All this heat just sucks the energy right out of you and it's too hot for clothes. Yep. Totally wrote this nekkid. Don't judge me I live in The Bahamas. It's a frickin' sauna over here.
Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Nineteen, Part Three: Meet the G.O.N.A.D.S
By Kaori
Just because they work in an ultra-secretive ninja fast food organization doesn't mean that there are no records of anything. As mentioned earlier (much, much earlier) paperwork is really only needed by two departments: Administration and Finance, and D.E.A.T.H.S. However, the Ninja Resources Department is responsible for collecting keeping files on all present, past, and future employees; the Communications and Marketing Department keeps records on all customers. You will never get either department to admit to these facts however, and it would be best if you never bring it up in conversation.
Every tiny speck of information that can be known about an employee or customer is recorded in excruciating detail and is never divulged to anyone outside of the organization. Other organizations' information on the same individuals are closely monitored and in this way Ninja Burger is able to accurately track any employee or customer past, present, and future.
The CIA, MI6, KGB, and Mossad cry foul for this while the Jouhou Honbu shrug it off as par for the course.
Anyway, someone has to collect, organize, and monitor access to all this information; enter the Ninja Archive Division (N.A.D.), overseen by two Governing Officers (G.O.N.A.D.).
N.A.D. is the most secretive area in the organization. Since no one knows who they are, they can't be captured and tortured for information. Heck they don't even know each other's identities. Just about anyone working in Ninja Burger could be one of the twenty members of this ultra secret department. While working in the office, all of the N.A.D. ninja are forbidden from using their real names, and wear full facial masks instead of the balaclava worn by the rest of the employees . They are also encouraged to speak as little as possible to persons outside of N.A.D while on duty. It is rumoured that once you enter this department, you are in it for life. Which is just as well since the only way to leave Ninja Burger is to die and those who work in N.A.D usually die from natural causes after living long, and boring lives.
As for the two G.O.N. , they are chosen by secret lottery once a year. One by one, and when no one is observing them, the non G.O.N. enter a room and draw a ball from a bag. Whichever two pull out red balls are the new G.O.N. . The two new G.O.N. will later enter a room and take off their mask and don the mask of the outgoing G.O.N.A.D. This system not only keeps the identities of the G.O.N. a secret from everyone and further obscures the identities of those working within the department.
Why did I bother explaining any of that? Well, aside from being interesting it serves as a segue into the Employee Activities Team (E.A.T), that includes the two G.O.N. and an E.A.T Medical Examiner (E.A.T.M.E.) from D.E.A.T.H.S acting in an advisory capacity.
Today E.A.T is meeting to discuss plans for the annual Konoha Ninja Burger beach party.
"For the last time JIraiya, there will be no wet T-shirt contest." deadpanned the G.O.N.A.D in the blue oni mask; the other G.O.N.A.D in the blue oni mask nodded emphatically.
"Oh come on, what's the point of going to the beach if you can't ogle some sweet, nubile, hunny flesh?" Jiraiya whined, crossing his arms and pouting like a child.
"The answer is still no and there will be no further discussion on the topic." he turned to his left. "Akimichi-san, have the requisite food items been ordered?" Akimichi Chouza nodded and grinned broadly.
"I have every assurance that there will be no shortage of food! We have also gone to extra lengths to secure some boar for the sunset pig roast." Shizune raised her hand and red oni pointed to her.
"The chair recognizes the E.A.T.M.E." he said. Shizune stood up and picked up a sheaf of papers.
"Um, I just want to know what measures are being taken to ensure that we do not have a recurrence of last year's...incident." she stated, looking over her notes. "I've been reading my predecessor's notes and the number and severity of injuries during that fiasco had D.E.A.T.H.S busy for almost two months and left the franchise short staffed."
"Be at ease, we have contingency plans in place. Should Rock Lee get into the alcohol again there are personnel designated to keep him occupied until his team can nail him with the Clown Hammer." Yamanaka Inoichi stated. "Should that not work it has been suggested that we use a panda tooth to summon Godzilla (1) and let him deal with Lee while we all evacuate to another beach."
"Very well, but I would also like to add that there will be D.E.A.T.H.S manning not only the Lifeguard Station but a special Suiken-User-On-Rampage Station." she looked pointedly at the man sitting across from her. "Also, as per usual there will be an area set up to deal with those who fall asleep in the sun."
"That is satisfactory." nodded Nara Shikaku, the man she was looking at.
"That just leaves the matter of the Scavenger Hunt list." blue oni stated. "I believe that was your responsibility Inuzuka-san." the wild-haired woman sitting near the far end of the table, petting a very large dog nodded.
"There are only a few items left that we have to procure and then we'll be able to start hiding them the week before."
"Just don't put any of the things in NERV 2), their still annoyed with us about last year." red oni pointed out.
"They have no business being annoyed when they cause Armageddon every frickin' week and sometimes twice on Sundays."
Yeah, it's been awhile. Sorry about the very slow updates, I'm just lacking a bit in the inspiration department. Anyway, next scroll will be the last for this story, so if you have any ideas about what could happen next feel free to drop them in your reviews because this will be the last three chapters of this fanfic. I won't say that I'll get them all in, but I'll try to do as many as I can.
Why did that last sentence sound like I was auditioning for a porno?
1)This is a reference to The Panda Song.
2) Evangelion reference.