The Lord of Shadow: Your review made me rewrite the majority of this chapter because it struck me with an even more better idea.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Twenty, Part Two: Ninjas Go to Hell
By Kaori

"You know, when Mizuki kept telling us that we'd all end up in Hell, I never thought he'd be right." Naruto muttered.

"At least it's only pop culture Christian Hell and not Dante's Divine Comedy Hell (1) or we'd be here for days." noted Sasuke.

"I still don't understand what we're supposed to be doing here!" Sakura threw up her hands in a combination of frustration and confusion.

Well, since we kind of dropped everyone into this with no preamble I'd best bring everyone up to speed.

"That would be helpful."

I really wish someone would explain to me how it is that you of all people can hear me; it's been bugging me for a while now.

"Don't change the subject!"

Fine...

After rapidly depopulating Boatmurdered, the quartet was transported to the outskirts of a nondescript town. Their clue card had changed to yet another piece of painful poetry perpetuating the pernicious pursuit of their patron's position.

Try saying that ten times fast.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Done? Okay.

Rather than subject you to the same painful prose as our protagonists I shall paraphrase (and cease the alliteration as I am running out of proper "p" words). They needed to make an old lady happy. Which old lady was not specified and, much to their chagrin, the town was populated with nothing but old ladies. A literal retirement village if you will.

They wasted quite a lot of time helping numerous elderly women cross the street, pick up their groceries, and repair their broken appliances and roofs. Karmic points aside for doing good deeds it was not getting them any closer to their goal. The remaining thirty-eight hours may seem like a lot of time, but the Deliverator team was discovering that the extension on the time limit was granted for a very good reason.

Why do tasks that don't involve delivering food or killing people so haaaaard?

Seeing that they were getting nowhere fast on their own, they decided to try opening one of the bags and hope for the best. Not knowing what to expect, they took a vote and Naruto ended up being the first to open his bag.

"Now I know what Iruka-sensei meant when he said that democracy is two tigers and a monkey trying to decide what to have for dinner..." Naruto had complained. "If I die I'm haunting your ass Kakashi-sachou! You'll never get laid again!"

"Just open the bag, dumbass!" Sasuke taunted from behind the well he and the others were taking cover behind.

After impotently shaking his fist at his co-workers, Naruto took a deep breath and opened the bag.

Nothing happened.

"The hell?" blinked Naruto, peering into the bag and then proceeded to be violently ill into it.

Apparently, it only seemed like nothing had happened when, in actuality, all four of them had been instantaneously transported elsewhere. Travelling that quickly had its consequences as the ninja were discovering.

Once they had been divested of the contents of their stomachs they took a moment to take stock of their location; standing inside a rapidly descending elevator. A polite cough behind them caught their attention and standing at the very back of the elevator car was an imp.

"Floor?" it asked. Blank stares were his only reply. "I'll just let you off at the next stop. It's not like I care what happens to living people anyway..." They didn't get to hear the rest of its muttering as the elevator gave an unholy screech as the brakes were applied and a few moments later, they were unceremoniously thrown out on their behinds.

The first thing they noticed was how hot it was. Next that there was the distinct smell of sulphur and the sound of tortured screams.

"Where the Hell are we now (2)?" muttered Sasuke, looking around at the stark, red landscape in annoyance.

"Wrong story Sasuke." Kakashi quipped.

"What?"

"What."

"...in the butt." Naruto started to sing but was immediately silenced by Sakura by a well-placed roundhouse kick in the face. "AWP!"

"ENOUGH WITH THE BAD COMEDY ALREADY!" she screamed.

Their current location became all the more apparent as they wandered around. Demons tortured shackled humans in pits of fire, on racks, with whips, and Enya. Once they spotted the rock stars still partying despite the torture, they knew.

"You know, when Mizuki kept telling us that we'd all end up in Hell, I never thought he'd be right." Naruto muttered.

