A/N: And here we are… with Chapter 51… and some kind of „showdown"… things are starting to get „real bad" now, but we promise, it's gonna get better eventually… We're happy some of you are still with us and enjoy the „adventures" we put our guys and girls through! :-)
Enjoy Chapter 51!
Alex Karev POV:
Morning had come far too early for Alex.
He had spent the night holding Lewis in his arms and it made him feel better. It staved off the inevitable butterflies in his stomach as his mind raced through a hundred different scenarios.
Alex wondered what the fallout would be. Would Hunt give Jackson an option of getting help, or would he just fire the man outright?
How would Jackson react? Angrily and with a string of curse words, or would this be the thing that shattered him beyond repair?
The morning would not be good for anyone and looking across the table at Lewis as the man picked at the eggs and bacon Alex had made him Alex grabbed the hand that was laying next to Lewis' plate.
"You should eat something" Alex said "and I know how much you love my eggs."
Looking up Lewis gave him a weak smile "They're great. It's just I don't have much of an appetite."
Giving Lewis a tight grip Alex tried to be reassuring "I know today is going to be rough, but-"
"Can you just give it a rest, Alex?" Lewis said agitated and snatching his hand away he stood up and walked across the room.
"I would if you just talked to me" Alex told him "This isn't easy for any of us and you shutting me out won't make it better" and looking down Lewis slumped his shoulders.
"I'm sorry" Lewis said "it's just...are we doing the right thing?"
Standing up Alex walked over to Lewis and grabbed his hand again and pulled him close. "I won't lie and say I didn't have my reservations about going to Hunt" Alex told him "thinking about what this would do to Jackson makes me nervous but-"
"But?"
"But I trust you, Lewis, and you believe this is the right thing to do and after thinking about it I know this is the only way to help Jackson before he does something that we can't pull him back from."
"So just because you trust me?" Lewis asked and something unreadable passed in his eyes.
"Not just because I trust you, but that's a part of it" Alex told him "I realized that it's time to take action and Jackson will be furious, but in the end I truly believe this will help him"
"What if it doesn't, though?" Lewis asked "What if Hunt decides that having a drug addict on staff isn't worth the trouble?" Alex could feel Lewis start to shake "Jackson has worked so hard to become what he is and if he loses it I just..."
"He won't lose it" Alex told him "I know Hunt and the man is all about second chances and Jackson has proven himself to be a great surgeon. Hunt knows that."
"He's going to hate us, ya know?" Lewis said "It won't be just words this time."
"Probably" Alex responded "he'll blames us and despise the fact that he even knows us, but when he comes out of this on the other side he will see what we've.. what you've... done for him and he will be grateful"
That had gotten the first genuine smile from Lewis Alex had seen all morning.
"Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?" Lewis asked as he kissed Alex.
"I've heard rumours." and with a laugh Lewis pulled him into a long hug.
"So how about we finish breakfast and then head to the hospital?"
"Sounds good."
The moment Lewis and Alex walked into Seattle Grace they headed straight for Lewis' office and saw the small crowd waiting for them.
Arizona, Eli, and Tyler stood outside of Lewis' door and all wore the exact same expression of worried patience.
"Waiting was driving us insane" Arizona said as she approached the men "we thought it best if we got this done and over with as soon as possible"
Alex felt the knot in his stomach return and suddenly his words to Lewis that morning didn't seem to do much to ease his own worries.
"Are you sure we shouldn't wait until later?" Alex asked "Get our heads more wrapped around the idea?"
"None of us would be able to concentrate" Eli told him "I saw Jackson come in this morning and he said hello to me and I just stood there like an idiot, because I couldn't stop thinking about what we were going to do today"
"You okay?" Tyler asked and turning towards the man Alex could see him looking at Lewis and although Alex was almost sure that Tyler had come back to start things back up with Jackson it didn't stop him from wanting to keep the man a safe distance away from Lewis.
"Fine" Lewis told him and his voice was tight and the anger was evident to everyone, but Alex was the only one to know why and he wondered if telling Lewis about Jackson and Tyler in Miami was a good thing after all.
"Let's just do this!" Lewis told the crowd as he opened his door and quickly dropped his belongings on his desk "the sooner we get this done the better"
Tyler looked at Lewis concerned and Alex resisted the urge to yell out that Lewis and his feelings were Alex's concern, not Tyler's. Playing the jealous boyfriend was the last thing Lewis needed right now.
Making their way to Owen's office Arizona was the one to knock and she looked at the four men standing behind her before Owen told whoever was at the door to come in.
