Liar, Murderer, Smuggler: Act IV
So far, as away missions went, this one was going marginally better than Jim had expected. He had literally lost his shirt, but on his way to Bay 10, he had been able to get the jump on a Corvallen on his way back to his ship. He would have felt bad for stunning him into the wall, but since he knew Corvallens were at best loyal to their credit chips and at worst, loyal to whatever Romulan Proconsul was paying them, he didn't. Instead, he managed to strip off his outer jacket and slip it on. Of course, the "jacket" lacked sleeves and was really just a cross between a vest and a trenchcoat, but it would do the job.
When Jim caught a glimpse of himself in one of the viewport reflections, he had the sudden realization that he looked quite a bit like a classical musical composer. Refined, like Billy Idol.
Sneaking back to Bay 10 had been remarkably easy, if only because the guards seemed too agitated to actually focus on any spot for too long. Their patrols were sloppy, certainly nothing like Klingon or Romulan tactics, but he couldn't figure out why. At least, not at first.
Once he'd made it to the docking bay and found cover behind a number of cargo containers, he'd had an opportunity to listen in on some of the conversation. He expected to catch snippets of frustration at having to track himself, Diana and Jaylah down. Instead, all he could hear was posturing over which of them was doing a better job for Falashi.
Jim was starting to get the impression that while the slavers were the hands of cruel actions… they might not have been the ones to orchestrate them. Falashi pulled the strings on Verex III. Sometimes, the universe is too small… He should've known better. Savi had said her mother was hopping from outpost to outpost, but that had been a decade ago. It was completely reasonable to assume she had made her way into a more stable position, but Jim had been banking on the opposite. Nothing worse than being outed as a spy by the party you're pretending to be. Not to mention, he was positive this would make it back to Starfleet Command before they'd be able to get back to the Enterprise. There had been Klingons amongst the traders...
As he mulled over whether he could sneak around them and get back onto the transport ship, he had started to get the impression that things had been quiet just a bit too long. There was no way it would last.
Sure enough, when doors suddenly started opening and security klaxons sounded, the guards scrambled to one of the consoles. That boded well for Jaylah and Diana. He had no doubt in his mind that she could handle herself with anything the Orion Syndicate threw at her. After meeting Apollo, this was fun.
Nevertheless, he pulled his communicator and ducked back behind the cargo containers again. "Kirk to Prince." He said softly, tuning his communicator to the encoded frequency they'd decided on.
After a moment, she replied. "Jim?"
She didn't even sound out of breath. "I take it you made it to the central processing center."
"Yes. We've opened the cells and removed the collars. We're on our way to the armory, then we will double back for you." So, they really were setting the oppressed onto the oppressors. He had to hope there were enough ships for them to scramble to.
"I appreciate that, as I'm sure this quiet won't last long here. The guards just started scrambling." Jim spared another glance back over the cargo container as he spoke. "You know, if I'm still captain after this, this is definitely one of those stories I plan to tell everyone. Although, it's not quite as funny as Sammy pretending to be my driver, that was a good one. This one I can tease Jaylah about, too - " Jim barely had time to spot the guard that had turned his disruptor rifle towards him before a volley of green bolts came his way.
Jim dropped his communicator and hoisted his rifle, firing back enough to knock one of them flat on his back. Unfortunately, he immediately had to duck again as even more guards realized that one of their most wanted was right behind them.
After the last few weeks of having Steve's very real emotions in his mind, Jim half-expected to feel that sense of paranoia come clawing back. But, it never came. Instead, he was levelheaded, focused and pumped up on adrenaline. Disruptor bolts packed a punch, but his rifle wasn't on a lethal setting.
He might as well enjoy the opportunity to pay back the pirates that had kidnapped one of his crew.
Jim wasn't doing half-bad at picking off a few of the dozen different guards trying to get closer to him, but he wasn't going to be able to keep this up forever. They were gaining on him and he had no clear path back to the ship.
