A/N: Hey there!

I can't apologize enough for not posting the next chapter sooner, but my laptop was broken and I didn't have internet access for quite a while. And then I was at the hospital because of problems with my eye, so that was the reason for being like AWOL. I hope, this is all "fixed" by now and I'll be able to post more frequently again.

Thanks to everyone who commented so far and SORRY again, this wasn't meant to take so long… I hope to have the next chapter ready within the next couple of days!

Enjoy chapter 63!

...

Michael Holt POV:

Michael felt a lot better after his coffee date with Addison, even though he didn't really think Addison had meant it as a date. She had said it, yes, but somehow he still couldn't believe that a woman like her would really put up with a monster like him.

Yes, she had said he wasn't a monster and every single word of hers had somehow felt good on his pained soul, but he couldn't get rid of the impression that she only had done it because she had felt sorry for him.

Still, he had decided to just enjoy the moments with her, even though they complicated everything so much more. Because he felt like he could fall in love with her, if he wasn't really careful.

When they had finished their coffee, Michael got up from the table they were sitting at, smiling at her.

"I need to get back to work now or Meredith... Dr. Grey is gonna kill me. I've already put her under enough pressure today when I was barely there during our morning rounds."

"Oh... you're working with Meredith?" Addison asked, surprised. "I thought she didn't do neuro anymore."

"She obviously changed her mind," Michael replied. "And I'm damn glad she did, because she's good in this. I just think it wasn't good for her to work with her husband in such close proximity every day. It's difficult to spend so much time together during the day and then go home together as well. Not many people manage to pull that off..."

"Seems like you're talking from experience, huh?" Addison looked at him, tilting his head.

Biting his lower lip, Michael nodded. "Kind of, yes... I always wanted to become a neuro surgeon, but for Anna..." he explained. "That's my ex-wife... I was willing to give it all up. I loved her so much, so I decided to become a general practitioner for her and we went to Alaska together to help the inuits... We even delivered a baby in an igloo, and that's something I'll never forget..."

A sad smile appeared on his lips.

"Anyways... in the end it didn't work out... we didn't work out... I went back to New York and fulfilled my dream of becoming a neuro surgeon... and Anna and I got divorced... I never saw her again."

"What happened?" Addison wanted to know, and there it was again, the fascination she was radiating, and when she grabbed Michael's hand, he felt warmth in his heart.

"She... she died about 2 years after we got divorced. I didn't even know about until about a year ago when I found out about it by accident."

"I'm sorry..." Addison replied, gently stroking the back of his hand.

Michael shook his head. "Don't be... it's okay... thanks for listening, though... I... I haven't told many people about her..."

"Thank you for trusting me, then..." Addison replied and smiled at him.

Michael was about to reply something, when he heard a voice behind him.

"Dr. Holt, there is something wrong with Mr. Hale. You need to come. Now."

Meredith.

As if he got burned, he pulled his hand out of Addison's and looked at her apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Addison, I need to go now."

"It's okay." Addison smiled. "See you later then."

"Yeah, see you later," Michael replied, and looked at Meredith. "Why didn't you page me?"

He walked away with her, walked behind her for a couple of seconds until he noticed that this wasn't the way to the neuro section.

"Dr. Grey. What is this? Where are we going?"

Before he had the chance to react properly, he felt her pulling him into an on-call room and press him against the door and then he felt her lips on his, kissing him feverishly.

"Mer... Dr. Grey..." he mumbled into the kiss, trying to get her away from him. "What are... you... doing?"

"I've seen the way you look at me sometimes. Don't tell me you don't want this..." Meredith whispered against Michael's lips, and then her tongue made her way into Michael's mouth and there was only so much Michael could take.

He swirled them around, pressing her against the door and started responding to the kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist.

It felt good to be kissed like that and Meredith desiring him like that made him feel alive again. Made him feel like a real man.

He felt her legs wrapping around his hips and one of his hands made his way underneath her dark blue shirt, while his lips were attacking her neck.