When all five people entered his office Owen looked at them surprised.
"Wow, a party. It's not my birthday is it?" he asked with a laugh, but seeing the sobering expressions of his staff he quickly realized that something serious was going on.
"We need to talk to you" Arizona said "it's about Jackson… Avery"
Owen nodded his head in understanding "I know he's been causing issues for a while, but I've talked to him and he's been written up so he knows that if he causes anymore problems he's going to be suspended"
"That's not it" Alex said "and for the record neither of those altercations were his fault" and feeling Lewis gently nudge him in the side he shook his head.
"Sorry" Alex spoke "it's just...this isn't about those incidents, at least not directly"
"Then what is it?" Owen asked.
"Jackson has been having some difficulties over these past few months" Lewis said nervously "between running the Plastics department and... other personal issues we believe that he may have found an unhealthy way of dealing with it"
Owen looked at Lewis confused "Unhealthy way?"
Alex had been the most resistant in telling Hunt, but when the moment came to actually tell him what Jackson was doing he saw that all the others couldn't seem to do it.
Lewis looked like he wanted to speak, but the words wouldn't come out and the rest looked everywhere except for Hunt.
"Jackson has started using recreational substances" Alex told Owen.
"Drugs?" Owen asked as he stood and Alex nodded his head yes.
"Is this true?" Owen asked the rest of the group and they all nodded their heads in affirmation.
"I need you all to be very clear what you're telling me" Owen said "because these are some very serious allegations"
"We know" Eli responded "we all thought very hard about coming here, but Jackson is a good surgeon and we don't want to see him throw everything away"
"Who all knows?" Owen asked.
"Just us" Arizona said "we've all tried to talk to him, but he doesn't really think he has a problem so he has shut us out."
Looking at Owen Alex could tell the man was furious.
"How long have you all known?"
Looking at one another the five suddenly realized that keeping it a secret as long as they had could mean that Jackson wasn't going to be the only who would be reprimanded.
"A few weeks" Alex said "but it only got out of control over the last week or so."
Running his hand through his hair Owen was stressed "You know what this means, don't you?"
"We were hoping you could force him into some sort of treatment facility" Lewis said "I think if he knew his job was at stake he would go for it"
"It's not that simple" Owen told him "I just put a second physical altercation report in his record and now that I have to report this also Jackson won't have a job here anymore."
"WHAT?" Alex yelled "you can't be serious?"
"I'm very serious Karev" Owen said "I can't have a known drug user on staff, let alone running a department"
"He needs help" Tyler said "not to have his career stripped away"
"You think I want to do this?" Owen told him "I know how talented Jackson is and to see it all wasted is shameful, but it's out of my hands"
"This hospital did it for Dr. Webber" Arizona said "why not Jackson?"
"Dr. Webber was a celebrated 30 year surgeon who had run this hospital brilliantly" Owen said "Jackson doesn't exactly have the same resume as Richard."
Alex felt as if the ground had fallen away from under his feet. This was the worst case scenario and now it was actually happening.
They had officially taken away the very last thing that Jackson could hold onto.
"There has to be something we can do" Lewis said "if he loses this job he'll..." he couldn't even finish this sentence.
Owen looked like he was thinking something over.
"If he takes a voluntary leave of absence and gets the help he needs I can try my best to keep it under wraps" and at the statement Alex felt like he could breath again.
"Thank you" Tyler said.
"Don't thank me yet" Owen responded "I have to go talk to Avery and then call Sloan and tell him that he'll need to come back sooner then planned"
At the mention of Mark's name Alex could see both Lewis and Arizona eyes widen. They had forgotten the other part of the equation. With Jackson gone someone would have to step in.
Mark had no idea what was going on and to find out this way was going to make him furious.
"Mark doesn't know anything about what's happening" Arizona said "could you maybe leave out the part about why Jackson is leaving out and let me tell him?"
"Dr. Robbins" Owen said tensely "I suggest you worry less about Mark Sloan and more about you and your co-workers here. You all willingly let a substance abuser continue working in this hospital for weeks on end. That will not go unpunished" and with that Owen walked out of his office and headed to what Alex presumably believed was Jackson's office.
Once Hunt was gone all five stood in his office in silence. Alex suddenly felt constrained, as if the room was far too small to stay in.
"I need to get to work" he said and was about to walk off when he felt Lewis grab his arm "Alex-"
"I can't right now" he said and pulled his arm out of Lewis' hold "I just can't" and the moment he left Owen's office and disappeared around the corner to an empty hallway he took a deep breath and willed himself not to get sick.
