A/N: Thanks again for your comments – as always! We're so happy you're still enjoying our story and we definitely hope, it's gonna stay that way… There will follow a few chapters without Jackson, though, but we promise he's gonna be back soon!
Enjoy Chapter 52!
And Comment if you feel like it! =)
Alex Karev POV:
Alex couldn't concentrate. Not since his meeting with Owen and as the day went on it only got worse.
He wanted to talk to Jackson, see that the man was okay even though Alex knew okay was the last thing Jackson would be.
Still, Alex needed to know something and that need almost made him go to Owen's office and ask him what happened, but Alex had already pushed Hunt as far as he was able to for one day. Pressing his luck was a really bad idea.
So he focused on work and tried his best to block out all the anxieties that were welling up in his stomach.
Turning into room 623 Alex was still deep in thought when he heard Dylan Forrester call out his name.
"Dr. Karev?" the kid said excitedly "How ya been?"
Alex washed away all the anxiety off his face "Good, kid!" he said "I can't say the same for you, though" and Dylan gave a casual shrug in his response "I blacked out again and fell into some glass."
Walking over to Dylan's bed Alex took a seat and tapped the teen on the shoulder. Dylan Forrester had been diagnosed with a chronic heart condition at age 5. A condition that caused him to pass out when his body and heart were over-exerted. Being a teenager Dylan hated feeling as if he was less than his counterparts so he worked harder, took more risks, than his condition allowed.
That's what had him back at Seattle Grace for the sixth time in a year.
"Listen, kid" Alex started "you can't keep doing these things"
"It doesn't hurt that bad" Dylan smiled as he held up his arms to show the lacerations the glass had caused "Dr. Avery will fix it up good as new"
At the mention of Jackson's name Alex could feel a pain in his chest "Well, Dr Avery isn't here at the moment so you'll just have to deal with me" the tone came out sharper than Alex had intended and he could see Dylan sheep back.
"I'm sorry" Alex told him "it's just you need to be more careful. I know it's not fair to put these limitations on you, but you hurting yourself to the point that we can't help you is just as unfair and you wouldn't want me or Dr. Avery to feel helpless, do you?"
"No" Dylan said shamefully "I don't want that"
"Good" Alex smiled as he ruffled the kid's loose curly hair "now let's get you fixed up"
"Okay" Dylan responded and held out his arm.
Thirty minutes later and Alex was almost done bandaging up Dylan. The kid wouldn't need surgery, which was damn lucky, but his bandages would need to be worn and changed for about a week.
"Dr. Karev?" Owen said as he stepped into the room and gave a smile to Dylan "mind if we talk?"
"I need to finish up here, but-"
Turning around Owen saw Sasha walking behind him and stopping her he asked her to finish up Karev's work. Whatever Hunt wanted to talk to Alex about, the man was pretty sure he wasn't going to like it.
"Sure thing" Sasha said as she walked into the room and as Alex passed her she gave him a comforting pat on the arm. She obviously knew how bad his day had been too.
Once the two got a safe distance from the room and the hall was sufficiently empty Hunt turned around to face Alex.
Alex stuffed his hands in his pockets "Were you able to talk to Jackson?"
"Jackson is gone" Owen said bluntly "I gave him the option of taking a leave, but he decided to resign"
Alex felt as if he had just been punched in the stomach "You didn't let him, did you?"
"I didn't have much of a choice" Owen said "not that I have to explain my choices to you anyway, Karev". Hunt was still angry and although Alex was pretty pissed himself he knew Hunt had the higher ground.
"So what do you need me for?"
"Mark Sloan starts back tomorrow" Owen told him "and he's requested you on his service for the foreseeable future"
"What?" Alex blurted out "You told him no, right?"
"Of course not" Owen said "we need him back and now that his right hand surgeon is gone he gets whatever the hell he wants."
"My fellowships is Peds" Alex told him "I can't-"
Owen stepped up close. "You are under the impression that you have any say in the matter. You will be on Sloan's service and you will do it with a smile on your face, understood?"
Alex hated being talked down to. He wasn't a child and he hated being treated like one, but he had burned enough bridges.
"What about Dr. Robbins?"
"She'll be fine" Owen said "now you'll have the rest of the day to finish up whatever you need to do in Peds and tomorrow you start in Plastics."
Then before Alex could speak Owen turned and made his way down the hall.
Fuck Alex thought
By the end of shift Alex needed a drink. A big one and one that would blur out most of the day. So going to Joe's he purchased a bottle of vodka and went to the back tables with a shot glass. That's where Lewis found him as Alex downed his third shot of vodka.
Walking up to him Alex could see the worried expression on his face.
Alex just wanted to be alone.
"I've been calling you." Lewis said as he sat across from him "Why haven't you answered?"
The alcohol was already doing it's job and the haze was already making him feel numb.
