A/N: Yay… here we are again with Chapter 57! And we hope – as always – you like it. I know you all miss Jackson, but he'll be back VERY soon… as in: next chapter or latest the chapter afterwards, so hang in there… things are getting pretty bad before they get better, but we're glad you're in for the ride!
Enjoy Chapter 57!
Alex Karev POV:
Alex had woken up with an anxiety that made his whole body feel uneasy.
Opening his eyes he looked over to see Lewis curled up with his back to Alex and snuggling closer Alex wrapped his arm around the man's waist. Alex closed his eyes as he tried to enjoy the heat that was coming off of Lewis' body.
Alex smiled as he listened to Lewis murmur in his sleep. Alex couldn't make out what the man was saying, but he heard the words office and time and Alex could only surmise that Lewis was dreaming about he and Alex's make-out in his office the previous afternoon.
He didn't want to leave the bed, but today was going to be a monumental one. Mark's first major surgery was that afternoon and he had April's ultrasound. While the thought of being stuck with Mark for hours on end made his stomach feel like knots, being able to hold April's hand as they found out the sex of their child would make it worth it.
Grabbing Lewis's shoulder he turned the man over to lay on his back he saw the man open his eyes with surprise.
"A-Alex?" Lewis asked confused as Alex started to kiss his neck and reached a hand under Lewis's boxers to grab hold of the man's erection.
"Wait, Alex" Lewis said nervously "don't you have to be at work in half hour?"
"Yeah" Alex said as he started to pump "but it's been so long since we've been able to make love that it's worth the chewing out I'll get from Sloan"
"Not that I don't want to feel you inside me" Lewis smiled "but the last thing you need is pissing Mark off before a 6 hour surgery"
Looking down at Lewis Alex cocked his head to the side "Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"No" Lewis told him urgently "of course not. I just want you to have an easy a day as possible and when you get home tonight I promise I'll ride that cock of yours until we both pass out"
That had gotten a smile out of Alex "Okay" he said as he kissed Lewis neck "that image should be able to make the day go by faster"
"I'm glad to hear that" Lewis chuckled "and just because we don't have time for sex doesn't mean I don't have time to jerk you off in the shower"
"Sounds like a plan to me" Alex told him enthusiastically and grabbing Lewis' hand he rushed the two off to the bathroom.
It was time to get this day started off properly.
Alex had walked into Seattle Grace a pretty chipper man. The memories of Lewis bringing him over the edge with his hands and words were giving him a wonderful buzz.
He hadn't even heard Mark until the man had literally cut off his pathway to the Attendings lounge.
"You're 20 minutes late"
"Sorry" Alex told him "I got held up"
"I'm sure you did" Mark responded disdainfully "do you have those reports I told you to go over"
"Yeah" Alex said quickly as he took his book bag from his shoulder and opened it to hand Mark the manila envelope.
"Good to see you're not completely incompetent" Mark told him and the remark was like a slap to Alex's cheek.
"Morning, Dr. Sloan" Sasha said with a cheerful smile "How are we this morning?"
At Sasha's entrance into the conversation Mark's mood seemed to shift completely. Now he was all smiles and pleasant demeanour.
"Not as well as I'd like to be, but it could be worse" he told the woman "and you?"
"I'm looking forward to your surgery later" Sasha told him "but I was wondering if I could go over some things with you?" she asked "every surgeon has their own way of using us nurses and I would like to get your technique down before I make a fool of myself in the OR"
"You making a fool of yourself seems pretty impossible" Mark joked and it got a giggle out of the girl.
Were they flirting? Alex asked himself. Was that even possible for Mark after losing Jackson so soon?
Mark and Sasha had started to walk away before Mark turned around "Karev" he said "I want you to recheck that file thoroughly before our surgery"
"Yes, sir"
Alex had looked at his watch and noticed that it was almost time for April's ultrasound and turning around he caught sight of Eli staring at the retreading figures of Sasha and Mark.
"You good, Eli?"
Shaking his head quickly Eli put a smile on his face that Alex knew immediately was fake
"Yeah" he smiled "I just got word that I have to be in the surgery with you and Sloan and I'm wondering how best to not get yelled at for trying to share the same space"
"Don't worry about that" Alex told him "he'll focus that all on me"
"What?" Eli asked concerned "What does that mean?"
Alex had realized that he may have said too much and tried to back out "Oh, nothing. Look, Eli, I really have to go see April for her ultrasound" and before Eli could say anything Alex made a quick exit.
He was just about to reach the elevator and head to the Gynaecology department when he saw Arizona run past him in a hurry and on instinct he chased after her.
"What's going on?" Alex asked urgently
"It's Dylan" she said as she went to the ambulance drop-off site "he was driving a motorbike when his heart went into cardiac arrest and he washed out on the pavement. They say he isn't breathing"
Alex had stopped where he stood.
All he could think about was his last conversation with Dylan and how he had made the young teen promise not to do anything stupid again.
Alex couldn't lose this kid, no, he wouldn't lose this kid.
Alex was going to help Arizona fix him and then once Dylan was well enough Alex was going to tear him a new one.
Putting on his gown and gloves he met Arizona out front waiting for the ambulance.
"Believe me, I am glad you're here, Alex, but you're on Sloan's service. Does he think it's okay you're here?"