It could have gone worse in there with Hunt, but with Jackson's career on the line and he, Lewis, Arizona, and Eli facing reprimand Alex knew it could have gone a whole lot better also.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis looked at Arizona and Eli and he could literally see the fear in Arizona's eyes.
"Shit! He's gonna hate me..." she said, looking like she was about to burst in tears any minute, but Eli was there to step in.
"He's your friend. He's gonna know that it was for his best not to know what's going on..."
Arizona let out a laugh. "Yeah? You think so? We let him believe that..." She looked up at Tyler. "We let him believe that Jackson had a new boyfriend instead of just telling him the truth."
"Me?" Tyler asked, seeming slightly surprised by this suggestion.
Lewis rolled his eyes. "Of course you, smartass. I already told you that Mark has seen you and Jackson...""
"Yeah, but I thought you told him that there is nothing going on between us..." Tyler gave back.
Lewis crossed his arms above his chest. "I didn't have the chance, because when I didn't want to tell him who you really are he cancelled our last therapy session and I haven't talked to him since. But maybe he wasn't that wrong about it after all..."
Raising an eyebrow, Tyler looked at him.
"Okay, where's that coming from now?"
"You should ask that yourself... and maybe think about what you're doing before you actually do it... and about the consequences..." Lewis bit back, feeling the anger from last night rise up within him again.
"I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, Lewis, and if you go on talking in riddles, I won't talk to you anymore at all..." Tyler blurted out, getting cut off by Eli.
"Guys! Guys, stop it!" he said gently. "I have no fucking clue what's going on here right now, but it doesn't help at all, okay? We should probably try to get back to work or... or something like that..."
"Good idea. Since I highly doubt Jackson is going to talk to any of us ever again after what we did..." Lewis commented.
"It was the right thing to do, and we all agreed on it," Arizona interrupted, earning a nod of Eli and Tyler.
"Whatever..." Lewis waved dismissively. "I'm out of here... I'm gonna go look for Alex... I think my boyfriend needs me now." He especially emphasized the word 'boyfriend' with a look into Tyler's eyes and then he was out of the door.
He just couldn't bear being with any of them any longer - especially not with Tyler. He was still so fucking pissed off at him, and so disappointed, even though deep down he knew he had no right for it.
They hadn't seen each other in years when Tyler had slept with Jackson and he had no right to be mad at him about something that probably meant nothing. But maybe it meant that Tyler and Jackson would always be each other's weakness, and that was what scared the hell out of Lewis, because he already knew he was falling back under Tyler's spell, and he didn't want him to have the power to hurt him again like last time.
Lewis made his way to the paediatric station and found Alex in the hallway, obviously about to enter a patient's room, so he had to be quick.
He moved towards him and grabbed his arm. "Alex, wait!"
Alex barely looked up at him, shaking his hand off. "Lewis, not now, please..."
"But we... we have to talk about this... I need you right now, and I know you need me too..." Lewis replied, looking at Alex. "Please..."
"I... I can't... Not now, okay? I need to see a patient..." Alex said, turning around.
A deep desperation started to rise within Lewis. "Please..." he tried again, but Alex just went away. Shut him out completely.
"It was the right thing to do..." Lewis called after him, but Alex didn't even bother to look at him anymore.
Lewis let out a sigh, waiting for a couple of minutes, hoping Alex would come back, but when he didn't, he turned around and walked back to his own office. He had barely opened the door, when he noticed Tyler inside of it, turning around the moment he saw him.
"Okay... what the hell was that about?" he asked, and the anger in his voice was visible.
Lewis shrugged, rounding his desk and sitting down on his chair. "I have no idea what you're talking about..."
"Save it, Lewis! You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Tyler replied, placing both of his hands on Lewis desk and looking into his eyes. "What's all the talk about me and Jackson again? I thought we cleared that..."
"Yeah, I thought so, too! You just forgot to mention that before you came here you two spent a night together..." Lewis could see the confusion in Tyler's eyes for a second or two, but then he seemed to understand. "Makes me wonder if your motives of coming here really were to help Jackson, or if you wanted to take him away from here and go on where you left of."
"That's not fair, Lewis, and you know it. You have no right to talk to me like that!" Tyler said angrily. "This was months ago, and it was nothing I planned. I hadn't seen Jackson in years and then he was standing right in front of me... possibly starting to work in our hospital..."