"I needed some time to think" Alex said as he poured himself another shot and quickly downed it.
"Think about what?"
Looking at Lewis Alex frowned "Jackson is gone."
Cocking his head to the side Lewis looked at him confused "Gone?" he asked "Gone where?"
"Who knows" Alex told him as he poured another shot "all we can be assured of is that he's far away from any of us."
Lewis tried to grab the bottle of vodka out of Alex's hand, but the man pulled it back.
"Will you talk to me, please?" Lewis pleaded "What happened?"
Taking his shot he sat the glass and bottle down "Jackson turned in his resignation and made like the wind"
Lewis' face looked just as shocked as Alex's had when Hunt had first told him "That's not possible" he told Alex "Jackson wouldn't..."
"Really?" Alex asked with a bitter laugh "What in the world is keeping him here. You? Me?"
"Mark" Lewis responded "he wouldn't just leave Mark like that"
"Seeing as how I start on Sloan's permanent service tomorrow I think Jackson would"
Another pour.
Another drink.
"Talk to me, Alex" Lewis pleaded "please don't shut me out"
"I just want to be left alone" Alex told him. He didn't want to talk or wonder what they could have done differently. They had run Jackson Avery away from his life and now all Alex wanted to do was drink and forget.
"Alex, please!"
"GO AWAY!" Alex yelled at him and he saw that it caused Lewis to jump back in surprise or fear; Alex couldn't be sure and although he would hate himself in the morning Alex couldn't be bothered. He was going to hate himself in the morning anyway.
Standing up Lewis had tears in his eyes "I'm sorry, Alex" he said before turning around and heading out of the bar.
Another pour.
Another drink
After Lewis had left Alex pulled out his phone and managed to find Jackson's cell. He knew there was no way the man would ever pick up, but he had to do something.
Going to the text screen he started typing.
I'm so sorry for everything. You didn't deserve any of the shit we put you through and I hope wherever you are that you're happy.
Putting the phone back in his pocket he grabbed the bottle once again.
Another pour.
Another drink.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark had made it straight home after he had talked to Owen. He hadn't wanted to talk to anyone, let alone have the possibility to meet anyone he didn't want to face right now. People like Lewis, Eli or - worst of all - Arizona. He felt so betrayed and he couldn't stop the anger still rising within him. And he didn't want to do anything he might regret later.
He was sitting in front of his TV with a bottle of beer in his hands when he heard a knocking sound at the door.
Lethargically, he got up off the couch and moved towards the door, only to be greeted by a smiling Callie with Sofia on her arm, and Arizona was standing next to her, looking really uncomfortable. Not, that Mark could blame her for it.
"Hey, Mark. It's your turn to take Sofia for the night..." Callie said, looking inside his apartment. "But if it's a bad timing, we can keep her for the night..."
"Bad Timing, huh?" Mark crossed his arms above his chest.
"It's not a bad timing..." he replied, taking a step aside and letting the two woman move in, even though Arizona acted like she was hiding behind Callie. As if Mark wouldn't say anything with Callie in the room too. As if he wouldn't call the big elephant by his name.
"How could you have the nerve to show up here as if nothing happened?"
Mark blurted out, while Callie was sitting Sofia down in her playpen.
"Mark, I'm... listen, I'm really sorry... do you think this was easy for me?" Arizona gave back, trying to move towards Mark, but immediately, Mark took a step back.
"Don't touch me!" he raged.
"Hey!" Callie interrupted, standing in between the two of them. "What happened?"
"What happened?" Mark let out a laugh. "You didn't even tell her? Did you lie to her, too?"
"Lie to me about what?" Callie asked. "What's going on here?"
Mark took a deep breath before he started talking again.
"Jackson is a drug addict..."
"What?" Callie laughed. "Oh come on... you're kidding me, right?" She looked between Arizona and Mark, but the serious look on Arizona's face said it all.
"Don't tell me you knew..."
Arizona bit her lower lip. "I'm... I'm really sorry, Callie... Mark... I didn't know what to do..."
"You could have told me," Mark interrupted her, moving towards the table and grabbing his beer. "You should have told me. Jackson is... was my boyfriend and I had a right to know what was going on, but instead you made me believe Jackson had a new lover... because you... you all thought I was too weak and I couldn't take it, but guess what? I'm stronger than you think..."
"Arizona, please... please tell me that he's wrong..." Callie said, taking Arizona's hands and looking into her eyes. "You haven't done this, right?"
Arizona turned away, pulling back her hands.
"I'm sorry..." she repeated. "I... we didn't want to risk Mark getting a relapse..."
"We?" Callie asked, and that was when Mark stepped in again.