"At least it's only pop culture Christian Hell and not Dante's Divine Comedy Hell (1) or we'd be here for days." noted Sasuke.

"I still don't understand what we're supposed to be doing here!" Sakura threw up her hands in a combination of frustration and confusion.

Well, since we kind of dropped everyone into this with no preamble I'd best bring everyone up to speed.

"That would be helpful."

I really wish someone would explain to me how it is that you of all people can hear me; it's been bugging me for a while now.

"Don't change the subject!"

Fine...

After rapidly depopulating Boatmurdered,

"Oh no you don't! I see what you're trying to do and it won't work!" Sakura interrupted.

"Huh? What's happening?" blinked Kakashi.

"We almost got trapped in a Stable Time Loop, no thanks to the unhelpful narrator."

Hey, I'm plenty helpful! I'm just not here to help you is all.

"Never thought I'd say this but, good work Sakura." Sasuke said grudgingly, and was enveloped in a bone crushing hug for his trouble.

"Oh Sasuke-kun I knew you loved me!"

"This really is hell..." Naruto and Sasuke thought simultaneously.

"This may sound out there but did you remember to check the clue card Kaka-sachou?" asked Naruto. The other two Deliverators stared at their Supervisor, eyebrows raised.

"Er...no."

True to form the card had changed instructions with their location.

Welcome to Hell
You would do well
To pay heed to this rhyme.

Find the dudes
With blasé 'tudes
And you'll make your delivery on time.

"That's even less helpful than the one before it." groused Sasuke.

"I'm opening my bag, maybe this time it'll take us somewhere with a more helpful clue." Sakura stated. However, instead of being teleported elsewhere, the bag itself disappeared and was replaced by an EASY button. Expression blank, she pressed it and two stoners appeared. Specifically the two stoners she killed in the movie theatre (3).

"Trevor-brah, it's lie that chick that killed us." Kevin was surprisingly nonchalant about this. Naruto pointed this out and the guy shrugged. "I'm already dead man. Like, what else could she possibly do?"

"But, you're in hell." Naruto added.

"Cha, we know." Trevor huffed. "They make us clean up after those righteous parties the demons keep having with the rock stars. Totally bogus man! This is like the first break we've had since we died!"

"That's nice." Sasuke said flippantly. "Listen, we're in a hurry is there something you need help with?"

"Dude you gotta get us out of here!" they both wailed.

Getting into popular culture Christian Hell is ridiculously easy. Don't believe in God or Jesus Christ? You go to Hell unless you're the Dalai Lama, Mahatma Ghandi, or someone similar. Don't go to church? You're going to Hell. Enjoy drinking alcohol a little too much? You go to Hell. Do drugs? You go to Hell. Steal a quarter from your little brother. You go to Hell. Enjoy rock music or are involved in any part of the music industry that isn't the gospel music scene? You go to Hell. Write fanfiction... Well you get the idea.

There are only three sure ways out though: divine intervention, fighting your way out, or beating the Devil in a contest.

"Any of you musically inclined?" Kakashi asked. "And no "skin flute" cracks please none of us are high enough for that to be funny." No responses in the affirmative. "Well, I'm fairly certain the ninja gods have long since abandoned us so fighting our way out it is."

Yep, the last chapter is upon is and what better way to start it off than with a fight to escape the depths of Hell?

If you readers want me to explain how I got ninjas go to Hell from "UPROAD NEW CHAPTA OR DISHONNOR YOUR FAMIRY" drop me a line. There's only one chapter left in this story so now is your only opportunity to do so. Anyone reading this afterwards will just have to be left wondering because I most likely won't remember seeing as it took me for freakin' ever just to write thischapter...(grumble grumble)

1) Most people only read the first part, The Inferno.

2) Ha! Take that Ricky! I managed to work the title of another fanfic into this one! You owe me twenty dollars!

3) Waaay back in Scroll Six: Part Three.