Looking at Arizona Alex's face was one of hard steel "I could really care less what Sloan is okay with"
He half-expected Arizona to argue, but the woman simply held a small smile and turned forward once the ambulance arrived. The next few moments were a blur as Alex helped the paramedic unload Dylan and then he and Arizona rushed him to the OR.
This kid was not going to die. Not on his watch.
It had taken an hour to get Dylan stabilized and that had only come after he had flat lined twice. It was nothing short of miraculous and Alex was not going to be one to question such luck.
Once stabilized Arizona was about to start the battery line of test to see where they would have to go from there.
"Thank you so much, Alex" Arizona said "I don't know if I could've gotten that kid through without you"
"I'm sure you would've" Alex smiled and he enjoyed the warm moment the two shared.
"Now if you don't mind I would like to go see April before Mark's surgery"
"By all means" Arizona said "I probably won't have Dylan's surgery until after you are finished with Sloan so if you want to scrub in I would definitely appreciate it"
"I wouldn't be anywhere else" Alex said. He would have to call Lewis and tell him that their night would have to be postponed, but the man would surely understand why Alex had to do it.
Then just as his day was slowly starting to ease out he had ran to see April. Knowing that he had already missed the ultrasound, but wanting to be there.
The realization that the woman had found out about Jackson had destroyed any good that Alex had earned from that morning. The look of hurt in her eyes had twisted Alex's heart.
She had looked completely crushed and Alex had nobody to blame but himself. He tried to get her to understand that he didn't want to hurt her or the baby.
He would have told her eventually, but he had to fix everything first. Alex just needed time to make things right.
She would hear none of it and as she started to double over in pain Alex felt like his world was closing in on him. Doing the one thing she asked him he went and found Addison and practically dragged the woman to April's room.
Once inside Addison immediately got to work.
"What can I do?" Alex pleaded.
"You can get out" April spat out "you can get out and I don't want to see you again"
"April" Alex whispered in shock "please"
"Go, Alex" April practically yelled "you made your choice and now I'm making mine" and another wave of pain caused her to groan "don't come see me again"
Looking back Addison gave him a sympathetic look "You need to go, Alex" she said "you're causing her to have Braxton Hicks"
"I-I'm so sorry, April" and he was surprised at the tears in his eyes and the crack in his voice. How could this day become any worse?
Backing out of the room he picked up his cell phone and found Jackson's number. Quickly dialling it he wiped away the few tears that were rolling down his cheek.
This is Jackson, leave a message
"I hope you're happy, Jackson" Alex croaked out "April knows about you and now she won't talk to me and she's suffering from Braxton Hicks. I don't know what to do, but I hope wherever you are that you're living it up and having the time of your fucking life" and ending the phone call he almost threw the phone against the far wall, but that would only cause a scene that Alex didn't need right now.
Then hearing his name across the speaker he looked up.
Alex Karev to O.R. 3...Alex Karev to O.R. 3
With a heavy sigh Alex lowered his head. It was time for Mark's surgery.
Rushing down to scrub in Alex already knew he was going to have to pay for his lateness. Quickly scrubbing in he entered the O.R. to see Mark stare at him with cold, angry eyes.
"You're late" he said "again" and with a sheepish expression he walked over to stand beside Eli and across from Mark who was standing beside Sasha.
"I'm sorry" Alex said weakly.
"I don't care" Mark told him "let's get started"
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark hadn't slept almost the whole night since he knew the whole story. Over the whole day yesterday Alex had told him everything he knew and had witnessed and instead of just accepting it and taking it the way it was, Mark had started asking him questions again and again.
He knew that he wasn't fair to Alex and he knew Tyler and the others were right: it wasn't nice of him to take everything out on Alex, since the others have played an equally big part in Jackson's crash.
Still, he couldn't help it. Alex was the perfect guy to be pissed at and the more days passed without Jackson, the unhappier Mark got. And the more Mark's world started falling apart. Nothing was like he expected it to be a couple of weeks ago, and now he couldn't even rely on his friends anymore.
And the worst thing was that Callie had Arizona's back. She had told Mark that, yes, she didn't think what Arizona had done was right, but also that she only had the best intentions. Mark knew deep down she was right, but he just wasn't willing to give her a free pass that easy.
Eventually, he would have to, he knew it. Especially for Sofia's sake. He didn't want his little girl to suffer because her parents didn't get along. She was still so little, but Mark knew that she already understood more than he liked, and she did understand that there were some problems and that made her anxious to say at least.
Mark had promised Callie to try to get better. To try to forgive Arizona at some point, but he had also made it clear that he would need time. That it would need time.
He still needed to wrap his mind around that fact that Jackson would maybe not come back at all, and then he would have to move on without him somehow. He didn't know how yet, but he knew he couldn't get hung up on him forever. There would never be someone like Jackson in his life again, and he doubted he could ever love someone like that again, but he also didn't want to spend his life alone, without someone by his side.
With a look onto his watch, Mark noticed that Alex should have been here since about fifteen minutes now, but he wasn't. Rolling his eyes, Mark got up from his chair and to his office door. On a day like today it was an absolute no-go for Alex to be late and he felt a strong anger bubble within him. Alex knew that Mark was relying on him, and still he obviously didn't care enough to arrive in time.
He made is way towards the attendings lounge where he found Alex looking all but stressed and actually, had a smile on his face. A fact that pissed Mark off even more.
"You're 20 minutes late" he told him coldly.