"She wasn't the only one who knew... there were also Lewis, Jackson's brother... and then there was Nurse Eli and oh.. yeah... Karev... and even the new guy... the new doctor knew... and no one bothered to tell me..." He knew that his anger was still visible in his voice, mixed with a lot of pain, because he was left in the dark by the people he loved and trusted.
"Can't you understand me one little bit?" Arizona asked, tears glistening in her eyes. "I was worried about you. We all were... I wanted to tell you... do you think it was easy to lie to you? To keep this thing from you?"
"What do you expect me to say now? Do you want my sympathy? Because I'm sorry, I can't give you that... and I have no fucking clue how I can ever trust you again..." Mark replied, and even though his words were harsh, he meant them just like he said. He had to admit, though, that Arizona's tears hurt him. Did something to him as well. He loved the woman. She was the mother of his daughter, and he knew he wouldn't be able to be mad at her forever. Hell, it was already hard enough to keep up his facade seeing her like this, but he just couldn't give in that easy.
"That means you lied to me, too..." Callie said matter-of-factly. "When I asked you what happened two nights ago, you lied straight to my face..."
"Because it wasn't on me to tell you anything... Callie, this is Jackson's life... and we didn't want to make it any worse for him..." Arizona cried.
"Jackson is family... we could have done something," Callie replied, but Arizona shook her head immediately.
"No, you couldn't. We all tried, believe me, we tried, but whenever someone was talking to him about his problem he shut us out completely... one after another... that's why we brought Tyler here..."
"Tyler?" Mark stared at Arizona open-mouthed. "Don't tell me he's..." he stammered, not able to finish his sentence. He had to sit down, so he sank onto the couch, burying his head in his hands. "So you lied to me about that, too... He's not just some new doctor, he's Lewis Ex-fiancee... the one he believes Jackson cheated on him with..."
"What difference does it make who he really is? Jackson trusted him... but just until he found out Tyler was in on this thing, too..." Arizona defended herself.
"Yeah, because you all betrayed him and went behind his back... I get what he must have felt... I can totally understand him..." Mark replied. He couldn't believe that all of this was really happening. That he was sitting in the middle of his living room and having to deal with the fallout of something Arizona and the others did. And now he had to live with it.
"You know what, Arizona? Jackson is gone... and this is your fault... if he never comes back... if I never see him again, I will never forgive any of you..." Mark got up, looking down at Arizona, who looked like she was about to burst out in tears again.
"I'm sorry..." she whimpered, but Mark just shook his head.
"Save it for someone who wants to hear it... I don't... and I want you to leave my apartment now... I'll bring Sofia over tomorrow morning..."
"I'm staying with him..." Callie decided, taking Mark's hand in his and caressing the back of it with her thumb.
"What?" Arizona asked brokenly.
"I think it's better if you leave now... I need to be there for Mark... good night..." And with this, Callie literally threw Arizona out of Mark's apartment and closed the door behind her, before moving back towards Mark and pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Mark... I'm so so sorry..."
Mark pulled her close and buried his head in her hair. "I know..." he whispered, and it felt good, that she was here. That she hadn't known. That she wasn't one of the people that betrayed him. That he could still trust her.
"I swear if I had known, I would have talked to you about it..." Callie said, stroking Mark's back.
"I know... I'm glad you're here..." he gave back, relaxing just enough to let the tears that he had swallowed down the past minutes out again. "I'm so scared that I never see him again..." he said, his voice breaking. "I don't wanna lose him..."
"It's gonna be okay, Mark..." Callie promised, and the way she said it made Mark almost believe her. It made him feel better immediately, and when Callie let go of him to lead him to the couch he didn't resist a moment. He just sat down next to her, placed his head in her lap and closed his eyes, when she started to caress his arm and his hair. "He's coming back... and you'll be fine..."
And Mark prayed to god that she would be right. That they were really going to be okay.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis felt like someone had ripped out his heart by the mention of Jackson being gone. It killed him from the inside that Jackson went away just like that and probably would never come back. This was all his fault and he just wished he could make up to him, but he knew he couldn't. He was probably the last person Jackson ever wanted to see again.
And now Alex started pushing him away, too. Of COURSE he did. Because he couldn't bear to be with him anymore. Because he was an awful person and Alex now began to see.
He needed Alex right now, but Alex wasn't able to be there for him, and he wouldn't let Lewis be there for him either.
Lewis felt so alone all of a sudden, that he just couldn't stop the tears that were coming over and over again. He thought he had already cried them all, but obviously not.
He went back to the hospital to find out where Tyler was. In which hotel he lived.
Composing himself as much as he could, he went to the nurse's station in the cardiac section, to find out what he wanted to know. Fortunately, one of the nurses was willing to give him that information and before Lewis even knew what he was doing, he was already standing in front of the huge hotel building.
He hesitated for a moment, but then he went in, asking the receptionist for Tyler's room number.