"So you thought why not doing everything to make sure he stays by getting your dick shoved up into his ass?" Lewis got up and rounded his desk again, stopping in front of Tyler.
"Do you think this is funny? Do you think it's easy for me to watch you kiss Alex after we just had sex?" Tyler asked, and there was a flicker of pain in his eyes.
"This is all your fault. Why couldn't you have stayed where you were? Why couldn't you just ignore my call?" Lewis stared at him, trying, not to get lost in his eyes. "Because of you I couldn't sleep with Alex last night, because all I could think about was you."
"What?" Tyler asked, the surprise visible in his eyes.
"You... you make it impossible for me to be happy with Alex, because whenever he kisses me I think about you, and when he holds me, I wish it was you instead of him... and when he wanted sex last night I said I couldn't because I was too upset, but in reality it was because of you... this is all your fault... You sleep with me but in reality you want Jackson..." Lewis blurted out. He actually hadn't wanted to give away that much, but he just needed to let it out, even though all of a sudden he couldn't bear to be in the same room with Tyler anymore.
"I want you to leave my office now..."
He looked deep into his eyes, making sure Tyler saw how angry he was, but it was not only anger that led him to say all those things. Mostly it was jealousy.
"Or what?" Tyler gave back, moving closer until their noses were almost touching, and that was the moment Lewis lost it completely.
He crushed his lips against Tyler's, kissing him as if there was no tomorrow and making Tyler stumble backwards in surprise. He caught him by the hips and grabbed his butt cheeks, pushing him backwards until he was trapped in between Lewis' desk and his body.
"You have no right to talk to me like that..." Tyler breathed into the kiss. "This thing with Jackson has nothing to do with us..."
"Is that so?" Lewis hissed, kissing Tyler over and over again. He just wasn't able to stop himself, and he needed him right now. More than anything else in the world. He needed Tyler to fill that emptiness in his heart he was feeling in that very moment and he needed Tyler to make him feel something. Anything.
He grabbed Tyler's Shirt and literally ripped it open, barely noticing the sound of the buttons when they hit the floor. He started attacking Tyler's neck, feeling Tyler's hands grabbing his shoulders and holding onto him, feeling Tyler's hardening erection at his body, and grinded into him.
"Tell me you want me..." Lewis whispered into Tyler's ear before capturing one of his earlobes in between his teeth and biting and nibbling on it, feeling Tyler's whole body shivering in anticipation.
"I... want... you..." Tyler hissed, barely able to speak anymore. They had always been good at this - especially after they had fought. The sex had always been hottest when it had happened right in the middle or after an argument, and Lewis' whole body was twitching in anticipation. He wanted Tyler so much, it literally drove him crazy.
When Lewis started moving downwards, he left a wet trail of his tongue on Tyler's chest, sucking at both of his nipples alternately, while his hands were busy, opening the button of his jeans, pulling down the zipper. With one swift move he pulled down Tyler's jeans and boxers, and his cock almost sprung out.
Grabbing it, Lewis started massaging it, before he leaned forward and taking the head into his mouth, not wasting any time with foreplay and immediately starting to suck and lick on it. He let his tongue dive into the slit, before he started moving his head forward and back, deep-throating Tyler within a short amount of time. He had always been good at this, really good, and he knew exactly how Tyler liked it.
He moved his hands to Tyler's butt cheeks, hearing the low and throaty moans of him, when he started pushing them apart and teasing his hole with his fingers.
His whole body was on fire and with every second it became more and more difficult not to lose control completely. He wanted to be inside of Tyler. Needed to be inside of Tyler, and he needed it now. His jeans were so tight that it was already really painful and feeling so much desire for a man he shouldn't even be with right now made everything just that much worse, but he couldn't do anything about it. Not anymore. He had gone way too far already to stop himself, and if he was honest to himself, he didn't want to either. He wanted this. He wanted him, and he wouldn't back off this time, even though there was still so much to talk about, but that could wait. That had to wait.
He felt almost bad for doing what he was doing right now, instead of being there for his brother, but he had the feeling that Jackson wouldn't let him talk to him anyways, and he just needed a way to release some of the tension he was feeling since last night, when he just wasn't able to let go of anything at all.
Tyler Browning POV:
Tyler stood with his back against Lewis' desk as he felt the man's warm mouth work over his shaft. It was as if Tyler had always forgotten how good Lewis was at this until the man's hands and mouth being on his skin reminded him.
