A/N: I love it when my internet begins to go all screwy, having me post my chapters later than I wished them to be.

*Sigh*

Well, anyway, enjoy! :)

(Mello P.O.V)

I don't know where exactly I went. I don't know if I was in the afterlife or not. All I knew at the time, was that I was cold… and alone.

I couldn't see a thing where I was. Just a vast distance of darkness. My hands were cold to the touch, and I shivered uncontrollably. I wanted to scream for help but no words formed. I felt weak and helpless, like a small bird who'd been captured and caged with no one to truly care for it. Even worse, I had felt empty inside. Like my entire essence had been drained away and was now out of reach. I was almost too sure that this was what death was like.

Maybe I was dead.

Suddenly, among the darkness and loneliness, I heard a voice. It was calling my name. Not the one I had chosen for myself… but my real name.

I tried to move towards it, but I couldn't. My hands and feet felt as if they were shackled to the darkness, and the more I moved the colder I became. I tried as hard as I could to drag myself to that voice, but I just couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough.

I finally gave up and slumped to the floor. I was too tired to keep going. I didn't want to follow the voice anymore. I just wanted to rest.

The voice stopped calling me then, and my world was quiet once more. The deafening silence made me ill, but I guess I had no choice but to endure it. I wasn't going anywhere… that was all too evident. This was my end.

I was startled by a sudden hand on my shoulder and I cringed. I was too scared to look.

"How the mighty have fallen."

I shivered at the voice, and slowly looked up. I knew it was too familiar.

It was me. A younger me, dressed in a white robe, with small bandages running up his arms. He was grinning at me, not slyly or expectedly. He was genuinely grinning. But why.

"Who… who are you?" I asked stupidly.

The younger version of me chuckled. "I am you. Can you not see?"

This only made me frustrated. "Don't patronise me! I see that, but it makes no sense why I'd be seeing myself!"

"Temper, temper. Is getting mad the only thing you're able to do?"

I tried to lunge at him then, but my body failed me and I only wound up crumbled to the floor once more. The younger self laughed under his breath.

I felt colder now, and my body began to get heavier. I decided not to move so much, and just talk to this… thing.

"Why are you here!?" I demanded.

"I am you. That is why I am here."

I tried to make a fist to let out some frustration, but even that was too difficult.

The younger version of myself kneeled at my side and put a hand on my shoulder. The hand felt so warm compared to my own being at the moment. Even more, he seemed to calm my anger a bit.

The grin never died away. "You have forgotten yourself, Mihael Keehl. Forgotten your goals, your dreams, who you loved most. All you know is how to get angry. But so far, that anger hasn't served you well. Because of this anger, you now live in a world where darkness envelopes you. A purgatory where you are forced to fight the very thing you hate most…

"Yourself."

My heart, had I felt it in my chest at the time, would have skipped a beat at this. "Tell me who you are!"

"I've already said, I am you."

"Then what are you?"

He seemed pleased that I revised my question. "I am the spirit that dwells in your subconscious. I contain every memory, every story, every lie and truth, and every face that you have encountered in your life. When you were ever in an hour of need, I would help guide you to the right path. But you have allowed your anger to overpower me. Enough so, that you were on the brink of killing the person you loved most…"

I didn't even have to think about it. "Matt."

"Yes. And now, even knowing how far into darkness you have slipped into, he's trying his hardest to save your life."

"What? What do you mean?" I tried to get up, failing miserably. "Where is he?"

"He is in the waking world. Tending to your lifeless body. Even knowing that it is a futile attempt, he is still trying to save you. Because he loves you. Because he's always loved you."

"Help me out of here. Please. I need to wake up and see him."

"I cannot. And neither can you. Mihael Keehl is coming to an end, and no amount of strength will bring you back."

I finally got to my feet, the spirit rising with me. "I have to at least try. I can't leave Matt, not now!" I dragged my feet forward, feeling my will getting sapped with each step.

"Ever the fool you are. Even on the brink of death, you trudge forward to reach your goals. However futile it may be, you have always trudged forward."

My world flashed into a bright beam of light and I was suddenly out of the darkness, and back in Germany. Only this time, it was my past.

I kept walking as the spirit spoke. "You marched on when your father beat you senseless, when your brother spat in your eye, and when your mother had forgotten you. You marched when even your bruises would barely let you. Because you wanted to live."

Another flash of light, and I was now in England. In the streets where I'd been raped.