He heard her moan and felt her small hands clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

When she started to touch him, her fingers trailing down his spine and pulling his shirt upwards it was like something awake inside of him and all of a sudden he pushed her hands away and let her down to her feet.

"No!" he exclaimed, taking in a deep breath.

"What?" Surprised, Meredith looked at him. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy this."

"I did... but it's not right. Meredith, I like you, I really do, but you're married... you have a kid..." Michael said. He couldn't help thinking about what he would have done a couple of months ago, even weeks. He most likely would have just gone for it, but right now he couldn't. Something had changed. He had changed.

"I don't care," Meredith gave back, trying to approach Michael again, but he took a step back.

"Yes. Yes, you do. This... this is not what you want, Meredith. You don't want me, you want what I represent, because it reminds you of your husband," Michael replied.

"That's not true... that's not true..." Meredith repeatedly said.

Michael let out a sigh. "Yes, it is..." He leaned forward, kissing her forehead. "You're great, Meredith, but you're not a cheater... go home to your husband and your daughter."

"Is it because of Addison? What is it that everyone always prefers her upon me?" She was close to tears, Michael could tell, and hurting her was the last thing he intended to do. Hurting any more people was something he didn't want to do, but in a weak moment he had made everything so much worse.

"Addison has nothing to do with it... it's just that I don't want to be the other guy..." Michael replied, and his answer seemed to do something to Meredith. As if something had clicked.

"Okay... I'll... I'll better leave now."

"Yeah, you better," Michael said, watching her leave the room and sinking down on the bed, burying his head in his hands. Could this day get any worse? He highly doubted it at this point. His feelings threatened to overwhelm him, so he swallowed them down. He got up and left the on-call-room too. He needed to distract himself with work, and so he made his way to the neuro section, hoping, Meredith had already left. He couldn't deal with her for the rest of the day.

Michael was more than glad when it was finally time to leave the hospital. When he was able to finally leave the happenings of the day behind him, but he couldn't help the memories that came rushing back to his mind. He just hoped... prayed to god that Addison was able to make Jackson stay here.

Michael needed to make things better. Michael needed to apologize to him, even if Jackson hated him forever. He wanted him to know that he was sorry and that he just lost control.

It wouldn't change anything about the facts and it wouldn't make anything better, most likely, but he really needed to get this off his chest.

If Lewis and Mark would let him near Jackson, that was. He didn't expect them to, though, but they were on his "list of people he needed to apologize to" too, and maybe starting with them wasn't the worst thing.

He made his way to his car and got in, starting the engine.

His thoughts were drifting away again once he had started the engine, but since he knew the way to his apartment in his sleep, it was okay, he thought.

He was about to pass the big crossroad when all of a sudden a car appeared in front of his car. Out of nowhere. Way too fast for Michael to not hit it, even if he kicked the brakes until they were squeaking. He even tried to draw aside to avoid the collision, but it was all for nothing, and the next thing he heard was the dull bang and then his head hit the steering wheel hard enough for him to lose consciousness for at least a couple of seconds.

When he opened his eyes again he heard people screaming and he saw the red car in front of him and it all came back to him. He had had an accident.

He tried to get out of his car, but the door stuck, so it took him maybe a minute to get out of it.

His whole body was shaking when he made his way to the other car to get a look at the other driver.

The first thing he saw was blood. A lot of it, and when he looked inside he noticed the familiar frame and froze.

Jackson.

"Oh my god..." he blurted out, gripping the door of Jackson's car and trying to get it open.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!" he screamed to the watching people around him. "HE'S DYING, HELP ME PLEASE!"

Finally, finally some of the guys came to his rescue and helped him to pry the door open and the first thing he did was checking Jackson's pulse. Which was still there. Weak, but it was there. But he wasn't breathing. He needed to get him out of here, or he would die in the wreck of his car.

Michael didn't even feel the pain in his own body in that very moment, he just worked like a robot. He cut off Jackson's seatbelt and moved him out of the car as careful as possible.

"SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" he screamed, while leaning over Jackson and starting to give him some mouth-to-mouth breathing.

