1/Kaeleer
It was late afternoon by the time Daemon had finished with Lilith. Finished with what he was going to get out of her today, anyway. A thousand other questions still remained unanswered about Hayll and…about other things. But they'd have to wait for another day.
All in all, he wasn't sure who was more relieved when he'd dismissed her from the study. And now he was in search of his darling witch-child to have a chat with her. If he could find her. After checking several of Jaenelle's usual haunts and not finding her, Daemon wondered if she'd used Twilight's Dawn to slip out of the Hall.
With that in mind, Daemon changed tactics. He was headed to the great hall when he ran across Lucivar.
"Finished with the witchling?"
"Hardly," Daemon replied drily. "But at least it was an educational start."
"No doubt," his brother replied with a lazy smile.
He was about to continue on to the hall when Lucivar stopped him.
"Listen, old son, we need to talk."
Daemon rocked back on his heels and slipped his hands into his trouser pockets. Studying his brother carefully, he assessed what he was in for now. If he were to bet on it like Surreal, Daemon would put his marks on trouble. This was no chance meeting No- Lucivar had been looking for him.
He's worried, Daemon realized. Almost nothing worried that arrogant Prick, so whatever this was, it was serious.
"Well, since I can't find Jaenelle Saetien, now would be a good time. So what is it we need to discuss?"
"Actually…I'd rather we do this in the study."
He said nothing and turned back the way he'd come, letting Lucivar fall in step beside him. Neither of them said anything the whole way to his study. And Daemon tried not to sigh when he found himself sitting behind the blackwood desk. Again.
"All right, Prick, what's going on?"
Lucivar prowled the study, and glanced back towards the door.
"Probably best to put up an aural shield. I don't want to take any chances anyone overhears what I'm about to say."
Meaning a Black aural shield. Daemon tried to settle the uneasy feeling that clawed at the back of his mind. Just because Lucivar wanted to keep this very private didn't mean something was wrong. He kept repeating that to himself as he raised the shield.
"Satisfied?"
"Well, so long as the waif keeps Alex busy on the other side of the Hall, should be good enough."
That explained why he couldn't find Jaenelle Saetien, but it sure as hell didn't settle the uneasy feeling.
"Mother Night. Just what is going on?"
Lucivar took a deep breath and let it out again.
"You're not the only one who had an educational conversation today, Bastard. The one I had with Alex on the way to the training room was…shit, I don't know where to begin with that. But there's something you need to know."
"And that is?"
"The boyo is interested in Lady Lilith."
Surely he'd heard wrong. No way Lucivar could have meant what those words meant. After what he'd been through in Draega, Alex was unlikely to find any witch interesting in that way for a long while. Certainly not this quickly.
"That's…not possible," he said finally.
"Yeah, that look is familiar. I saw it an hour ago on Alex's face, too."
"How did something like that even come up?"
"The Boyo was asking about Courts in Kaeleer."
"Asking what?"
"Apparently, he's gotten his hands on Protocol books- real ones. Which is something you might want to ask him about, too, while you're at it. He didn't seem to want to explain how come Hayllian booksellers have real Protocol books."
"My guess is Lilith has been supplying them," Daemon answered with a sigh.
"Part of the educational discussion?"
"A small part."
In truth, he wasn't quite so curious about how the books were entering Hayll. Hardly a surprise after his conversation with Lilith today. That Alex had been just as secretive about the matter as the Lady herself was far more interesting. Something to keep in mind when he spoke with his son. Daemon shook his head.
"But back to the point…"
"Yeah, sure," Lucivar agreed with a shrug. "So the boyo was worried he'd be forced to serve in a Court. One thing led to another and before I know it, I'm ass deep in an explanation about that pull we feel for the Queen we're meant to serve."
Oh Mother Night. Daemon could only imagine his son's reaction to that. Not favorably, that's for certain. Lucivar stopped prowling the room and rested a hip against the corner of the desk. He dropped his voice to a low grumble.
"And then he starts asking some very peculiar- and very specific- questions."
"Such as?"