Of course she wouldn't give it away that easy - customer confidentiality and such - but Lewis told her he was Tyler's fiancee and he wanted to surprise him. Which wasn't a total lie, Tyler would be surprised indeed.
With a few charming words, he had talked her into it and she was willingly giving away the oh-so-confidential information to a complete stranger. But Lewis couldn't care less.
He got into the elevator and went up, feeling his eyes start to burn again at the thought of Jackson. What if he never would see him again?
He made his way to Tyler's room and knocked. Knocked once, twice, and finally he heard footsteps and then Tyler was opening the door, in only a pair of sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.
"Lewis..." he whispered, a look of surprise on his face. "What are you doing here?"
Lewis pushed him inside the room, closing the door behind him and pulled him into his arms, bringing their lips together for a heated kiss.
"Lewis..." Tyler hissed, pushing him back just enough to look into his eyes. "What happened?"
"Jackson is gone..." Lewis brought out and the tears were welling in his eyes again. "I don't know where... and I don't know if he will ever come back again... if he doesn't it's my fault... and I... I can't deal with this right now... so can we please..."
He kissed Tyler again, tasting the salty flavour of his tears on his tongue.
"Please..." he repeated again. "Please... please... Just one more time... please..." He didn't even know when he had become this desperate, but he needed for the pain to go away. For his heart to stop hurting so much.
While he was still kissing Tyler, he already started undressing himself, by opening the buttons of his shirt and taking it off once he was finished, keeping Tyler's body close to his the whole time.
"Please sleep with me... I need to feel you inside of me..." he cried, backing off and looking Tyler in the eyes. "Help me... Tyler, please help me..."
Tyler Browning POV:
Lewis being at his door had been a surprise. After another spat and Lewis letting him know he knew about he and Jackson in Miami, no doubt thanks to Karev, Tyler was pretty sure Lewis would do his best to avoid him for the night.
Still, there Lewis stood. Scared, crying, and broken.
Tyler had just been trying to get some sleep, but now he was wide awake and nervous.
"Lewis, what are you doing here?"
Then Lewis was pushing him further into his apartment and was kissing him with the same desperate need he had during their last encounter. Tyler should have gotten used to this kind of affection from Lewis, but it still shocked him.
When Lewis had told him that Jackson was gone a cold chill had run down Tyler's spine and while half of him wanted to push Lewis away and immediately run into the night in order to find Jackson, the other half wanted, and knew, Lewis needed him there in that moment and he wouldn't let Lewis down. He had a feeling Lewis had dealt with that enough for one night.
"Please...please... please... Just one more time... please..."
The desperation in Lewis' voice broke Tyler's heart. He knew the guilt was killing him and Lewis couldn't deal with it alone and Tyler would never let him anyway.
They would talk about this, but first Tyler would give Lewis what he needed
Picking Lewis up he lifted the man and when Lewis wrapped his legs around Tyler's waist he carried him over to his bed and laid him down. Lewis had moved his kisses from Tyler's mouth to his cheek and eventually his neck.
Seeing Lewis' tears still falling Tyler bend down and kissed the tracks and could taste the saltiness and sadness that lay within him. Unbuttoning Lewis' pants he pulled them and his boxers down and then removed Lewis' shoes and socks to leave Lewis in only his open shirt.
Lewis' cock sat there thick, but soft and taking it into his mouth he heard Lewis give a broken gasp and Lewis' hands was instantly working through his blonde hair.
"Tyler" Lewis pleaded "please"
"It's okay" Tyler told him "I got you" and going back to his suction Lewis was getting harder by the second and when Tyler hollowed his cheeks Lewis bucked up. Reaching into his night stand Tyler took out the small bottle of lotion he had kept there for his personal used and squirted some on his two forefingers.
At the first intrusion of Lewis' opening Tyler felt the man move his hips wanting to get more of the digits inside him. Concentrating on his two task Tyler tried his best to make this feel as good to Lewis as possible and after he inserted a third finger and curved them to touch the small bump that got a strangled cry from Lewis he felt the man grab his shoulders and pull him off his cock.
"Fuck me" Lewis told him "I can't wait" and pulling his sweats off in one fell swoop Tyler didn't even have time to take off his socks before he felt Lewis' hand on his ass to pull him forward. With Lewis' legs around his waist once again Tyler put his cock at Lewis' opening, but instead of easing in slowly Lewis forced him inside in one long thrust and Tyler almost couldn't handle the tightness and heat so quickly.
Moving his ass Lewis forced Tyler to start thrusting and now he knew the way Lewis needed this. Making fast brutal thrusts Tyler placed his hands on either side of Lewis' head and as he started to sweat he noticed Lewis's eyes were closed tightly.
"Open them" Tyler demanded "look at me" and although Lewis tried to resist once Tyler brushed one of his tears away Lewis opened his eyes and looked directly at Tyler.