And then a door blew clear out of its moorings and knocked two of the guards off of the docking platform entirely. Exhaust vented, expecting a hull breach from some sort of phaser fire and the rest of the guards turned.
Jim didn't waste any time. He fired off a few more shots towards newly exposed backs just before a green and black blur streaked through the bay floor. At that point, Jim slowly just rose from out behind his cover, rifle still raised but with no target in mind. Before he could sight another target, Diana had finished her work and suddenly appeared beside him.
He startled a bit, but he wasn't sure if it was because he'd never actually seen her move that fast or if it was because with her pigmentation and armor color changed, he almost thought he was going to get his clock cleaned by an Orion madam.
He stared at her a bit slack-jawed, not bothering to hide how completely impressed he was every time she entered a room for a myriad of reasons. "Thanks, but you didn't have to rush on my account."
"We heard disruptor fire." She said, as if that was all the explanation he needed.
Jim couldn't help but grin. "It's sweet. You were worried."
Diana pursed her lips, clearly trying not to smile in return. At least, that was how Jim chose to see it. He wasn't sure if that was the pheromones back at work or just his general state of relaxation and ease around her again. Instead of addressing it, she changed the subject. "We unlocked all of the collars and slave pens. The people will take back these ships and find their way back to Federation space."
"Good. That's fantastic. We'll provide asylum to any of those who aren't from Federation planets, but I have a feeling we just cracked open the slave trade. This should keep the ambassadors talking for a while."
"You are a disaster who walks, James T." Jaylah said, also suddenly appearing beside Diana. That had definitely been a result of her soft steps and Jim's single-minded focus. "I like her."
Diana chuckled, shrugging a bit at Jim. "I have decided Jaylah is also welcome among my sisters as an Amazon. She is a force to be reckoned with."
"I told Diana they would not kill you." Jaylah remarked. For the second time that day, Jim got the impression she was teasing him. "But, you are very good at getting hurt."
He scoffed a bit, shaking his head at her in disbelief. "Well, thank you for that, Jaylah. Remind me to assign you third shift when we get to the Enterprise."
Diana crossed her arms over her chest. "Technically, Jim, she is not yet on duty, so anything she says is completely off the record."
After a moment, Jaylah crossed her arms over her chest to mirror the Amazon's body language, smiling for the first time Jim could ever recall. "I really like her, James T. More than maybe I like you."
Jim opened his mouth to speak, then paused, pursing his lips as he realized he had been outplayed. "Fantastic." He breathed, halfway to a grumble, then motioned towards the ship. "Ladies, after you."
Jim caught himself watching Diana long a moment longer than he felt comfortable, then rolled his eyes and sighed. It was going to be a long trip back. This time, he'd ask Jaylah to set the course and confine himself in the aft section.
Jaylah made it to the docking bay door and opened the hatch. As Diana also moved to follow, Jim paused as he caught a reflection in one of the viewports ahead of them.
"Diana, move!" He shouted, turning towards the person he saw in the reflection. He moved towards a more direct trajectory, lifting the rifle up, but he was too slow.
Falashi herself held a disruptor rifle. She fired off a pulse towards Diana, streaking just past Jim's arm before colliding with the ship bulkhead instead of the Amazon.
Diana had plenty of time to act in the heartbeat between Jim's words and the disruptor pulse fire.
In the time it took for Jim to catch his footing, she had moved with that same godly speed that he was still not sure he'd ever get used to. Diana pulled the disruptor rifle from the madam, tossing it aside, then hoisted her off of her feet, her hand gripping her bodice.
"It is over. You have lost this outpost, Falashi." Diana's voice was somehow, even through the sudden burst of violence, still kind and sympathetic. "Your daughter would be disappointed to know that you have taken your position of power and continued to abuse others, instead of ending your peddling of flesh."
Falashi's eyes widened. She had grabbed hold of Diana's wrist in defiance, but her grip went slack at the mention of her own kin. Even though Savi had suggested she had several siblings, Falashi seemed to already know which one Diana mentioned. "You know of my daughter?"