"You stumbled onward when that man took your very innocence from you, leaving you broken and used in the streets, having L look at you differently from that day forward. You stumbled, bloody and broken, just to get back to Wammy's. To Matt."

Another flash, and I was in the Wammy house. My body was getting heavier and heavier the more he spoke. His grin was long gone now.

"You crawled on hand and knee when you lost L, when you lost your dream job, when you allowed madness to consume you." He flashed to Los Angeles now. "You kept crawling forward, even after Ross had used you as a toy, as a playmate no better than his whores. You crawled because you wanted Kira's head."

One last flash, and we were at the burning husk of my Mafia headquarters. I no longer had the strength to walk, so I began crawling.

Still, the younger self kept on speaking.

"You clawed your way to the notebook, only to have it stolen away. This notebook was a tool to you, a tool you tried to use on Matt. Need I remind you that he loved you at the time? Even after losing him, you continued to claw your way forward. All because you wanted Near to suffer."

I finally dropped to the floor and heaved out a breath. My world went dark once more, and the spirit knelt beside me again.

"Even now, on the brink of death, you trudge forward. Why? Because you can't bear the thought of dying alone. Helpless, friendless, loveless. Mihael Keehl is afraid to die, just like any other. So he continues to trudge on. To keep marching, to keep stumbling, to keep crawling and clawing until there's nothing left to keep going for."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I looked at him. This was my face. The face I'd lost long ago in the past. A face that had known true pain unlike any other. Still I wondered…

"Why do I not see an older me? Why are you so young?"

He didn't answer right away. I was only responded with silence for the longest time. "Everyone has a conscience, Mihael Keehl. Everyone has an innocence that will one day be lost. Everyone has a spirit that will one day die, be it in later years or early." He gave me the saddest look then. Tears forming at his eyes. "You happened to have lost it all at an early stage. Were things different, I would be the same age as you, continuing on. But I am not. I have been lost for a long time."

He placed a hand on my face then. It was colder than before, and it seemed to be weaker. "The only reason I'm still here, is because you kept going. Now, you have to stop. It's time to…"

"No." I said bluntly, silencing him. That's when I found the strength to push myself off the ground, and back onto my feet. I almost fell over again, but I found my balance.

I looked at him then. "I'm sorry if I'm keeping you here against your will. But I'm not content to just give up. I know there's more for me to do before I die, so I have to keep going. No matter what, even if it's on my final breath, I'll continue to keep 'trudging on', because I have the strength and will to do so. I didn't give up when I was being beaten and forgotten, because I know I have the strength to fight it.

"Besides…" I thoughtfully said, a grin playing at face. "I promised Matt I'd never give up. That I'd never have him lose me. It's been a promise of mine since we were kids. So now I have to wake up… no matter what pain I'm in."

I began to stagger forward, feeling my muscles ache and my skin grow colder. It wasn't until I was steps away when the spirit spoke again. This time, however, his voice had changed.

"Mihael Keehl continues on, even when he is near death." When I looked back, the spirit was no longer a child. He was close to my age now, dressed up in a white t-shirt and white jeans.

"He will always continue on, until his heart no longer has anything to love. He will endure the hell of the waking world for the people he cares for most. Even when it would be easier to give up… he trudges on."

The new spirit bowed to me then. "Your wish is granted. You will be sent back to the waking world. As before, I will remain by your side." He grinned at me once again. "Just remember who you are, Mihael Keehl. Remember what your anger has done to you, and forget the pain. You've almost lost everything due to the anger controlling you. Matt will not forget, neither will Near or anyone else you've harmed."

"I can't exactly promise anything. But I'll try."

The spirit, now almost identical to me in every way, nodded. "Then… awaken."

A bright flash of light burned into my vision and I closed my eyes as tightly as I could. A buzzing in my ears suddenly started up, and I felt my heart give a thump. When my heart set into rhythm once more, I was suddenly aware of my slumber. I could feel a blanket covering me, but the left side of my body felt like it was being pressured by something. I could suddenly feel pain course through my left arm and back, along with the left side of my face including my eye.

I finally opened my right eye and noticed I was in a bedroom. The room was dimly lit, but I was able to grasp that I was in a hotel room. Did Matt bring me here?

I began to think that the spirit and all that followed was just a hallucinogenic dream until I heard footsteps enter the room.

I was too weak to move my arms or legs, so I tried to move my head toward the steps. Sure enough, there was Matt. He looked tired and stressed, and it didn't look like he'd taken a shower lately. His hair was mussed up, his goggles hung around his neck, and he seemed to be a bit twitchy. Even with all this however, I almost cried at the sight of him.