"Oh Lewis" Tyler moaned as his hands worked it's way through his curls gently guiding Lewis' head as he took long slurping strokes on his cock. Feeling Lewis use one of his hands to cup Tyler balls while the other went around to start teasing Tyler's opening.
It had been so long since Tyler had been fucked and if it was going to be anyone Tyler would want it to be Lewis. Despite everything he trusted Lewis and besides Jackson Lewis had been the only man to ever have him in such a fashion.
Feeling Lewis insert two fingers into him Tyler bucked forward and felt Lewis take more of him into his mouth. Feeling the fingers work inside of him Tyler thrust back against them and once Lewis added a third Tyler could feel himself open wider.
Grabbing Lewis's shoulders he pulled the man off his cock and up to face him.
"I want you to fuck me. Now!" Tyler said lustfully "right here on your desk" and pulling Lewis close he kissed him and tasted himself on Lewis' tongue.
"Tyler" Lewis whispered as he buried his face in Tyler's neck.
Tyler knew Lewis was nervous and unsure, but he also knew Lewis needed this. His life was spiralling out of his control and if Tyler could give him this one thing in his life that he could take the lead on, then Tyler would do it and he would do it happily.
Reaching down Tyler undid Lewis pants and pulled down his zipper before reaching inside and grabbing Lewis' erection.
"Please, Lewis" Tyler begged "I need this" and kissing the side of his cheek Tyler could feel Lewis getting harder. Toeing off his shoes Tyler kicked them away and then did the same to his socks.
Reaching behind Tyler Lewis pushed everything off of his desk and lifted Tyler by the ass to sit atop it. Kissing him Lewis followed Tyler's example and removed his shoes and socks before fully removing his pants and shorts.
Then the two were only left in their shirts and grabbing Lewis' collar Tyler pulled him close again to kiss him.
"Lie back" Lewis whispered and doing so Tyler looked up at the ceiling as he felt Lewis grab his hips and pull their bodies together. He could feel Lewis place the head of his cock against his opening and Tyler took a deep breath to prepare himself.
Lewis eased into him slowly. Taking the time to ask Tyler if he was okay and shaking his head yes Lewis went in a little further.
The feeling had been unusual to Tyler, to have this sense of fullness and to know it was coming from Lewis's thick cock filling him up. The pain was something Tyler could deal with as Lewis started to thrust.
"Wrap your legs around my waist" Lewis said "makes it easier" and smiling up at Lewis Tyler did just that and of course the man was right. With the new angle the pain diminished and as Lewis changed his position a tremendous sense of pleasure bloomed.
"Fuck, Lewis" Tyler said as he wrapped his arms around the man's neck and started to move his ass to get more of the man inside of him.
Lewis was quiet as he started to thrust quickly and as soon he was buried fully in Tyler he gave a moan that sent a shiver down Tyler's spine. Tyler was bouncing off of Lewis' desk with each thrust and Tyler's head started to get a blissful haze. It started off with Tyler needing this for Lewis, but now he needed this for himself as well.
Crawling on top of Tyler Lewis grabbed one of his legs to push it upwards and with the wider angle his thrusts were fast and brutal and Tyler knew he was close. Wrapping a hand around his own erection he pumped furiously and it was not long before he felt his balls tighten and he was shooting between him and Lewis' bodies.
His body tightened around Lewis' cock and watching Lewis bite his lip he was racing toward the finish line and when Lewis came Tyler could feel it as a wet, hot affirmation that it was going to be them in the end.
It was always going to be them in the end.
Jackson Avery POV:
Jackson had known this day was coming. A part of him had known from the very first moment he saw Lewis in Michael's apartment.
Still, to be faced with Owen in his office telling him that he had received word of Jackson's "problem" still came as somewhat of a shock.
No matter how bad things had gotten between Jackson and his co-workers, a part of him never believed they would actually do it.
Didn't believe they would actually sell him out so easily.
Trust would always be what came back to bite him in the ass and he had trusted the wrong people...again.
Then Owen had given what he told Jackson was an ultimatum. Take a leave of absence and get some help and once he was better Jackson's job would be waiting for him. If Jackson didn't do it then his time at Seattle Grace Mercy West was over.
Owen Hunt could call it whatever he liked, but Jackson knew it was a threat. Another one for Jackson to add to his already long list.
That was when Jackson knew if he accepted Owen's plan that was what his life would be like from then on.
One threat after another.
A life of being told that who he was wasn't good enough and if he didn't get better, if he didn't do exactly what someone else wanted him to do there would be consequences.