"Come on, Jackson. Fight. Don't give up now. You're not going to die on me like that, understood?"

He barely noticed the sirens and when he checked again and Jackson didn't have any pulse, he started to panic, immediately starting to reanimate him.

"Don't die... don't die..."

When he heard a voice next to him, he barely looked at the paramedics kneeling down next to him, still trying to get Jackson back.

"Sir... you need to get away so we can do our jobs. And we need to check you out, too," someone said to him.

"I'm a doctor, too, and if I stop now, he's gonna die... let me do my job."

He only stopped doing his work while the paramedics lifted Jackson onto the stretcher, but he kneeled on the bed over him, immediately going on with the cardiac massage.

"Come on, Jackson... please don't do that to me..." He didn't notice anything else around him, not even the ride to the hospital. The only thought in his head was for Jackson to live.

He needed to live. He wouldn't let him die, no matter what, even if it was the last thing he ever did. Jackson wouldn't die under his watch.

Addison Montgomery POV:

Addison wasn't blind. Never had been and never would be when it had come to Meredith Grey and the men she was attracted to.

It helped that somehow both women had circled the same man more than once.

Meredith hadn't ended Addison's marriage, but she sure helped expedite the process. Derek had loved the woman more than he could ever love Addison and to the best of her knowledge Meredith had loved him right back.

Soul mates, two peas in a pod, each other's lobsters. Whatever the terminology was that proved two people belonged together Meredith and Derek had it. Which made the obvious jealous glare from the woman as she and Michael talked that much more surprising.

Addison didn't know what was there, but something definitely was.

Michael may have been aware of it or may have been like most men and remained oblivious to what was clear as day. Addison didn't see Michael Holt as the oblivious type, though.

She wouldn't allow Derek to be hurt. The man had seen enough to last a lifetime and if Addison could protect him she would.

Meredith may have been his soul mate, but Addison was his mother hen and she had made a promise to herself that Derek and Mark, her boys, would be safe as long as she was around.

She didn't plan on breaking that promise anytime soon.

That would have to be saved for later however. Right now she knew Jackson was going through his intervention and her mind could only be hyper focused on one thing at a time.

Besides, she wanted to see her son.

She was heading towards Callie's office when she saw Owen running towards the main ambulance drop-off. If the look on his face was any indication this was bad. Really bad.

"Owen" Addison said "what's wrong?"

"Horrible Collision" he told her as Addison fell into step beside him "it's bad"

Once they reached the entrance Addison could tell something was being held back. He looked far too worried about a bad car accident.

"Owen?"

Turning towards her his face was solemn "It's Jackson."

Her heart sank almost immediately. That couldn't be possible. Jackson was currently in the middle of an intervention with all his loved ones around him. How in the hell could he be getting rushed to Seattle Grace?

"It can't be him, Owen" Addison said "he's at his apartment with Mark and all the rest of them talking about fixing his problem"

"All I know is that they called in and the driver said they were bringing Dr. Avery in and he's pretty bad, but they had another doctor on the scene who was able to keep him breathing."

Addison's mind couldn't comprehend any of this. She needed to call Mark and tell him, but maybe he had been the doctor on scene.

"They're here" Owen said as he rushed to the door and seeing the paramedics take Jackson out on a stretcher he saw the man laying atop him cycle between giving him mouth to mouth and doing chest compressions.

"Give me some gloves" Addison told one of the nurses waiting beside her and without a word the woman dashed off to the nurse's station and brought a pair of blue latex gloves.

"You don't have to do this" Owen said "I know this may put you in a bad position if things don't go well"

"Things will go well" Addison affirmed "and if that isn't Mark out there with him then when I call him I want to assure him that Jackson is okay"

With an affirmative nod Owen faced forward and when they came in Addison finally caught sight of the guy on top of Jackson.

Addison felt all the air go out of the room.

"His breaths are shallow and he keeps going into Cardiac arrest" Michael said as he looked up into the blurry faces of the staff.