Alex apologized, but Mark didn't even want to hear it and waved it off as soon as Alex opened his mouth. But at least he had finished the reports Mark had instructed him to go over, because he would need them for the surgery.
Taking the manila envelope, he looked at Alex, still feeling pretty pissed off.
"Good to see you're not completely incompetent" he told him and he was about to say something else, when Sasha walked upon them and smiled at him and for a moment there he really felt better.
"Morning, Dr. Sloan. How are we this morning?"
Turning his full attention to the nurse he smiled at the woman, starting a flirtatious conversation and enjoying every bit of it. He hadn't done this in a while, but considering the way Sasha was going with the flow, he seemed to not do all too bad. Which made him feel good. Which gave him confidence.
Before he started walking away with Sasha, he instructed Alex to go over the file once more and then he looked back at the nurse.
"Wanna come to my office? We can talk about the details of the surgery in there..."
"Sure... Absolutely..." Sasha smiled at him and together they walked towards Mark's office.
It took them about half an hour to go over all the details and then Sasha went off to prepare the patient for the surgery and let her know that if she still had any questions she could ask and Mark would come see her again, but when Sasha didn't come back for at least ten more minutes, Mark was sure everything was okay.
He grabbed his mobile phone, letting out a sigh when he saw the two messages he got and found out that they were from Addison and Derek. Again.
The both of them had tried to get him out of his apartment the whole evening yesterday. Addison had even showed up at his doorstep, but Mark had just told her that he was tired and that he needed to prepare for his big surgery.
Which hadn't even been a complete lie, but in fact, he also hadn't been in the mood to go out with her.
He wouldn't get away with that forever, though, and now where she had brought Derek into the boat, it would be even harder to say no, and so he could also just get over with so they would stop harassing him, right?
Reading both messages that basically said the same - that Derek and Addison wanted to go out with Mark tonight - he decided to accept, hoping that the two of them would be so bored out of their minds with him that they would never bother him again with that.
'Okay, okay. I'm in... But I have a big surgery today. It's gonna take a couple of hours and then I'm gonna go home and take a shower. Come to my apartment around eight. I'll be waiting. Mark'
He sent the message to both, Derek and Addison, and then his mind drifted off to Jackson again. He hadn't heard of him since this one message two days ago, but he decided to push his luck and wrote another message to the guy.
'Hey Jackson. Today's the big surgery we've been talking about for so long, and you're still not here. This is not how it's supposed to be, but you obviously made your decision, and I can't do anything but accept it. I still miss you and I'm still scared to death that I'm gonna mess up and Mrs. Jamison will sustain lasting damages and I wish you could be here, but I have to just hope for the best. I love you. Mark'
Staring at his phone for a couple of seconds he was just about to put it back into his pocket when it beeped twice.
Jackson.
Again.
Mark's pulse sped up and his fingers started shaking anxiously when he opened the message.
'You're not gonna mess up, Mark, you'll do just fine. Just like last time. You're the best doctor and all I've learned, I learned from you. Mrs. Jamison couldn't get a better surgeon and if it was me in need of something like that, I would request you. You're going to pull that off and the surgery will be a success. I know you can do it. Take care. Jackson'
Just like last time, Mark - again - felt a disappointment that Jackson didn't react to any of his declarations. Not to the fact that he missed him and not to the "I love you", which was a clear sign that Jackson wanted to move on from him. That Mark was his past. Still, it made Mark feel a lot better to know that Jackson believed in him, even though he wasn't there. Jackson's words filled him with the right amount of self-confidence he needed to do the surgery.
Getting up from his chair he left his office and made his way towards the OR where Sasha was busy washing her hands, Eli standing next to her.
Mark wasn't happy to see him, but he knew he needed him in there. He knew he needed to rely on him.
Looking at Sasha with a smile he stood next to her and turned on the water.
"Hey Sasha... Ready for the surgery?"
"Sure, Doctor Sloan... And I'm still honoured that you wanted me in there with you." Sasha said earnestly.
Mark winked at her.
"Because you're one of the best and I know I can trust you."
"Oh, you can trust Eli, too, right?" Sasha said, turning to Eli and all of a sudden the whole situation became really awkward.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure Eli is the exact right guy to trust," Mark said, unable to hide the ironic tone in his voice.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Eli asked immediately, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You know exactly what it means!" Mark gave back, feeling anger rise within him and turning away, searching the room.
"Where's Karev by the way?"
"He's not here yet. I can go look for him if you want me to." Sasha suggested, but Mark shook his head.
"No, that's okay..." Mark turned back to Eli. "Can you page Dr. Karev, Lloyd?" Mark called him by his last name on purpose and he could see the flicker of hurt in his eyes.
Eli didn't even argue.
"Sure... I'll be right back," he said, and even though Mark could see that he rather wanted to deny Mark's request, he went through with it, and not even a minute later Mark could hear the call for Dr. Karev sounding through the hospital.
Mark, Sasha, Eli and the other people were already in the OR when Alex finally showed up.
"You're late!" Mark told him, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "Again."
And again, Alex apologized, and just like last time, Mark brushed him off completely. He really didn't care what held him up or why he was late. He needed to be there when Mark expected him to, and him not being here pissed Mark off big time. And it showed disrespect.
"Scalpel!" he said and smiled at Sasha once she reached him the instrument and he started to make the first cut.