"Yes." Diana said softly, but still held her tight. The way Diana's free hand at her side remained relaxed suggested she knew the madam was no threat. "Savi had hoped you sent her to the Federation for a better life. A shame you cannot use your power to achieve that goal for others. You shame her memory." She dropped the trader. "Change that." Diana's voice carried a weight that Jim hadn't heard before, but it sent a shudder down his spine, as if he'd heard Apollo speak again.
Jim had said to Apollo that he wasn't a spiritual man, but maybe that wasn't entirely true. He didn't hold stock in religion. But, Diana seemed to know how to move the spirit, whatever that ethereal, unattainable thing was. Maybe Circe and Apollo were right. Maybe he worshipped Diana.
In watching her thaw the frozen heart of this madam, he didn't have a problem with it. She deserved all the blind faith he could give her, because with it, she accomplished miracles. He had thought they would rescue one. She had liberated thousands.
The moment passed and Diana dropped Falashi to her feet. "If you honor your daughter's memory and promise of a better life; You will let us leave, and you will let these slaves leave."
Diana didn't bother to wait for Falashi's reply. Instead, she turned on her heel and strode towards Jim with purpose. She took his arm, much as he always did to her, and led him towards the ship.
"Sure we can trust her?" Jim asked, although he had a feeling she wouldn't have let Falashi stand there if that hadn't been the case.
"I trust in the truth. And now she knows it, too. She won't harm us." Diana said, steel in her voice as they boarded the ship.
She was right. They didn't pursue, and several of the ships warped out towards Federation territory.
The only thing they had murdered that day had been the slave trade on Verex III. Somehow, Jim just knew Diana was right: They would never open the market on that outpost again.
48 hours, a shower and some sleep later, Jim was clean-shaven, feeling good and wearing civilian garb on the mess hall of his own ship for one reason and one reason alone:
WELCOME, JAYLAH!
The banner was of the weird, metallic old cardboard variety that Jim hadn't seen since an old-timey themed party in his childhood. He found it strangely fitting that Montgomery Scott, the master of trans-warp theory and all manner of technical know-how, had a special fondness for cheesy, 20th century decorations.
Thankfully, since Jim wasn't the man of the hour, he was able to slip in fairly quietly. He had managed to beat the guest of honor, but the rest of his senior staff were milling about and chatting. As he made his way across the mess hall to where Bones, to no one's surprise, was manning a makeshift bar, his eyes scanned the room idly. He nodded, smiling at Uhura and Spock, then waved to Scotty just before he shouted at Keenser to stop climbing onto a table to adjust the welcome banner.
"Ahh, Jim, I was wonderin' if you'd drag yourself out of bed for this." The chief medical officer said with a drawl.
"Why are you behind the bar counter?" Jim asked as he sidled up to it.
"After Ensign O'Brien manned the bar last time, I had 15 cases of alcohol poisoning. This way, I make sure no one gets that drunk." Bones was already in fighting form, grabbing a bottle of scotch and pouring two glasses. "Here. Figured those sedatives might actually let you get a full night's sleep. Could be your last, on account of you tanking your career and all." He held out one of those glasses to his friend with an easy grin.
Jim paused, momentarily aware that he had been insulted. "Aren't you supposed to be off-duty?" He shot back as he took the offered drink. "I thought you normally saved that kind of piercing diagnosis for my physical."
Leonard scoffed and sipped his own drink. "Be glad I didn't make a house call, or you'd still be sleeping. You gotta stop running yourself ragged."
He furrowed his brow, trying to look sufficiently put out. "I wouldn't have been running myself ragged if I hadn't literally felt like I was going to climb the walls." Jim turned so he could lean against the bar counter and check on Scotty again. He couldn't help but smile as the engineer flitted around with a level of nervousness that Jim couldn't recall seeing. "This is exactly why I wasn't going to tell him until she got here."
"Well, that's damn noble of you, but you should've known he'd throw her a party." Bones replied, presumably watching Scotty as well. "You gonna say anythin' when she gets here?"