"Dr. Holt?" Owen said as he approached Jackson's gurney. Following close behind Addison looked at Jackson and there was so much blood. He looked on the very bad side of pale and the only breaths that he seemed to get was when Michael had given them to him.

He looked...dead.

Addison couldn't let herself be overcome with emotion. She had a job to do and she wouldn't let Mark lose him.

"I need to take a look at Jackson" Owen said as he put a hand on Jackson's arm and got an instant reaction from Michael.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM" he screamed at Owen loud enough to cause the man to jump back.

"He's been like that the entire time" one of the paramedics said "we barely managed to put an IV in him before he practically bit our heads off.

Taking note of the blood coming from a head wound Addison looked at the paramedic "Why is he bleeding?"

"He was in the other vehicle" the guy told her "the one that collided with Dr. Avery's car"

Addison shook her head. Surely fate couldn't be this cruel… be this heartless. After everything the two men had been through with one another their last interaction would be so violent and unforgiving.

"You have to let me see him, Dr. Holt" Owen pleaded "I have to treat him" then another move to touch Jackson and Michael had snarled at him. Gritted his teeth and for a moment all Addison saw was a pit bull who was hovering over his most cherished earthly possession.

Michael looked like a wild animal. Something inside of the man had clearly snapped and Addison's heart lay broken for the man.

Turning to a nurse Owen spoke quietly "Call security" he said "tell them to get here ASAP"

"Right away, Chief Hunt!"

"Wait" Addison said to Owen "let me see-" and she approached Michael cautiously. In his current state the only person he seemed to recognize was Jackson so she knew she had to play this very carefully.

"Michael" she said "it's me, Addison"

"Can't let him die" Michael said to himself "can't let him die" he was frantic and as Addison looked at the wildness of his eyes she could see they were becoming dilated. If Michael didn't get help for his wound and soon he was going to pass out from blood loss.

"Then you have to let us help him" Addison told him calmly "that's what we all want"

"Won't fail her again" Michael spoke as he looked down to give Jackson another mouth-to-mouth "I'll make her better"

"Make who better" Addison asked and when Michael looked up at her she could see the tears in his eyes "Anna. I have to save her"

"This isn't Anna, Michael" Addison said "it's Jackson and he's dying. Please let Owen help him"

"J-Jackson?" Michael asked confused "I hurt Jackson?"

"It was an accident" Addison told him "an accident that you both need to get treated for"

With a vacant stare Michael looked at Addison and she could start to see recognition come to him. Before she could speak however two guards came and yanked Michael away and off of Jackson's gurney and the yell of anger shook Addison to her core.

"Don't hurt him!" she pleaded as she watched the two guards struggle to hold onto him as he fought to get back to Jackson. Owen had quickly grabbed Jackson with two other nurses and wheeled him towards the back.

"NO!" Michael screamed "JACKSON!"

She rushed over and held Michael's face in her own, but the man still didn't stop struggling. Only when the head E.R. attending came over and stuck a needle into the man's neck and his limbs started to slack did Michael finally start to calm down.

With his eyes closing Michael looked at Addison and for the first time since he had come in with Jackson did she know that Holt knew who she was.

"I'm sorry" he said "I'm so sorry"

"Don't worry" she told him and feeling tears spring to her own eyes Addison quickly wiped them away. Once Michael was out Addison knew she had to take charge. Looking at the two guards she kept her voice firm.

"You two take him to room 143. It's the third examination room on the right" the two men did so without question.

Focus, Addison, focus

She would treat Michael and then call Mark and pray that she wouldn't have to give him the worst news of his entire life. She hoped for the best, but she was expecting the worst.

Michael Holt POV:

As soon as Addison's voice forced her way into his mind, into his dazed head, Michael knew he was in shock. He was a doctor after all, and he didn't even remember the ride to the hospital, the ride here. All he could think about was to safe Anna, and the person underneath him had turned from Jackson into Anna a while ago and then back to Jackson and back to Anna.

He couldn't lose her a second time. Not now. Not like that. He had to save her.

If he didn't believe he was crazy back then when he had started seeing Anna's ghost, he definitely believed it now. Maybe he was okay physically, but psychically he definitely wasn't.