The love was never more evident than in that moment and leaning up Lewis captured his lips in a kiss.
Grabbing Lewis' cock he pumped quickly and felt Lewis dig his dull nails into his back. Another 5 minutes and with a jerk of his hips Lewis came between their bodies. Tyler tried to resist the restriction around his cock but once Lewis leaned in and whispered in his ear "I want to feel it" Tyler had no choice but to let loose and release inside the man.
Twenty minutes and after the two had cleaned themselves off they both lay in Tyler's bed with Lewis' head on his chest. Tyler weaving his fingers through the man curls "What happened?"
It took a moment for Lewis to speak, but once he did his voice sounded strained and exhausted "Alex told me Jackson quit. He didn't take Owen's offer."
Tyler could feel his heart twist. He would have to find Jackson and make this right, although Jackson had done this in the past and if the man wanted to vanish he knew how to do that. But Jackson had come back.
He always came back and Tyler prayed this time would be no different.
"Jackson just needs time to think thing through" Tyler said "once he does I know he'll realize Owen's offer will be for the best"
Sitting up Lewis looked back at Tyler "Jackson is gone, Tyler" he said "gone and like Alex said there is nothing he needs to come back to"
"He has a life here, Lewis" Tyler told him "a life that he has worked damn hard for and he's not going to give that up on a whim"
Grabbing his boxers from the side of the bed Lewis put them on and stood up "He had a life" Lewis corrected "a life that I took away from him"
Grabbing his sweats Tyler followed Lewis' lead of putting them on and standing "I hate to tell you, Lewis, but you're not that powerful and walking around blaming yourself isn't going to help anybody"
"It's the truth" Lewis said "The moment Michael called me and told me how happy Jackson was here...how much he had...I didn't even hesitate to take action"
"You were an asshole" Tyler told him "nobody is denying that, but look at everything you've done over the past couple of weeks to try and change that. I mean you cut Michael out of your life, you didn't even do that for me"
"Two months of trying to treat Jackson like a decent human being doesn't make up for 17 years of putting him through hell" Lewis said "I told him I wished he was dead, when I wasn't trying to break his nose and I told him what a worthless piece of shit I thought he was"
Tyler could see the shame in Lewis' eyes "I know you have a lot to make up for and it won't be easy, but wallowing in all this self-pity won't do Jackson any good"
"I need to go" Lewis told him as he put on his pants and started to button up his shirt "Alex is probably waiting for me"
"It's late" Tyler said "just stay the night"
"Are you kidding?" Lewis laughed "it's bad enough I came here at all"
The remark angered Tyler "Yet you keep doing it because you refuse to admit that this thing between us isn't going away no matter how much you want it to"
"Get one thing straight, Tyler" Lewis said as he put on his shoes and socks "After we do...this...I hate myself"
It had been a punch to Tyler's heart and his ego "Then why didn't you stay with Alex tonight?" he asked "why am I always the first person you come to?"
Lewis looked at Tyler, but didn't say a word.
"You want some honesty" Tyler said "Fine. The truth is you and Alex were never going to work and instead of you two admitting that you only needed each other for sex you've convinced yourself that it's more than that"
"There is more than that!" Lewis spoke angrily "the main thing is I don't have to worry about him having sex with someone else behind my back"
"It's too bad Alex can't have the same piece of mind"
"Fuck you, Tyler" and pushing past him Lewis headed for the door, but before he could reach the door Tyler grabbed his arm and pinned him against the wall and gave Lewis a passionately powerful kiss.
Feeling Lewis resist at first Tyler pressed his body close and when Lewis eventually relented and put his hands on Tyler's hips the man pulled away.
"Think about that when you're alone with Alex tonight trying to convince yourself that he's the person you really want to be with" and then turning around he walked into his bathroom and slammed the door.
He didn't come back out until he heard Lewis slam his hotel room door.
The next morning after a particularly restless sleep Tyler knew he couldn't just do nothing. He had tried calling Jackson repeatedly and the man didn't return one call or text.
After his 15th call Tyler had told him that if he hadn't heard from Jackson in another two days he was going file a missing person's report and although Tyler knew he would never go through with it he hoped it shocked Jackson into at least responding.
The only thing he had left to do was try and talk to Mark Sloan. He had been the most innocent bystander in this and if Tyler could try and get him to at least understand why they had done what they did the man would understand.
He had been standing just outside the Plastics wing when he heard Alex call out to him.
Turning around he saw Alex approach him and he looked pissed and for a moment Tyler thought Lewis had finally confessed everything, but seeing as how Alex didn't punch him once he stood in front of him he quickly dismissed that idea.
"What are you doing here?"