Jim shrugged, glancing back over at the chief medical officer. "A few words, but this is for Jaylah. Scotty did all the work, she deserves to mingle and get to know her crew. Not listen to me." After another moment of scanning the crowd, he noticed - not for the first time - that there was a smile missing from the crowd. "Hey, is Diana still in Sickbay?" He turned to face Bones. "I thought you said those augmentations would be easy to reverse."
"Oh, they were." His doctor took sudden new interest in his glass of scotch and drained it before continuing. "I just had the misfortune of getting a lecture over some of those enhancements I made." At Jim's amused look, Bones gestured at him to knock it off. "I was just trying to make it convincing."
"Believe me, she was very convincing." Jim said, motioning for Bones to top off his glass. "In fact… " He stood a bit straighter. "Those pheromones were more than enough. And you know that anti-pheromone block you gave me? It wore off… after seven hours."
Bones raised an eyebrow. "Damn. That fast?"
Jim let out a strained noise that was somewhere between frustration and exasperation, as if to give Bones some small idea of what he'd gone through. "Mmm-hmm…"
Ever the physician, McCoy seemed more thoughtful than sympathetic. "Huh. I reckon that might have had something to do with her Themysciran physiology…"
"You think?"
"I've barely scratched the surface of that medical data, so cut me some slack." Bones grumbled.
"You were supposed to make her less…" Jim huffed, unable to think of a better word. "Distracting."
"You know, maybe the problem wasn't with Diana's physiology." Bones pointed at Jim with the hand holding his glass. "Maybe it was on account of you." Jim's only response was a skeptical look. He was pretty sure Bones was just trying to deflect, but he wouldn't let it go. "Well, you fancy her, don't you? Not gonna be the end of the world if she knows you're aroused by her. For all I know, you worked through that stuff yourself because she gets your motor runnin'."
"Thank you, Bones…" He sighed in a tone he'd used over and over again.
Bones set his drink down and grabbed for the bottle. "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a chastity belt. You asked me to counteract the pheromones, but it ain't my fault you're too gunshy to do anything about it."
"I'm hardly gunshy. I'm just trying to respect her wishes. I gave her a lot to think about and I don't exactly know how she feels about any of it." Jim held out his glass so that Bones could give him another drink.
"About you bein' Steve's reincarnation and all. Still not sure I believe any of it, but you're fit as a fiddle aside from a few extra memories." As he poured another, Bones glanced up and past him towards the door to the mess hall. "Well, Jim, there's no time like the present. If you're really that mortified that she knows how you feel, now's your time to apologize." Jim could tell he was half-teasing, but he didn't bother to call him out on it.
Instead, he turned to face the door and felt his breath catch in his throat.
Diana stepped into the mess hall, back to her perfect proportions and a non-emerald skin tone. She wore a blue dress, fashionable by Federation standards, but it reminded him of that dress she had worn into German High Command. The memory was faded, but it still reminded him of how his heart had raced for a number of reasons. He had wanted to be angry with her for not staying behind, but he was impressed she had found such a seamless way to enter the party.
Jim pushed off of the bar counter and made his way over to her in the crowd, just as she finished greeting Sulu. "Nice outfit." He said with a grin. "Glad to see you're back to being… you."
When she smiled, Jim took that as a win. Like usual, the room seemed to brighten simply by her presence. "Yes, I'm quite thankful of that fact. The staring from crewmembers I know are otherwise not interested in me was… quite unsettling. For them, not for me. I know they had little choice in the matter, so I don't hold it against any of them."
Jim chuckled a bit. Without those pheromones working on him, the jealousy was gone. He was yet again just happy to be in her presence. "Well, that's very magnanimous of you. Last thing I need is a rash of petrified crewmembers convinced they've upset the ambassador."
"The attention is harmless," She replied, a sly smile tugging at her lips.
"Personally," Jim shrugged, unable to stop himself. "I'd like to think that's because you're interested in one particular crew member's attention, and you have it." Without missing a beat, he winked at her and continued on. "That being said, if I said or did anything appropriate, or even bordering on inappropriate, I am sorry. I know I didn't present the best image of myself."