"First, he wanted to know if it was possible to feel that way by mistake. And then he asked if there was anything else it could mean," his brother said carefully.
"And you told him what else it could mean."
"He asked me. What else could I do?"
"Nothing, Prick. Although I would have liked to have been the one to answer those questions."
"Yeah, you and me both," Lucivar replied with a grimace.
His brother picked up a letter opener and turned it over in his hands a few times. When he set it down again, Daemon braced himself to hear whatever came next.
"By that point, I was pretty certain Alex had a reason for asking what he did. Wasn't sure what it was exactly, but no one asks those kinds of questions without a reason, you know? Well, then he asked me one last question. Wanted to know if it was possible to break the pull."
He actually experienced a sinking feeling. Lucivar continued with a slight nod.
"That's when I knew, Daemon. I knew what he'd been driving at the whole time. Alex has already had that feeling, and he was desperately hoping I'd tell him some way out of it."
"And you think that someone is Lilith."
"Based on what I saw at the midday meal- yeah, I do."
Daemon replayed everything in his mind while Lucivar merely watched him in silence. Alex had certainly been edgy all morning before Lilith showed up with 'Nelle. He'd dismissed it at the time, thinking that the boyo was just grateful to have a familiar face at the table- even a female one. Dismissed also the icy flash he'd seen when she'd chosen a seat. Just a normal reaction to the tension in the room, nothing more.
He couldn't dismiss any of it in light of what Lucivar had just told him. No, it had all meant something, and may the Darkness be merciful, they'd nearly been too blind to see it. A potentially lethal error, and not something Daemon felt quite ready to handle.
"Mother Night," he muttered to himself.
"You can see it now, too, can't you?"
"How in the name of Hell does that even happen?"
"Pretty sure that's one of the things Alex was trying to work out. He's no happier about it than you sound."
Unhappy wasn't quite the word Daemon would use for how he felt. Uneasy and apprehensive were far closer.
He'd been prepared for decades of work with Alex before the boyo would be capable of feeling any bond for a witch. Possibly decades- or centuries- for anything as strong as the pull to serve a Queen. He half expected that those bonds might never develop, given what Meredith had put him through.
Which, Daemon admitted reluctantly, may have been worse than what he'd been through himself.
Despite the horrors of growing up under Dorothea's court, at least he had Manny, Tersa and even Surreal as a balm against that cruelty. Reasons why he should hold onto the hope that one day he'd find a witch he could trust. Alex hadn't even that much. For six centuries. Six hundred years where witches were nothing more than the enemy. Impossible to imagine how any witch could have sparked his interest.
And not just any witch. Lilith.
Was he surprised? Not entirely. Daemon could imagine the first impression she had made on him in Draega. Knowing Lilith, she wouldn't have let his Jewels or his temper interfere with her determination to get Alex out of Hayll. Even if the Jewels were Ebon-Black and the temper downright lethal. Truth be told, Lilith could be just as formidable as any Warlord Prince.
And if that weren't enough, she was also a lovely woman. Often, he thought she reminded him of what Tersa might've looked like at that age- before she'd been broken. Especially the eyes. In his whole life he'd never seen eyes that shade of gold. And yet Lilith rarely made the most of it, downplaying her extraordinary looks.
There was just one problem. Lilith didn't like men.
Daemon had seen it firsthand. She was perfectly fine around Blood males…until one made an attempt to be more than a friend. No one was more effective at ending unwanted attention than Lilith. Her verbal knife was as sharp as any of Lucivar's war blades. Daemon shuddered to think what it could do to Alex.
Whatever came out of his son's interest in the witch, a rejection like that would be the worst. Not just a minor setback, but something capable of damaging forever any hope of Alex trusting a witch. Daemon couldn't let that happen. But if his son did decide to stake a claim, he couldn't force Lilith to accept it, either.
May the Darkness be merciful. What in the name of Hell were they going to do?
"Daemon?"
He shook himself out of his thoughts and raised his eyes to his brother's.
"There's one more question Alex asked that you should know about."
Lucivar paused for a long time. So long that Daemon wondered if he'd changed his mind. Wishful thinking on his part.