And Jackson just couldn't do it anymore. His body and mind were tired of living in fear of failing. Tired of being beaten and yelled at, tired of everything this hospital and the people in it represented.
So he told Owen no and the terror that Jackson expected to feel at saying those words weren't there. If anything, Jackson had felt...calm.
He had told Owen to consider that his resignation and the pleas came from Owen quickly. The words were empty to Jackson's ears. He had heard those same pleas, but in the end they never amounted to anything.
Reaching into his desk he placed a folder into his backpack and then hoisting it on his shoulders Jackson walked past Owen, walked past the nurse's station, and then walked out the doors of Seattle Grace.
Finding his car he got in and sped off before someone saw him and tried to stop him. Jackson needed to start over. Find a new life that Lewis couldn't infect and then Jackson would be happy.
Then he would remember how it felt to breath.
He wasn't even aware of driving to Mark's until he parked his car and made his way up the elevator and stood outside the man's door.
Mark had probably known by now and Jackson could be greeted by a man who looked at him with the same pity that everyone else had. Or maybe Mark would be angry that Jackson had lied to him all this time.
Angry that Jackson had made Mark fall for a man like him. Wasted all that time on loving someone like Jackson when he could have met someone who was worthy of the love Mark had to offer.
Jackson knew he should just go, but he had to see Mark one last time. Remember that Seattle had given him something that he could remember fondly.
Knocking quickly Jackson willed himself to calm down.
Opening the door he was met with a surprised Mark "Hey Jackson" he said nervously "what brings you here?"
"I-I thought you might want to take a look at these" Jackson said as he reached in and pulled out the folder of the surgery he and Mark had been scheduled for.
Grabbing the folder Mark looked confused "I could have seen these tomorrow" Mark told him "remember we had a plan to meet in the morning"
Jackson had forgotten "I won't be able to make it" Jackson said "something has come up"
"Right" Mark said and Jackson could hear a note of anger in his voice "something"
"Mark?"
"Don't worry about it" Mark said as he tucked the folder under his arm "you go have fun with...whoever"
"What?" Jackson was confused and he didn't want his last time seeing Mark to end in an argument.
"Have a good night, Jackson" and Mark turned to walk back into his apartment before Jackson grabbed his arm tightly.
"Mark, can we please talk?" Jackson begged "I just..." Jackson held back the tears that wanted to come "please"
"Jackson?" and suddenly all the anger was out of Mark's voice and his face took on one of immense concern "What's wrong?"
"I love you" Jackson said "I know I haven't shown it the way I should have and you deserved more, but I hope you know that"
"Jackson" Mark spoke as he grabbed his hand "you're scaring me"
"I'm sorry" Jackson told him "I don't mean to. I just...whatever you hear I just want you to know that loving you was the best thing I ever did" and leaning forward he captured Mark's lips in a kiss. He could feel Mark's body go rigid in surprise, but after a moment
Mark's body relaxed and he wrapped Jackson in his arms and pulled him close. He felt Mark's tongue on his lips and opening his mouth he let Mark enter and Jackson did his best to remember the taste. To remember every single thing about this moment so he could hold onto it.
Breaking away Mark looked down at Jackson "Come in" he said "spend the night with me"
Jackson wanted to, more than anything, but it would only drag out the inevitable. Before Jackson could say anything he heard Mark's phone ring and Jackson knew, in the pit of his stomach, that was somebody calling Mark to tell him Jackson had been fired.
"Come in" Mark said again and Jackson nodded yes.
"Go get the phone and I'll follow you in" Jackson smiled and he could hear his own voice crack. Turning around Mark walked into his apartment to retrieve the phone and Jackson watched him. Tried to drink as much of Mark in as he could before Jackson walked out of his life.
Putting his backpack back over his shoulders Jackson turned and stepped back in the elevator. Once the doors were closed and he was back inside Jackson let himself cry. It wasn't until he was back in his car and heading down the road did Jackson finally managed to stop the tears. Not because his body wanted to, but he simply had none left.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark couldn't believe that Jackson was really here, kissing him like there was no tomorrow and saying all those things Mark was longing to hear for so long. He had thought he had already lost him when he had seen him with this Ty-guy, but obviously he had been imagining things. Jackson was his and all he did and all he said proved this for him.
Now they could probably start over. Have a real relationship. The one Mark wanted since right from the start. Since the moment they got together.
He turned around to answer his phone, feeling the butterflies in his stomach flutter, just like when Jackson and he first kissed. It felt awesome.