"I need to speak with Sloan"
"No, you don't" Alex told him "you need to get the hell out of here before he sees you"
"No offense, Karev, but I think I know what I'm doing"
"No offense, Browning, but you don't know shit" Alex told him "Mark just needs a reason to go off and you being here with your faux apologies will be all the excuse he needs"
Tyler had more than one reason to not like Alex, but he reminded himself that he was hurting over Jackson too so biting his tongue he folded his arms across his chest "Let me worry about that"
"No I-" Alex started to say when suddenly Mark had appeared behind him.
"What's going on?" he asked and the anger was there already.
"Nothing, Dr. Sloan" Alex said "Dr. Browning was just leaving"
"No" Tyler said "I need to talk to you if you have a minute"
Alex's eyes looked like they were burning holes in Tyler's head, but the man just ignored him.
"Of course" Mark said "walk me to my office" then he handed a folder to Alex "I want you to go over these cases Karev and meet me in my office in 30 minutes"
"Of course" Alex said sheepishly as he walked off with the files under his arm and turning around Tyler followed Mark to his office.
Tyler took a deep breath. He could do this.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark was damn glad that Callie had spent the night over at his place. He was still more than just upset by Jackson's disappearance, had tried to call him a couple more times, but without any luck. He didn't leave any messages either, because he just didn't want to push Jackson and he hoped, if he didn't, Jackson would come back by himself at some point. Mark needed him, and being without him killed him.
It was even worse that he didn't know where Jackson was and what he was about to do. He was doing drugs, and Mark still couldn't wrap his head around that information. He asked himself constantly, if he could have done anything differently. If he could have done anything if he had just paid more attention.
"Here!" Callie's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, handing him over a cup of coffee.
"Thank you..." Mark was standing at the counter of his kitchen, wearing jeans and a t-shirt already. He knew he had to leave soon, even though he didn't feel ready at all. But at least there would be Karev, someone he could rely on.
Karev had always been good in plastics, and Mark just hoped, he still was. He knew he should feel bad for taking him away from Arizona, but as egoistic as it was - he couldn't care less at that very moment.
Like that, Arizona would at least learn how it was to be alone. All by yourself. He had expected to be with Jackson when he came back to the hospital, but god knew if that would happen ever again.
"Have you tried calling him again today?" Callie asked, causing Mark to shake his head.
"Not yet... I... I don't wanna be all too intrusive, you know? I already left him messages, and he hasn't called me back yet..."
"I understand..." Callie replied, gently rubbing Mark's arm. "Jackson loves you, and he knows you love him..."
"You sure about that?" Mark put his mug down when he heard Sofia cry, turning to Callie, who was about to leave the kitchen.
"Let me... I can handle her..."
"I know that..." Callie smiled, but stayed back when Mark opened the door to Sofia's room, where the little girl was standing upright in her crib, starting to jump when she saw him and smiling at him.
"Hey there, baby-girl..." Mark greeted her, smiling himself and lifting her up. Together with her he went back to the kitchen where Callie was already preparing breakfast for their daughter.
"Listen, Callie... I hate to leave you alone right now, but I have to get to the hospital. I don't wanna be late on my first day back..." Mark said when he put Sofia down and sat her into her highchair.
"It's okay... I think I can handle our daughter," Callie chuckled, turning to him and hugging him tight.
"It's gonna be okay..." She whispered in his ear, and Mark wasn't sure if she meant work or things with Jackson, or maybe even both, but Mark didn't care. It just felt good that she was still trying to cheer him up, even though it didn't work out last night.
"Wish me luck!" Mark said when he let her go and moved towards the hallway.
"You don't need luck. You're the best and you're gonna kick some ass..." Callie replied and with that Mark left the apartment, trusting Callie to lock the door when she was about to leave herself.
He made his way to the hospital and arrived there only a few minutes later, getting into his lab coat and making his way towards the plastics section. It was strange, knowing that Jackson wasn't there and he had to survive a whole day without him. Most likely more than one day.
Immediately, he saw Karev and this Tyler-guy, obviously discussing something, and when he moved closer, he heard his name, so he knew it was a sign to step in.
"What's going on?" he asked, not able to hide the anger in his voice. Tyler was one of the last people he wanted to see right now, and he hadn't planned on ever talking to him again.
"Nothing, Dr. Sloan" Alex said "Dr. Browning was just leaving"
"No" Tyler said "I need to talk to you if you have a minute"
Mark almost twitched, but he was able to control himself enough not to show Tyler how much he despised him.
"Of course" Mark said finally "walk me to my office"
He handed a folder to Alex, which he had picked up on his way to the station. "I want you to go over these cases, Karev, and meet me in my office in 30 minutes"
And with that he turned around, moving towards his office and arriving there a few minutes later, with Tyler Browning following him.
"Okay, what do you want?" Mark asked directly, once he had closed the office door behind them, and leaned against his desk.