"Daemon, he asked if it could be both."
A second passed while the words tumbled around his head. He swore if he gave enough time, what he'd heard would make sense. But it didn't. Or maybe he just didn't want it to.
"Run that by me again."
"I told him the pull could be for serving a Queen or to have a lover. Alex wanted to know if it could be both at the same time."
Daemon called in a bottle of brandy and poured two glasses before responding. They were both entirely too sober to contemplate why his son might have been asking that question.
"That," he said after taking a large swallow, "likely won't make any of this easier to talk about. But maybe we can fool ourselves into thinking it will."
Lucivar raised his glass and downed it just as quickly. He set it down, empty, and Daemon poured them both another measure.
"So what do you think, old son?"
"I think that if she was hiding one caste from us, it's possible that the Lady could be hiding another." He thought of the conversation he had with Lilith earlier today. "Especially if she's been teaching Queens in Draega to mask theirs so they can hide from Meredith."
"Mother Night."
Queen Lilith. The very idea sent an icy shiver down his spine. She had been more than a handful when she was just a Sapphire Jeweled witch. In the space of two days, now she was a Black Widow and likely a Queen.
What else might she be tomorrow?
2/Kaeleer
'Nelle looked askance at her brother, who looked just as tense now as he had this morning at breakfast. Since Alex and Lilith arrived last night, this was her first chance to be alone with him. Not exactly the situation of her choosing, mind you. Uncle Lucivar just dumped him on her with instructions to keep Alex away from Papa's study for a while.
He wouldn't tell her why, but 'Nelle figured she'd find that out later. In the meantime, she had to think of something to keep her brother occupied. And since she couldn't find Lilith anywhere, she supposed it was going to be a solo effort. Nothing she couldn't handle.
In fact, this could be a great opportunity.
"So," she began slowly. "You survived three months with my friend."
Alex shot her a wary look and didn't answer, but 'Nelle wasn't deterred or discouraged in the least.
"What's she like when she's in Draega, anyway?"
"What do you mean?"
"We never really talk about what she is doing in Terreille, so it's hard to picture what she's like when she's there."
"From what little I've seen so far, not much different than she is when she's in Kaeleer."
"So…infuriatingly stubborn, right?"
"I'm not sure it's wise to answer that question either way," he countered.
"Oh well, it was worth a try."
They walked a little ways further in the corridor, on their way to one of 'Nelle's favorite indoor gardens. Alex's eyes were constantly roving over everything, but she had a feeling he really wasn't seeing anything. At least nothing here in the Hall. Time to try again.
"I wish Lilith would let me help her, though. Every time I've bought up the idea of going with her, she's blocked it somehow."
"You should be thanking her, Jaenelle Saetien."
"It's 'Nelle," she interrupted him quickly. "And why should I? I've got skills that would be useful there- more useful than anything I'm doing here in Kaeleer."
When he didn't answer right away, 'Nelle stopped walking and crossed her arms over her chest. She did her best to give him the 'annoying big sister stare', figuring now was as good a time as any to practice it. Alex stared back until finally he sighed.
"All right, 'Nelle it is," he conceded. "In any case, I'm just saying that things go on in Draega that no one should ever want to see."
She was going to protest again when she heard him muttering half under his breath.
"And Lilith shouldn't be risking herself, either."
"You sound just like Papa."
"Well, he's right."
They'd reached the entrance to the garden. 'Nelle did her best not to make a face at her brother, and led the way inside. At this time of year, the flower beds were in full bloom. Purples and blues dominated most of the space, accented by a splash of yellow or orange. The garden was tinier than some of the others, but that's one of the things she liked best. A perfect place to hide away for a while.
Alex followed her inside, obviously confused by the greenery around them. He turned slowly in a circle before his eyes met hers again.
"This is a garden."
"Yep, it is."
"Inside the Hall."
"One of several, actually. Papa gave this one to me to do with as I pleased."
"But it's inside the Hall."
He seemed to be stuck on that thought. 'Nelle sat on a stone bench and looked up at him.