"Sloan?" he said when he picked up the phone, hearing Owen Hunt's voice.
"Dr. Sloan? Mark, it's Owen. Listen, there had been an incident in the hospital and I need you to get back to work."
Tilting his head in confusion, Mark took a few steps. "Incident? What happened? What's wrong?"
"I... I don't think she should talk about this over the phone. Can you come over? It's important," Owen replied, and the happy butterflies in Mark's stomach turned into nervous ones.
"Why? What the hell is wrong? You're scaring me, Owen..."
"It's about Jackson... I had to... He asked me to accept his resignation..." Owen said.
Mark let out a laugh. "Yeah, right... just wait a moment..." Mark took down his phone, turning around, only to notice that Jackson was nowhere to be seen.
"Jackson?" he literally shouted, throwing the phone on the couch and running through the open door. "Jackson!"
He ran down the stairs and outside but Jackson's car wasn't there, and he wasn't there either. "Jackson, fuck, what did you do?" he asked, feeling a panic rise within him.
It took him a moment to collect himself to get back up to his apartment and take the phone again.
"Owen? Are you still there?"
"Yeah... is Jackson with you right now?" Owen wanted to know. He had obviously heard Mark's shouts.
"He was... he's gone... and I want an explanation... I wanna know what happened..."
"Just come over and I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know, okay?" Owen said calmly and this calmness literally drove Mark up the wall. How could Owen be so relaxed when something here was absolutely not okay?
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he said, before hanging up, sinking down on the couch.
Immediately, he dialled Jackson's number, but got straight to his voicemail.
"Jackson! Owen just called me. I need to come over to the hospital. What the fuck happened? Where are you? Please call me; you're scaring the shit out of me. I love you and no matter what it is, we can get through this, okay?"
Mark grabbed his mobile phone and put it into his jeans before he took his key and left his apartment. He needed to know what was going on here. Right now. Even though deep down he already knew he wouldn't like what he was about to find out.
It took him ten minutes to get to the hospital and another five to compose himself enough to knock at Owen's door once he reached the hospital. His heart was beating like a trump and he had difficulties to breath. He knew it was something bad Owen had to tell him and he really was scared. Jackson had looked okay when he had showed up at his doorstep, so it couldn't be that bad, could it?
"Come in!" Owen's voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts and he entered the office, sitting down in front of Owen's desk, as Owen offered him to.
"What happened?" Mark asked directly. "And what was all this bullshit about Jackson quitting his job? He loves this job..."
"Mark, there... there is something you have to know about Jackson... something I didn't know until today either." Owen started and with every passing second, Mark got more and more nervous.
"What is it? Please tell me and I'm sure we can find a solution... I can talk to Jackson... did you two have a fight? Did he say or do something that upset you? I'm sure I can make him apologize... Or is there something with his brother?" Mark started to talk, but got interrupted by Owen.
"Avery is an addict!"
Staring at him, Mark tilted his head. "Yeah, right..." He shook his head in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I'm afraid not... He's using, Mark. Drugs. Hard ones..." Owen informed him matter-of-factly.
"Oh come on. That's bullshit. Who told you that?" Mark rolled his eyes. "I know Jackson... he would never do something as stupid as that. He's not a junkie..."
"Then why didn't he deny it when I asked him? Why didn't he just tell me my accusations were wrong?" Owen asked calmly. "Seriously, Mark, I hate this just as much as you do, but it seems to be a fact... I offered him to take a leave of absence to get some help, but instead he told me to accept his resignation..."
"NO!" Mark shouted, getting up so abruptly that the chair he was sitting on fell to the floor with a loud thumb. "This is not true. This is not true..." he repeated over and over and over again. He just didn't want to believe that this had happened in front of his eyes and he knew nothing about it, but the more he thought about it, the more everything made sense.
"Who told you?" Mark asked after a while, looking down at Owen, who had a very concerned look in his eyes.
"Robbins, Karev, Nurse Eli and then there was Avery's brother and Dr. Browning..." Owen said.
Mark let out a laugh. "Awesome... that's just... really awesome, you know?" Shaking his head he paced forward and back in Owen's office, trying to process what he had just found out. "And neither of them bothered to tell me that my boyfriend is in trouble..."
"I didn't know either..." Owen commented, as if that would make anything better, but of course it didn't.
"I can't believe it..." Mark said, lifting up the chair and bracing himself at the back rest of it. "I'm sorry about that..." he pointed to the chair.
