuck!

I couldn't believe it. He'd actually cornered me. And now I was faced with one of the most difficult choices I'd ever come into contact with.

Do I say no, and have the possibility of Matt and all of Wammy's obliterated due to jealous Mafia boss? Or did I say yes, and solidify Matt's existence in this world? Either way… I risked something great. I really couldn't take the chance and have Matt's life at risk. Plus, Wammy's would be at risk thanks to me. But on the other hand, how would I confess this to him after the deed was done? I couldn't lie to Matt and have him figure it out later on. I respected and cared too much to just keep it from him.

In the end, the thought of Matt and his life – as well as the lives of everyone at Wammy's – rose above all.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "What time, and where?"

I swear, I almost felt that bastards smile behind me. "Later this week. I'll call you to my room."

He finally let go of me and I felt my body loosen up. I still didn't look at him though. I couldn't look at someone who'd won something like this.

Before he left, I heard him chuckle again. "Oh, and Mello?"

I swallowed my vomit. "What."

Another chuckle. "Try to enjoy it, at least. I know I will."

Once my door was closed, I grabbed my knife and threw it in his general direction. My aim was spot on – or it would have been, were he there – and it hit the door where his head should have been. I wanted to throw a fit. To scream and tear up my entire room in a blinding rage. I wanted everyone to fear my absolute wrath, and to have everyone's spines cracked in twos, or even threes!

I wanted to be angry… but I was too sad to be angry.

I cried for the first time in what felt like forever. I cried because I'd lost, because Ross had won… because I was about to betray Matt. Sure, we weren't exactly 'together'. But I didn't want anyone else other than him. I had even wished he was with me right then, just to make the tears go away. He always knew how to make me feel better. He always made me laugh when I cried. But he was far, far away. Safe and warm at the Wammy house. Because of me.

He was safe. That's all I had to remember.

My Matt was safe.

I didn't even sleep that night. I stayed awake and prayed. I don't really know to who either. I just prayed that Ross was as drunk as he appeared and that he wouldn't remember any of this. That he wouldn't call for me and that I'd be able to save myself for Matt. I don't know why I prayed. I knew it was hopeless. Ross made deals when he was drunk all the time. He's remembered every single one, too.

I held my rosary close. Thinking of what that priest had said about me. How god had a plan for me. How he shined his light on me more than any others he'd encountered.

I scoffed at that then. 'Where's that light now?'