The smile she had been fighting turned to a more neutral expression. "Jim, you don't need to apologize. You've made it clear how you feel, and as we discussed, the pheromones were hardly flattering for anyone - "
"Regardless, I have been trying to respect that you wanted time. I know you didn't say as much, but I can read the signs." He let his gaze drop for the floor for a moment. Meeting her eyes reminded him of how badly he wanted to throw caution to the wind and how he'd nearly done just that. "We haven't talked about what I…." He cleared his throat and glanced up in time to see Bones walk by watching them. Dammit, Bones, I don't need a chaperone. "About what I said." He finished in a rush, then forced himself to meet her eyes before he continued on. "I really do want to see where this can go. Maybe after the party tonight, we can have a couple of drinks and… talk. About what we want - what you want - and start things off right. For us." His smile took on a more flirtatious, playful light. "I can tell you about the time I drove my stepdad's convertible off a cliff, and maybe you can tell me about what kind of crazy stuff you got into on Themysicra." Diana didn't reply, but her brow furrowed a bit as if a thought had occurred to her, one she didn't share with Jim. So, undaunted, he continued on, a bit more emboldened. "Besides, I've been thinking and I still want to disprove alltwelve of Clio's treatises…"
"Jim, I don't…" Diana trailed off, looking more upset than anything else. In moments, her expression had crumbled and he had no idea why.
Immediately, his heart sank. "Did I say something? Are you alright?"
Diana shook her head, but didn't offer more.
Jim considered pressing the issue, but at that precise moment, the woman of the hour entered the mess hall. The crew started to cheer and applaud as Jaylah walked in with her fresh uniform to a party she didn't expect.
"Captain's work is never done." He sighed, careful to hide his displeasure as Scotty went to congratulate Jaylah and caught Jim's eye. "Look, let's talk after I give Jaylah her dues, okay?"
He thought he saw Diana nod in response before even Spock began to corner him as well. Jim quickly made his way over to his first officer and chief engineer.
"Jim, I believe it is customary for the captain of the Starship to inspect the readiness of any new crew member before official entry on the ship." Spock remarked, a glass of Vulcan brandy in his hand. Uhura stood beside him, playing with the Vulkaya necklace that had been the subject of much teasing in the last year.
"Oh, aye, ye best make sure the lass is ready, cap'n." Scotty said with a mischievous grin.
"You are absolutely right, Mister Scott. Ensign Jaylah, at attention, please." Jim remarked easily. The crowd hushed as Jaylah snapped to attention and Jim let himself get carried away for the moment.
Turning to face his new navigational officer, he grinned at the sight of her in a command gold tunic and black slacks. He noticed that she wore her old combat boots from Altamid, not the standard Federation issue, but made no mention of it. It was just like her. And that made her perfect for his ship.
"I can think of no better officer to have aboard the Enterprise than the one that saved her crew once already. As of Stardate 2264.75, I, Captain James T. Kirk, do hereby give you permission to come aboard and assign you to the position of navigational officer with the rank of Ensign." Reaching out, he extended a hand to her. "Good to have you, Jaylah."
Jaylah always seemed so calm and severe, but as she took his hand, Jim saw something else in her. He saw warmth and kinship. "Thank you, Captain." She said, careful to address him by rank.
He squeezed her hand a moment longer, then released and took a step back. "Now, enjoy your party."
Bones spoke up from the bar, a glass in hand. "To Jaylah."
The crew all echoed, "To Jaylah!" and took healthy drinks.
As Jim turned, intent on getting another drink for himself and one for Diana, he turned back to where he had left her.
He found an empty space in the mess hall, and the doors sweeping closed.
Diana knew that the better part of valor would have been to remain at the celebration, but her mind refused to grant her the peace necessary to do so. Once the doctor had finished with her, she had had nothing but time to consider the events of the last few days, and her part in them.