"I'm guessing that none of the places you've been to before had something like this."
"Draega doesn't have gardens- except in a very few places." He walked over to one of the hanging baskets and traced a petal with his fingertips. "Meredith and her coven don't have much use for them."
"How can the Blood live in a large city like that without having any connection to the land?"
"After all I've learned these past few months, most Hayllians living in Draega aren't Blood. Certainly not Meredith or her coven."
Just what did you learn, and who was teaching you, 'Nelle wondered privately. She wanted to ask him, but had a feeling this wasn't the right time. Keep it simple.
"Fair point," 'Nelle conceded. "But that's why Lilith had to go. So she could teach them what they should be again."
Alex's hand stilled and he stared at her for several minutes. The look on his face was…well, 'Nelle wasn't quite sure. It wavered between wanting to agree with her and wanting to argue. And something else she couldn't read at all. At last he spoke.
"At what price, 'Nelle? Hayll has been corrupt for so long that one witch alone is taking a great risk without ever knowing that it'll ever succeed."
"You think she never should have gone to Hayll."
With an artless shrug, he evaded answering her question and glided along the path in the garden. 'Nelle could only sit in stunned silence at first. When she'd recovered, she leaped up from the bench and hurried over to her brother.
"But…if she never…you'd still be…"
"I'm aware of that."
'Nelle wanted to say something, but couldn't. It was hard to gauge what he was thinking. Did he really wish he were still in Hayll, or was he just being stubborn like Papa and Uncle Lucivar? She hoped it was the latter.
A subtle movement in the archway caught her eye. 'Nelle flicked a glance that way to see what it was. In the door stood Lilith, rooted to the spot with one hand curled tightly around an iron-wrought trellis support. By the look on her face, she'd heard their conversation. Or at least the last part of it.
Alex must have noticed that she had seen something, and turned in the same direction in time to see Lilith drop her hand to her side. Neither of them said anything. Not in words, anyway. But 'Nelle saw a whole lot in the way they looked at one another. Whatever her friend understood of what Alex had said, it was worse than anything 'Nelle was thinking.
The whole garden was thick with tension as minutes passed with agonizing slowness. She worried that she might have to break it herself. But just as she was about to, something in Lilith's expression shifted. Like a curtain falling over a mirror, all traces of what she was thinking were swept away. 'Nelle resisted the urge to shudder when those eyes fell on her.
"You're wanted in the study, 'Nelle."
Even her voice sounded flat, devoid of emotion.
"Now?"
"That was the idea."
"And what sort of mood is Papa in at the moment?"
"Not a happy one, I expect."
"I guess I'd better go, then."
"I agree."
"Would you-"
"I'll see you at dinner, 'Nelle- if your father is done with you by then, that is," Lilith interrupted her in a sharp tone. She shifted slightly and inclined her chin. "Prince."
Neither of them had time to reply before her friend turned away and melted back into the hallway. 'Nelle stared mutely at the empty space. Beside her, Alex was faring no better. After a minute, he sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. She was probably making a mistake, but 'Nelle ventured a comment.
"If her mood is any indication, I hope my discussion with Papa isn't half as trying as hers must have been."
"I appreciate the attempt, but all humor aside, we both know that had nothing to do with Prince Sadi."
"Yeaaah…probably wasn't the best timing for her to show up. I don't even know how long she was standing there."
"Long enough," Alex replied ominously.
"She won't stay mad forever."
Alex said nothing, and 'Nelle got the feeling her optimism wasn't shared by her brother. She supposed that she shouldn't be surprised. Lilith had been merely short with her, but to him…Mother Night. Anyone else witnessing the exchange would never have guessed that she knew Alex at all. Or ever wanted to know him, for that matter.
All were messages that her brother had heard loud and clear. Not a good start if 'Nelle was hoping they'd all be friends. Much less if she had any ideas Alex and Lilith would be more than friends. What was she going to do?
"You should probably be going," Alex reminded her after a time. "Wouldn't want to keep him waiting."
"Right. Yeah, I should go." She hesitated. "Were you walking back that way with me?"