Owen shook his head. "It's okay... I'm sorry you had to find out like this... I really wish things were differently, but if he doesn't get any help, I need to do something about it... there have to be consequences..."
"I understand that, but please... please give it some time... let me try to talk to him... I can make him go to rehab..." Mark literally begged, but this was for Jackson and this was Jackson's future and Mark wasn't willing to sit by and watch him destroy it. He was going to talk to Jackson and once he did, he was going to help him, no matter what. He would take care of him. He could do it.
"I give you two weeks... but if I haven't heard back from you... or Avery back then... regarding Avery's problem, I'm afraid, I can't back you up any longer," Owen replied.
Mark gave him a thankful nod. "That's okay... I understand..."
"You do know what that means for you, right?" Owen asked and Mark looked at him.
"What do you mean?"
"You need to get back to work as soon as possible. I know you still have another week left, but there's this surgery... the one you and Jackson wanted to perform... and there are patients who need medical attention..." Owen said.
Mark froze immediately. "I... I don't know if I'm ready..."
"You have to be!" Owen gave back. "Do you think you can manage to be back at work by tomorrow?"
"Do I have another choice?" Mark asked, his voice nothing more than a nervous whisper. He wasn't sure if he was able to be back at work already, let alone without Jackson by his side to support him. He had always pictured him getting back to work with Jackson having his back and helping him through the first day and now he had to do it all alone? Without anyone he trusted by his side? He didn't know how he could pull that off.
"I don't think so... I'm sorry... but if I wasn't sure you could do it, I wouldn't ask you." Owen pulled him out of his thoughts. "And you'll get every help you need... Tell me who you want and I put him or her under your service... I can put a team together... just let me know..."
"I need Jackson..." Mark blurted out, knowing it was unfair, but he was the only one he knew could make him feel better.
"I know..." Owen gave back. "But you need to focus now, okay? On your patients... they deserve the best treatment and even though Avery was awesome... he learned everything he was able to do from you... you can do this, I believe in you."
Mark nodded, thinking about it for a moment.
"Can I have Karev, then?"
"I'm gonna talk to him about it... if he's okay with it, he's on your service by tomorrow morning... Temporary. You know he's gonna make his fellowship in Peds." Owen replied.
"Thank you," Mark nodded and finally left Owen's office. He didn't know why he requested Alex after all, especially since he had been in on the whole thing with Jackson, too but he knew plastics. Before he decided to go into Peds, he had worked under Mark's service for a long time, and he had been good. Mark just hoped he still was.
Apart from that he had never directly lied to Mark. Thinking back, Mark had to admit that Alex had even tried to help him. Mark remembered this one moment where Alex had told him to talk to Jackson, and it had most likely been Alex' way of making him see that something had been wrong.
How could he have missed everything? All the signs? All the small things? He should have known. Yes, Jackson and he were broken up, but he had still seen him from time to time and he should have noticed it, but he was too blind. What kind of man was he?
Shaking his head, Mark made his way down the hallway. Maybe his father had always been right about him, he was an egoistic bastard who only cared for himself. He had failed Jackson. Jackson had needed him and he hadn't even taken notice of it. He was an awful boyfriend. Especially if he considered the fact that all of them - Arizona, Lewis, Eli, Alex and even this new guy - had known about Jackson's problem. How could they have noticed and he hadn't? This was so wrong on so many levels.
Mark reached into his pocket and took out his mobile phone. He needed to call Jackson again, to let him know that he didn't blame him for anything and that he was on his side.
It rang twice and then Jackson obviously rejected his call which made him go to voicemail again.
"Jackson, it's me... again. I know everything... Hunt told me about your problem, even though I didn't want to believe it at first, but if it's really true, we'll find a way. Just come back and talk to me. Please. I don't judge you and I will never abandon you just because of it. I'm here for you, and together we can make it through..."
He felt his voice breaking, when the realisation hit him, but he just needed to finish what he had to say.
"I will be with you every step of the way. I won't let you down ever again and I'm sorry that I... that I let you down in the first place. I should have been there for you, but I wasn't... I wanna make it up to you. Please come back, I need you. I don't know how I can do all this without you..."
Feeling the tears burn in his eyes he did his best to fight them back.
"I always imagined when I get back to work it's gonna be you and me... and you help me get back into the game and now I'm all alone and I don't know if I can do it... please come back to me... I need you... I love you..."
He hung up and put the phone back into his pocket, wiping away the tears that had built in his eyes. This was all so messed up and he just hoped he would hear from Jackson soon. He just needed to know that he was okay.