She did not regret freeing the slaves, and she had spent the last half of the trip getting to know Jaylah as another Amazon from this wondrous galaxy. But, she could not shake the guilt weighing in her stomach.
It had been there since she first realized that she could care for Jim. The thoughts had come less and less frequently, but they still remained. Even with Jim's assurance that he was, in spirit, Steve, and that this was what he had asked for, there were moments like the mess hall.
When she had walked into the room and caught sight of Jim at the bar, he had been lounging in a way she'd seen countless times. But, the way his eyes took time to watch her… she could see Steve. And for a moment, everything seemed… perfect. Better than perfect, it was a gift from the gods.
But, gifts from the gods never came without a price. And to think of Jim as Steve felt somehow… disingenuous. Perhaps, in time, she could accept that this was what Steve wanted. For her to move forward with Steve, only two generations later and with a different name, a different life. He had wished for more time…
Yet, she could not undo that which the gods made mortal. And to give Jim false hope… she couldn't do that.
She was no longer a child. She was a queen. She had spent two hundred years governing her people. She had spent two hundred years watching Kal-El suffer because his wife had left this world long before he ever would.
She could not be him.
Diana had only been in her quarters a few minutes when the door chimed. She knew that there was no point in avoiding him or what needed to be done. Sighing, she unlocked the door and paced the floor, hands on her hips.
Jim entered almost cautiously, but stepped in enough that the doors shut behind him. "Hey. You dashed out of there at warp. I didn't think my speech was that bad."
"This is not about your speech." She said, exasperated that he had already chosen to use humor to deflect the tension.
"Well, before that, I thought maybe it was my flirting. I know I'm rusty, but my game isn't that bad." That was one of those startling differences with Jim. Steve let Diana do a great deal of talking. Jim seemed to hate the concept of comfortable silence on a deep, personal level. Typically, it was endearing and youthful. Right now, it was only making things more difficult. "Then again, maybe it that particular color blue didn't make you look even more distracting - "
"I can't do this." Diana finally blurted out, turning to face him. Jim looked understandably confused, but he had gone silent. "I can't do this to you." She said, realizing the truth in her words that she had been trying to quantify since they had first kissed.
Jim furrowed his brow, his eyes searching her face with honest confusion. "I don't follow."
"Of course you don't…" She breathed, more annoyed at herself than him.
"Is this about anything I said or did while we were on the way to Verex III - " He started, still trying to puzzle out whatever worried her.
"You have not done anything wrong!" Diana nearly exploded, stunning him into silence. The look of befuddlement on his face reminded her of London, over her anger at the War Council. She appreciated it so much more now, because with Jim it meant something so much lighter, without the horrors of war to haunt his countenance. "This is…" She took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words. "This entirely because of me. You have been nothing but open and honest about the circumstances, about how you feel. I know what you want and I wish I could give it to you."
Jim took a moment to drink that in, then crossed his arms over his chest. She got the impression he was trying to close himself off a bit. To his credit, his expression was almost shockingly neutral. "Are you saying that you don't feeling anything romantic towards me?"
Diana could tell that he wanted to be strong, that he was trying not to let the very notion upset him. But, she knew how he felt. "Quite the opposite." She said softly. She felt as if she was trying to soothe a wound before it had been made. "I love you, Jim. And I did not wish to admit it to myself, but while you were in Elysium, I had nothing but time to consider how I felt about you. And how I felt about Steve." For a moment, she saw relief grace his features. So, she continued on. It would not help to delay the inevitable. "Sometimes, I see you and I also see Steve and... everything feels fine." She smiled a bit. Tears had begun to warm her eyes, threatening to fall with each passing moment as she tried to explain to him the complexities of her heart. "But, other times, when I see you and I only see you, Jim, I feel as though I'm somehow betraying Steve's memory. And I know that's exactly what you say I'm not doing, but it all feels so strange. I am better than this, I do not run from these challenges, but with you, I am scared. As scared as I was in Veld." The tears fell regardless. "To think he waited all that time in Elysium and I never knew, I could never -"
Within a moment, Jim had stepped closer to her, a hand slipping up to her face. The very touch made her heart jump, made her move even closer. "Hey… Diana, you don't have to have all the answers today. Look, you figured the hard part out, right? You know how you feel." He laughed a bit, drawing her closer. His thumbs brushed away tears, holding her closer. "I know it's going to be easier for me to roll with it, but don't worry about me." She was sure he hadn't intended to, but his next words felt like they were brushing against her lips. "What do you want?"