For a couple of minutes everyone was just doing their work and - Mark had to admit - Karev still knew what to do. He was good and it was the right decision for him to be here right now.
After a while, though, the silence became almost unbearable for Mark and he looked at Alex.
"Can you tell me again about the last time you ever saw Jackson?"
He could see the twitch in Alex' body and the pained look in his eyes.
"I rather not talk about this right now, Doctor Sloan. We're in the middle of a surgery and you need to concentrate on..." Alex started, but Mark cut him off mid-sentence.
"You're not going to tell me what I need or don't need to do. Don't you think I can concentrate on my surgery while I listen to you? Do you really think I'm that bad at my job?"
Alex' whole body tensed. "No, that's... that's not what I meant, it's..."
"Save it!" Mark interrupted again. "Save it and start talking. Now."
It was an order and not a request, and the tone in his voice didn't leave any doubts about that. Mark could feel all eyes on him, but he didn't care. Instead he went on doing his work as if nothing had ever happened hoping Alex would start talking soon.
Eli Lloyd POV:
Eli wasn't under any delusions that Mark wanted him anywhere near his surgery. The two men could barely speak a word to one another that wasn't filled with a barely constrained thread of anger, at least from Mark's side.
Still, Eli had a job to do and like it or not Mark was going to have to accept it. That didn't mean he wasn't going to make it difficult for Eli.
To Mark's credit he didn't know about the weird feelings Eli found himself with when it came to Sasha. The way her smile made him feel as if he was starting to shake and every time she touched his shoulder or grabbed his hand Eli felt like he was going to break out in a sweat.
It didn't make seeing Mark and Sasha flirt right in front of him any easier though. Deep down Eli knew Mark was still too hung up on Jackson and would be for a long time and Eli had no kind of claim on Sasha even if Mark were to go for it.
When Alex had asked him if he was okay Eli had felt like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been, but the truth was he had been jealous. Jealous of Mark for the way he could make Sasha laugh and smile and jealous of Sasha for managing to be able to talk to the Mark Sloan that had written Eli, and the rest of them, off completely.
Eli could not have felt more pathetic if he tried.
Then came the actual surgery and the moment he walked into the OR he could see Mark stare at him with hard eyes. Eli could talk to him about it, but he really didn't want to make a scene.
Then came Karev being late and Sasha being willing to go only to have Mark give Eli that task. Last name and all. Eli couldn't completely hide the hurt at the distance Mark was putting between them. No matter how much he, or Arizona, or Lewis, or even Alex said to Mark the man seemed just unwilling to budge.
Giving Eli the task of paging Alex was a power play. He had been a nurse long enough to see when doctors wanted to be their subordinates in their place. Make them see that the surgeon ran the show and his word would be the last and final one in whatever OR they were in.
Eli knew how to play the game so stepping out of the room he went to the nurse's station and paged Alex to OR 3.
It had taken less than ten minutes for Alex to get there. Scrub in and prepare himself. Mark wasn't any less angry, but at least they would all be focused on the surgery and could ignore the elephant in the room.
Mark had just grabbed the scalpel from Sasha when he asked Alex a question that made Eli snap his head towards Mark's direction.
"Can you tell me again about the last time you ever saw Jackson?"
It took a moment for Eli to even understand what he had just heard.
"I rather not talk about this right now, Doctor Sloan. We're in the middle of a surgery and you need to concentrate on..."
"You're not going to tell me what I need or don't need to do. Don't you think I can concentrate on my surgery while listen to you? Do you really think I'm that bad at my job?"
Eli wanted to speak, but he felt as if the words were dying on his tongue. Turning his attention to Alex he could see how shaken it was making the younger surgeon.
How long had this been going on? Eli thought. If Alex's current condition was any indication it definitely wasn't new behaviour.
With a heavy sigh Alex started to talk "I found Jackson stumbling down the hallway towards his office" he said "it was obvious that he was-"
"Stop!" Eli exclaimed "stop talking"
Mark, Alex, and Sasha all looked at him surprised.
"Nurse Lloyd" Mark told him tightly. "You don't give anyone orders in my O.R."
"I damn well will" Eli shot back "you are here to do a surgery, not berate Alex and force him to relive something he obviously doesn't want to"
"It's okay, Eli, I-" Alex tried to say.
"No, it's not" Eli said "it's shameful and unprofessional, but it's definitely not okay"
"I wouldn't have had to put Alex through that if any of you had been honest with me for even a minute" Mark spat out.
"Get over it" Eli told him "you want to be angry; fine, but you leave it outside this hospital. It has no place here"
The two men were facing off. Eyes shooting heated gazes when Sasha's urgent voice broke through.
"She's coding!" the nurse yelled as she went and prepared the paddles. Moving quickly Mark dropped the scalpel and took the paddles from Sasha and began to apply them to her chest.
Eli and Alex stood back and counted off and Eli raised the electrical volume every time Mark requested it. It took 4 minutes, but eventually the patient evened out.
Once stable all 3 men looked at one another.
"Can we please get back to the task at hand?" Sasha commented and without a word from any of the men the rest of the surgery was performed in a crushing silence.
5 hours later and despite the one major incident the surgery went well. Mark still had his once in a lifetime skill that shone brilliantly.
It still had done little to quell the rage that rested in Eli's chest.
Walking out of the scrub room Eli stopped Alex and asked the man if he was okay.