3/Kaeleer
Alex had no intention of leaving the garden for a long while. Certainly no desire to run into Lilith again after what just happened, and he expected she wouldn't be back here any time soon. So he shook his head at 'Nelle.
"No thanks. I didn't get much of a chance to look around and admire this place, so I think I'll stay here if you don't mind."
"Not at all, Alex," she replied with a smile. "I'm glad to hear you like it."
One hand lifted as if to touch his arm in farewell, but 'Nelle caught herself before it did. Alex was relieved and a little disappointed at the same time. Odd. The relief made sense, at least. He had no idea what he might do if a witch touched him- even if it was meant to be harmless.
The disappointment was unfamiliar territory. Alex had only one explanation. It hadn't taken long for him to agree with Lilith's declaration that she and 'Nelle were very similar. During the walk to the garden, and the conversation following, he'd noticed one particular aspect they had in common. 'Nelle wasn't afraid of him, either.
Or so he'd thought. Maybe she'd just been better at hiding it than everyone else. Otherwise why would she have hesitated? 'Nelle didn't strike him as a witch who worried about a little danger. But apparently, he qualified as more than a little dangerous.
Those thoughts were interrupted by the realization that she was studying him thoughtfully, hands at her hips.
"What?"
"It's going to take me a while, but I'll figure you out, brother. For now," she gave him a genuine but altogether unnerving smile, "I have to go annoy Papa."
And then she was gone, leaving Alex utterly baffled. Between 'Nelle and Lilith, he wasn't sure which witch was going to be more difficult to handle. Especially if his sister was going to say things like that. The last thing he needed was a witch digging into things.
It's better than the alternative, he thought. Unless you prefer the soul-killing looks from Lilith.
The one she'd given him a few moments ago was particularly brutal. It reminded him of the day she walked out of his suite in Draega. Meant only one thing as far as he was concerned. In the last few minutes he'd pretty much destroyed any progress they'd made on the trip here.
Worse yet, this time they'd had an audience. 'Nelle had a front-row seat to everything, and Alex was sure that she'd bring it up again later. Last night's demonstration with Daemon Sadi told him that he'd be spilling his guts to her whether he wanted to or not.
Mother Night, what was he doing here?
Alex sank onto the bench and braced on his forearms to stare at the paved walkway. Maybe if he just sat here for a while his situation wouldn't be so bleak. But after counting the individual cobbles in his field of vision six times, he was no more optimistic than before.
That's when he felt a prickling sensation running down the back of his neck. Someone else was in the garden. Alex looked up, hoping it wouldn't be Lilith, and met the cool gaze of Haedyn and Taenne. Okay, this was worse. For a moment, he didn't move or say anything. Just stared back at the big, white cats.
*The Lady is upset* Haedyn rumbled ominously over a spear thread.
He judged his chances of winning a fight against the two Arcerians. Short of blasting them with the Ebon-Black, unlikely. And if Lilith were upset now, there'd be no telling how pissed off she'd be if he destroyed her feline escorts. He could just shield and at least get out of the garden.
But who would he ask for help? Lilith? Oh hell no. With those options out, talking was his only chance.
*You will fix it* Taenne insisted, looking at him expectantly.
"I would if I knew how."
The cats exchanged a look with one another. Taenne padded over to him first, followed by Haedyn. This was it. Six hundred years he'd survived in Meredith's court only to be eviscerated by a pair of cats in his family home. As he waited for them to spring, it dawned on him that they weren't going to. The Arcerians just stared at him quizzically, as if puzzling over his reaction. Then Haedyn spoke.
*We will teach you*
"Say again?"
*You lived in the damaged Territory*
Hayll, Alex realized. Given his experience living there, damaged was an apt way to describe it. But what did that have to do with their offer to teach him?
*Males in the damaged Territory have no proper training* Taenne answered his unspoken question, no trace of condemnation in his tone.
"I have been reading Protocol books," he said in his defense.