Want was not the problem. No kingdoms had burned, no wars had been won, for a lack of want. It was never a matter of what she wanted around Jim. She had him. He was there.
Diana closed the distance between them, her lips meeting his with certainty. In that moment, she thought of nothing else but the way her heartbeat thrummed in her veins and the way he hummed against her. She wanted this. It was selfish, but she could let all of that fall away as they embraced.
She wanted to pull him closer, so she did. She moved them back towards her desk, letting that want carry her until she felt the hard surface against her backside. She stole the air from his lungs as she kept her mouth on his, unwilling to relent. Diana had been many things over the years, and a force of nature was certainly one of them. If she let herself want so freely, she would have him out of those clothes, and make good on all of those promises she had made to herself to learn Jim's scars with the same care she had before. Her hands gripped at his uniform shirt, pulling the material higher so that her fingers could touch his stomach, those muscles that had been teasing her since he had lost that shirt days ago. She had to stop this, before they… before she…
Before you change your mind.
Diana paused, her lips stilled against his. Jim didn't seem to notice, more than willing to take over for her. When she reached up, slipping a finger to his lips to stop him, he didn't seem to mind.
Instead, he grinned. "We have time, Diana…." He breathed against the pad of her finger, a hand slipping to the small of her back to keep her pressed against him as his placed a gentle kiss on the only skin she would let him. "We don't have to do this now, but we have plenty of time…"
The reality of precisely why she could not have what she wanted sank in.
The desire melted as quickly as it had arrived. She stepped away from him as another swell of emotion returned.
"No, no, we don't." She muttered, side-stepping around him and forcing as much distance as possible. When she looked back at him, the look of raw hurt on his face, muddled with confusion, only reminded her of how selfish and cruel she had been to give in, even for a moment. "Jim, that's just it. Time is exactly the problem. I have all the time up to and including eternity. You don't. "
Jim turned to face her, honestly stunned at the turnabout.
"I can't ask you to tie yourself to me in any way. You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of my life with you. Because, in truth…" Diana shrugged, swallowing. "I have no idea how long I will be here. The other gods, they may fade and vanish without believers, but I have never been bound to such magic."
"But, that's…" Jim was trying to work it out, but clearly couldn't quite come to a conclusion that gave him any peace. "Surely, I am not the first person you've loved since 1918."
"That's true, there were others…" Diana breathed, her heart twisting painfully. "But, they were on my terms. They were primarily physical, and even the emotional ones… I watched them die. I had to watch as they grew old and questioned if I could still love them." She swallowed. "And none of them have ever come close to what I feel for you. Then or now. And I already lost you once, I cannot do it again."
Jim took a deep breath, then reached up to scrub his face with one hand. "I… I don't know what you want me to say. That doesn't matter to me. I don't care if I grow old." Perhaps he thought back to the brief memories he still retained of the Nexus. "Any more time with you was enough."
"You say that now." She said. "But in twenty years, you may not feel the same. And I watched what happened to Kal when he lost Lois. I don't want to be like him, aging and waiting to die while the world passes around me and I play the role of matron." Diana could tell that Jim was ready to fight the issue, but she knew her mind. "I love you, Jim. But, I am not ready to be in a relationship with you. I don't know if I ever will be. I don't know if I can bring myself to love a mortal. And it's not fair to you to give you the impression that I am fine with this when I'm not." She reached up to wipe freshly fallen tears away. She had never spoken of those particular fears to anyone. Even as Bruce had grown older, when Lois had started to…. She had always been strong. She had closed off her heart.