"Yeah" Alex told him "I'm sorry for what happened in there"
"That wasn't your fault and you have nothing to apologize for" Eli told him "it's just-" but before he could finish a young intern ran up to Alex breathless.
"Dr. Karev" the young male said "Dr. Robbins has been trying to get in contact with you"
"What is it?" Alex asked and something in his voice sounded scared.
"Dylan Forrester" was all the intern said and Alex was off like a shot with the younger man following behind.
"Where in the hell is Karev going?" Mark asked as he witnessed the retreating figure of Alex "he has post-ops"
"Dr. Robbins has an emergency" Eli told him "but don't worry...you get to talk to me and I have a lot to say"
Scoffing at Eli Mark went to turn away before he heard Eli speak "You take one more step and I will go to Hunt and make it my personal mission to see you gone as quickly as you came"
Turning around Mark looked at Eli with a heated gaze.
"You would do that...friend?" his tone was sarcastic and dripping with bitterness.
"I don't want to, but I will not sit by while you torture Alex over things he couldn't control" Eli said "it's not fair"
"Not fair?" Mark said incredulously "Let me tell you what's not fair" and moving up he stood right in front of Eli. "What's not fair is not having Jackson beside me every night. What's not fair is not being able to stare into his eyes and tell him everything will be okay. That there is at least one person here who wouldn't judge him and would move heaven and hell to make him better"
"Don't you think we all did that?" Eli said "we begged until our voices were hoarse and we got the same result. What could you have possibly done differently?"
"Loved him" Mark said "I loved him and he loved me. It may sound cheesy to you, but that goes a long way and knowing that the man he loved was going to stick by him could have been just what Jackson needed to stay and get help. Instead you took that possibility away from us. You pushed him away and kept me at a distance, just out of reach and do you have any idea how that must have hurt? You want to know what's unfair, Eli?" Mark asked "that's unfair"
"Hey Mark" Sasha's soft voice came. It was clear that she had heard Mark's speech and the way her eyes were twinkling with tears were evidence.
"Hey" Mark said as he turned away in embarrassment "sorry for how I acted in there"
"It's forgotten" she told him "I'm starving. How about we grab some lunch?"
"That sounds good" Mark responded and grabbing his hand she lead the surgeon towards the exit.
"Sasha" Eli yelled quickly and turning around he could see the anger directed towards him in her eyes.
"What?" she asked sharply
"N-Nothing" Eli said "nothing" and turning around he watched Sasha walk off with Mark.
Yeah, he could see why Mark Sloan hated him.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis sat in his office, thinking about this morning. He felt still really guilty because he had had a really nice dream. Of Tyler. Of Tyler and him. Of them making out and having sex here in his office. He had been confused to say at least, when he had opened his eyes to a smiling Alex.
He didn't even know why but his mind had obviously expected to see Tyler. Expected to be kissed by him instead of Alex, and that was wrong on so many levels, that the guilt he felt was lasting heavier on his shoulders with every day.
When Alex had started touching him, it had become almost unbearable for him to just let it happen. It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep with Alex or anything like that, he did, but somehow his mind was way too busy thinking about Tyler to concentrate on what was right in front of him even for a single second.
He had been almost relieved when he had managed to convince Alex that sex wasn't a good idea right now, which was also completely wrong, but he couldn't change how he felt. He could just change the whole situation they were in, and he had to at some point.
Fortunately, when Lewis had jerked Alex off in the shower and tell him dirty little things, it had put his mind at ease for a while. He had been able to just be there for Alex and the satisfied smile Alex had given him afterwards had made the butterflies in his stomach fluttering.
He was really looking forward to spend the evening with Alex and try to remind himself why he loved him. Why he wanted to be with him. He owed him that much.
Sighing, Lewis got up from his chair and rounded his table, staring down at the black leather couch. He missed Tyler already, even though they were still seeing each other at the hospital, but they hadn't had sex in more than 24 hours and even though he shouldn't, his whole body was screaming for Tyler's touch.
He left his office and decided to go to the cafeteria to have something to eat, but on his way he saw Tyler a few feet away, talking to Addison. He didn't want to disturb them or anything like that, so he just waited until the two of them separated and when Tyler moved in the opposite direction of Lewis, an idea popped into Lewis head.
Slowly, he followed him without Tyler noticing it, and when he was close enough, he grabbed him, placed a hand on his mouth to keep him from screaming and dragged him into the next on-call room, locking the door and pressing him against the wall.
"I missed you!" he whispered, once he and Tyler were face to face, staring at a very confused and very shocked looking Tyler.
"Lewis, damn-it!" Tyler hissed. "You can't do that." His breathes were very quick and heavy and he really looked more than a little upset.
"Do what?" Lewis asked confused, tilting his head.
"Attack me like that. I almost got a heart-attack because of you. Have you any idea how scary it is to have someone come after you from behind without you noticing it? And then getting your mouth held shut?"
Only then, Lewis noticed that Tyler's body was shaking and what should have been a joke had really frightened Tyler.
"God, I'm sorry, baby... I'm so sorry..." Lewis whispered, feeling more than just bad. "I'm sorry..." He leaned forward, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss and pulling him into a tight embrace. "It won't happen again, I promise..."
"It better not..." Tyler gave back, leaning into his embrace.
It took Lewis a couple of minutes until Tyler had calmed down completely, but him stroking his back in small circles helped. Like it always had when Tyler had been upset, and that was exactly what was so special about them. That they just knew what the other needed when he needed it and that they were willing to give it unconditionally.