*Is good, but need different training- must learn to think like a Kaeleer male*
He had a feeling that this different training would be harder to learn than anything he'd been reading in the Protocol books. The books only told him the rules to live by. Unless Alex missed his guess, Haedyn and Taenne were offering to teach him why the Blood in Kaeleer lived by those rules. Now if only he could figure out why where they offering. If it were Daemon Sadi or Lucivar, he wouldn't think anything strange.
But the Arcerians? Alex couldn't just let that go unexplained. Not if he was considering letting them.
"And you will teach me this? Forgive me, but I am curious to know why."
The tip of Taenne's tail twitched nervously and Haedyn's gaze flicked around the garden. Alex knew that look. He'd seen it before when he'd asked Aster why Lilith had been upset with the horses on the trip to the Keep. She must have given the Arcerians a similar warning, although he couldn't understand why.
At last, Taenne seemed to have an answer he felt safe enough to give.
*Need help with the Lady- need your help*
"My help? You might be better off asking my sister or any of the other SaDiablos to help you with whatever you need. I don't think the Lady likes me all that much."
*Will learn to like you*
That sounded very determined to his ear. Alex wondered if Lilith knew what the cats had in mind, or that they'd come to see him. At first, he might have suspected that she'd been the one to send them. Hearing this, likely not.
"You're welcome to try, I wouldn't hold my breath."
They looked at him a moment, obviously confused.
*Why not breathe?* Haedyn asked finally. *Bad air?*
Alex struggled to keep a straight face. He'd forgotten for a moment that he wasn't talking to another human, and some phrases might not make sense to someone who was Kindred. Lesson learned. Next time he'd be more careful what he said, or he'd be stuck explaining himself again.
"It's a human phrase," he answered. "It means you're more likely to die before you get what you want."
Taenne considered his explanation, and then offered a conclusion of his own.
*You want the Lady to like you*
Startled by the cat's perception, Alex tried not to stammer out an immediate denial. Instead, he tried to redirect that thought along a safer path.
"The Lady is friends with everyone here. If I'm to be friends with them, I should be friends with her, too."
*Many friends here- more than the Lady knows. Not as many special friends* Haedyn emphasized, eyeing him carefully. *Willing to be special friend?*
"Who are the Lady's 'special' friends?"
*Mostly Kindred. Few humans- only one*
"'Nelle," Alex supplied.
*Yes*
"Why so few?"
The garden was silent while the cats debated if they could answer that question. Alex knew almost certainly that they were conferring with one another before saying anything. It made him uneasy. At last, Haedyn turned back to him, very serious.
*Not to tell the Lady- understand?*
Oh he understood very well. Whatever they were about to say was not something they wanted repeated back to Lilith. If he did, Alex wouldn't have to worry that the Arcerians would come after him. No, she'd have his head first. Might as well find out what required so much secrecy and hope he didn't live to regret it.
"Not a word," he promised solemnly.
*Could be more* Haedyn admitted, *but the Lady is too afraid*
"Afraid?"
*Afraid will have no friends if she is what she is around them. Will be enemies instead*
A lot of things that were being said and yet not being said in those brief sentences. Despite being Kindred, Haedyn was as adept as any human Warlord Prince at ensuring the listener understood only the surface answer- unless he already knew the hidden ones. And since Alex wasn't sure how private the garden was right now, he chose to ask about the hidden ones on a spear thread instead of aloud.
*You know what she is- what she really is- don't you?*
*She is the Lady* Taenne replied evasively.
So he'd have to be the one to say it.
*She's a Queen who wears the Ebon-Black*
Alex could decide to stop there. Just those two things were more than anyone else in Kaeleer knew about Lilith. He didn't have to go any further. But since the night in the inn, he couldn't stop thinking about what else she might be. If he couldn't bring himself to ask her, he could test out his theory on Haedyn and Taenne. Alex took a deep breath and let it out again.
*But that's not what she's really worried about, is she?*
The cats said nothing.
*She's afraid of how they'll react if they find out she's Witch, isn't she? Like the males of her First Circle long ago reacted when they found out*
A deadly flicker burned like coals in their eyes.