Addison would feel the same way once she found out about that. He had never told that to anyone, not even to Lewis, because he was so embarrassed. Especially considering the fact that his body was healthy and there was no logical explanation for the fact that he had seen Anna.

He hadn't seen her in a while, though, and he had thought it was over, but moments ago she had been there again.

Just not like before, talking and giving him advice.

She had been laying there on this gurney and only when Addison had spoken up, it had brought him back to reality and he had realized who he was trying to safe there.

Jackson.

The brother of his best friend.

And then everything had gone down very quickly. Almost too quickly for Michael's mind to catch up.

He had felt those guys pulling him off Jackson and of course he had fought them back. He had to. He needed to safe Jackson, no matter what. Under all circumstances. Lewis would never forgive him if he killed his little brother, and he wouldn't forgive himself, either. He had hit him with his car, this was entirely his fault.

He was in some kind of haze, until - again - it was Addison's voice that brought him back and he was finally able to focus on her long enough so someone could put a needle in his neck.

And then his world started getting blurry and he felt that he was about to lose consciousness. He could still hear some voices around him, but then everything went dark.

He had no idea how long he had been out, but when his brain started working again, the first thing he noticed was that he was laying on a bed. When he opened his eyes, he squeezed them shut again immediately, because the light was far too bright for him to bear.

When he opened them again a few seconds later, a frame came to his sight. The frame of a person with red hair.

Anna?

Was he dead? But he hadn't even felt any pain. He was okay, right?

He blinked a couple of times until his sight got clearer and then he saw Addison leaning over him with a sad look on her face.

"There you are again..." she said softly. "You scared the hell out of me out there..."

It took Michael a while for his memory to come back to him, but when it did, he immediately sat up and tried to get out of bed, only to be held back by Addison.

"I need to go. I need to save Jackson's life. Let me go..."

He tried to fight her back, but she had a firm grip on him and he still felt pretty damn weak, so he just sank back into the pillows.

"Please... I need to help him..."

"Michael... he's in good hands... Owen and the others take care of him right now... you're in shock and you're injured yourself. You need to stop fighting me..." she literally begged and only then did he notice that his hands were still wrapped around her arms.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." he whispered, letting go of her and looking into her eyes. "I'm... I'm so sorry... I... I did that... I hit Jackson with my car..."

"Sssshhht..." Addison tried to calm him down, gently stroking one of his cheeks. "It was an accident, Michael... a terrible accident... Do you remember what happened?"

Michael tried to concentrate, tried to think about the moments before the accident, but everything was so blurry and his head started hurting when he wanted to bring back the pictures.

"I was driving in my car... and then there was this other car, and then there was blood... so much blood... and Jackson... and he wasn't breathing and then there was no pulse and I had to save him... I had to do something..."

He wasn't even aware about the fact that his whole body had started shaking until he felt Addison's arms around him and clung to her as if his life depended on it.

"I killed him... I think I killed him..." he said, feeling his chest tighten and all of a sudden breathing became harder. "I killed him..."

"No! No, you didn't. He isn't dead, and Owen will do everything in his power that he won't die... Michael... Michael, listen to me..." Addison said, and her voice became more and more distant, even though her face came closer when she grabbed his cheeks.

"Michael, stay with me... Michael, please... Focus... look at me..."

It took Michael quite a while to follow Addison's order and he could see the pain and the panic in her eyes, when he finally managed to do so.

"Addison," he finally said, noticing the relieved sigh from the woman in front of him.

"That sounds a lot better," she smiled, still not letting go of his face.

"Stop scaring me like that."

A small smile appeared on Michael's lips. "I'm sorry..."

"I know," Addison replied, pulling back her hands and looking at him. "Believe me when I tell you, Jackson is in the best hands right now. They won't let him die like that..."

"You sure about that?" Michael asked doubtfully.

"I'm a hundred percent sure, yes," she assured him. "Jackson is one of theirs... one of ours... they will do everything they can to save him. They know Mark would kill them otherwise..."