"Wow... you're not someone to beat around the bush, are you?" Tyler asked back, looking him in the eye.
"Why would I?" Mark shrugged. "I guess you want to talk to me about Jackson, but I have to disappoint you, I have no fucking clue where he is. You did a good job banishing him."
"I had nothing to do with it," Tyler replied, crossing his arms above his chest.
"I don't fucking care. It's your fault that he's gone and if he doesn't come back, it's on you. All of you," Mark raged. He knew it was unfair to unload all of his anger on Tyler, who was probably the most innocent of all the people that had gone behind his back, but he couldn't help it.
"Listen to me, Mark..." Tyler started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence.
"For you it's Doctor Sloan, understood?"
Tyler rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Okay... for all I care, Doctor Sloan... I know this must be a difficult situation for you..."
"You know?" Mark interrupted again. "I don't think you do!" Mark spat. "I don't think you have the slightest idea what I'm feeling, so don't even get me started..." He let out a sigh. "You... all of you went behind my back and you all lied straight to my face... Especially Lewis and Arizona... The people I trusted hid something this important from me, thinking I'm some weak person who couldn't take it... Adding to that, Lewis didn't even have the balls to tell me who you are... and neither did you... what was all this bullshit? Your name is Ty? Right... I doubt someone really calls you that..."
"We just didn't want to upset you..." Tyler replied.
Mark let out a laugh. "We? As for you and Lewis?"
"Well..." Tyler replied, but Mark didn't even give him the chance to finish his sentence.
"I should have known it... I thought you were interested in Jackson, but truth to be told, you want them both, right? And when you found out that Jackson loved me, you turned to Lewis... just like back then... why being satisfied with one when you can have both, right?"
"You have no fucking idea what you're talking about. You don't know me..." Tyler defended himself.
"Damn right I don't. And I don't want to change anything about that at all..." Mark gave back. "So if you'll excuse me now, thanks to you, I have some work to do."
"Stop it!" Tyler blurted out. "Stop blaming all of us for what happened. What kind of boyfriend are you even? Not noticing that your lover does drugs when everyone else around you already knew?"
Mark stared at Tyler in shock. It hurt him to get all those things thrown back at him. Things he knew. Things he already blamed himself for. He felt his eyes watering and turned around, away from Tyler.
"I will never forgive myself for that..." Mark replied, feeling his voice cracking. "And I... if I never see Jackson again, I don't think I can survive..." he admitted. He tried to hold back his feelings, but it was harder than he thought and his whole body was shaking under the pressure.
"If I could turn back time I would... I hate myself for not noticing that something was wrong... but all of you... especially Arizona... hid it from me... you didn't even give me the chance to try and make things right." Mark went on. "And this is something I will never forgive her or Lewis or any of you for. If I never see Jackson again, it's not only on me, it's on them too... and on you..."
He took a deep breath before going on talking.
"I am his boyfriend. I should have been there for him. I should have protected him... from all of you and from himself, but it's too late now..." Marks hands were clenching the edge of his desk and he was still fighting back his feelings as good as possible, but it became more and more difficult with every second and Tyler still being here in his office made it even worse. He didn't know the guy and he didn't want to get to know him after all. He just wanted to be alone, but he had a feeling that Tyler wasn't finished with him. Not yet at least. But if he would leave him finally afterwards, Mark was willing to listen to him.
Tyler Browning POV:
The discussion with Mark had taken a turn Tyler hadn't wanted it to.
He knew Mark would be angry, but when he threw Jackson and Lewis' relationship with him in Tyler's face the words were out before Tyler could stop them.
Tyler had been in love with both Avery brothers at one time or another and to his dying day he would always love both in some way.
So when Mark suggested that he was here for Jackson, but settled for Lewis, Tyler felt the rage take control, but the moment Mark turned away and the man's emotions took over Tyler felt guilty.
"I am his boyfriend. I should have been there for him. I should have protected him... from all of you and from himself, but it's too late now..."
"Dr. Sloan" Tyler said softly "I can't apologize enough for the pain that this is causing you and you're right...we should have told you immediately, but you have to know that everyone who was involved didn't set out to purposefully shut you out"
Mark turned around and the statement and the fury was as clear as day. "Do you know how goddamn patronizing you sound right now?" Mark asked "I'm in love with Jackson and the crap that we've had to go through the past year was brutal. Somehow nobody thought that even though I was the one going through the trenches with Jackson that when it came to something so important I didn't need to know"
"They were trying to protect you"
"I'M NOT A FUCKING CHILD!" Mark yelled and Tyler stepped back in case Mark decided to make things become physical.
"Of course you're not" Tyler told him "but have you asked yourself why Jackson didn't come to you? Why even though he knew we all were aware of his use that he still kept it from you?"