He had been busying himself with changing his current shirt when I decided to speak up.

My throat hurt like hell, but I managed to call his name. "Matt?"

It had come out as a squeak but he heard it instantly and spun around to look at me. His eyes were baggy and heavy, but the tears that formed in them made a slight difference to them.

He dropped the shirt he was changing into. "Mels?"

I finally felt my arms and legs and tried to sit up, feeling pain run down my side. I was instantly laid back by Matt, who was now sitting on the bed next to me.

"Mel, stay still. You're really not in a position to be moving around."

I ignored him and pushed his hands away, leaning up with my right arm to press my lips against his. I'd missed him too much to just let this slide away from me.

He hadn't fought me, either. But he was careful not to touch me, which made me wonder how truly hurt I was at the moment.

The kiss ended sooner that I wanted it to, simply because pain racked at my side and I fell back onto my pillow. Perhaps I should have listened to him and just rested. However, in the position I was in, I needed to know that he was really there.

He felt my forehead then. "Good, you don't have a fever. Which means it's finally broken."

"How long was I out?"

"A few weeks. Close to a month. But you're extremely hurt, Mello. You need to rest and stay still."

I felt the bandage over my left eye. I was scared I might be blind. "Please take off this bandage, Matt."

"Mels…"

"Please." I begged. "I need to know…"

He seemed to have read my mind, and he complied. He gently peeled off the bandage and soon my eye was uncovered.

I slowly opened the lid of my eye and the light pierced it painfully. Some of the colours were distorted for a bit, and the light was killing me. But I could see through it. That's all that mattered.

I nodded when I was ready for the bandage to be put back on, and Matt quickly redressed my eye. We were both relieved to know that I hadn't gone blind. Still, I was fully prepared to accept whatever other damages there were to my body.

"Matt?" I asked, my voice still hoarse. "Why'd you save me? You said you were gonna leave and we'd never see each other again."

He lay right beside me then. I couldn't turn my head to see him, but I could feel his warm breath beside me.

I suddenly felt his hand hold mine. "Because I love you, Mels. You know that. I always have, ever since we were kids."

"I don't deserve it, though. I don't deserve to be loved, especially by you. All I ever did was take from you. All I ever was, was selfish. Even when you fought me, when you were right and I was wrong, I fought back because I was too selfish to see when I was wrong. So then… why did you stay by my side?"

His hand squeezed mine now. "Because, no matter what, even when you were hurting me – however unintentionally – you always found a way to make me smile again. You were there when I needed you most, and you always stayed by my side. And you weren't the only selfish one in this relationship, Mello."

I tried to turn my head a bit, but it was futile. "How so?"

I could feel in his touch that he felt a pang of guilt course through him. "You were in so much pain when we were kids. And I always thought I could help you with the pain. And then I made you promise to never give up, to keep on living when I know you wanted to die. I didn't want to be alone, so I forced you to keep getting up and keep getting hit. Every day I saw you suffering… and I chose to ignore it. If anything, I was more selfish than you."

My heart gave a jump of pain to hear this. But surprisingly, I smiled through it.

I squeezed his hand back. "We were both selfish when we were kids. Both having a good reason. But we can forget about that now. We should just be happy that we're both here, alive and beside each other. Like we always are."

I could almost feel his smile through his touch. "Like we always are. Matt and Mello… Mello and Matt…"

"Best friends to the end." I thought aloud.

Matt sat up and into view at this point. He looked a bit worried now. "You aren't friend-zoning me, are you? 'Cause I got the impression that you liked me a lot more than that."

I chuckled at this as I rested a hand on his face. "No Matt, I'm not putting you in the friend zone. I was just remembering when we were kids, and we used to agree that no matter what, we would always be friends."

I couldn't help but smile at the relief plastered on his face. "Good, because I've been friend zoned before, and I think I'd have a mental break down if you'd done the same."

He lay back down beside me then. Happily content to be at my side.

I was tired again, but I stayed awake as long as I could to just listen to Matt's prattling. When I did fall asleep, it was a dreamless sleep. No nightmares either. It was purely resting.

I had wondered for the longest time whether or not that the spirit I'd seen was real. That I was so close to death that I was seeing my life flash before my eyes. But after a while, I let the thought go. I didn't want to know if what I'd seen was real or not.

I was just happy to be beside Matt once more.

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