"Better?" Lewis asked after a while when he let go of Tyler enough to be able to look into his eyes.
"Yeah... I'm sorry... it was just... unexpected..." Tyler admitted, smiling at Lewis. "What are you even doing here? Don't you have patients?"
"You wanna get rid of me? I can leave then..." Lewis grinned, releasing Tyler from his embrace and turning around. He was already gripping the doorknob when he felt Tyler's arms around his waist, pulling him back into him.
"You stay right where you belong..." he whispered into Lewis' ear and then Lewis could feel his hot breath in his neck, and it made his toes curl. God, he loved to be that close to Tyler and he just leaned into him, enjoying the light bites at his earlobe and Tyler's fingers that were touching his stomach.
"And where would that be?" he asked hoarsely, closing his yes and completely giving himself to Tyler.
"With me..." Tyler gave back, opening the button of Lewis' Jeans and pulling the zipper down.
"I've missed you, too, by the way..."
Lewis let out a chuckle. "You're crazy..."
"Yes..." Tyler replied, licking at Lewis' earlobe and making his whole body twitch. "I'm crazy for you. And I want to be with you more than anything in the world..."
He turned Lewis around to look him in the eye, touching his cheeks.
"I mean it, Lewis... this... us... it's real... it's always been real, even when we weren't willing or able to see it... no other relationship could ever work out for us, because we will always be hung up on each other."
Lewis wanted to argue about it, he really wanted to, wanted to defend his relationship with Alex, but somehow he couldn't. He couldn't get himself to say anything, because he knew Tyler was right.
"I love you, Tyler," he just said instead and crushed his lips against Tyler's, making the other man stumble back a few steps and fall onto the bed, pulling Lewis with him, so he was landing on top of him.
Kissing each other with a force that was stronger than Lewis had experienced in a long time he gave in completely, rolling around and bringing Tyler on top of him.
"What do you want?" Tyler asked breathlessly, and Lewis spread his legs, wrapping them around Tyler's waist.
"You... you sinking into me completely... hard... deep... You making me yours over and over again... you showing me where I belong..."
"God, Lewis..." Tyler hissed, grabbing Lewis' arms and pinning his wrists down on the bed with one hand. "I'm gonna fuck you so good... I'm gonna make you see stars... and rainbows... and unicorns..."
Lewis let out a laugh. He loved Tyler being so crazy and saying stupid things that made no sense at all, things that made him laugh and want him even more.
"Then do it... what's keeping you?" he asked when he bucked up and pressed his pelvis against Tyler's, feeling his erection hard against his own.
Tyler kissed him once more, before one of his hands moved to the hem of his shirt and started pushing it up, so he could attack the soft and sensitive skin underneath it.
He placed kisses on Lewis' stomach, letting his tongue dive into his bellybutton and then moved upwards, causing goose bumps everywhere on Lewis' skin. If Tyler's hand didn't have such a strong grip on his wrists, he would totally have grabbed him and pulled him upwards again, so he could kiss him over and over again. Instead he just closed his eyes, letting out a low moan. He would let Tyler have his way with him, because he trusted him. He knew he wouldn't regret it at all.
All of a sudden there was a buzz in his jeans pocket and mere seconds later a soft melody sounded through the room.
"Shit, I'm sorry..." Lewis apologized when Tyler let go of his wrists, looking at him slightly confused.
Pulling his mobile phone out of his pocket, Lewis sat up and when he recognized Alex' name on the display he thought for a moment about not answering his phone. Being here with Tyler and having Alex on the phone made him realize how bad of a person he was.
"Hey Baby..." he finally said, taking a deep breath.
When he looked at Tyler he could see the hurt in his eyes, even though Tyler tried to hide it, but he had never been good at hiding his feelings. Not in front of Lewis.
"Hey... listen, Lewis... I know I promised you we would spend the night together and that I'm home in the evening but something came up..." Alex said, and he sounded pretty upset.
"You alright?" Lewis asked alarmed, watching Tyler closely, who barely looked at him anymore. He almost seemed as if he wanted to run away any minute, and Lewis couldn't even blame him. He was playing with fire here, and the two guys he loved most had to live with it, one of them not even knowing that the other was in the picture like that.
"Yes... no... it's just... a rough day already... My patient... this kid... there was an emergency and he needs surgery tonight... it's gonna take a couple of hours and I don't know if I'll be home at all, since tomorrow morning Mark needs me again..." Alex explained.
Lewis let out a sigh.
"You sure you're not overstraining yourself? I mean, you had this big surgery with Mark and then you'll have another one with Arizona? You need some rest..."
"I know..." Alex replied. "But I need to do that... I've been there for Dylan ever since the day he first came in. I need to be there... please don't be mad at me for cancelling our evening plans."
"No, no I'm not mad... See you tomorrow then, huh?" Lewis asked.
"Yeah, tomorrow... I gotta go. Love you, baby." Alex said and before Lewis even had the chance to say something else, Alex had already hung up.
Lewis' hand sank down and he stared at his phone for a couple of seconds, before Tyler's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Bad News?"
"Something like that..." Lewis replied, placing the phone on the little table and turning to Tyler, who still seemed upset. "Alex just cancelled our date for tonight... another double shift, another night he won't be home at all..."