"Why would that be?" Mark asked sarcastically "I'm sure you have all the answers"
"He's ashamed, Dr. Sloan" Tyler said "he was terrified of seeing the shame and disappointment in your eyes. Has he called you yet?"
Tyler took Mark's silence as affirmation.
"I've been through this with Jackson and believe me it's one of the worst things either one of us have ever been through and if I can avoid someone else going through that same kind of pain I will"
Mark narrowed his eyes "You don't know me, Tyler, and that was not your decision to make. It wasn't Robbins, or Karev's, or Eli's, or Lewis' either. The moment they knew they should have come to me and let me decide how I was going to handle it and instead you all took that choice away from me" Walking closer to Tyler Mark continuously flexed his hands "he walked away from my life and I had no fucking idea"
Tyler felt horrible. Mark was right and it wasn't fair that they had taken his choice away, but he had to understand why they had done it.
"You haven't even seen Jackson in years and yet they call you here because they somehow believe that you can fix things and make him all better, but I guess that isn't the case"
Mark was going for the jugular and Tyler couldn't deny that it both hurt and was making him angry, but Tyler focused on the fact that at least Mark hadn't known about he and Jackson in Miami. The last thing anyone needed was to make this situation worse.
"I'm not going to apologize for coming here to help Jackson" Tyler said "I love him and I always will and I can tell you love him too so maybe instead of trying to find blame in everyone's actions you work with us and see what we can do to get Jackson back here and get help"
Mark gave a bitter laugh "The nerve you have to come and ask me to help you after everything you've done" each word was spit out with a venom that chilled Tyler "the answer is no. No way in hell. Now get out of my office"
"Dr. Sloan-"
"Get the fuck out" and slamming his fist on his desk Tyler jumped back. Making his way to the door Tyler looked back at Mark one last time before exiting. He had completely fucked up and he thought that maybe Karev had been right. He should have kept his distance.
Tyler had been sitting in the cafeteria drinking a coffee when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turning around he looked up to the smiling face of Addison.
"Hey there" she said "mind if I join you?"
"I insist" Tyler told her as he waved his hand at the empty chair across from him.
"How are you?" Addison asked as she took a sip of her own coffee "I hear yesterday was a pretty big day"
Tyler felt the pain of Jackson's absence heavy on his heart. "We told Hunt" he said "Hunt offered him a deal to get help, but Jackson decided against that plan"
"I'm so sorry, Tyler" she said and grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze "how's Jackson doing?"
Shrugging his shoulders Tyler shook his head back and forth "He left" Tyler told her "we haven't been able to get in contact with him since he quit"
Addison took on an alarmed expression "I-I'm so sorry" she said "You think he'll come back?"
"I have to believe it" Tyler responded "because if not I'll have to go and start scouring the earth and I really hate scouring the earth"
The small joke got a laugh from Addison and it did lighten Tyler's mood a bit. The friendship with Addison had been quick and unexpected, but Tyler couldn't be more thankful for it.
He had been brought to Seattle to be the strong one. To be the one that was going to fix everything and by being that person he had been unable to show how terrified he was. Addison was the only person who had seen his panic attacks he developed after Jackson's last battle with drugs. Even Jackson himself didn't know he got them and Tyler made it a point not to let the people, especially Lewis, who counted on him down.
When Addison had witnessed Tyler's breakdown she had been there to talk to him and hadn't said a word about it to anyone. Tyler didn't trust easily, but Addison had appeared to be an exception to the rule.
The two were still drinking their coffee when Tyler looked and saw Addison smile at somebody and turning around Tyler saw Michael walking towards him.
"No" Tyler said once Michael got close enough to hear "keep on walking, Holt"
Finally noticing Tyler sitting across from Addison his face turned into a mixture of shock and resentment.
"I just came to say hello to Addison" Michael said "dick"
"You did it now you can go back to existing under your rock"
Giving an evil eye to Tyler Michael turned and gave an embarrassed smile to Addison before saying goodbye and walking out of the cafeteria and back to his office.
"I see that there is no love lost there" Addison said with a small chuckle.
"It's a long unpleasant history, but rest assured the guy is an asshole"
"Oh, I think he was kinda nice" Addison said teasingly "I only met him briefly, though"
"Trust me Addison, as your new friend, Michael Holt is best left being scraped off the bottom of your shoe"
Normally Tyler would be more diplomatic, but he had a terrible morning and seeing Michael Holt did not make it any better.
"Okay" she said "I'll keep that in mind if you let me know what I can do to help with this Jackson situation"
"That person you mentioned before, the one that could get through to Jackson…" Tyler told her "I wouldn't mind having them here to help me understand what's going on with him."
Grabbing his hand once again Addison gave a sympathetic smile "It won't be long. I promise" and for reasons Tyler couldn't quite understand, he believed her, he didn't know why but he did.