Jim had done almost nothing, but he had pried it open nonetheless.
"Please understand that I want to be with you." She said softly. "I just… I need time. And I don't know if it's the time you have. Nor do you deserve to wait for me on the shores of paradise when you could have someone who will be with you in Elysium."
"I don't need anyone else."
"Will you still feel that way in three hundred years, waiting for me to walk through a door I never will?"
For a long moment, Jim stood there considering what she said. That clear pain and heartbreak from earlier had been replaced with something more thoughtful. More determined. He took a deep breath, then finally looked up at her. "If you need time, take it. I am not going to push you into this. Whatever you can give me, even if that's just friendship, I'll take it. But, I just… I don't think that's who you are."
Diana furrowed her brow. "Excuse me?"
He shrugged. "The Diana I know doesn't let her fears, no matter how rational, define her actions. And I think you know that." He made his way over to the door, then paused, turning to face her again. "I know you think you're protecting me, but you don't need to. I saw what was waiting on the other side, and I'd rather not dwell on it. I prefer to live for the day." It was clear he wanted to say more, but he thought better of it. "Good night, Diana."
Once the doors closed, Diana slowly made her way to her couch and sank down. Pulling her knees to her chest, she turned to look out the viewport. The events on the outpost had brought everything to bear. She could live without him. She had done so for the better part of two centuries. But, to think Steve had literally moved the heavens just for another chance with her… there would never be enough time. He would always leave eventually.
When Jim had initially confessed his feelings to her, he had mentioned that Steve had waited for her. That this had been a deal he struck.
She could not ask that over and over again.
This was the best for him.
Right?
An hour passed before Jim finally made his way back to his own quarters. He had considered heading back to the party, but he didn't want to have to explain his completely deflated mood. Locking the door behind him, he took stock of his quarters. He made his way over to the bottle of wine he'd taken out, then sighed and set it back into the cabinet.
She couldn't love a mortal.
No, as she had painstakingly clarified, she could love him, she just didn't think she could be with him. Because he might die.
He was the captain of a Federation starship. Death-defying feats were part of the job description.
And she knew that.
Jim had a feeling that had she never known that he had been Steve, she would have been willing to try. But, he didn't know how to explain to her that it was a risk he was willing to take. That it was a burden he could bear.
With a sigh, he unzipped his uniform collar and peeled both it and his standard black tank off. No point in pretending he was still on-duty. He'd enjoy a few hours of solitary brooding so that he could prepare himself for the next day. If Diana wasn't ready, he wouldn't push her. Not yet, anyway. He couldn't figure it out for her, and he understood that he was asking for something huge.
Maybe it was just Jim Kirk's classic stubbornness when it came to relationships, or it was Steve Trevor's single-minded focus to be there for Diana every single day of life he was given.
But, he wasn't about to give up.
A red light blinked on his personal terminal, indicating a waiting transmission. Immediately, he felt a weight settle in his stomach. Who would have left him a message?
Crossing to his desk, he flipped the transmission on to play. It was audio only. And priority one. An admiral direct from Starfleet Command.
"Captain Kirk. This is Admiral Kent." Formal rank and title. Shit. Jim stood a bit straighter, jaw set as he listened. "As of 0600 hours on Stardate 2264.75, you are hereby recalled to Sector 0-0-1 for a formal disciplinary hearing regarding your actions on Verex III. Be expected to testify to the unauthorized trespass into Orion space and the subsequent risks taken to your crew. We expect you no later than Stardate 2264.85. Kent out."
The transmission ended with a beep, one that echoed throughout the deathly silent room.
They were going to question him about Verex III. They were going to call his rank into question. His command.
Captain of a starship, huh? Maybe not for long.
He turned back to the liquor cabinet, staring at the bottle of wine before pushing it aside. He pulled the bottle of Saurian brandy he'd picked up a few months back, then grabbed a highball glass.
He set them down and poured himself an overwhelmingly large drink before taking a seat.
It looked like he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. He had to nurse a bruised heart… and try to save his career.