"Another?" Tyler asked, sliding closer to Lewis and grabbing his hands, starting to kiss his fingertips.
It was incredible how Tyler was able to make Lewis feel so much better in a heartbeat with something as little as those light caresses. And that when Lewis should be the one to comfort him.
"Yeah..." Lewis said, moving closer to Tyler himself and leaning his forehead against Tyler's. "Happened a lot lately... especially since Jackson is gone... I barely see him anymore... and even though he promised me to talk to me, because I can see that something's on his mind, whenever we said we did, he cancelled on me the last minute..."
Tyler looked away for a second, and it almost looked like he was hiding something from Lewis, but it was probably just the fact that he was screwing Alex' boyfriend that made him feel guilty. Just like it made Lewis feel guilty.
"I should probably go now..." Tyler said, letting go of Lewis and getting up from the bed.
Hurriedly, Lewis got up, too, and pulled up the zipper of his jeans again and closed the button, before he grabbed a hold of Tyler's hand.
"No... Tyler... I... I need you..."
"But you're with Alex... I... I... I know I have no right to be jealous or anything, but I love you so much, that it just hurts to know that he's the one you spend the nights with... that he's the one to kiss you in public... the one the people around you call your boyfriend. It kills me... and I don't know if I can do that any longer..." Tyler explained, and every single one of his words hurt Lewis like a bitch. Because he was right and he had every right to feel the way he did.
"Please don't leave me. I... I know I need to end things with Alex and I will... I want you, Tyler... today... in the morning... Alex wanted to sleep with me, but I just couldn't... I could barely get myself to touch him..." Lewis said honestly. "I had a dream about you... about us... and when I woke up and there was Alex and he was touching me... I know this is awful, but it almost made me sick, and so I... I found an excuse... I know I'm a bad person, but how could I leave Alex in a situation like that when he's suffering so much?"
He pulled Tyler close to him.
"But I... I can't lose you either, so if that's what it takes, I'll talk to Alex... tomorrow... I'll tell him that I love you and that I wanna be with you, because you're the love of my life... "
Taking a deep breath, Lewis gently grabbed Tyler's face, stroking his cheeks.
"Do you think you can give me until tomorrow?"
"Lewis, I..." Tyler started, but Lewis cut him off mid-sentence.
"Spend the night with me. At my apartment. I'm gonna cook dinner for us, I'm gonna prepare the table and I'm gonna light some candles... I'm gonna turn on soft music and we're gonna dance... and then I'm going to drag you to my bedroom and then I'm gonna make love to you... I'm gonna kiss every inch of your body, I'm gonna caress you and touch you and I'm gonna make you feel my love in every cell of your body... I'm gonna prepare you and then I'm gonna enter your body... slowly... gently... I'm gonna press into you, so you are going to feel every inch of me... I'm gonna fill you completely and you're going to feel me... all of me... I will be yours... and you will be mine..."
Looking deep into Tyler's eyes, he leaned down and kissed him with a tenderness he didn't even know he had in him.
"Please, Tyler... be mine tonight..."
Tyler Browning POV:
When Lewis had given Tyler the invitation to spend the night with him. The chance to relive the time in his hotel, how could he possibly say no?
"Of course I will" Tyler told him "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else"
The smile that broke across Lewis' face warmed his heart.
"Having said that I need you to keep your word about Alex" Tyler told him "I won't spend another day going behind his back"
Lewis looked down guilty "I hate myself for doing this to Alex" Lewis said as he sat on the bed "I'm honest when I said that I wouldn't have been the person I am if it wasn't for him"
"What do you mean?"
Looking up at Tyler Lewis looked as if he was debating on saying whatever it was he was going to say.
"He helped me see that this anger at Jackson...this need for revenge.. was only going to lead to horrible things"
"I've been telling you that for years, Lewis" Tyler told him. He felt bad for the jealousy that had come over him when Lewis had given Alex that credit. Tyler had squawked until he ran out of words and he had never been able to penetrate Lewis' anger.
"You were you" Lewis said "and although you were completely right I couldn't stop seeing you and him in that bed and the thought that once again Jackson had taken something else away from me"
"That's not what happened" Tyler said softly "I loved you then just like I love you now"
"And I get that...now" Lewis said as he stood up "but it was Alex who wasn't part of that situation who made me see that I was wrong"
Tyler could understand that even if he didn't like it. The old saying was that two men can't love the same person and remain friends and although he and Alex had never really been friends Tyler would like to become so after all was said and done.
He didn't see it happening, though.
Pulling Lewis in close Tyler leaned in and gave him a kiss "I know Alex does and always will mean a lot to you and I don't want to take that away"
Tyler wanted to tell Lewis what he had witnessed between Alex and Mark, but betraying Alex in such a way felt...wrong. Although benefiting from it in any way felt equally wrong and having Lewis here in his arms felt exactly like that.
"Alex will always be important to me and no matter how angry he gets I'm going to fight like hell to keep him in my life" Lewis told him and nodding his head Tyler pulled Lewis flush against his body "I'm glad"
"Really?" Lewis smiled "I would have thought that news wouldn't go over so well"
Despite our differences I do think Alex is a good guy. He loves you and he loves Jackson and he has done nothing but try his best to make both of you happy and I can't dislike someone who has done that."