*Secret* Taenne said. *Lady does not talk about it*
*No, the Lady would not*
*You found out another way*
*The nightmares* he admitted. *She had one of them on the journey from Hayll to the Keep*
As quickly as their anger had come, it was gone again. Sadness filled them instead.
*Much worse. Worse than before the Lady left*
Some part of him may have suspected that, but not something Alex wanted confirmed. Yet another thing he'd done to hurt her. Wasn't bad enough what he'd done to her body. No, even worse- he'd added new fuel to old memories she relived in her nightmares. A lasting wrong Alex wasn't sure could ever be made right.
And one he definitely shouldn't mention to the cats if he wanted to stay in one piece.
*How long has she been having those?*
*Always*
*How long ago did it happen? The only answer I got out of her was that it was before the Keep was finished*
He felt surprise across the connection. Haedyn sat up very straight and tilted his head slightly.
*Talked to the Lady about the nightmare?*
*Not exactly. After the worst is over, she starts talking to someone in her sleep- Thaene. If you ask her questions in the Old Tongue, she'll answer you thinking you're him. But my knowledge of it is limited, so there were things I couldn't ask. I was wondering if either of you knew the answers*
*No answers* Haedyn replied. *Would have to ask the Pale One at the Keep*
An image of a person appeared in his mind. Pale skin, dark black hair and red lips.
*Know the Pale One?*
*Geoffrey?*
*Yes, but must be careful. He does not like questions about the Lady- especially those questions*
*I will keep that in mind*
Alex would take his chances. Once things settled down here at the Hall, he was going to take a trip back to the Keep and have a conversation with Geoffrey. If the Guardian didn't like it, that was of little consequence. So long as Alex got the answers he was looking for.
*Never answered question* Taenne pointed out suddenly. *Willing to be special friend of the Lady?*
If his conversation with Lucivar was any indication, some part of him wanted to be more than just a friend- special or otherwise- to Lilith. So unless he found a way to undo that, he didn't really have much of a choice. He could always change his mind later if he ever did untangle himself from that feeling.
At least that could be his choice if 'Nelle or anyone else were asking. But if he said yes right now to the Arcerians, there'd be no going back on it. It was all or nothing with them. Alex answered honestly, knowing it was the only answer he would ever give.
*Yes, I'm willing*
And may the Darkness be merciful if Lilith accepted.
4/Kaeleer
Lilith paced her suite, unable to sit still. If she stopped moving, she might break down and cry. And if she did that, she may never stop. Would that she could pretend that she hadn't heard what Alex had said to 'Nelle in the garden. But she couldn't. The words rang in her mind, over and over again.
Oh she'd known all along that he wished he hadn't taken her to bed. No need to rehash all of the ways he'd told her that night, or the morning after. It sufficed to say that the signs were all there. That had been enough on her conscience. But for him to say he'd rather have stayed Meredith's prisoner if it meant he could have avoided that night in Draega…
It was her worst nightmare, and hurt more than anything she could have imagined.
How can I stay here knowing he feels that way?
That's exactly what she had to do, though. It was far too early to think about escape. Daemon was far from done asking her questions about Hayll. Hell's fire, they hadn't even gotten to anything she'd expected him to ask her about during their discussion earlier today. And she'd promised 'Nelle that she'd stay for a visit with Charlotte and Adrienne. She'd just have to survive this somehow.
And if she was going to survive, she had to correct the mistake she'd made on the journey to the Keep. In her efforts to educate Alex about Kaeleer and his family, Lilith had allowed her barriers to crack open. She hadn't even realized how relaxed she'd gotten around him on the trip.
It had been too easy to do when it had been just the two of them. So easy to pretend that they weren't any different from any other travelers on the road. As long as they steered clear of any mention of what happened in Draega. Lilith's mistake had been believing it had been anything other than playacting.
No, it was worse than that, she admitted to herself. It's knowing that I wasn't just acting like we could be friends. But Alex was.
Lilith scrubbed her hands across her eyes and tried to clear away the tears that threatened to spill out. She had a few hours before dinner. Just enough time to rebuild her crumbling defenses. When she saw Alex again, she would be prepared to give him the only thing she could now.
Distance.