There it was again, the sad look on her face, and Michael almost couldn't bear it to see her like that. It hurt him way more than it should.

"What if this is really my fault?" he asked in a silent whisper. "What if the traffic light was red and I didn't pay enough attention because my mind was somewhere else?"

"You don't know that," Addison disagreed. "You barely remember, and until you do, we won't jump to conclusions, okay? Maybe something was wrong with the traffic light."

Michael nodded slowly. "Maybe..."

For a moment there was silence between the two until Michael spoke up again.

"How long was I out? I mean, after they sedated me..."

"Long enough so I could take care of your head injury and make a CT scan," Addison replied, looking into his eyes. "You're fine. You just hit your head pretty hard, but it's nothing more than a concussion."

"I was lucky... but Jackson wasn't. It shouldn't be like that. It should be the other way round. Jackson should be okay and I should be the one fighting for his life, because of what I've done. I deserve it... Jackson doesn't..." Michael gave back, turning away to stare at the wall.

"I will never forgive myself if he dies because of me..."

"Stop talking like this. No one is gonna die today, okay?" Again, Addison's face was very close to Michael's and Michael couldn't help the flutter in his stomach and the quickening of his heartbeat, even if it was completely wrong. Especially in a situation like this.

"I'm sorry, Addison..." he apologized, grabbing her hand and gently stroking the back of it with his thumb. "And thank you for... you know... bringing me back and everything..."

"Someone has to take care of you, huh?" Addison smiled and it was such a genuine smile, it warmed Michael's heart completely. Especially because he didn't think he deserved it after all he did.

He was just about to say something when the door opened and Chief Hunt walked in with a serious look on his face.

Immediately, Michael felt an icy shiver running down his spine.

"Good to see you awake, Dr. Holt," he said. "How are you?"

Michael took a deep breath to calm himself down. It took a lot of him, not to snap at the other guy.

"I'm fine. How's Jackson?" He didn't waste anytime and came straight to the point, because he knew it was what everyone wanted to know, especially Addison. And he needed to know, too.

"I'm not sure I should tell you," Owen said, seeming pretty concerned.

Michael wanted to say something, but before he could, Addison spoke up for him.

"He has a right to know. We have a right to now. We're all doctors here, and if you don't want him to have another panic attack you better spill."

Michael had to admit, he was impressed. He hadn't thought Addison could be this convincing, but he could literally see the moment Hunt gave in.

"Okay. Fine," he said, moving closer towards the bed. I'm afraid he's not good, and his life is still at risk. The next couple of hours will decide. We put him into a coma for his body to recover, but we don't know if he's gonna make it."

Biting his lower lip, Michael had to fight back the tears once again.

"Oh my god..." he whispered, taking a few shallow breathes. "I killed him..."

"No!" Owen immediately replied. "You saved his life. If it wasn't for you, he might be already dead. You fought for his life all the way over here, and you wouldn't let go. You're the reason he's still alive, and he's hanging on. But he hit his head pretty hard and there is a swelling in his brain. We're trying our best to get it under control with medication because he's too weak for surgery, but if we can't, we have to open him up either way."

"Can I see the scans?" Michael asked without hesitation, and he could tell that Hunt was fighting with himself whether to give them to him or not.

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"I'm the head of the neuro department here... if someone is capable of doing something, it's me. But I need to see the scans, okay?" Michael said, feeling a glimpse of hope rise within him. He needed to make things right here, and if he could save Jackson, he would do it. Under any circumstances.

"Okay... I'll get them to you later... but you need a little rest right now, and so does Jackson. We need to stabilize him, before you can operate on him anyways, so promise me you won't do something stupid, okay?" Hunt asked, looking at Michael with a worried look in his eyes.

"Okay," Michael gave in, leaning back into the pillows and watching Owen leave the room.

"Oh my god..." he blurted out, closing his eyes. The guilt and pain threatened to wash over him yet again and he felt the hot tears in his eyes, trying to blink them away. He needed to make things right here and he just hoped the scans would give him a way out. A way to save Jackson. For everyone's sake.