"Look at you" Lewis said as he fiddled with Tyler's shirt collar "if I didn't know better I'd say you're growing up"
"It had to happen sooner or later" Tyler joked and just before he kissed the man Lewis' pager went off and pulling it from his pocket he looked at it.
"I have to go" Lewis told him disappointingly "a patient just arrived"
"That's okay" Tyler told him "I have to go see Owen anyway about a job offer" and the joy that Lewis displayed filled Tyler with his own sense of happiness.
"So you're going to stay?"
"I have a lot of reasons to stay...one in specific" and kissing Lewis' neck he felt the man shiver.
"Make sure you come tonight" Lewis whispered "I need you to be there"
"Just try and stop me" and then separating Lewis straightened out his clothes and giving one last smile to Tyler he left to go back to his office.
Tyler had knocked on Owen's door and once being told to enter he saw the man going over some files.
"Hello, Chief Hunt" Tyler said "do you have a minute?"
"Call me Owen, and of course" he said as he gestured for Tyler to sit "how are you doing?"
"Okay" Tyler told him.
It was useless to pretend that Owen didn't know the effect Jackson's departure was having on the hospital as a whole. Over the 3 years he had been there the man had become woven into the fabric and there wasn't a day that went by that Owen hadn't been asked when Jackson was coming back.
"I know this hasn't been an easy time and I hate to have to put added pressure on you, but...have you made a decision?" Owen asked.
"Yes, I have" Tyler told him "and I'm more then honoured to accept the Cardio Head position if you'll have me"
Another look of happiness directed at Tyler "More than happy" Owen told him as he stood and Tyler followed. Reaching out his hand he took Tyler's own into his own.
"I hope it won't seem forward, but the sooner you can start the better" Owen said "Our current head is leaving at the end of the month and I would love to have you start immediately afterwards"
"Of course" Tyler told him "I hope everything is okay"
"Oh, don't worry about it "Owen said "he was our interim head, but he's decided to take a position at Cleveland Clinic"
Tyler couldn't fault the man. Cleveland Clinic was one of the best in the nation, but it didn't have Lewis Avery and so in Tyler's opinion it wasn't the very best.
"I am so happy you've accepted and welcome to Seattle Grace Mercy West Dr. Browning"
"Thank You" and for the first time since Jackson had left Tyler felt as if things might end up okay after all.
Since Lewis was with a patient the next logical person to share the news with was Addison and making his way up to the Gynaecology department Tyler did his best not to skip in happiness.
Getting off the elevator he was heading towards Addison's office and turning his head to take in all the surroundings of his new place of employment he felt somebody crash into him.
Whoever it was seemed to be in quite a hurry. He wore a dark blue hoodie that obscured his face and Tyler's body seemed to do very little to stop his momentum.
"Sorry for getting in your way" Tyler yelled sarcastically and the man stopped for a brief second before making quick strides to the elevator and once inside he moved to the far side so Tyler couldn't see his face. The guy pressed the button and once it closed Tyler shook his head.
"Prick" he muttered under his breath.
The guy did make Tyler interested in seeing who this dude wanted to see, but didn't want anyone else to know he had seen.
Walking up to the room Tyler peeked in and saw a red-haired girl sound asleep.
Tyler had guessed the guy was a husband or boyfriend and if that was the case that girl should really teach him some manners.
Shaking the image out of his head Tyler continued on his track to Addison's and reaching her office he saw the door was open and giving it a quick knock he walked in once the woman looked up at him and smiled.
"Hey Tyler" she said and he could tell she seemed tired.
"Hey Addison" he said as he walked up to the desk "what's the matter?"
"I'm that transparent, huh?"
"I'm just a good observer" Tyler joked "so spill"
"It's just been a rough morning" Addison told him "I had a patient go into Braxton Hicks and-"
"The girl in the room down that hall?" Tyler asked.
"Yeah" Addison confirmed "she's having a rough pregnancy"
"I'm sorry to hear that" Tyler said sympathetically "but I did just see her and she seems to be sleeping well"
"That's good"
"Her boyfriend is a bit of a prick though" Tyler told her "nearly bowled me over and didn't even apologize"
Addison looked at him confused "April doesn't have a boyfriend"
"Then who was the guy in her room?"
Standing up Addison walked out of her office and Tyler followed. Reaching April's room the two looked in and indeed saw the girl fast asleep.
"She's the one pregnant by Alex" Addison told Tyler "she finally cut things off with him...I think for good"
"Really, why?"
"She found out about Jackson and the fact that Alex had lied to her all this time" Addison said "I just think she was done and she finally grew tired of fighting for a man who didn't want to be with her"
Tyler could feel his stomach drop. She was that April; the one that Lewis was assured Alex would be able to find solace in after Lewis told him about he and Tyler.
If what Addison said was true that meant Alex would have nobody to turn to and the thought made Tyler feel nauseous.
"Does Alex know?" Tyler asked.
"She chewed him out pretty badly" Addison said "he definitely got the message"
"It's not fair" Tyler whispered and he wasn't sure of what situation he was talking about. Alex losing April for good or Tyler being so very close to having Lewis back and probably losing him again due to a loyalty Lewis would honour to Alex at the sacrifice of he and Tyler's happiness.
"Love never seems to be fair, does it?" Addison spoke aloud.
Then hearing his cell phone ring he took it out and saw a text from Lewis.
I can't wait until tonight. I love you so much.
Putting the phone back in his pocket Tyler shook his head "No, it never does."